The below rebuttal titled, "Payola...Whither Goest Thou?," is
a response to the alleged new form of payola being implemented
by Clear Channel Communications, and is especially important to
the future of independent musicians' ability to acquire radio
and video airplay. Allowed to go unchecked and addressed, it
could quickly become the sharpest spike ever driven into a
coffin.

============================================================

"Payola...Whither Goest Thou?"

Subtitled: "Zero Tolerance For Payola, Mr. Michaels?
Surely, Thou Doth Jest!"

By Kenny Love


My associate, Sounni de Fontenay, Pres. and fearless leader
of the popular "Music Dish" (http://www.musicdish.com) site,
and 1/2 of the famed de Fontenay brothers, seems to know
the specific subject matter that can quickly get under my skin.

In fact, in a cold nuclear war on any given Sunday, I would hate
to be on the receiving end of his brand of counter-intelligence.
As such, I was on the receiving end of another type of his
intelligences...the dissemination of a Los Angeles Times'
article he recently pointed me to regarding an 'oh so familiar'
pet peeve of mine...

((((("Payola!"))))) Rhymes with ((((("Crayola!"))))), except not

quite so colorful...

Now, I've written several articles in the past regarding Payola,
and that, along with the crest of Spring on the horizon, is
probably what made Sounni think warmly of me (thanks,
Sounni). For those who still may be unfamiliar with the term,
"Payola" is the unlawful act of bribing or coercing an entity
that has something of value, which is understood to be shared
equally, but to provide it unequally in exchange for something
more.

In other words, let's say I'm the only kid (been a long time,
but humor me) with a bicycle in the neighborhood, and all 10
of my friends and I have agreed that each will ride 5 minutes,
then start the whole process over. But! You come along with
a slice of pecan pie <= (my favorite) and whisper in my ear,

"Hey, Kenny...I know this is your favorite pie. Now, I'll only let
you have it *[IF]*...

And, therein, lies the problem...the proverbial *IF*...

And, for some of those who claim complete and utter
unawareness of what Payola is ("Marge, is that a paycheck
holiday?"), I strongly suspect these are also some of the
same haggard souls who witness traffic accidents, then when
subpoenaed to appear in court, come kicking and screaming
while emitting a fowl cry to the point of...

"Your Honor! I didn't see nuthin'! Honest!"

Interestingly, the term, "Payola," is, unfortunately, most often
associated with the music industry and, particularly and
specifically, when it comes to obtaining radio airplay for
recording artists. In the past, this was carried out quite often
and effectively, albeit, some bureaucrat saw need to enact a
federal law that stamped it out. Damn! Don't ask me which
law, for I won't be able to tell you without research. And, right
now, I'm fresh out of research.

Honestly though, the only thing the law stamped out (in
name only), was the filthy lucre (cold hard cash money) that
exchanged more than a few not-so-greasy palms. In fact,
those palms were, otherwise, incorporated with ye olde
tried-and-true, Velcro.

Nevertheless, that exchange simply took on a new designer
look that would make Bob Mackie jealous. Through the
creativity of unscrupulous beings at record labels, the "cash"
quickly made the transition to giveaways in the forms of;
fancy cars, lavish dinners, vacations, prostitution, and any
number of tainted curses in the guise of blessings, albeit, at
a significantly more discreet level. And, for these vile
criminally uncivil acts, I should also mention that not a few
people have (and currently are) served/serving time behind
bars. And, they're fresh out of "Bloody Marys" to boot.

In any event, I'm reading the article that Sounni saw fit to
send my way whereby Randy Michaels, Chief Executive
of the San Antonio-based (had to be a Texan!) Clear
Channel radio broadcast group, arguably, the largest
broadcast group, is contradicting himself, through his
own admission of having fired two program directors for
Payola while, simultaneously, appearing to be setting his
1200-station network up to receive...

((((("Payola!")))))

"Did you say, Crayola???"

NOOO! I...<huff>...said...<puff>...(gotta quit smoking)...

((((("Payola!")))))

What's more, is that I almost fell out of my seat when I read
the Times' editorial statement, "The move is sending a
shudder through the major labels, which see legal and ethical
problems with paying money directly to broadcasters to help
get their artists on the air."

Wow! Are you kiddin' me? When did the major labels get
hands laid on them and healed by my favorite televangelists
to the point that they now consider Payola a sin? Did Benny
Hinn finally lay hands on these guys? Or, did Father Guido
Sarducci's ears finally begin to bleed after hearing their
1,000th "Bless me Father, for I have sinned?"

Allegedly, Clear Channel Communications makes no bones
about the fact that it wants a share of the tens of millions of
dollar$ in record company promotional funds that go to
independent promoters.

The report also goes on to say that CCC's initiative, which the
company expects to present in May, reflects a fundamental
shift of power in the record business. It adds that industry
mergers have moved the balance of power to radio groups,
which today have the clout to launch a song simultaneously in
scores of markets across the country, or consign it to oblivion.

<Oh, Lawd, I think I'm gonna be sick!>

Further, Clear Channel hopes to generate more than $20
million annually by selling chain-wide advertising packages,
research, and a variety of airplay data to labels whose songs
are played on its stations. Clear Channel plans to sell ads to
labels that would air immediately after the station plays the
latest song by one of their artists. The brief ad would identify
the artist who performed the preceding song, a practice that
many stations have dropped. Clear Channel said it would
sell such an ad only if programmers had already determined
the song was a hit.

Wow, that process should be interesting and create yet
another stinker in the music business. Will "hits" now be
determined and decided by Clear Channel, since it is the
largest radio broadcast network? What prerequisites
determine a "hit?" Shall it be sales, airplay requests, how
many sell-out concerts an act has, or a combination of all?
Sources say the company is pitching ads at $1,000 a pop
that would run on some 60 stations.

[Career Advice]=> Indie musicians, start saving those pennies
today for that advertising, and you ought to be able to afford
several recurring spots about the same time my neighbor's
3-year-old daughter becomes president of the United States.

Now, from the above financial bullsh*t, we are nothing, if not
blind to the point of seeing that Clear Channel 'clearly',
pardon the pun, has the Indie musician's interest first, firmly,
and foremost in mind. Alternatively, any Indie that hasn't had
the misfortune of having repeatedly been forced to stand by
army tanks during an 8-hour firing, has got to be able to
understand that CCC ain't out to do the little Indie no damn
good.

I, personally, am in agreement with Mr. Steve Rendall, senior
analyst for the New York-based media watchdog group FAIR,
who contends, "Clear Channel is trying to skirt the law, using
its power to shake down record companies in what amounts
to legal payola."

<Gee, perhaps those major labels really *did* get converted!>

Record company officials say they are reluctant to buck Clear
Channel, with its dominant market position in radio and
concert promotion, but they are uncertain how effective the new
promotions will be. <= hehehehehe

Majors, if you will kindly remit to me, a certified check in the
sum of $1,333,222.95, I will gladly complete a financial
analysis, accounting, and resulting printout revealing *exactly*
how effective the "new promotions" are intended to be. I will
even retain the services of my close friend, Clyde, who also
happens to be a Certified Public Accountant, to check it
twice, just to find out who's being nice...we already know
who's being naughty. Hell, and if that isn't enough, I'll even
run the report off on a laser printer, instead of a rat-a-tat-tat
dot matrix version. Now, how's that for uncertain quality?

But, radio industry sources say there is another reason:
that record companies feel they could lose the power they
already have to influence airplay at Clear Channel stations
under the current system with independent agents, as a
direct play-for-pay arrangement between record company
and radio broadcaster could be illegal.

Mr. Michaels acknowledged that "the plan would probably
rattle some cages in the music industry."

Cages?

(((((Hey, Randy! How about this plan potentially rattling the
whole damn zoo?)))))

So many shake-ups...so little time. Worst part is, just when
Indies thought it was safe to go back in the business waters,
we find "Jaws" had incestuous lurking offspring.

In the never-so-truer words of one of my favorite
Contemporary Jazz recording artists, Pat Metheny...

"As Falls Wichita, So Falls Wichita Falls..."

...I shudder to think.

Copyright © 2001 Kenny Love
_______________________________________

Editor's Note: Often confused with an infamous mad
scientist, as well as admitting to having stood too
close to tanks during their firing while in the army,
Kenny Love is extensively involved in what he terms
"a concoction of arts, humanities, and innovations."
See his exhaustive web site at http://www.kennylove.net.