"The Case Of The Non-Singing Singer"

By

Kenny Love

Copyright © 2008 Kenny Love All Rights Reserved


After having solved the case of why a band's
CD was not selling a couple of years ago and
having become somewhat of a local celebrity
with having done so, Detective John Clark's
services are, once again, contracted to crack
a case of how and why a local singer was shot
at a popular local nightclub.

NOTE: Detective John Clark made his debut in
"The Great CD Cover Mystery," which can be
read at http://www.musicdish.com/mag/index.php3?id=10555
and is not to be confused with the character
Detective John Clark from the NYPD television
series.
____________________________________________________

Characters: Detective John Clark, Deb Turbulent,
Captain David Tolliver, Charlie Cornball
____________________________________________________

After having gotten used to suddenly being a
celebrity within the local music community I had
managed to attain from having solved a case
of why a popular band's CD would not sell, I was
back to being Average Joe Citizen again. I could
tell that businesses were getting a bit weary of
me through a gradual drying up of services that
had been overly present.

Such as the limit of 15 cups of coffee that the
little coffee shop down the street had suddenly
imposed...cheapskates. Or, the fact that Joe's
Diner across town had reduced my three daily
free meals to a single helping.

From my famous case, I had ended up dating
Deb Turbulent, who was the lead singer of the
band whose case I had taken. Deb was still
gorgeous, but had let her nice pageboy haircut
that sucked me in grow out to shoulder length.

We had let our relationship get serious and were
giving consideration to taking it to the next stage,
which was going to Disneyland together. Her
bandmates, however, never took a liking to me,
and when Deb announced our relationship to them,
it became quite an issue and she ended up quitting
the group altogether. :-)

Anyway, Deb and I are doing fine, but enough
about me. I'm here to tell you about my latest
case, so here goes...

On this evening, at approximately 7:15 p.m., Deb
and I were waiting to get a table at Pappadeaux's,
our favorite Cajun restaurant on the southwest
side of Houston on Westheimer Road.

After being seated, we ordered appetizers, with
Deb getting her usual order of a half-dozen of
Mixed Oysters & Shrimp and me ordering the
Texas Gulf Coast Oysters.

We had been enjoying their deliciousness for
only five minutes when I got a call. It was
Captain David Tolliver from HPD on the line.
Normally, cops don't call private detectives at
the onset of a homicide case, but this was
special.

Detective John Clark: "This is Clark."

Captain Tolliver: "How ya doin', John?"

Clark: "P O'd, Captain. I'm right in the middle of
my fourth Pappadeaux oyster. How do you think
I'm doing?"

Tolliver: "Sorry about that, but this is important."

Clark: "So is this oyster! What you got?"

Tolliver: "A dead singer."

Clark: "What?"

Tolliver: "Somebody shot a singer over at Jimmy
Jammy's a few minutes ago."

Clark: "Singer must have hit a couple of wrong
notes too many."

Tolliver: "Don't be a wise-ass, John. This person
is dead."

Clark: "Yeah, so I've been told. Any witnesses?"

(I suddenly realized that Deb had that look on her
face that says I should have let the voicemail
catch Tolliver's call.)

Tolliver: "Of course not...at least, none that will
talk to us."

Clark: "I thought bands didn't usually start gigs
until around 9 p.m."

Tolliver: "Normally, they don't."

Clark: "So, explain to me how a singer, of all
people, gets killed in a nightclub before the sun
sets, with no witnesses. "

(It was more of a rhetorical statement than a
professional question, but Tolliver felt the need
to respond anyway.)

Tolliver: "That's why you earn $300 a day plus
expenses...to detect."

Clark: "I am also detecting something that smells
like what I stepped in when I visited the family
farm one summer."

Tolliver: "How soon can you get down here?"

Clark: "Give me 15."

Tolliver: "By the way...how's Deb? Still gorgeous?"

Clark: "Well, Captain, it's a little hard to tell since,
at the moment, fire is coming out of her eyes like
Supergirl. But, if it's any consolation, I'm certain
that by now, she hates your guts completely."

Tolliver: "See ya in a few."

(I hung up.)

Clark: "Sorry, babe, but you may want to join me
on this one."

Deb: "You know? One day I may actually get to
know what finishing a meal at Pappadeaux's is
really like."

(We left and headed down to Jimmy Jammy's on
Fondren Road. The place was known for rocking
harder than a seaship in a Cat 5 hurricane. I
pulled in, parked, and we went inside. Tolliver
and a couple of uniforms, one a sergeant, were
talking. The uniforms left as we approached.)

Tolliver: "Hi, Deb."

Deb: "Captain."

Tolliver: "How was Pappadeaux?"

Deb: "I'm not sure, because I keep having this
recurring nightmare that when I'm just about to
enjoy my meal, you call."

(Tolliver had no energy to go heads up with her
and turned to me.)

Tolliver: "See what you can dig up, and let me
know first thing tomorrow."

(I nodded, Tolliver left, and Deb went and stood
against a wall with her arms folded while I
approached a guy at the bar who was sitting on
a stool and facing outward with his head down.)

Clark: "Hey..."

(the guy looked at me, then dropped his head
again.)

Clark: "I'm Detective John-

Guy: "Clark...I know who you are...you were in
all the papers a coupla years back."

Clark: "Well, you know me, but I'm at a sudden
disadvantage here."

Guy: "I'm Charlie."

Clark: "Still feeling disadvantaged, Charlie...got
a last name?"

Guy: "Cornball."

Clark: "Excuse me?"

(I couldn't be sure, but I thought he said his last
name was Cornball).

Guy: "Cornball...my last name...it's Cornball."

(I immediately understood why Mr. Charlie
Cornball was reserved in offering up his entire
name in one sentence to a perfect stranger.
And, while I wanted to immaturely burst out
laughing as if I had just heard a Steve Harvey
comment, I managed to maintain my composure.)

Clark: "Okay, Mr. Cornball..."

Cornball: "Just call me Charlie, because I can't
even stand to hear my own last name."

(Again, I wanted to die laughing, and turned
aside to let a bit of it out, but managed to
suppress most of it).

Clark: "How do you come to be here?"

Cornball: "I manage the place."

Clark: "So, tell me...what happened."
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[Stay tuned for Part 2]

Copyright © 2008 Kenny Love All Rights Reserved