The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - May 21, 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time - 89.7FM
Metallic Onslaught Web Page - http://devoted.to/onslaught
WEOS Web Page - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost
Every Saturday Night at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning - Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM - East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca
And you can tune in on-line...
The Last Exit for the Lost direct page: http://www.TheLastExit.org
WVBR Web Page: http://WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during the show:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________
If you want to be removed from this list, please just reply and let us know.
And feel free to pass this on to anyone who may find it interesting.

BANDS AND LABELS! IF YOU WANT YOUR NEWS OR SHOW DATES INCLUDED HERE - SEND
THEM ALONG!!!
_________________________________________________

Show Recaps Thanks to Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Joe was absent because of those wedding matters I
mentioned last week (He was on his Honeymoon). So, Azkath took over the
hosting duties. Rick was also absent but no one seemed to know why or where
he was, so it was decided that he had joined Joe on the honeymoon. Maury was
also not there again so apparently he is still grounded. However, oh wonder
of wonders!, Shoebox was there! (BTW, while Shoebox was on his way to the
show, they all were making fun of him and speculating on how long it had
been since he had been there. They didn't know, and neither did he, but, I
do. And although no one asked me, and probably don't care, I am going to
tell anyway. So there! (drum roll) He was last present on the April 2nd into
April 3rd show. And, since last weeks show was on May 14 into May 15th, he
was absent for 6 weeks! So, there's your useless factoid!) :) Jeffie called
into the show. He said he was lost. Apparently he had tried to follow Joe
(and possibly Rick?) on their honeymoon and had gotten lost. He said he was
wet because he was near a lot of water. He wanted someone from the show to
come get him. They tried to trick him into drowning himself, but he didn't
fall for it (he really does seem to be getting smarter, isn't that a scary
thought?!). He said never mind, he would find his way to the show on his
own. And a short time later, he did indeed turn up there! However, his stay
there turned out to be a short one thanks to Shoebox. Jeffie had brought
Super Monkey with him, and he attacked Shoebox with it. They brawled.
Shoebox took the monkey and stuffed it's crotch into Jeffie's mouth. Jeffie
was traumatized, not because he had monkey in his mouth, that's nothing new
for him, but because of Shoebox's treatment of the poor monkey. He spent the
rest of the night on the steps outside crying and was never heard from again
on that show. David from the band Lotus Project made his first visit to MO.
before The whole Monkey matter and Jeffie's disappearance for the night,
Jeffie sat on Dave's lap. Dave did not like this too much but, the night
held even worse things in store for him. Shoebox forced him to smell the
refrigerator. After that, poor David completely snapped. It was all just too
much for him...

On The Last Exit: It was the 2nd anniversary of when they tried to cause
Armageddon to occur and failed. (to me it doesn't seem possible that 2 years
have gone by since then, but they have!). It also marked the 2nd anniversary
of Shoebox's first appearance on LE. Shoebox was not there to celebrate this
anniversary, though.. Quite a few people were there however. Just Joe, the
Penguin, Ian, the Enforcer, Gorgar, David from Lotus Project. The show was a
bit calmer then many of the past few weeks shows of extreme chaos, but there
was the usual amount of silliness and entertainment of course..

********************************************************************
Ok, so here we go, counting down to The Last Exit for the Lost month of 10
year anniversary shows. This week we will have up to the show Joe, the
bassist from Enertia (www.enertia.cc) and some or all of Haunted by Angels
(www.HauntedbyAngels.com), and of course that will be after they play The
Haunt, and that show starts at like 6pm, 4 bands for $5. Damned good deal,
and it's over by 10pm or so. Next week, we should have The Pushrods
(www.PushrodsRock.com) and Plan 607 (www.plan607.com) up to the show. That
should be a lot of fun. Then, next month, well, I have 2 definite special
guests lined up, and then we will have Shoebox back finally for a show,
maybe 2 if he is nice, and a couple of other very special guests that I can
not be certain about... And that may be all you will get out of me about
it. David (Lotus Project) who has now very well become one of the regular
co-hosts of The Last Exit will be gone the next two weeks.

I do not know if Jeffie will be back to The Metallic Onslaught or not. I
assume he will be, but he was really upset last week. I don't know if
Shoebox will be there, but Joe and Rick will be back, and Lance should be
there...
____________________________________________________

Sometimes I just stare at my computer screen
and wonder what technology hath wrought.
Other times I stare at it and think,
"Those have *got* to be fake."

(Gregor Young)
____________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week’s Metal Update went out to over 14,735 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

MINISTRY
guitarist Bryan Kehoe (M.I.R.V., Jerry Cantrell Band, The Les Claypool
Frog Brigade) has joined the ranks of Ministry and Revolting Cocks

DEADSOIL
guitarist Jens Basten (Night In Gales) has replaced Jan Olejnik

LOST HORIZON
guitarist Wojtek Lisicki has rejoined the band

DECEMBER
Eric Dellon (Shallow Water Grave, Zombie Apocalypse) has been recruited to
fill the vocalist position vacated by Mark Moots earlier this year

INSISION
the band has parted ways with drummer Thomas Daun in a mutual decision –
the band is working with a new drummer named Marcus Jonsson for the
European tour with Suffocation – meanwhile, guitarist Toob Brynedal will
be unable to take part in the upcoming tour due to medical reasons

ISENGARD
keyboardist Peo Lövholm has returned to the fold

GENERAL SURGERY
guitarist Johan Wallin and bassist Glenn Sykes (Regurgitate) have been
added to the lineup

SUIDAKRA
former touring guitarist Matthias has joined the band as a permanent
member

ENGORGE
the band has parted ways with bassist Mitch Coken for their upcoming
Hordes Of Darkness west coast tour - Randell Salmon (Decomposed) will be
filling in indefinitely

NECROTIC DISGORGEMENT
the band has parted ways with vocalist Joe Wolfe due to musical
differences – the lineup currently features former Regurgitation members
Ben Deskins, Tony Tipton and Jason Trecazzi, as well as Rob Lesniak
(Dislimb) – the search for a vocalist is underway

LECHEROUS
the group has split due to musical differences – the members all intend to
pursue new projects

LILLIAN AXE
frontman Ron Taylor will play his last show with the band at Germany’s
Bang Your Head Festival

PROGPOWER USA V
the festival has sold out in less than one week - this is the third
consecutive year that Progpower USA has sold out more than four months in
advance – the event will take place on September 17 and 18 in Atlanta, GA

BLACK SABBATH
the band that started it all will be headlining Ozzfest this year – the
lineup includes original members Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler and Tony
Iommi along with Mike Bordin (Faith No More, Ozzy Osbourne) on drums –
original drummer Bill Ward has declined an invitation to participate based
on his dissatisfaction with the contract that was presented to him

ICED EARTH
drummer Richard Christy (Death, Control Denied, Leash Law, Tiwanaku) is
leaving the band to audition for the Howard Stern show as Stuttering
John’s replacement - Bobby Jarzombek (Riot, Halford) will take over behind
the kit

CANDLEMASS
the group has disbanded due to artistic differences – according to an
official statement: “There will be no more gigs, no new album, no more
doom! This is it... finished..........zero...........nada........out!!!”

CANNIBAL CORPSE
guitarist Jeremy Turner (Origin) will be replacing Jack Owen for upcoming
tours – he has not yet been named a permanent member

MARDUK
bassist B.War has been replaced By Magnus Devo Andersson who was the
second guitar player on the band’s first two albums ‘Dark Endless’ and
‘Those Of The Unlight’

HELMET
bassist Frank Bello (Anthrax) has been drafted for the revamped lineup

PARADISE LOST
drummer Jeff Singer (Blaze, Kill II This) has joined the fold

CROWBAR
the new lineup for the European tour and beyond is as follows: Kirk
Windstein (Down) --> guitar and vocals, Patrick Bruders (Goatwhore) –->
bass, Steve Gibb (Black Label Society) --> guitar and vocals, Tommy
Buckley (Soilent Green) --> drums

SUPARED
the band, fronted by Michael Kiske (Helloween), has reportedly called it
quits

BLACK LABEL SOCIETY
James Lomenzo (Pride & Glory, David Lee Roth, White Lion) will be handling
bass duties for BLS’s Ozzfest appearances

EXTOL
guitarists Christer Espevoll and Ole Borud have left the band – their
replacements will be announced later this summer

CRYSTAL BALL
due to problems with his health, Tom Graber (keyboards, guitar) has left
the band after nine years

KILLSWITCH ENGAGE
‘The End of Heartache’ sold 37,531 copies in the first week and landed at
#21 on the Billboard Top 200 Album Chart securing Roadrunner Records’
fourth highest chart debut ever

LIZZY BORDEN
guitarist Alex Nelson was killed in a head-on collision the afternoon of
May 17th, 2004

NEW SIGNINGS
Type A Records: Candiria
Camp Fury Records: Assisted Suicide Assembly
SPV Records: Dry Kill Logic (Europe)
Final Chapter Records: Mirror Of Deception, The Gates Of Slumber
DRT Entertainment: Fu Manchu
Tabu Recordings: Enslaved
Massacre Records: Black Abyss
JCM Records: Avenger Of Blood
Grau Records: Mourning Beloveth
New Aeon Media: Glittertind
Tribunal Records: Killing Theory
Earache: Municipal Waste
Metal Blade: Losa, Into The Moat

RETRACTION: Metal Blade signed Goatwhore NOT Soilent Green as printed last
week – Soilent Green has a new album coming this fall on Relapse Records

-- HELP WANTED --

VOCALIST available - veteran, LA based, powerful vocalist w/ style like
Halford, Tate, LaBrie, Alder, Owens, Dane combined with Stayley, Hetfield,
Mustaine seeks metal band in style of Nevermore, Iced Earth and/or Opeth
for recording, touring, etc. - have experience, equip, transport,
dedication, songwriting skills, studio recording knowledge and can play
2nd guitar if needed – contact: Jeff at 310-430-0276

DRUMMER wanted - Backstabbers Inc seeks drummer who lives in New England
or is willing to relocate to the Boston area - if you have the skills and
are interested in playing and touring with an amazing aggressive hardcore
band contact: backstabbersinc@...

DRUMMER & GUITARIST wanted - ex-Goratory / ex-Lecherous members seek
Framingham, MA area drummer and guitarist to complete the ultimate brutal
slam death band - influences: old Dying Fetus, Devourment, Disconformity,
Dehumanized, Kalopsia - age not an issue – must have determination,
transportation, reliability and maturity – contact: brutalnet@...

GUITARIST available - 30 yr old with 15 years exper in doom metal scene
based in midwest USA seeks touring band or studio project this summer -
pro gear, attitude, don't drink, stoner by trade, old school into Vitus,
Obsessed, Candlemass, Sabbath, Sleep, Electric Wizard, etc. - contact:
oldcrowrevival@...

BASSIST wanted - Chicago's Whorrid seeks true metal brother or sister to
join the family - pure raw true metal – contact: Whorrid1@...

BASSIST available - bassist with 11 years experience looking for touring
band - have pro gear, good attitude, ability to learn quickly and
willingness to relocate for the right band - interested in ALL kinds of
music – contact: Lostinsidemyhate@...

MUSICIANS wanted - Obliteration seek members to complete NYDM lineup -
seeking vocalist, guitarist and bassist - Obliteration features former
members of Ceremonium, Hemlock and Incantation, so influences should be
obvious - professional attitude is a must - serious inquiries only –
contact: ceremonium@...

VOCALIST available - veteran, LA based, powerful vocalist w/ style like
Halford, Tate, LaBrie, Alder, Owens, Dane combined with Stayley, Hetfield,
Mustaine seeks metal band in style of Nevermore, Iced Earth and/or Opeth
for recording, touring, etc. - have experience, equip, transport,
dedication, songwriting skills, studio recording knowledge and can play
2nd guitar if needed – contact: Jeff at 310-430-0276

DRUMMER wanted - Backstabbers Inc seeks drummer who lives in New England
or is willing to relocate to the Boston area - if you have the skills and
are interested in playing and touring with an amazing aggressive hardcore
band contact: backstabbersinc@...

DRUMMER & GUITARIST wanted - ex-Goratory / ex-Lecherous members seek
Framingham, MA area drummer and guitarist to complete the ultimate brutal
slam death band - influences: old Dying Fetus, Devourment, Disconformity,
Dehumanized, Kalopsia - age not an issue – must have determination,
transportation, reliability and maturity – contact: brutalnet@...
______________________________________________________________

HEATHEN NEWS
www.heatheninc.com

Reunited San Francisco Bay Area thrashers HEATHEN have made their entire
"Breaking the Silence" (1987) and "Victims of Deception" (1989) albums
available for free download in the media section via their official web site
www.heatheninc.com

HEATHEN new CD, "Recovered" release April 20. "Recovered" features covers of
songs from QUEEN, THIN LIZZY, TYGERS OF PAN TANG and SWEET SAVAGE, as well
as an original track, "In Memory of", written and dedicated to former band
member Randy Laird and lead vocalist David White's brother Jeffrey, whose
untimely losses occurred in 1991.

Now RECOVERED - Bay Areas Heavy Metal HEATHEN Back For More.
San Francisco, CA, March 8, 2004 - Long awaited third recording from the Bay
Areas heavy metal band HEATHEN scheduled for release on March 31, 2004.
Titled RECOVERED, the band began this project in 1992, but tracks remained
archived and unfinished until 2003 when, with the help of engineer and
co-producer Rob Beaton, the salvaged early recordings were completed for the
new 9 song disc.
_____________________________________________________________

Mr. Downstairs News

MRDOWNSTAIRS.COM band@...

THE NEW MR.DOWNSTAIRS CD 'BE ALL | END ALL' COMPLETED

The audio and artwork is finished, and we're looking at around a JUNE 1ST
release. You can pre-order a copy, over at CDStreet.com. Check out
mrdownstairs.com for the story!

EAR CANDY

We've posted song previews of 'BE ALL | END ALL,' online. You can listen to
clips of all of them, plus a full MP3 download of A Subtle Symbiosis at
CDStreet.com. There are also 2 other songs at Garageband.com. Check them
out!

PARTY HEARTY

We may not be able to PLAY a CD release party, but we can THROW a party!
Plans are in the works.. stay tuned.

LATEST MR.D INTERVIEW

Check out our most recent interview over at IAteYourMicrophone.com... We
talk about 'BE ALL | END ALL', the future, and more!
______________________________________________________________

NEWS COLLECTED BY GORGAR

The following update from guitarist Jim Matheos has been posted at FATES
WARNING's official website: "Time for a long overdue update... Ray (Adler -
vocals), Mark (Zonder - drums), and I will meet this weekend in Connecticut
to start recording our tenth studio release, tentatively titled FWX. After
the drums are recorded we'll start tracking guitars, bass, keys and vocals
at my studio. Final mixing is scheduled for late June. If we stick to that
schedule Metal Blade tells me that we'll make an October release. Here's the
track listing, see if you can guess which ones are still just working
titles: 'Left Here', 'Song 6', 'River Wide Ocean Deep', 'Another Perfect
Day', 'Dmin Pt. 1 and Pt. 2', 'Song 10', 'Song 8', 'Stranger (With A
Familiar Face)', 'Wish'. Finally, yes it's true Mark will be leaving the
band after this recording. Mark has been a big part of our sound for the
last fifteen years and his contributions will be missed. But, I think it's
fair to say, both sides feel it's time for a change. No decision on a
replacement yet. I'll try to give another update as the recording
progresses."

WAYSTED's classic album Save Your Prayers is finally available on CD. The
album, featuring UFO members Pete Way and Paul Chapman, alongside
TYKETTO/VAUGHN vocalist Danny Vaughn, is considered by many to be the band's
best album. Save Your Prayers contains the classic 'Heaven Tonight', a
rerecording of a song previously recorded by the band that benefits here
from the vocal work of Danny Vaughan. Bolstered for this CD release by two
bonus tracks, including a version of JOHN FOGERTY's 'Fortunate Son', the
release date for the album has been set for May 31st through Majestic Rock
Records. The album is available now for pre-order at the label's site
(www.majesticrock.com).

Having announced back in late March that he would be leaving the band to
pursue other musical interests, vocalist Ron Taylor will perform with
LILLIAN AXE one last time at this year's Bang Your Head Festival, taking
place June 25th/26th in Balingen, Germany. The band were already scheduled
to play this show when Ron decided to make his departure, but he is coming
through for the fans. Lillian Axe guitarist Steve Blaze will be doubling his
stage time at Bang Your Head by also playing with ANGEL at the festival. For
more info on Bang Your Head go to www.bang-your-head.de. As previously
reported, Lillian Axe have a new album recorded, except for the vocals, and
have started a nationwide search for Taylor's replacement. The band are
taking all serious professional inquiries. Call Dale Carline at (225)
749-8890.
____________________________________________________

As I stood there tired and sweating, my frustration
building, my father's words came back to me:
"Never give up! Never do a half-assed job!
Always finish what you start!" With his wisdom
still in the back of my mind, I lifted my 5-iron
and took aim at the near-lifeless body one last time.

(Stephanie Shiner Thompson)
____________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: May 16, 2004
(R) = Requested

Background: Altered States Soundtrack

Skyclad "Prime Evil"
Disillusion "Alone I Stand in Fires"
Crisis "Nomad"
Eyes of Fire "The End Result of Falling..."
Death Angel "Prophecy"
Elvenking "Moonchariot"
EdGuy "We Don't Need a Hero"
All That Remains "Vicious Betrayal"
Bad Religion "Overture / Sinsister Rouge"
Dope Stars Inc. "10,000 Watts of Artifical Pleasures"
Tenacious D "Tribute"
Fear Factory "Act of God"
Megadeth "Tornado of Souls"
Lotus Project "Run to the Hills"
inRed "When You Die"
1349 "Singer of Strange Songs"
Carfax Abbey "Flush to the Floor"
Worm Quartet "Great Idea for a Song"
The Pushrods "Treat Her Like a Hooker / Tie Me Up - Acoustic"
Amen "California's Bleeding"
Krokus "Long Stick Goes Boom - Live"
Khold "Dod"
Iced Earth "The Reckoning (Don't Tread on Me)"
Edge of Sanity "Twilight"
Death "Crystal Mountain"
Faith No More "Midlife Crisis"
Amorphis "Better Unborn"
Queensryche "Breaking the Silence"
Avenged Sevenfold "Chapter 4" (R)
Fallguy "As Mars Draws Close"
Ignitor "Demonslayer"
ZnoWhite "All Hail to Thee"
Beyond the Embrace "My Fall"
>From These Ashes "Purity in Death"
King Diamond "Darkness" (R)
Mercyful Fate "Black Funeral"
Plan 607 "The Hell That is My Life - Live"
TOC "Wait"
Enertia "Time to Go"
Haunted by Angels "Last Time - Acoustic"
Amduscias "Sacrifices Within Me" (R)
A18 "Stab You Through the Everything"
Big Iron "Reality Check"
Crisis "Corpus Apocalypse"
Kamakaze Missions "If You Can See the End, It's Already Over"
XFilesX "Jesus Fish Out of Water"
12 Tribes "Baboon Music"
ADD "So Many Times"
Worm Quartet "(I Wanna Wipe) A Booger on Dan (Rather)"
Bad Religion "Boot Stamping on a Human Face Forever / American Jesus"
Zeke "On Through the Night"
The Old Dead Tree "Quietly Kissing Death"
Epicurean "Ceremonies of the Moon"
Ensifirum "Lai Lai Hei"
Nightwish "Planet Hell"
Green Carnation "Crushed to Dust"
Divinity Destroyed "Sweet Heresy" (R)
Torchbearer "Dead Children, Black Rats"
Scatter the Ashes "Hour Invoctaion"
Blut Aus Nord "Axis"
Rival "Brink"
The Heavils "Space Heater"
Folly "The Last Letter We Ever Wrote"
Everytime I Die "I Used to Love Her"
Dope Stars Inc. "Shock to the System"
Persephone "Immersion / The End of the World"
________________________________________________________

If I learned anything from building
my own house, it's that a door
without a hinge is called a "wall."

(Dave Henry)
________________________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, May 21: Sworn Enemy, Last Season, Bema, and Freya at The Steel Music
Hall, Rochester

Sat, May 22: Haunted by Angels, Enertia, Inherence, and Thoughts Lost at The
Haunt, Ithaca

Mon, May 24: Phobia, Circle of Dead Children, Rotten Sound, and Strong
Intention at Planet 505, Syracuse (7 pm. 16+)

Fri, May 28: Lacuna Coil, POD, Blindside, and Hazen Street at The ESL Sports
Center, Rochester

Sat, May 29: The PushRods, Plan-607, Boneslaw, Idol Hands and Dogs on Mars,
and Caustic at Head Rush Xtreme Park Grand Opening, 3417 Walters Rd,
Syracuse, NY ALL AGES 2 - 8 PM w/BMX exhibitions, Paintball Tourney (The
Music Fest is FREE!)

Sun, May 30: Every Time I Die, Evergreen Terrace, The Kinison, and Engineer
at Club Tundra, Syracuse (6 pm. $10. All ages)

Tues, June 2: VAST, Haunted by Angels, and Aphaisia at The Continental,
Buffalo

Sat, June 5: The Pushrods and Timur Leuk at The See Spot Gallery, Ithaca (7
PM $5 all ages)

Sat, June 5: Eighteen Visions, It Dies Today, Fear Before The March of
Flames, Silhouette, and A Murder of Crows at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd.,
Syracuse (6:30 pm. $8)

Wed, June 9: Stretch Armstrong, Terror, Between the Buried and Me, and Out
to Win at The Xtreem Wheels Indoor Skate Park, Buffalo

Sat, June 12: If Hope Dies, Undying, Saving Throw, Fordirelifesake, The
Sleeping, and Between Walls at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (5:00
pm. $8. All ages)

Thurs, June 17: Iced Earth, Trivium, and Beyond the Embrace at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, June 17: Fallguy (Jim the Drummer’s Last Show) and Blues for the Red
Sun (Kyuss Tribute Band) at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, June 18: The Pushrods and Plan 607 at Club Amnesia, 2005 Genesee
Street, Utica (9PM)

Fri, June 18: Zao, Remembering Never, Scarlet, Twelve Tribes, and The
Chariot at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (6:30 pm. $10. All ages)

Sat, June 19: The PushRods and Plan-607 at The Half Penny Pub, Syracuse - 9
PM

Sat, June 26: Images and Words (Dream Theater Tribute) and Reign of Terror
at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Fri, July 2: A Life Once Lost, Premonitions of War, Misery Signals, and A
Perfect Murder at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (6:30 pm. $8. All
ages)

Sat, July 3: Pretty Suicide at The Haunt, Ithaca

Mon, July 19: Stress Fest featuring Shadow’s Fall, As I Lay Dying, Himsa,
and Remembering Never at Infinity, 8166 Main St, Williamsville
(716-565-0110......$12/12......All Ages - doors 6pm)

Mon, July 19: Terror, Comeback Kid, With Honor, Champion, and Blacklisted at
Club Tundra, Syracuse (6 pm. $10. All ages)

Thurs, July 22: Worm Quartet and Torsos from Space at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, July 23: The Pushrods and Recently Vacated Graves at The See Spot
Gallery, Ithaca (7PM $5 all ages)

Sat, Aug 7: The Pushrods and Plan 607 at Albies Utica (18+ 9 PM)

Thurs, August 19: Shadows Fall, As I Lay Dying, and Himsa at Club Tundra,
Syracuse (6:30 pm. $12. 16+ w/ ID)
__________________________________________________________

"What Would Jesus Do?" isn't as helpful
as you'd think when your wife catches
you wearing her clothes and makeup.

(Bob Van Voris)
__________________________________________________________

TOP STORIES FOR THE WEEK

------------- Creating Appeal For The Masses ---------------

LONDON - Internet-savvy Christians in London can now attend
mass without even leaving their home. Britain has become
home to a 3D Internet church, considered to be the first
chance for believers to log on and worship interactively.
Bishop of London Richard Chartres gave an inaugural sermon -
via a speech-bubble from his cartoon persona - during the
first service on the "Church of Fools" at www.shipoffools.com.
"No one has ever before created a stand-alone church where
you can log on as a worshipper and join in however you like,"
Web site deputy editor Stephen Goddard told Reuters. About
two dozen believers have become cartoon worshippers for the
mass, where they can also move around the church, talk to
each other, and give money to a collection plate - via cell
phone.
______________________________________________________

First prize in the losers' category goes to the members of a new
historical study association in Beijing who raised 240,000 renminbi
($29,000) and gave it to a man claiming to be revolutionary leader
Sun Yat-sen making a political comeback. The flaw in his argument:
Sun's been dead for nearly eight decades. But the imposter tricked
the history-lovers by the incredibly clever trick of telling them
that rumours of his death had been . . . etc., etc. The supporters
accepted this argument, despite it indicating that Sun was 148 years
old (Sun died in 1925 aged 69). Police arrested the man making the
claims.
________________________________________________________

-------------- Sex (Change) Changes Everything --------------

Talk about confusing - a man who underwent a sex change
wants to have a baby with his lesbian girlfriend using sperm
which he froze before the operation. The unnamed couple from
London have flown to America for fertility treatment because
they wish to use embryo screening to ensure the baby is a
girl. This arrangement means the child will have two
"mothers" even though one will actually be her biological
father. Well, family campaigners aren't too happy about this
situation, describing it as "abhorrent." Former Liberal Demo-
crat MP Lord Alton said: "Trying to explain this riddle to a
young child who is bound to ask 'Who am I and where do I come
from?' is a recipe for confusion." The man and his girlfriend
were referred to the U.S. clinic by controversial fertility
expert Dr. Paul Rainsbury, one of the doctors in the middle
of the fight over so-called 'designer babies'.
______________________________________________________

----------- Insurance Can Cause A Big Headache -------------

MIDVALE, Utah - Health insurance can be a pain, especially
when it leaves you without part of your skull for months.
Briana Lane suffered almost four months with about half of
her skull sitting in a hospital freezer after surgery to
save her life after a car accident. Since the hospital
didn't at first consider the second surgery to be an emer-
gency, paperwork between it and the insurance company,
Medicaid, got stalled. Lane said that the time she spent at
home without a portion of her skull was excruciating. She
finally got it replaced on April 30. Lane says that after
she contacted a TV station, she was suddenly in line for
the surgery.
__________________________________________________

------------------ Naked Gnomes Nixed ----------------------

BARNSLEY, England - Peace has been restored to a northern
England town now that lewd garden gnomes are no longer
exposing their breasts and buttocks, Sky News said Thursday.
Police in Barnsley said they received several complaints
about the near-naked gnomes in the front garden of former
army Sgt. Tony Watson. Watson said he was tired of the
standard jolly-looking garden ornaments in cute poses, and
opted instead for racier models. However, after neighbors
complained, police told him he would be arrested if he did
not do something about the comical nudes. "It is an offense
to display something that is insulting or likely to cause
distress," a police spokesman told Sky News. So, one by one,
the gnomes were taken into Watson's home, and reappeared
soon after with bathing suits painted on, including one
gnomette who now wears a polka-dot bikini.
__________________________________________________

Pregnant for half a century?
05/14/2004 15:37


Last year, an elderly woman attended a clinic in Rabat, Morocco. The lady
complained she was feeling heaviness in the lower part of her stomach and
experienced shortness of breath.

X-ray indicated that the lady needed immediate surgery. The surgery was
conducted the next day. Surgeons made a Caesarian section and extracted a
formless calcified lump. As it was later determined, this respected Moroccan
woman got pregnant 46 years ago!

She's been carrying her future
baby for 7 months, when the fetus died while still in the womb. With time,
the fetus has fossilized after being saturated with calcium produced by
female's organism. Most remarkable of all is that this fossilized "cocoon"
did not affect the overall mother's condition. The "calcified mummy" will
now be exhibited at the capital"s clinic of medical marvels.

When you come across something like this, it is hard to remain clam and
refrain from contemplating people's ignorance. Just tell me, how a young
lady can simply not notice her 7-month pregnancy? This question does not
only pertain to ladies of the Arab world. Some of our women end up in the
gynecologist's office during the last stages of their pregnancies.
_________________________________________________

* In Louisville, Ky., local Republican Party activists John Lowler
and Peter Hayes feuded recently over their status at the upcoming
state convention, with Lowler alleging that Hayes punched him.
Lowler had first accused Hayes of smearing him by suggesting that
he had recently had gay sex. (Lowler acknowledges that he used to
be gay but says he is now straight). Hayes said it was Lowler who
smeared first by denigrating Hayes's religion, the Unification
Church (headed by Rev. Sun Myung Moon). Hayes told the
Louisville Courier-Journal in April that Lowler had taunted him by
saying, "Moonie, Moonie, Moonie, Moonie, Moonie." (However,
Lowler said he could recall saying only "Moonie, Moonie,
Moonie.")
__________________________________________________

* From a November 2003 article in the Journal of the American
Veterinary Medical Association, on the fatal transmission of Rocky
Mountain spotted fever from two dogs to their owner: "One man
in Mississippi contracted Rocky Mountain spotted fever when he
killed ticks he had removed from his dog by biting them with his
teeth. This may seem unusual [the veterinarian-authors wrote], but
we have since encountered other persons who claimed to kill ticks
by biting them."
____________________________________________________

* A 23-year-old man in Hartland, Maine, was hospitalized in March
after apparently attempting to commit suicide by crucifying himself.
According to an account in the Portland Press Herald, he built a
wooden cross, placed it on the floor, and nailed one hand to it.
According to the officer, "When he realized that he was unable to
nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," although the officer
said he wasn't sure if the call was for an ambulance or for someone
to come help him nail the other hand.
______________________________________________________

* News of additional bizarre species was released recently from last
year's deep-sea research voyage by scientists from Australia and
New Zealand (and reported in News of the Weird in October). The
oddest this time was the "deep sea angler fish," because of its sex
life. According to Dr. Mark Norman, curator at Museum Victoria
in Australia: "The female is the size of a tennis ball. It has big
savage teeth" and "a rod lure off the top of its head with a glowing
tip to coax in stupid prey." The male "looks like a black jellybean
with fins." The mating male bites into the female's side, drinks her
blood, and gives her sperm. Their flesh eventually fuse together
permanently. Said Norman, "They have found females with up to
six males attached."
_______________________________________________________

TALES from The Onion

Halliburton Employee's Pay Docked For Weeks Spent As Hostage
BAGHDAD—Spokesmen for Halliburton International announced Monday that
employee Thomas Hamill will not be paid for the three weeks he failed to
fulfill his truck-driving duties while being held at gunpoint by Iraqi
captors. "While we share your joy in regaining your freedom, we are forced
to withhold your wages for the period of April 9 to May 2," read the
official corporate reprimand, which reached Hamill in Germany as doctors
treated his bullet wound. "A disciplinary slip noting your failure to report
to work has been added to your employee file." Halliburton has not yet
disclosed the amount Hamill is being charged for structural damage to the
company truck he was shot in.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...