The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - May 7, 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time - 89.7FM
Metallic Onslaught Web Page - http://devoted.to/onslaught
WEOS Web Page - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost
Every Saturday Night at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning - Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM - East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca
And you can tune in on-line...
The Last Exit for the Lost direct page: http://www.TheLastExit.org
WVBR Web Page: http://WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during the show:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________
If you want to be removed from this list, please just reply and let us know.
And feel free to pass this on to anyone who may find it interesting.

BANDS AND LABELS! IF YOU WANT YOUR NEWS OR SHOW DATES INCLUDED HERE - SEND
THEM ALONG!!!
_________________________________________________

Show recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was once again absent. So was Maury. Rick
was back and was not too pleased at all the things that were said in his
absence (all the camping jokes and innuendos). Jeffie arrived and claimed
that he had a new talent, one that he had been practicing all week. He said
it would be really cool but that it might make him a bit dumber (oh what
could that possibly be!?). Turned out to be drumming (he may have actually
had a good point there, and for once made perfect sense). He brought some
engraved drumsticks with him and spent a lot of the night demonstrating his
new abilities. He and Lance both actually separately did really funny black
and death metal "singles". These really cracked everyone up. All were
laughing hysterically. Later Jeffie brought forth something else from his
"bag". It was super Monkey! Then Jeffie and Lance got into a brawl. Now
Jeffie has actually been on something of a winning streak in these brawls
lately... First he did quite well against Shoebox. Then he kinda out smarted
(Yes Jeffie out smarted someone! or, perhaps just got lucky) and managed to
avoid an attempted beat down by Rick. Then he totally squashed Maury (but
then again, maybe that one shouldn't count for too much, it was Maury, after
all). However, Jeffie's winning streak would come to an end that night as
Lance beat him up twice as Jeffie started another fight after losing the
first one and lost again. So, I guess we all learned that Lance is more than
just a pretty face..

On The Last Exit: It was finally a bit calmer and quieter after all the
chaos and insanity of the last few weeks. A bit of a breather, which was
nice. Gorgar was there, as was The Enforcer. It was sort of a Walpurgis
Celebration Show. So, they were trying to decide who should be sacrificed.
The thinking was that it should be someone other than Just Joe for once as
he has suffered an awful lot over the past few weeks, first being severely
beaten all night the night he was the Easter bunny, and then suffering that
brutal shoe shot at the hands of Mark of Divinity Destroyed last week. It
was thought that maybe this time the Penguin should be the sacrifice so Just
Joe could recuperate a bit. Just Joe was chosen to sacrifice her, but she
got away. He was then told to sacrifice Foul Mouth Girl, but also failed.
Also, David from Lotus Project was there. So, as I said, a bit of a settling
down from all the action of the last few weeks, but still lots of people
there and the usual silliness...

*****************************************************************
Ok, so this week, starting with tonight, well, it is kind of a big night, at
least for Jeffie. That's right, one of his favorite days of the year. No
Pants Day. http://www.nopantsday.com/. This is real, and Jeffie knows it.
Isn't it great that it always falls on a Friday. No idea who else will be
there, aside from Rick, Joe (who may get a special treat from Jeffie), and
Lance. Show may end a bit earlier as Joe has something special on Saturday
that I'm sure will come out during the show...

On The Last Exit for the Lost we will have The Witching back up. Haven't
talked to them in a while and they have a lot of new stuff going on...
(www.TheWitching.com) Other than that, I don't have anything major planned.
As I announced however at the end of last week's show, in June will be The
Last Exit for the Lost's 10th Anniversary Show. It may actually spread to a
couple shows, more details when they get finallized. Obviously, we have
some big plans...

Oh, and check out The Last Exit for the Lost on MySpace -
http://profile.myspace.com/users/693265
____________________________________________________

If at first you don't succeed, blackmail
everyone who saw you fail. Unless what
you failed at is blackmail -- then you'll
have to go straight to murder.

(Andrew Kennedy)
____________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week’s Metal Update went out to over 14,655 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

DIO
bassist Rudy Sarzo (Quiet Riot, Whitesnake, Ozzy Osbourne) has been added
to the lineup

NEVERMORE
Steve Smyth (Testament) has been added as permanent second guitarist –
according to the band’s official statement: “He was the missing link in
our dysfunctional brotherhood!”

TESTAMENT
"Metal Mike" Chlasciak (Halford) will be handling lead guitar duties for
the European festivals scheduled this summer

HAVOCHATE
drummer Jon Dette (Slayer, Testament) and bassist Greg Christian
(Testament) have officially joined the band

FATES WARNING
Mark Zonder will be leaving the band after recording drums for the next
album, tentatively titled ‘FWX’

SINISTER
the band has officially split up - Rachel, Ron and Aad will continue their
musical career with their new band Infinited Hate

GORGOROTH
Frost (1349, Satyricon) will replace drummer Kvitrafn who has decided to
leave the band for personal reasons – meanwhile, Gaahl is standing trial
for allegedly performing satanic rituals and torture on a victim - he
could be sentenced for up to 9 years in prison

W.A.S.P.
drummer Stet Howland has returned to the fold for upcoming tour dates

KITTIE
the band has drafted Lisa Marx (To See You Broken) as permanent second
guitarist

SKINLAB
the group has parted ways with drummer Paul Hopkins and guitarist Scott
Sergeant

BAL-SAGOTH
drummer Dave Mackintosh has left to concentrate full time on his other
musical projects - Wacken 2004 will be Dave's final performance with the
band - the recruitment process for a new sticksman will begin shortly

ISENGARD
bassist Ted Lundin has replaced Janne "Goat" Tillman

OBLITERATION
Cesar Vallejo (rhythm & bass guitar) has left the band to focus on other
occupations

COLD BLOOD INDUSTRIES
the label has decided to stop signing and releasing bands and focus on
atmospheric and gothic metal sub label Ebony Tears – mailorder will
continue through the Cold Blood Industries website

CRASH MUSIC
the label has signed an exclusive distribution agreement for the United
States with Caroline Distribution - the company had been previously
distributed by Innovative Distribution Network

VINNY APPICE
the drummer has enlisted guitarist and former Dio bandmate Tracy G to
collaborate with him on his new project

MOTLEY CRUE
a former Moonlite BunnyRanch prostitute has filed a lawsuit against Vince
Neil seeking unspecified damages of at least $20,000 for lost wages and
other costs stemming from a 2003 incident in which Neil allegedly
assaulted her when she and another prostitute refused to have sex with him
until he paid $4,000 for each woman – Neil pleaded no contest earlier this
month to misdemeanor battery in the incident

BURZUM
Varg Vikernes has had an additional 14 months added to his sentence as a
result of charges for car theft and possession of a weapon while he was
out of jail on furlough last year

SOILENT GREEN
on Monday night, former bassist Scott Williams was shot and killed by his
roommate who then turned the gun on himself

NEW SIGNINGS
Sony Music: Judas Priest
Olympic Recordings: Incantation
Metal Blade: Primordial
Nuclear Blast: Disbelief
Osmose Productions: Yyrkoon
Napalm Records: Midnattsol
Galy Records: Anhkrehg
Majestic Rock Records: Million
Goodfellow Records: The Secret
Cult Metal Classics: Overlorde
Season Of Mist: Tsjuder, Esoteric
Perris Records: Stampede Queen, Machinegun Kelly

-- HELP WANTED --

KEYBOARDIST wanted - Gothic Knights seeks pro keyboardist - looking to
record immediate follow up by the end of the year - band is based in NYC –
contact: jtknight@...

DRUMMER wanted – San Francisco band IGNiT seeks drummer – must be willing
to practice three times a week and tour often – contact: ignit@...

VOCALIST wanted - Soul Shroud seeks vocalist to complete the lineup - seek
a death style vocalist with clean vocals - style can be classified as
modern melodic death metal, thrash, etc. - seek a dedicated and motivated
individual – this is a pro situation -ages 25+ - located in Mid-Hudson
Valley, NY – contact: dreadedharmony@...

MUSICICANS wanted - female singer & female bassist looking for 2
guitarists & a drummer to form heavy metal chick band - influences:
Megadeth, Metallica, In Flames, Extol, Flowing Tears, The Gathering,
Lacuna Coil, Death, Arch Enemy, Six Feet Under, Helloween, Opeth,
Hammerfall, Killswitch Engage, Maiden, Sabbath, Anathema, Drain STH,
Kreator, Rain Fell Within, Iced Earth, Nightwish – must live around the
Laredo, TX area – contact: iced_compassion@...
___________________________________________________________

WORM QUARTET MINI-UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 5/4/04
(Happy birthday, Mom!)

Hi, people! My gawd I've been busy! But I'm
finally taking time out of my stupid day to tell you
all what I'm been up to in the hopes that you'll
believably pretend to care!

First off, check this out...

DEAD FRAGGLZ VIDEO NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
A guy named Scratch N Sniff recently decided not
only to register deadfragglz.com and use it as his
own site and a tribute to WQ, but also made a
disturbingly bitchin' video based on the song!

Check it out here, dammit!

http://deadfragglz.com/stuff/deadfragglz.html

Really really nifty stuff, this!!! My gawd, this
sort of flattery always makes me incontinent!!

UPCOMING SHOW NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm out all over the damned place trying to promote
my new CD, "Faster Than a Speeding Mullet" (which
you, without even bothering to come to one of my
stupid shows, can order online for a mere $8 from
www.wormquartet.com dammit!) And this month, I
finally get to play another show in my friggin'
hometown!!

Thursday, May 13 - Rochester, NY

TORSOS FROM SPACE
WORM QUARTET

@ The Bug Jar
219 Monroe Avenue
Rochester, NY 14607
(585) 454-2966

8:00 PM, $5 over 21, $7 under

---------

Wilmington, NC - May 27-31

WE FEST 2004!
@ The Soapbox

I'm playing Friday night, and there's gonna be a
buttload of other bands. More info soon, and it'll
be up at www.wefestival.com one of these days!!

I'm also trying to book a quick tour on the way
down and back up...so if you have any say in show
bookery anywhere on the east coast between NY and
NC, drop me a line at book-a-freak@...

---------

Thursday, July 22 - Rochester, NY
(Deja friggin' vu!)

TORSOS FROM SPACE
WORM QUARTET

@ The Bug Jar
219 Monroe Avenue
Rochester, NY 14607
(585) 454-2966

8:00 PM, $5 over 21, $7 under

WORM QUARTET PREDICTS THE FUTURE NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Those of you who saw my performance at 2BeCon
in Chicago got to see my full-on announcement
firsthand, but for those of you who didn't,
the time has come to let you all know that one
of the songs on "Faster Than a Speeding Mullet"
has ended up being far more prophetic than I
originally intended.

The threat is real.

The sperm is functional.

The wife is pregnant.

I am, indeed, gonna procreate.

I tried to friggin' warn you...

Now buy my CDs, dammit. I've got diapers to
pay for. :)

In related news...

VOTE ON SHOEBOX'S PROCREATION NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The Last Exit for the Lost / Metallic Onslaught
radio shows' website currently has a poll up
where you can register your opinion regarding my
pending spawn.

Go forth to this here place and cast your vote:
http://www.thelastexit.org/Poll.htm

(They've got a bunch of polls up at the moment
which load randomly, so annoyingly, you may have
to hit the "refresh" button several times to get
this one.)

More info on The Last Exit / Metallic Onslaught
shows is at www.thelastexit.org

WORM QUARTET ROCKS IN VARIOUS PLACES NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Holy crap, have I been busy!! And not just with
the whole child-making thing, although that's
definitely been a high point!

I can't really go into detail without writing a
damned novel, but here's some highlights and
lowlights from 2BeCon and PenguiCon:

2BECON:
- Got to hang with and perform with Luke Ski,
Sudden Death, Eric Coleman, and was reunited
with many of the loyal dementia fans, who rock
for coming as far as they do for these shows.
Got to meet a few people who I'd previously
only talked to via e-mail.
- Performed a somewhat altered version of "I'm
Gonna Procreate" to make the announcement
above (expect an official bootleg some day!)
- Met Peter David and got him to sign the first
and last issues of his run on the Hulk. Yes,
I'm a friggin' geek. You knew that! Shut up!
- Performed in downtown Chicago Friday night at
a club called Frankie J's along with Luke,
Sudden Death, and the ever-invertible Tony
Goldmark. Did "Dear God" (despite the fact
that it was Good Friday) and offended a whole
table of Christian Fundamentalists, who walked
out! Luke high-fived me.
- Attempted to perform "Great Idea for a Song" at
a makeshift Gong Show and was gonged 10 seconds
into it (as in, before the funny part) by some
weenie with ADD.
- My wife actually came with me!
- Parked in downtown Chicago without my car
getting towed! (Granted it cost me $17 to park
for three hours...)
- Shot a guy I was sleeping with and tried to
frame my husband but ended up in jail with
Queen Latifah.

PENGUICON:
- Met (and performed with) Tom Smith, and learned
what the title "The World's Fastest Filker"
means. Instantly became a fan. Check out his
stuff at www.tomsmithonline.com
- Got to perform once again with Luke Ski and
Tony Goldmark!
- Once again was surprised to see a whole buttload
of the disturbingly faithful Dementia fan people!
My gawd, you guys rule!
- Surprised the hell out of Tony by debuting (with
some help from The Great Luke SKi) my cover of
"I Know You're A Fish," an incredibly silly tune
from his first album (a kid's album, recorded when
he was like 12 or something.) which he's very
embarassed about. Tony swore a lot but eventually
decided to like it. Expect this to pop up
somewhere in the not-too-distant future.
- Was shushed by someone during my own friggin'
concert while trying to fix the sound.
- Luke Ski gallantly gave up a few minutes of his
halftime performance during the Masquerade, so I
got to perform "Great Idea for a Song" in front of
a huge-ass bunch of people who friggin' loved it.
Take *THAT*, ADD-guy from the 2BeCon Gong Show!
- Got to attempt a bit of improv with the other funny
music people to fill a gap left by Wil Wheaton's
last-minute cancellation.
- Waved in the general direction of Neil Gaiman
- Got to meet Rob Balder of www.partiallyclips.com
Funny and very nice guy.
- Got obnoxious in the filk room with Rob, Luke, Tony,
and a few more traditional filkers...rocked 'til
about 4 in the morning.

Generally, very good stuff, dammit. Met lots of
people who don't suck, sold some discs, had a great
time.

DR. DEMENTO NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
My latest ex-girlfriend opus, "Great Idea for a
Song" has returned to the top 5 a few more times,
and so far appears to be the most requested song
of the year! Thank you all so much for your
requests, well-wishings, and death threats!

Wanna hear me on Dr. Demento again and again and
again?

You can request my stuff via the online Dr. Demento
request form, located here:
http://www.clamhead.com/drdrequest.php

If you fear forms, you can e-mail your request
here: drdemento@...

You can also request by phone by calling
1-562-ODD-TUNE!

A list of stations that carry Dr. Demento, as well
as times, can be found here:
http://mypage.iu.edu/~jbmorris/FAQ/stations.html

And a list of online stations that carry the Dr.
is here: http://www.krellan.com/demento/

The official Dr. Demento page is at
http://www.drdemento.com

An annoyingly addictive badger-related thing is at:
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

NEW SONGS ON A LESS SHINY MEDIUM NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Yeah, dammit! Worm Quartet's long-planned split 7"
with Virginia's Plan 15 is actually coming together!
Plan 15 has recorded a punk-as-hell cover of "Dear
God" using actual instruments, and I've reciprocated
with a synthed-up cover of their "I Don't Wanna Be
A Redneck" using NO actual instruments. I've also
recorded a handful of other new songs for my side of
the record, and so far they're all pretty friggin'
heavy and pretty friggin' hardcore. I must be
pissed off or something. Keen!

Anyhoo, this'll be out on Blankmind Records sometime
later this year (the summer release isn't gonna
happen, unfortunately, due to Tyler at Blankmind
recovering from foot surgery...get better, dammit!)

And...

OLD SONGS ON A VERY SHINY MEDIUM NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Sumophobia, my out-of-print debut CD, will soon be
available again! But since I've never been happy
with the sound quality on that one, I'm remixing,
remastering, and in some cases even re-recording
the songs and slapping on a bunch of bonus tracks,
including the songs from the "Urine Sampler" demo
tape and a handful of brand new recordings!

If you've just gotta have the original, though, a
few copies are still available at www.interpunk.com

NEW CD NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=
ALREADY!??!?!? Come on, dammit! Faster Than A
Speeding Mullet just came out a few months ago!!
Let me breathe, will you?!?

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
I smell like a JERK! Not that I'm particularly a
jerk, but I spent the afternoon rolling around in a
field of jerks.

Anyhoo, this thing's gotta end now...it's already
too long and I'm late for work and I can't lose my
job before the Invader Zim DVD comes out or I won't
be able to buy it! Hope all is well with you
people! Give yourself a noogie for me!

Flirting with upholstery,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
__________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release:

Multi-Cultural Power Metal Heroes DRAGONFORCE
Release Potent Sophomore Effort Sonic Firestorm May 11th

On European Tour with W.A.S.P.

Hailing from the United Kingdom, DRAGONFORCE is quickly becoming a force
with which to be reckoned. The band releases their rampaging sophomore
effort Sonic Firestorm through Sanctuary/Noise Records on May 11th. Not only
is the band a unique entity in that they perform a brand of music that is
nowadays nearly non-existent in their British home, but the band is
comprised of such multi-cultural members, such a union would seem
impossible. Composed of Herman Li (lead guitar – born in Hong Kong), ZP
Theart (vocals – born in South Africa), Vadim Pruzhanov (keyboards – born in
the Ukraine), Sam Totman (guitar – born in England), Adrian Lambert (bass –
born in England), and David Mackintosh (drums – born in England), the band
has evolved very quickly over the course of two albums.

Having released their debut Valley of the Damned in 2003 to much critical
acclaim, the release granted them amazing touring opportunities with heroes
& legends like Halford, Stratovarius, Virgin Steele, and Helloween, as well
as prestigious spots on such festivals as Sweden Rock, Torres Rock (Spain),
Young Metal Gods (Germany), and Bloodstock (UK).

Early DRAGONFORCE can best be described as a mix of modern melodic power
metal with the fury of speed metal. Since then, the band’s style has
evolved into an even more distinctive sound. By combining their favorite
aspects of different rock and metal styles – ranging from
classic/power/thrash/speed/death/progressive/hard rock – played with
high-octane energy, DRAGONFORCE’s sound may now best be described as Extreme
Power Metal. The supremely potent and instantly memorable melodies that
stand shoulder-to-shoulder with outrageous speed, power, complex twin-guitar
wizardry and extreme metal drumming are just some of the qualities that
separate this band from the masses. Truly a Sonic Firestorm!

DRAGONFORCE is currently touring Europe with shock-rock stalwarts W.A.S.P.

An MP3 of the track “My Spirit Will Go On” is currentl available at this
location:
http://208.203.139.81/downloads/DragonForce@www.noiserecords.com-My_Spirit_W
ill_Go_On.mp3

For a glimpse of the power of DRAGONFORCE’s live fury, be sure to sample the
live videos here: http://www.dragonforce.com/sound_music_videos.html

www.noiserecords.com
www.sanctuaryrecords.com
www.dragonforce.com
___________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release:

Hammerfall Vocalist Joacim CANS Releases Aggressive Solo Debut Beyond The
Gates Through Sanctuary/Noise Records on May 11th

Sweden’s Hammerfall has become world renowned in a relatively short time.
Releasing 4 studio albums and one double-live album since the band’s 1997
origin has led the band not only to much critical acclaim, but to countless
world tours, including full North American treks with legendary acts Death
and Dio respectively. The attention has led vocalist Joacim Cans to become
highly recognized in the scene. However, during the band’s downtime, Cans
began sowing the seeds for a side project, one that would expand his musical
boundaries beyond the niche Hammerfall had benevolently carved for itself.

Released on May 11th through Sanctuary/Noise Records under the moniker CANS,
Joacim and an all-star lineup of friends & associates composed a more
visceral, poignant album entitled Beyond The Gates. The lineup for the
album consists of Cans on vocals, Hammerfall co-conspirator Stefan Elmgren
on guitar, Matt Sinner (Primal Fear, Sinner) on bass, Mark Sonder (Fates
Warning) on drums, and Metal Mike Chlasciak (Halford, Painmuseum, Testament)
on lead guitar. Cans explains the composition of the album, “Hammerfall is a
trademark that represents a very specific style of music, that’s just the
way it is. That was mainly why I wanted to do this album – to be able to
try some fresh ideas and not be locked into a certain way of writing.” His
plan worked, with dynamic results.

Asking some of his personal heroes and friends to contribute riffs & ideas,
he was quickly overwhelmed with transmissions and riff tapes, and he
utilized those that he deemed the darkest and heaviest to create an album
unlike anything Hammerfall has ever created yet is sonically perfect for his
vocal style. Beyond The Gates contains collaborations between Cans and
the likes of Jeff Waters (Annihilator), David T. Chastain (Chastain, CJSS),
Ronny Milianowicz (Dionysus, Sinergy), Corbin King, and the aforementioned
Matt Sinner, Stefan Elmgren and Metal Mike Chlasciak. Spoken liner notes
for each track on the album can be found here:
http://208.203.139.81/cans/btg/cd.shtml

An MP3 for the track “Fields of Yesterday” is available here:
http://www.noiserecords.com/downloads/Cans@www.noiserecords.com-Fields_Of_Ye
sterday.mp3

Be sure to check out the interactive CANS e-cards at the following
locations:
http://208.203.139.81/cans/btg/info.html
http://208.203.139.81/cans/btg/lycard.html

www.noiserecords.com
www.sanctuaryrecords.com
www.joacimcans.com
______________________________________________________________

NEWS FROM GORGAR...

P R E S S R E L E A S E


SARPSBORG, NORWAY - April 27th, 2004

NOSTROMO MEDIA INTRODUCES ARTCH: ANOTHER RETURN LIVE... AND BEYOND DVD

Nostromo Media is proud to present the first DVD release from Norwegian
power metal act ARTCH, now available for purchase on the net via Paypal
payment.

Featuring over four hours of material, the DVD was officially released
on April 20th in Norway following a very successful release party helt
at MIA, Sarpsborg on Saturday April 17th. The party saw ARTCH
performing a special commemorative set, partially with original drummer
Jack Jamies who also participated in a special drum solo duel with
current drummer G. Brady. Also on the show were a special tribute
performance by glamsters Wig Wam, performing the ARTCH song "When
Angels Cry".

Another Return Live... and Beyond is a 2xDVD box featuring two full
live concerts - the 2002 "farewell" gig in Sarpsborg presented in 16:9
format with 5.1 surround sound where available, a huge production made
with 9 TV-class cameras, and a classic 1989 performance at the Bootleg
venue in Oslo. The "Beyond" disc features a 70+ minute documentary
interview session where the band recalls their history, featuring rare
and previously unseen footage from Norway as well as footage from the
Wacken Open Air (Germany) and Metal Meltdown (US) festivals, a 25
minute studio documentary covering the recording of the new songs for
the re-releases of the classic albums, vintage videos and
TV-appearances as well as album samplers. The documentary parts were
produced for ARTCH by feature production company Tiny Cosmos.

The DVD set is currently available as a region-free PAL release
intended for Europe and other PAL regions, an NTSC release for the US
is being planned with no set release date at the moment. US fans may be
able to play the discs on some setups, including computers. The 2 DVD
set is available NOW from www.artch.net at a set price of 40 Euros
covering first class airmail to all locations. Payment processing
through Paypal.

ABOUT ARTCH
ARTCH released two classic power metal albums, "Another Return" (1988)
and "For the Sake of Mankind" (1991), both met with rave reviews in the
metal press. Following a rapidly changing music scene and dwindling
label support, the band was put on hold in 1993. Reuniting in 1999 for
SCREAM Magazine's 50th issue party, ARTCH have played a number of
festival and headline gigs in Europe and the US in the years to
follow.The band is still regarded as one of Norway's most important HM
bands of all time.

ABOUT NOSTROMO MEDIA
Nostromo Media is a multimedia developer/publisher specializing in
Internet and DVD projects. We are actively seeking distributors for the
ARTCH DVD, please direct all inquiries to nostromo@...


KIX RETURN FOR THE SUMMER:
Kix are reforming for some reunion shows this September! Vocalist Steve
Whiteman has got 4 out of the 5 original guys back together for a trip down
memory lane. Donnie Purnell, the band's bass player is not involved. Mark
from Funny Money will be playing bass for the Kix shows.

DOKKEN DELAYED, BUT BARRY'S NOT LOOKING BACK:
The release of Dokken's new Hell To Pay album has been postponed until July
13, with CMC/Sanctuary issuing this message: "This is an incredible Dokken
CD and the label, both here in North America and in Europe want to build and
wind up a great campaign surrounding this release. It will be well worth the
wait."
I hope so! Meanwhile, sample 3 tracks via the Dokken website -
dokken.net/index2.html. Features are the tracks The Last Goodbye, Escape and
Prozac Nation - along with John Levin's guitar solos from those tracks.
The album's full track listing is: The Last Goodbye . Don't Bring Me Down .
Escape . Haunted . Prozac Nation . Care For You . Better Off Before . Still
I'm Sad . I Surrender . Letter To Home . Can You See . Care For You
(Unplugged Version).

JON OLIVA'S TAGE MAHAL IN MIX-DOWN:
Savatage mastermind Jon Oliva and Tage Mahal are now completing the final
mix for of his solo debut, at Morrisound Studio's in Tampa FL with Jim
Morris at the helm. Eight tracks have been completed and the remaining mixes
and mastering will be finalized within the next few weeks. Worldwide
distribution is close to being inked and will be announced in the coming
weeks. An extensive tour schedule is a high priority for the band and will
be announced as soon as the release date has been set. Please check out the
studio highlights and pictures online in the forum section of
www.jonoliva.net.

Guitarist David Chastain recently spoke to BW&BK regarding the release of
CHASTAIN's upcoming album, In An Outrage, which was originally slated for a
June release. "Still trying to work out the release dates worldwide for the
new album. I will definitely not be releasing it in June in the US. The 7th
& The Voice (compilation re-release) will still probably come out in June.
EMI in Japan is releasing In An Outrage in August." In An Outrage features
singer Kate French once again and an old school sound, similar to Chastain's
'80's albums The 7th Of Never, Voice Of The Cult, and For Those Who Dare.
Chastain's last album, In dementia, was released in 1997o Dare. Chastain's
last album, In Dementia, was released in 1997.

NAKED BEGGARS/CINDERELLA bassist ERIC BRITTINGHAM has contacted BW&BK with
news that guitarist Jeff Lebar (Cinderella) will be joining Naked Beggars
(www.nakedbeggars.net) for their upcoming yet-to-be-announced tour dates in
support of their newly released self titled debut album. Jeff is replacing
Naked Beggars guitarist Doc, who is unable to accompany the band on the
forthcoming dates. Says Eric, "Jeff really likes the tunes - and of course
he did play on 'Bitch'.So, he has decided to join!" Naked Beggars tour dates
will be announced soon.

Reliable sources state that CINDERELLA front man TOM KEIFER is currently
"getting ready to mix a record that he's been working on. I guess he's going
to shop it as a solo record." As reported earlier this month, Cinderella
recently canceled their US summer tour plans. And amid rumors that Tom
Keifer quit Cinderella, bassist Eric Brittingham responded: "Tom did not
quit Cinderella. I have no idea where that rumor came from. I called him
this morning and told him about it and he just laughed. The tour isn't going
to happen though. We had been exploring our options to tour this summer and
were hoping to make it happen, but decided to hold off for now."
_______________________________________________

MAY 14TH - RETURN OF THE KING!!! W/ PRONG, DOG FASHION DISCO, & MORE!!!

DATE: Friday, May 14th
TIME: 7:00PM – 2:00AM
LOCATION: New Cheers Pub - 81 Clinton St. in Binghamton, NY
ADMISSION: $8 / Ages 18+
BANDS: PRONG, DOG FASHION DISCO, KING SNYDER
ALL THAT REMAINS, BEYOND THE EMBRACE

ADDITIONAL INFO: PRONG launches their U.S. headlining tour in support of
their new release, “Scorpio Rising”, on Locomotive Music. On Friday, May
14th PRONG will perform their only show in upstate New York at New Cheers
Pub in Binghamton, NY with supporting acts DOG FASHION DISCO, KING SNYDER,
ALL THAT REMAINS, and BEYOND THE EMBRACE.

The current incarnation of PRONG includes singer/guitarist/founder Tommy
Victor, drummer Dan Laudo and guitarist Monte Pittman, a longtime friend of
Victor and a former member of MADONNA's backing band. "The new music is
similar to 'Rude Awakening' (released in 1996 on Epic Records), but maybe
even a little more simplistic," says Victor. “The songs on 'Scorpio Rising'
are more like a sequel to 'Rude Awakening' - that was about the craziness of
the world, and this is more about how I'm dealing with it…” "There had to be
a new record, a product of years of suffering self-doubt and experiencing
rejuvenation… a collection of songs that form a new album of PRONG material”
. 'Scorpio Rising' emerges from the poison and corruption. Victor hopes that
this emergence will be as special to old fans as well as new, as it has been
for the exclusive club involved in it’s making.

Enter DOG FASHION DISCO – Known to nearly all of their fans as “DFD”. DOG
FASHION DISCO has been touring relentlessly for the past five years and will
surely go down in history as one of the industry’s hardest working
independent bands. With their 2003 Spitfire Records release “Committed To A
Bright Future”, DFD continues to prove their reputation as one of the most
creative, original, hard-hitting bands of the last ten years. Undergoing
several line-up changes and with little to no tour support, DFD push forward
in 2004 with a new video, new songs, more tour dates, and a bullet-proof
attitude stronger than Kevlar.

For Elmira natives KING SNYDER, who have been on a three month hiatus
focusing on writing and recording new music, May 14th will be both a reunion
( the band has shared past tour dates with PRONG and DFD ) and a grand debut
of their newest material ahead of their upcoming CD release in June.

Opening acts ALL THAT REMAINS and BEYOND THE EMBRACE are no strangers to the
national hard rock/metal scene. Both bands have albums released by a major
label and both have toured extensively. New Jersey 5-piece ALL THAT REMAINS
features original SHADOWS FALL vocalist Philip Labonte, who formed the band
in 1998. BEYOND THE EMBRACE, a 6-piece triple guitar metal outfit hailing
from New Bedford, Mass., has recently been out on tour with OPETH and LACUNA
COIL.

http://www.prongmusic.com
http://www.dogfashiondisco.com
http://www.kingsnyder.com
http://www.allthatremains.cc
http://www.beyondtheembrace.com
_____________________________________________

Keep this in mind when training animals:
If you beat a cat with a loaf of bread,
there is *no* way you'll ever
train him to make you a sandwich!

(Thomas M. Shaltry)
_____________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: May, 2, 2004
(R) = Requested

Background: Shinuku Thief "The Witch Hammer"

Persephone "My Prayer / Immersion"
Elvenking "Jigsaw Puzzle"
Divinity Destroyed "Smoke and Mirrors"
Fates Warning "Night on Brocken"
Hearse "Play Without Rules"
All that Remains "Focus Shall Not Fail"
Vordven "Cold Pagan Steel"
Acumen Nation "Parasite Mine"
Shoebox and Crappy "Smell My Nipple Win a Prize"
Superdrive "Burst - Acoustic"
Kyuss "Molten Universe"
Dismemberment Plan "Since You Died"
Unwound "Negated"
Mogwai "Sine Wave"
Lotus Project "I Bleed"
inRed "Revenge of the Orange One"
Devil to Pay "Angular Shapes"
Martyr A.D. "Valley of Solitude"
Morbid Angel "Brainstorm" (R)
Psyopus "Death, I..."
Death Angel "Thrown to the Wolves"
Possessed "Death Metal" (R)
Lethargy "Humor Me" (R)
Crappy and Shoebox "Crappy's Ho Down"
Ministry "No W"
The Project Hate "The Divine Burning of Angels"
Obituary "I'm in Pain" (R)
Sceptic "Knowledge Gatherer"
Soilwork "Sadistic Lullabye" (R)
L.A. Guns "Until You Get Me"
Pretty Suicide "I Want it All"
The Wildhearts "There's Only One Hell"
Brides of Destruction "Shut the Hell Up"
Schenker-Pattison Summit "Shares of Things"
WASP "The Running Man"
Superdrive "Blistering"
Gargantua Soul "The Punisher"
Special Unit 2 "Don't Waste My Time"
Pile of Heads "The Art of Suffering"
Worm Quartet "Strap-On Brain"
Winds "Under the Stars"
Sol Invictus "The Man Next Door is Very Strange"
Destiny "Skies Dressed in Black"
Nightwish "White Night Fantasy"
Doro "Metal Tango - Live"
Judas Priest "Heart of a Lion - Demo"
Spin the Bottle Tribute to Kiss - Lemmy "Shout It Out Loud"
Duskfall "Striving to Have Nothing"
Clutch "Profits of Doom"
Katatonia "For Funerals to Come"
Tvangeste "Storm"
Zakas "Reusable"
Misery Signals "In Response to Stars"
Artefact "Onslaught"
Lugosi's Morphine "Igor's Eyeball"
Titanium Black "Words"
Ektomorf "Painful but True"
Zadoc and the Nightmare "Save Me"
Haunted by Angels "Burnt"
My Dying Bride "And My Fury Stands Ready"
Ensifirum "Slayer of Light"
Heavenwood "Heartquake"
The Old Dead Tree "Joy and Happiness"
Disillusion "Fall"
Tystnaden "Tystnaden"
Soil "Black Betty"
The Pushrods "Such a Pretty Pretty Thing"
Hearse "Armageddon, Mon Amor"
Elvenking "The Silk Dilemma"
Vordven "Through Decades"
Divinity Destroyed "Forsaken"
____________________________________________

It only takes ONE atom bomb to ruin your
whole day. Unless, of course, it explodes
somewhere else, in which case it just
gives the media something new to yap about.

(Whil Hentzen)
____________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Fri. May 7: Superdrive and G-Soul (Gargantua Soul) at The Haunt, Ithaca

Fri, May 7: Fallguy, Inherence, 5 Mile Line, and a Day without Rain at The
Bug Jar, Rochester

Sat, May 8: The PushRods and Plan 607 at Monty's Krown Lounge, Rochester -
9PM

Sat May 8
Dig Shovel Dig (thrash-wave attack)
Flowers And Cops (NJ, fast melodic punk)
Atomic Forces (Ithaca Rock)
Gertie Fox (LA, Indie/twangy/dancy)
Death By Bowie (Ithaca rock)
7pm $5 @ See Spot 277-7560

Sat, May 8: Bleeding Through, Comeback Kid, and Between The Buried And Me at
The Xtreme Wheels Indoor Skate Park, 356 Hertel Avenue, Buffalo
(716-871-9361........$10/10.......All Ages)

Mon, May 10: Clutch at The Haunt, Ithaca

Wed, May 12: Jagermeister Music Tour – Prong, Dog Fashion Disco, All That
Remains, Beyond The Embrace, and Stemm at Palmeri’s, 1514 Pine Avenue,
Niagara Falls (716-282-9726......$10/13......All Ages)

Thurs, May 13: The PushRods and Plan 607 at The Haunt, Ithaca

Thurs, May 13: Worm Quartet and Torsos from Space at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, May 14: King Snyder, Prong, Dog Fashion Disco, All That Remains, and
Beyond the Embrace at The New Cheers Pub, Binghamton

Sat. May 15th:The County Proper Band (featuring members of Never The
Sunshine) at West's Lounge 9:30pm, Mansfield PA

Tue, May 18: Life of Agony, Candiria, 7N7, and Camel Clutch at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Sat, May 22: Haunted by Angels, Enertia, Inherence, and Thoughts Lost at The
Haunt, Ithaca

Fri, May 28: Lacuna Coil, POD, Blindside, and Hazen Street at The ESL Sports
Center, Rochester

Sat, May 29: The PushRods, Plan-607, Boneslaw, Idol Hands and TBA @ Head
Rush Xtreme Park Grand Opening, 3417 Walters Rd, Syracuse, NY ALL AGES 2 - 8
PM w/BMX exhibitions, Paintball Tourney

Wed, June 9: Stretch Armstrong, Terror, Between the Buried and Me, and Out
to Win at The Xtreem Wheels Indoor Skate Park, Buffalo

Mon, July 19: Strhess Fest featuring Shadow’s Fall, As I Lay Dying, Himsa,
and Remembering Never at Infinity, 8166 Main St, Williamsville
(716-565-0110......$12/12......All Ages - doors 6pm)

Thurs, July 22: Worm Quartet and Torsos from Space at The Bug Jar, Rochester
____________________________________________________

The really cool thing about dating bisexuals
is that if you ever had a sex change operation,
they'd probably still want to date you.

(Lili Von Schtupp)
____________________________________________________

TOP STORIES AND SUCH OF THE WEEK...

Bizarre Holidays in May

May is . . . . National Salad Month, Revise Your Work Schedule Month, Date
Your Mate Month, Fungal Infection Awareness Month
May 1 is . . . . . Save The Rhino Day
May 3 is . . . . . Lumpy Rug Day
May 7 is . . . . . International Tuba Day
May 8 is . . . . . No Socks Day
May 9 is . . . . . Lost Sock Memorial Day
May 11 is . . . . Eat What You Want Day
May 14 is . . . . National Dance Like A Chicken Day
May 16 is . . . . Wear Purple For Peace Day
May 17 is . . . . Pack Rat Day
May 19 is . . . . Frog Jumping Jubilee Day
May 21 is . . . . National Waitresses/Waiters Day
May 25 is . . . . National Tap Dance Day
May 27 is . . . . Body Painting Arts Festival
May 29 is . . . . End Of The Middle Ages Day
May 30 is . . . . My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
_______________________________________________________________

FEEL THE FORCE: Move over, dumb criminals. Dumb cops have arrived. A
recent job shuffle in Patna, India, saw police officers moved from
internal desk jobs to front-line posts as "OCs," or officers-in-
charge, at police stations.

One new OC was instructed to arrest a notorious suspect in the city.
He decided to call the villain's mobile phone from his desk. The top
cop notified the suspect that he should present himself at the police
station at four o'clock that afternoon. The cop told his superiors
that he'd made an appointment for the suspect to come to the station
for the purpose of being arrested. Of course, the wanted man vanished
without trace. A report on the incident appeared in the Patna edition
of The Times of India under the headline: "Hello, Is it Mr.
Criminal?"

Another new OC, of a more practical turn of mind, also tried to
apprehend a suspect. He took a team to a hideout where his target had
been spotted, and rushed into a room, where he found two men present.
He asked which was the wanted man. One of the men pointed at his
companion.

The fingered man was arrested, the other was sent on his way, and the
investigation closed. It later was revealed that the "innocent
bystander" was in fact the person wanted.

A senior member of the force told the press that the new OCs "have
not been into hard work."
__________________________________________________________

HE MADE HIS POINT: A bricklayer shot himself in the head with a nail
gun as a joke. Australian building worker Brad Shorten thought the
gun was empty. "My mates and I were talking about construction-site
accidents and taking your eye out with a nail gun, and I foolishly
put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger," he told the press in
Melbourne. It took doctors four hours to remove the 3.2-centimetre
nail from his head, but it will take a lot longer to live it down.
________________________________________________________

------------- British Brush Up For Toothing ----------------

LONDON - Commuters who appear to be innocently playing with
their cell phone may not be so angelic. The new craze in
London, called "toothing," has strangers on trains, buses,
bars and stores hooking up with anonymous strangers for sex.
They set up illicit meetings using the latest phone techno-
logy - Bluetooth. The technology lets users send phone
numbers, pictures and messages to other Potential toothers
start by sending out a random greeting -- usually "Tooth-
ing?." "If the other party is interested, messages are
exchanged until a suitable location is agreed," says the
"Beginner's Guide To Toothing." Jon, the author of the guide,
figures there are probably tens of thousands of toothers
from every profession and lifestyle.
_________________________________________________

----------- She Could Hardly Stomach The Pain --------------

SYDNEY - A 69-year-old Australian woman is suing a Sydney
hospital because surgeons left a pair of scissors in her
abdomen for 18 months. Pat Skinner suffered months of pain
after doctors at St. George Hospital removed part of her
colon in May 2001, she told Sky News Tuesday. Only after she
insisted, an X-ray was finally performed and the scissors
were caught on film, she said. "I was just devastated, I
could not believe what I was seeing. It was like a nightmare
seeing those scissors up on the screen," Skinner said. Call-
ing the mishap "human error" a hospital spokesman said the
scissors were removed in October 2002. Skinner said she was
going public with her experience because she had decided to
pursue legal action against the hospital.
__________________________________________________

+------------- Bizarre National Superstitions -------------+

In Iceland, an unmarried person who sits at the corner of a
table won't marry for seven years. A pregnant woman who
drinks from a cracked cup risks having a baby with a hare-
lip.

In Japan, picking up a comb with its teeth facing your body
brings bad luck.

In Malta, churches with two towers are fitted with a clock
face in each but the two clocks always tell different times
to confuse the Devil about the time of the service.

In Nigeria, a man hit with a broom becomes impotent unless
he retaliates seven times with the same broom. Sweeping a
house at night brings misfortune to the occupants.

In Poland, bringing lilac into the house is a sure sign of
impending death.

In Scotland, red and green should never be worn together. It
is unlucky to throw vegetables on to the fire and to carry a
spade through the house. This means that a grave will soon
be dug. And three swans flying together means a national
disaster is imminent.

In Holland, people with red hair bring bad luck.

In China, sweeping out a house removes all the good luck,
especially on Chinese New Year.
________________________________________________

------------------ Having A Gay Ol' Time -------------------

Two gay lovers made the best of Earth Day on Thursday by
climbing a Central Park tree, stripping, performing lewd
acts and refusing to come down for hours. A 32-year-old
transsexual wearing a black dress, and his partner, a 17-
year-old boy in only a pair of shorts, protested their
families' lack of understanding for their relationship by
scaling the 55-foot larch tree and performing for a crowd of
onlookers. The man played on branches near the top of the
tree and waved to the audience while the boy quietly sat a
few feet below him. Police said the man later performed oral
sex on the boy and stripped down to a thong. Police tried to
coax the amorous pair out of the tree by giving them soft
drinks - a Diet Vanilla Coke on demand - and water. After
about five hours, harnesses were put on the lovers and
police began to lure them down.
_________________________________________________

------------ Police Weren't Sold On This Idea --------------

KOBLENZ, Germany - A German mother and her boyfriend are
being investigated for trying to sell the woman's young
daughter on the eBay Internet auction site. Three bidders,
who allegedly pushed the top offer for the 8-year-old girl
up to 25.50 euros ($30.35) are also under investigation for
attempted human trafficking, German news agency DPA reports.
The 41-year-old mother and her 35-year-old boyfriend live in
the western German city of Koblenz and are the subject of an
investigation by the Koblenz police. They allegedly posted a
picture of the girl to eBay's German-language auction site
with a starting price of one euro ($1.19) and a description
saying, "you can play with her." It is not clear whether the
Internet auction posting was intended to be a joke or was a
serious offer to sell the girl as a "real working toy," as
she was advertised.
_______________________________________________

David Boyd announced as a candidate for the Canadian Parliament,
from Halifax, on a platform of marriage reform, specifically to
permit same-sex, group, and human-android marriages (March).
_____________________________________________

* Former Harvard professor Weldong Xu, who was arrested in
March for his alleged scheme to bilk colleagues out of $600,000 to
fund a bogus SARS research institute in China, admitted to Boston
police that he spent part of the money on what the detectives
recognized as a traditional Nigerian money-laundering scam,
although Xu aggressively insisted that it was a legitimate deal. Said
Detective Steve Blair, "[The Harvard professor] never caught on."
_______________________________________________

* Unusual Murder Defenses: Raymond Rodriguez, 25, was found
not guilty in the murder of a 77-year-old drinking buddy after he
testified to having, at the crime scene, hallucinations of bologna and
cheese dancing around in the refrigerator and, in the freezer, a
green man who told Rodriguez, "Catch me if you can." (San
Antonio, Tex., December) And Patrick Hutchinson was sent for a
mental exam in February after police in Lexington, Ky., accused
him of murdering his wife. Hutchinson explained that she had been
taken over by aliens and that he (as one of only 735 "true humans"
left in Lexington, out of 260,000 population) had to stop her, using
a weapon supplied by a cobra that was speaking on behalf of God.
_______________________________________________________

-------------- How To Get A Cuban Fired Up -----------------

WASHINGTON - A Spanish-language radio station in Miami may
have to cough up $4,000 after crank calling Cuban leader
Fidel Castro. The station, El Zol 95.7, convinced Castro
that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez was calling for help
in finding a suitcase containing secret documents he said
he lost during a trip to Argentina. A man pretending to be
a Chavez aide finally asked Castro: "Do you agree with the
shit on the island, murderer?" and added, "You fell for it...
the whole of Miami is listening to you, Fidel Castro." Need-
less to say, this pissed off the Cuban leader just a little
and he retorted, "What did I fall for, you shit?" He also
threw in a few other crude words, including references to the
anatomy of the radio host's mother. Castro eventually hung up
after a 25-minute conversation. The station has 30 days to
challenge or pay the hefty fine.
__________________________________________________

------------------- On The Wrong Track ---------------------

MEXICO CITY - Talk about good luck - an intoxicated Mexican
man fell asleep on railroad tracks and was run over by a
train - and managed to sleep through the whole episode and
escape unharmed. Jorge Lozano Lopez, 32, remained uncon-
scious until long after paramedics arrived on the scene.
"He must have been very drunk to have slept through all
that," said Jose Alfaro de la Rosa, a health official in the
northern town of San Nicolas de los Garza. "It's a miracle
he wasn't hurt." The train conductor noticed him on the
tracks and blew the whistle repeatedly but was not able to
wake him or stop the train in time. The undercarriage passed
within a few inches of his body but did not hit him. "I
counted only six beers," a bewildered Lozano Lopez told local
newspaper El Norte. "But who knows how many more there might
have been. I don't remember."
____________________________________________________

* People Different From Us: Corinth, Vt., farmer Chris
Weathersbee's house was raided by state police in February and the
44 most-sickly of his goats were seized, leaving him 70 still residing
in the house, which is outfitted for them with hay covering the
floors to a height of about two feet (and, of course, including
manure). Weathersbee, 63, told the Valley News (Lebanon, N.H.)
that he personally only started sleeping in the house in January
(because of the weather); before that, he had slept in the barn with
the goats that couldn't fit in the house. An educated man with a
nimble mind, he denied that he is a hoarder and asked authorities
for more time to find a home for his goats, since he believes that
any confiscated by the state would surely be killed (or neutered,
which he said violates animals' "right" to procreate).
_______________________________________________________

Tales from The Onion...

Bush To Iraqi Militants: 'Please Stop Bringing It On'
WASHINGTON, DC—In an internationally televised statement Monday, President
Bush modified a July 2003 challenge to Iraqi militants attacking U.S.
forces. "Terrorists, Saddam loyalists, and anti-American insurgents: Please
stop bringing it on now," Bush said at a Monday press conference. "Nine
months and 500 U.S. casualties ago, I may have invited y'all to bring it on,
but as of today, I formally rescind that statement. I would officially like
for you to step back." The president added that the "it" Iraqis should stop
bringing includes gunfire, bombings, grenade attacks, and suicide missions
of all types.

Spawn Of Satan A Failure In Father's Eyes
TUSTIN, CA—The humanoid spawn of Satan, Belial K. Ravana, 16, has proven to
be a huge disappointment to his father, His Satanic Majesty reported from
Hell Tuesday. "Apparently, young Belial started a fire in the garbage can at
school today," Satan said. "When I begat young Belial, I had high hopes that
he would follow in my cloven-hoofsteps. At his age, I was scorching the
earth in hellfire, flensing the skin off of infants, and making the streets
of Babylon run red with the blood of the righteous." Satan said he hopes
Belial will turn it around and "at least rape the principal" before the
semester's end.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...