The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - May 28, 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time - 89.7FM
Metallic Onslaught Web Page - http://devoted.to/onslaught
WEOS Web Page - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost
Every Saturday Night at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning - Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM - East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca
And you can tune in on-line...
The Last Exit for the Lost direct page: http://www.TheLastExit.org
WVBR Web Page: http://WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during the show:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________
If you want to be removed from this list, please just reply and let us know.
And feel free to pass this on to anyone who may find it interesting.

BANDS AND LABELS! IF YOU WANT YOUR NEWS OR SHOW DATES INCLUDED HERE - SEND
THEM ALONG!!!
_________________________________________________

Attached pic is of (from left to right) Danielle (Haunted by Angels
Manager), Jane Evil (Haunted by Angels Vocalist), and Sabiyn (Promoter
working with the band - www.purplegurl.com) in the Big Pants...

Recaps courtesy of Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was once again not there (well, he
actually made an appearance on one show last week, what more can you expect?
After doing one show he apparently needs a long rest). And, since WE Fest is
this weekend, he won't be at MO then either I'm sure. Maury was apparently
still grounded as he was once again not there. Who knows if we will ever
hear from him again, it's beginning to look doubtful. Joe was back from his
honeymoon. And Rick was back as well though he said that he had not
accompanied Joe on his honeymoon which was what the MO gang had claimed to
explain his absence of the week before. Jeffie was back as well, apparently
recovered from his trauma caused by Shoebox's treatment of Super Monkey,
although, every time it was mentioned, he said he didn't want to talk about
it, and that Super Monkey doesn't talk any more because of Shoebox. Jeffie
brought his drum sticks again and separately he and Lance did some more
really funny and cool "black" and "death" metal "singles". Then even Joe did
some "singles" as well. I really think they should put out an album, I would
buy it! :) They could become the new big thing in black and death metal! :)
Near the end of the show, Jeffie got upset with Lance. He said that Lance
was mean to him, and that Lance sucked. Lance chased Jeffie upstairs, they
brawled, and there were a couple loud crashes, after which Lance came back
in and told Joe to play music. That was how the show ended, and Jeffie was
never heard from again, so, we will have to wait and see what happened to
him...

On The Last Exit: Haunted By Angels came up to the show after their concert.
Friend made an appearance during their visit, only apparently Friend has
learned to speak Spanish, well, at least one word of Spanish, as he kept
yelling "Amigo!" for all his time there. He tormented the band members as
only Friend err, I mean, Amigo, can.. Just Joe was told to choose one of the
band members and sacrifice them since he failed so miserably in his attempt
to sacrifice 2 people on Walpurgis. He chose the bands manager, and dragged
her into the basement. However, she reappeared after a while and seemed
fine, well, as fine as could be expected for having been abducted by and
forced to spend time with Just Joe, so, apparently Just Joe just isn't
competent enough to perform a simple task like sacrificing people, but then,
that was suspected already and he just confirmed it again. David of Lotus
Project was absent, and will be again this week as well, so, there was no
one there to control Just Joe. We got to hear some more of the music from
Haunted By Angels new CD "Season Of Death". It rocked! And they informed us
that it will soon be available...It was quite a wild and chaotic show...

*********************************************

Yes, further recaps... Lance threw Jeffie down the stairs at The Metallic
Onslaught. See the picture on the website. Joe from Enertia was supposed
to be up this last week to the show as well as HBA, but due to the
reasonable fact that he had to drive all the way back to Albany, we have set
that up for a future date. Meanwhile, check out their website at
www.enertia.cc. They really put on a solid show at The Haunt last Saturday,
just pure Metal. Haunted by Angels also put on a cool show, adding to their
stage show as they go along, and they played a new song we aired the studio
version of later in the night. Go get a copy of their new CD at
www.HauntedbyAngels.com. As for Just Joe's attempted sacrifice. I don't
know what happened. Danielle came back up seemingly fine. Joe came up
later seemingly happy, so maybe it's better if no one knows...

As for this week, indeed, Shoebox will not be at The Onslaught. Jeffie,
Lance, Rick, and Joe should be it. And as for The Last Exit, we should have
The Pushrods (www.PushrodsRock.com) and Plan 607 (www.plan607.com) up to the
show. Just Joe may also be doing some climbing of another special guest...

The following weekend begins our month of June 10th Anniversary of The Last
Exit for the Lost shows. I have some stuff planned and some guests, and
hopefully some other guests. And hopefully not certain guests... and maybe
some giveaways and other fun stuff...
___________________________________________________

If I'm ever taken prisoner in a hostile
alternate universe, I think it would be cool
if I could somehow come to my own rescue.
The drive home might be a little awkward, though.

(Frank Reeves)
___________________________________________________

CHANCE FOR UNSIGNED BANDS TO PLAY AT HELLFEST 2004
(May 12, 2004)

Joining forces to offer up-and-coming musicians worldwide an opportunity of
a lifetime, Hot Topic, //radiotakeover, and Revolver Magazine, along with
Hopeless Records and Trustkill Records, will be presenting a BATTLE OF THE
BANDS for HELLFEST 2004. With prizes including slots on stage at HELLFEST
2004, as well as a number of other great HELLFEST related items, this
contest is sure to attract a large amount of interest from eager, unsigned
artists.

In order to give control to those who matter, the BATTLE OF THE BANDS has
been setup with an online entry area where bands come upload their songs and
ultimately have them judged by fans and fellow musicians. Each entrant group
will be able to track their progress as voting occurs, with the knowledge
that winning could be the big break of their lives. At the end of voting,
the top eleven bands will be critiqued by a panel of industry "know-it-alls"
featuring professionals from almost every aspect of the music world.

The grand prize winner will be given a slot on the HELLFEST 2004 main stage,
as well as inclusion on the documentary DVD to be released by HighRoller
Studios. This winning band will also receive accomodations and spending cash
for the event. Other winners will receive prizes including slots on the
HELLFEST 2004 third stage, free passes to attend the event, HELLFEST
merchandise, and more.

For complete details on entering, voting, and winner selection, please
visit:
http://www.hellfest.com/battle.

Also visit the sponsors at:
http://www.hottopic.com
http://www.radiotakeover.com
http://www.revolvermag.com
http://www.hopelessrecords.com
http://www.trustkill.com

• www.hellfest.com
___________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week’s Metal Update went out to over 14,795 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

BLACK SABBATH
drummer Bill Ward is attempting to negotiate a deal that will see him take
his rightful place behind the kit for Sabbath’s Ozzfest appearances

SUPARED
on the heels of news that his band Supared has been laid to rest,
legendary Helloween vocalist Michael Kiske has announced his “departure
from the hard rock music scene” – he further stated: “I simply don’t fit
into the metal-scene”

FALCONER
the band has parted ways with second guitarist Anders Johansson and bass
player Peder Johansson in the wake of an internal fight after the gig in
Motala, Sweden

BURIAL
new bassist Dan Egan (Scattered Remnants, All That Remains) will be
handling bass duties on all upcoming shows and the new full length album

SATHANAS
guitarist Wayne Dudley and drummer Jim Strauss (Acheron) have been added
to the lineup - new material is in the works

NECROTIC DISGORGEMENT
the band has recruited Jimmy (Forensic Dissection) for the vocalist spot
and will soon record a full length

SLUDGE!
after 7 years, guitarist Dave Orkin has called it quits - the band will
continue as a three piece with a new album due out Winter 2004

MEGADETH
Dave Mustaine has announced that a new studio album is due September 14th

NEW SIGNINGS
Crash Music: Flotsam & Jetsam
Century Media: Napalm Death
Magna Carta Records: Alex Skolnick Trio
SPV Records: ‘Tage Mahal
Metal Blade: Daysend
Conquer Records: Devilyn

-- HELP WANTED --

GUITARIST wanted - VA's Worst Case Scenario seeks 2nd guitarist - must be
willing to tour - WCS have an RV for touring - you must have
transportation to and from practice - willing to help the right person
relocate - WCS have small label interest and a booking agent – influences:
Lamb Of God Slayer, Burnt By The Sun – contact: darren022698@...

BASSIST wanted - Houston based black metal band To Scale The Throne seeks
bassist - must have own equipment/ transportation - must have a job and be
willing to contribute funds to the band – pros only – no drama - corpse
paint is a must - influences: Celtic Frost, Gorgoroth, Mayhem, Carpathian
Forest – contact: Abyssalgates666@...

MUSICIANS wanted – Chemikiller seeks live line-up (bassist, drummer and/or
second guitarist) - must live in the Philly/NJ/DE region – contact:
crossis@...

DRUMMER & GUITARIST wanted - ex-Goratory / ex-Lecherous members seek
Framingham, MA area drummer and guitarist to complete the ultimate brutal
slam death band - influences: old Dying Fetus, Devourment, Disconformity,
Dehumanized, Kalopsia - age not an issue – must have determination,
transportation, reliability and maturity – contact: brutalnet@...
_____________________________________________________________

WORM QUARTET UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 5/27/04

Hello or something!

I'm in the process of packing up clothes, equipment,
merchandise, Dave Woodson, Gregg Yeti, and food, so's
I can figure out how to cram all of the above into
my little 2-door Cavalier and haul it all to North
Carolina for this year's WE Fest!! We're doing the
drive to North Carolina in one long friggin' shot
tonight, then shooting back to NY Sunday night so I
can get a little time to prepare for my brank-honkin'-
new day job, which starts on Tuesday!

Anyhoo, in the midst of this, someone pointed out to
me that I never sent out an update about when the hell
I'm playing! Thus:

WHEN THE HELL I'M PLAYING WE FEST NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Wilmington, NC - May 27-31
WE FEST 2004!

@ The Soapbox Laundrolounge
255 North Front St.
Wilmington, NC
(910)251-8551

$1.00 at the door (yes, one friggin' dollar!)

I'm playing around Midnight on Friday, May 28th
(TOMORROW!) The show starts at 7:30.

More info and full schedule at www.wefestival.com

BOB & TOM NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Got a few CD orders the other day with notes
indicating that I've recently been played on the Bob
and Tom show, a nationally-syndicated morning show
that I sent my CD to a while back. Keenoriffic, no?
The song they chose was "(I Wanna Wipe) A Booger On
Dan (Rather,)" which kinda surprises me, but whatever,
dammit! Like my grandpa always used to say, "Airplay
good, upturned katana in the toilet bad."

DR. DEMENTO NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
My latest ex-girlfriend opus, "Great Idea for a
Song" has returned to the top 5 again this past
week, and so far is still clinging to its "most
requested song of the year!" status, though Tony
Goldmark's brilliant Harry Potter song, "Sirius
Black," is quickly catching up!

Wanna hear me on Dr. Demento again and again and
again?

You can request my stuff via the online Dr. Demento
request form, located here:
http://www.clamhead.com/drdrequest.php

If you fear forms, you can e-mail your request
here: drdemento@...

You can also request by phone by calling
1-562-ODD-TUNE!

A list of stations that carry Dr. Demento, as well
as times, can be found here:
http://mypage.iu.edu/~jbmorris/FAQ/stations.html

And a list of online stations that carry the Dr.
is here: http://www.krellan.com/demento/

The official Dr. Demento page is at
http://www.drdemento.com

An attempt to define the word "Monkeynugget" is at:
http://www.monkeynugget.com

WORM QUARTET LIVEJOURNAL NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The Worm Quartet message board has been gone for a
while now, so I finally decided to replace it, and
despite the sighs and head-slappings of many, I've
decided to set up a page at the "Land of Whiny Goth
Chicks," LiveJournal.com. So if you wanna talk about
Worm Quartet with other hopeless fanatics, or if
these stuid updates aren't enough for you and you
need daily information about what I've been flossing
my teeth with lately (along with occasional stories
and other crap,) march your feeble ass over to:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wormquartet


NEW STUFF NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Split 7":
Should be out later this year.

Sumophobia re-release:
Should also be out later this year

Bizarre project I'm afraid to talk about:
Inspiration has hit me like a bag full of rotting
fish spleens, and I'm currently working on a very
bizarre project which I'm afraid to talk about at
the moment for fear that it'll fall through.
Expect more information as this fear subsides and
turns into dandruff and scones.

Collaborations:
I'm working on a couple of tunes with the lovely
Tony Goldmark, the Luke SKi/Worm Quartet joint
"Map Light," which we've performed live a few
times, has been mixed and should exist in some
form at some point, and the long-awaited Worm
Quartet / Gwen Stefani collaboration, "Get The
Hell Out Of My Bathroom, You Pervert," has been
delayed due to restraining order issues.

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
The other day I was lying in bed and my smaller
cat (~) came tearing up the stairs, leapt onto
the bed, stuck her nose in my face, and started
urgently sniffing my eye. The house had been
totally quiet up to this point, so I can only
imagine that ~ had been just lying on the couch,
then had suddenly bolted up and said to herself
"HOLY CRAP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOEBOX'S EYE
SMELLS LIKE!" and taken off to find out.

Judging by her post-smell expression, I guess my
eye smells okay. So cross that off your "things
to worry about" list.

DEAD FRAGGLZ VIDEO STILL EXISTS NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
If you haven't seen this yet, go look at it now.
It's friggin' hysterical.

http://deadfragglz.com/stuff/deadfragglz2.html

(Yes, it's a different link)

Anybucket, it's time to shut up and go pee in a
cup for my new job! I'll gladly send a copy of
the results to anyone who doesn't believe me that
the inspiration for "Eskimo Pie Is Not Pie And
Contains Very Little Eskimo" was not influenced
by any external chemicals.

Thanks as always for your support and stuff!
May you each get a free Family Ties action figure
set in the mail today.

Picking bits of girl scout uniforms out of my teeth,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
_________________________________________________________

some breaking news from the PushRods Porn Camp ....

we are in the process of securing some dates at a recording studio in
Syracuse. it will be late July, early Aug. in hopes of completing 8 to 12
new songs depending on how quick we can get the work done. Hell for our
last CD "XXX" we had only planned on recording 7 songs and ended up with 16
! we basically just kept recording until we ran out of tape ... a title for
the new release has not yet been agreed upon by the band. All we can agree
on at this time is "it will be perverted", which is just a given with us !
Which reminds me, have you ever considered a career in the Adult film
business ? ... if you answered yes go to www.pushrodsrock.com . enter your
first and last name and get your Porn screen name. your first step to
becuming a star !
_________________________________________________________

King Snyder News

Friday, June 4th Brand New Sin and King Snyder return to The Haunt in
Ithaca, NY with special guest Heatseeker. This will be Brand New Sin's first
show back from their long hiatus while writing new material for their second
release due out this year on Bardic Records. This will also be King Snyder's
first show at The Haunt in 2004. Show starts at 8pm/Ages 18+/$8

http://www.brandnewsin.com
http://www.kingsnyder.com
http://heatseekeronline.com
http://www.thehaunt.com
________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release:

FEAR FACTORY Ignites America with Billboard Top 40 Debut!
Archetype Premieres at #30 on First Week Charts

Band Continues Rampaging Trek Across Nation on Jagermeister Tour with
Slipknot

Like a gale force, Los Angeles’s FEAR FACTORY has returned and made an
indelible score in the minds and hearts of America. After a near
disintegration last year, FEAR FACTORY regrouped, and entered 2004
strengthened and reinvigorated. This new hunger led the band to create one
of its most remarkable efforts of their careers, the Liquid 8 Records debut
Archetype, which has just debuted on the Billboard Top 200 Sales Chart at
#30.

Selling in excess of 31,000 units in its first week, FEAR FACTORY has been
bringing its message of resilience throughout the spring on the Jagermeister
Tour with Slipknot and Chimaira. Drummer and founding member Raymond
Herrera is energized by the news of the progress: "This is a very exciting
time for us; we have our fans to thank for their support and Liquid 8
Records to thank for their hard work and trust."

Through a multi-pronged promotional effort, the band has achieved widespread
awareness, which amplifies daily. The initial press run of Archetype
includes one limited edition bonus DVD with every CD, and comes in two
variations: one containing Australian Tour w/ Korn, 2004, a live concert,
and the other offering Fear Factory Documentary: The Making Of Archetype. In
addition to this, random Archetype CDs contain a special promotional ticket
with a 9-digit bonus code, which directs fans to www.liquid8records.com to
access exclusive bonus content online, and to register their code to see if
they won a ‘Golden Ticket’. The ‘Golden Ticket’ winner will receive a trip
for two anywhere in the continental US to see Fear Factory perform live and
to meet the band. Thus far, ticket submissions have been overwhelming.

A remix version of the song “Archetype” is featured not only in the Sony
PlayStation game NFL Gameday 2004, but also on the Galerians: Rion CD
soundtrack & DVD movie (a computer-animated film based on the popular Sony
PlayStation videogame, which was release April 6th through Image
Entertainment), as well as the soundtrack for the fourth film in the
Mischief street-racing film series Mischief Invasion. Drummer Raymond
Herrera and guitarist Christian Olde-Wolbers composed four additional songs
that are featured on the soundtrack as well.

Archetype’s debut video “Cyberwaste” is currently #4 on CVC Rock/Alternative
Chart for the month of May, and is in recurrent rotation on Fuse TV’s
Uranium and MTV2’s Headbangers Ball programs. FEAR FACTORY recently
co-hosted an episode of Headbangers Ball, which aired on April 24th and
April 27th. They will be spotlighted on Fuse’s Uranium in June. The band
also filmed a superb episode of the videogame-playing-centric Players
program, which will premiere on G4 Television on Monday, May 3rd at 10:30pm
EST/7:30pm PST.

FEAR FACTORY’s radio success has been nothing short of phenomenal, with the
new single “Archetype” already added to WJXQ (Lansing), WBYR (Ft Wayne),
KSRX (San Antonio), KRPX (Corpus Cristi), WKOZ (Saginaw), WRIF (Detroit) and
many others. The previous single “Cyberwaste” currently yields the #1 spot
on CMJ Crucial Spins, #2 on CMJ Loud, #2 at FMQB and #4 at R&R Specialty.

Press has also become enthralled with the technical/organic fury of
Archetype. Computer Games Magazine: Now Playing says, "Fear Factory is at
its productive best." FHM Magazine attests that the return is "Heavier than
ever!" Metal Edge Magazine cites it as "One of the most important albums of
the year." And Revolver Magazine calls it "Raw and ripping."

Archetype’s debut success echoes throughout Europe as well. In Germany the
album entered at #27, in Holland #52, in France #50, in the UK #41, and in
Australia the record achieved #18 on the sales chart.

Michael Catain, CEO of Liquid 8 Records & Entertainment enthuses on the
motivation of the FEAR FACTORY project: “I knew after meeting these guys
that they had the ability to put together a fantastic record. They
delivered what I believe is their finest endeavor ever. The record has given
me the ability to introduce the band to a realm of radio exposure where they
previously were not granted the opportunity. I believe in this band so much
that we are looking at the possibility of giving them a label deal to bring
in other acts to enhance the freshness and diversity that has made Liquid 8
what it is today.”

Following the conclusion of the Jagermeister Tour, FEAR FACTORY is headed to
Europe to light up the major festival circuit and then return to America for
a complete tour beginning in July.

Current FEAR FACTORY tour dates include:

Friday, April 30th Houston, TX
Verizon Wireless Theatre
Saturday, May 1st Dallas, TX
Nokia Live
Sunday, May 2nd Oklahoma City, OK
Bricktown Events Center
Tuesday, May 4th Denver, CO
The Fillmore
Wednesday, May 5th Salt Lake City, UT The
Venue
Friday, May 7th Tempe, AZ
Marquee Theatre
Saturday, May 8th Las Vegas, NV
House of Blues
Sunday, May 9th San Diego, CA
Soma
Tuesday, May 11th Universal City, CA
Universal Amphitheater
Friday, May 14th Sacramento, CA
Sacramento Memorial Auditorium
Saturday, May 15th Reno, NV
Sparks (HEADLINE)
Monday, May 17th Seattle, WA
Graceland (HEADLINE)
Tuesday, May 18th Vancouver, BC, Can
Commodore Ballroom (HEADLINE)
Wednesday, May 19th Portland, OR
Roseland Theater (HEADLINE)
Friday, May 21st Ventura, CA
Ventura Theater (HEADLINE)

FEAR FACTORY; creating music for tomorrow, today.

www.liquid8records.com
www.fearfactory.com
_____________________________________________

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

DOKKEN RETURNS WITH NEW STUDIO ALBUM 'HELL TO PAY'
ON SANCTUARY RECORDS ON JULY 13, 2004

MELODIC HARD ROCK ON 'HELL TO PAY' REMINISCENT OF CLASSIC SOUND

If the group Dokken ever heard the famous quote by Andy Warhol that
everybody gets 15 minutes of fame, it seems someone forgot to tell them.
After 20 years the group continues to have a major recording contract as
well as a loyal fan base allowing them to "still follow their bliss and make
a living at it" as singer and founder of the group Don Dokken puts it. The
group is slated for a July 13, 2004, release for their latest recording
'Hell to Pay' on Sanctuary Records.

"I used to think if you had talent that's all you needed to survive the
music business. After all these years I've come to realize you need an equal
amount of luck!" says Don.

The 12 songs on 'Hell to Pay' include: "The Last Goodbye," "Don't Bring Me
Down," "Escape," "Haunted," "Prozac Nation," "Care for You," "Better Off
Before," "Still I'm Sad," "I Surrender," "Letter to Home," "Can You See" and
"Care for You (Unplugged Version)."

The group kicks off yet another world tour June 17 to promote their new CD
"and have some fun" as drummer "Wild" Mick Brown puts it. Unlike some of
their peers, the group has survived member changes, drugs, alcohol and egos,
almost! Qualities that seemed to be almost mandatory during the '80s and
'90s for a rock band. They have been often lumped into the title of hair
band, even though the group had already been established as a multiplatinum
arena act by 1983. Their videos were a staple in the early days of the then
fledgling MTV and continued on into the late '80s.

"We've always taken our music very seriously. But I think it's healthy when
you can be self-deprecating," says Don, commenting about a recent show. "We
were headlining a concert last summer with a lot of other '80s bands. When
we arrived in town we heard a radio commercial that the show was being
promoted as a hair ball fest. We bought a can of extra-hold Aqua Net and put
our hair as high as we could get it. When we hit the stage we were laughing
so hard at each other we barely made it through the first song. We've never
considered ourselves a pop band, we've had commercial hits but we've always
prided ourselves for our heavy edge."

Dokken has shared the stage with rock acts such as AC/DC, Metallica,
Aerosmith, Judas Priest, Van Halen, Kiss, Scorpions, as well as Bon Jovi,
just to name a few. "When people ask us who we've toured with we just say
EVERYBODY!" says Don.

The band hit stadium status in 1988, playing in front of over a million fans
in just five weeks. Their current LP at the time 'Back For the Attack' had
sold over 1 million copies in just 21 days. It seemed Dokken was on the
verge of superstardom. But like so many other bands that have come before
and after them Dokken broke up in 1989.

"It's tough to go from nothing to everything and no one to guide you or say
stop. We made millions and spent millions but none of it on therapy," says
Don dryly.

In 1994 the legendary A&R man John Kalodner moved to Sony Music. Kalodner
has been credited for reviving many groups' careers with similar breakup
problems most notably Aerosmith. Even though it was at the height of the
Seattle grunge sound phase and groups like Dokken were out of vogue Kalodner
offered Dokken a recording contract on the condition the group had to be
original members.

"I hadn't spoken to the other members in five years but I made the call
anyway to the other members. I figured we'd had five years to grow up," says
Don laughingly. The group released the appropriately titled 'Dysfunctional'
in 1995 selling 250,000 copies which by the mid '90s was considered by
industry standards very respectable. Dokken was really happy and excited,
but just as they were on the verge of releasing a second single, filming a
video, starting a world tour and "taking it all the way," as Don puts it,
the baggage from their past reared its ugly head, and again the group began
to unravel. Soon after guitarist George Lynch again left the group. "It was
really a shame," says "Wild" Mick Brown. "We were on a roll! It seems lead
singers and guitarists are always at odds, it's been going on since before
the Beatles."

"Don Dokken on surviving fame."
"I think it should be mandatory that all recording contracts have the
stipulation that their artists go to marriage counseling together at least
once a month."

The group signed to CMC International/Sanctuary Records in 1995 and
continued to forge forward. With new guitar wizard Jon Levin on board the
group has "gone back to their roots," as he puts it, with 'Hell to Pay,'
their sixth CD for Sanctuary. "We just recorded what we liked not what's in
fashion musically this week," says Levin.

In the last year between recording their new CD Dokken has performed with a
crop of new groups such as Sevendust, Trapt, Eve 6 and Staind.

"It's really a trip when a new generation of fans knows all the words to
your songs even though some of them were written 15 years ago or more. It
puts a big smile on your face and reminds us that good songs can stand the
test of time," says Dokken bassist Barry Sparks on performing with Staind to
a soldout audience of 10,000.

Dokken exploded out of the boiling hard rock/heavy metal scene in Los
Angeles in the early 1980s. 1983's 'Breaking the Chains,' with its catchy
title track, set the stage for Dokken becoming the most dominant creative
and commercial force in the world of melodic hard rock. 'Tooth and Nail,'
'Under Lock and Key' and 'Back For the Attack' all became platinum selling
smashes and the live 'Beast From the East' went gold. Songs like "Alone
Again," "Just Got Lucky," "Into the Fire," "In My Dreams," "Unchain the
Night," "Dream Warriors," "Burning Like a Flame" and "Heaven Sent" are among
the genre's finest.

Not only has Dokken survived and kept their loyal fans in a time when
people's tastes change as fast as Britney Spears' wardrobe, they have been
embraced by a whole new generation of rock fans. They say a cat has nine
lives and it seems Dokken is enjoying more than a few as well.

For all the latest Dokken news and up-to-date tour information, visit
www.dokken.net.

www.dokken.net
www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com
__________________________________________________

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MOTORHEAD SET TO UNLEASH FIERY ALBUM 'INFERNO'
ON METAL-IS/SANCTUARY RECORDS ON JUNE 22, 2004

'INFERNO' WILL BE AN ENHANCED CD WHERE FANS
CAN SIGN UP FOR MOTORHEAD INTERNET SERVICE

The Motorhead legend roars on in 2004 with the release of the new studio
album 'Inferno' on June 22 on Metal-Is Records, a division of the Sanctuary
Records Group. It's the first album of new, skin-peeling material from
vocalist/bassist Lemmy, guitarist Philip Campbell and drummer Mikkey Dee
since 2002's 'Hammered' and it's the first Motorhead release since last
year's critically acclaimed, five-disc, career-spanning box set 'Stone Deaf
Forever!'

Guitar legend Steve Vai makes a guest appearance on two tracks.

'Inferno' is an appropriate title for Motorhead's latest skull-grinding,
internal-organ-liquefying album. The 12 tracks are: "Terminal Show,"
"Killers," "In the Name of Tragedy," "Suicide," "Life's a Bitch," "Down on
Me," "In the Black," "Fight," "In the Year of the Wolf," "Keys to the
Kingdom," "Smiling Like a Killer" and "Whorehouse Blues."

"This album is real musicians playing real music. There were no rules,"
Lemmy says.

It's not easy for the hard-living, fun-loving rock icon to pick out
favorites on 'Inferno.' Every song is special and important.

"Music is very personal. It's just like sex in that way," says Lemmy.

Vai's blazing guitar performances on "Terminal Show" and "Down on Me" were
the result of a casual social encounter with Lemmy at the famous Rainbow Bar
& Grill in Hollywood.

"I was going in and he was coming out and we ran into each other. I told him
we were recording and invited him down to sit in. He took me up on the
offer," Lemmy says.

Motorhead has a distinctive musical style -- nobody grinds out a furious
rock 'n' roll hybrid of heavy metal and punk like this band. But Lemmy
always has a few tricks up his sleeve, and Motorhead albums tend to have a
song or two that veer away from their trademark sound. On 'Inferno' the
honor belongs to the slinky "Whorehouse Blues," appropriately drenched in
bluesy acoustic guitar and harmonica.

"I like to surprise people," says Lemmy.

Motorhead's colorful history is well known. Lemmy -- born Ian Kilmister --
was a former roadie for Jimi Hendrix and eventually joined the space-rock
band Hawkwind. Lemmy wrote and sang Hawkwind's big 1972 U.K. hit "Silver
Machine." Upon exiting Hawkwind after four years, he formed Motorhead in
1975, naming the group after the last song he wrote for Hawkwind.
Motorhead's aggressive, uncompromising, balls-out musical style (and
personal lifestyle philosophy) shook the music world. Let's be blunt here:
Motorhead invented speed metal. But the great thing about Motorhead is that
they appealed to both punks and head-banging metalheads.

"We sounded like punk but looked like metal. I always felt we were more punk
than metal anyway. I call it rock 'n' roll, but if I had to go down one side
or the other I'd say we had more in common with punk than we have in common
with heavy metal. We came out at the same time as the punks," Lemmy says.

The band's self-titled official debut album was released in 1977. Motorhead
quickly built a rabid following through killer live shows and albums that we
able to translate that power. 1981's legendary live album 'No Sleep 'til
Hammersmith' rocketed to # 1 on the U.K. album charts. Another notable album
in Motorhead's canon is 1991's critically acclaimed, Grammy-nominated
'1916,' which was nominated for Best Metal Performance. Motorhead earned a
second Grammy nomination in 2000 for Best Metal Performance with a tribute
to Metallica's "Enter Sandman" on the 'ECW: Extreme Music' album.

As a live act, Motörhead is untouchable. Few scenes in heavy metal match
Lemmy on stage -- standing his ground, head tilted slightly upward as he
growls ferociously into his microphone and unleashes thunder from his
Rickenbacker. Campbell's screaming sonic overload guitar completes the
roaring string section, while Dee, surely one of the most inventive and
brutal drummers you ever heard, drives along like a locomotive. Live, and on
CD and on video, there is no one like them.

Motorhead will promote 'Inferno' with yet another world tour this year.
Ashes and rubble will be left in Lemmy, Cambell and Dee's wake.

'Inferno' is an enhanced CD. The enhancement will allow fans to sign up for
Motorhead Internet service at www.motorheadrules.com.

www.imotorhead.com
www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com
________________________________________________

True disappointment is renting a DVD because
it's rated R for nudity, only to find out it's
because of a shot of Harvey Keitel's ass.

(Tom Sims)
________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: May 23, 2004
(R) = Requested

Background: Nightmare Lodge

Therion "Typhon"
Monster Magnet "Slut Machine"
Point of View Secondhand "The Calling"
Lucia "Monkey Puzzle Tree (KMFDM Version)"
Dope Stars Inc. "Self Destruction Corp."
Bad Religion "Athiest Peace"
Dionysus "Bringer of War"
1349 "Aiwass-Aeon"
Divinity Destroyed "Forsaken"
Cans "Red Light"
Icon "On Your Feet"
Nasty Savage "Hell Unleashed"
The Heavils "Sinking Time"
inRed "My Name in Lights"
Crisis "A Graveyard for Bitches"
A18 "The Soundtrack to a Glamourous Goodbye"
Elvenking "Another Haven"
Low Ton "Something to Get Into"
Cadaver "Evil is Done"
Helen Keye "I Wanna Be Loved by You" (R)
Vehemence "Darkness is Comfort"
Carfax Abbey "The World Will Have to Wait"
Plan 607 "Subpar Breakers - Live"
The Pushrods "Somebody Shoot Me"
Enertia "Anything"
Lotus Project "Burning Alive"
Divinity Destroyed "Divinity Destroyed" (R)
Worm Quartet "Let's Make Fun of the Amish" (R)
Haunted by Angels "No Looking Back"
VAST "Dirty Hole"
Helloween "Phantoms of Death" (R)
Old Dead Tree "It's the Same for Everyone"
Haunted by Angels "Raven and the Dove"
River Chicken "Sharkxx"
Zanesville "Ten Crazy Dancers"
Deadbolt "The Trooper - Live"
Haunted by Angels "Seasons of Death"
Therion "Blood of Kingu"
The Plankboys "Under the Influence (Over the Circumstance)"
Clutch "Goat Warfare / Worm Drink" (R)
Crisis "Politics of Domination"
Tony Goldmark "Positive Upbeat Song"
Worm Quartet "Great Idea for a Song"
Icon "World War" (R)
Blind Illusion "Blood Shower"
Blut Aus Nord "Devilish Essance"
Persephone "Shadow Dance"
Kevin DuBrow "Burn on the Flame"
Obsession "Scarred for Life"
Death Angel "Land of Blood"
Penguins on the Moon "All I Want is Fish"
Einstrurzende Neubauten "Ich gehe Jetzt"
SonarFist "Allswell" (R)
Burnthe8Track "For Every Action"
Alkaline Trio "Warbrain"
Apocalyptica "Path Vol 2"
Break the Silence "Comfort in Cold Blood"
For Love Not Lisa "Had a Lover"
Monster Magnet "On the Verge"
Serpents Aeon "Nectar"
Wartorn "Otherside of Tomorrow"
Haloburn "Feel Like You"
Decendants "'Merican"
NOFX "The Decline"
________________________________________

I remember my best friend in elementary school.
I'd tie him up with a bunch of string, and run
and run and run... no, wait -- that was a kite.

(LeMel Hebert-Williams)
________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, May 28: Lacuna Coil, POD, Blindside, and Hazen Street at The Steel
Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, May 29: The PushRods, Plan-607, Boneslaw, Idol Hands and Dogs on Mars,
and Caustic at Head Rush Xtreme Park Grand Opening, 3417 Walters Rd,
Syracuse, NY ALL AGES 2 - 8 PM w/BMX exhibitions, Paintball Tourney (The
Music Fest is FREE!)

Sun, May 30: Every Time I Die, Evergreen Terrace, The Kinison, and Engineer
at Club Tundra, Syracuse (6 pm. $10. All ages)

Wed, June 2: VAST, Haunted by Angels, and Aphaisia at The Continental,
Buffalo

Friday, June 4: Brand New Sin, King Snyder, and Heatseeker at The Haunt,
Ithaca

Sat, June 5: Keelhaul, Colossus of Rails, and Babayaga at The Bug Jar,
Rochester

Sat, June 5: The Pushrods, Black Labeled, and Timur Leuk at The See Spot
Gallery, Ithaca (7 PM $5 all ages)

Sat, June 5: Eighteen Visions, It Dies Today, Fear Before The March of
Flames, Silhouette, and A Murder of Crows at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd.,
Syracuse (6:30 pm. $8)

Sun, June 6: NWA Upstate at The German House, 315 Gregory St, Rochester
(716) 442-6880 – Admission $12 – 3:30pm Bell Time.

Wed, June 9: Stretch Armstrong, Terror, Between the Buried and Me, and Out
to Win at The Xtreem Wheels Indoor Skate Park, Buffalo

Sat, June 12: If Hope Dies, Undying, Saving Throw, Fordirelifesake, The
Sleeping, and Between Walls at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (5:00
pm. $8. All ages)

Sat, June 12: Seed, Habit Forming, 137, A Missing Piece, Ghost, Nocturnal,
and Down Driven at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, June 17: Iced Earth, Trivium, and Beyond the Embrace at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, June 17: Fallguy (Jim the Drummer’s Last Show) and Blues for the Red
Sun (Kyuss Tribute Band) at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, June 18: The Pushrods and Plan 607 at Club Amnesia, 2005 Genesee
Street, Utica (9PM)

Fri, June 18: Zao, Remembering Never, Scarlet, Twelve Tribes, and The
Chariot at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (6:30 pm. $10. All ages)

Sat, June 19: Aggressive Betty, Low Key, Intox, Victim 6, and Flipface at
The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, June 19: The PushRods and Plan-607 at The Half Penny Pub, Syracuse - 9
PM

Sat, June 26: Images and Words (Dream Theater Tribute) and Reign of Terror
at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Fri, July 2: A Life Once Lost, Premonitions of War, Misery Signals, and A
Perfect Murder at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (6:30 pm. $8. All
ages)

Sat, July 3: Pretty Suicide at The Haunt, Ithaca

Mon, July 19: Stress Fest featuring Shadow’s Fall, As I Lay Dying, Himsa,
and Remembering Never at Infinity, 8166 Main St, Williamsville
(716-565-0110......$12/12......All Ages - doors 6pm)

Mon, July 19: Terror, Comeback Kid, With Honor, Champion, and Blacklisted at
Club Tundra, Syracuse (6 pm. $10. All ages)

Thurs, July 22: Worm Quartet and Torsos from Space at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, July 23: The Pushrods and Recently Vacated Graves (DC zombie metal,
http://www.zombiemetal.tk) at The See Spot Gallery, Ithaca (7PM $5 all ages)

Sat, June 26: The PushRods, Plan-607, Dogs on Mars and Caustic at Brownies,
Herkimer (9 PM)

Sat, Aug 7: The Pushrods and Plan 607 at Albies Utica (18+ 9 PM)

Thurs, August 19: Shadows Fall, As I Lay Dying, and Himsa at Club Tundra,
Syracuse (6:30 pm. $12. 16+ w/ ID)
__________________________________________________

I had quite a difficult time choosing, because
the look I was going for was something sorta
hip-hop-preppy-goth-slacker-hippie-grunge.
My bride and her family, on the other hand,
wished I had just worn a regular tux.

(Brad Simanek)
__________________________________________________

TOP STORIES OF THE WEEK

Cyber church reacts to 'Satan' visit
Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Posted: 8:12 PM EDT (0012 GMT)

The virtual Church of Fools had to adjust to a rash of boorish behavior.

LONDON, England (AP) -- Britain's first three-dimensional cyber church has
been forced to tighten security after a slew of abusive visitors ranted from
the pulpit and swore in the aisles.

The Church of Fools said Wednesday it has withdrawn the "shout" button,
which allows visitors to address everyone who is present, and added more
wardens, who use a "smite" button to log out people who use abusive
language. The apse area, including pulpit, lectern and altar have also been
closed to visitors.

The church said the first two days of the site, which launched last week,
had been very noisy; in one case, a person logged in as Satan, entered the
pulpit and started to blaspheme.

The church, complete with a stained glass window, gothic arches, pews, and a
crypt, is sponsored by the Methodist Church and run by Ship of Fools, a
campaigning online Christian magazine.

Church spokesman Stephen Goddard compared the difficulties with early
problems faced by the evangelist John Wesley, who founded Methodism in the
18th century.

"When Wesley started off all those years ago preaching to the unconverted,
he was shouted at, spat at and abused and people brayed like donkeys to put
him off preaching," Goddard said.

"When you go out into a different culture first you are going to suffer
abuse. We are not worried about it and it does not offend us."

Visitors to the church -- represented by three-dimensional figures, or
avatars -- are able to cross themselves, kneel to pray and throw their hands
up in worship.

Most worship is personal and contemplative -- visitors can talk among
themselves -- but there are regular sermons by visiting preachers, delivered
in audio and text formats. The first speaker was the Anglican Bishop of
London, the Right Rev. Richard Chartres.

Wardens struggled to oversee 60,000 visits to the church during the first
two days of opening; the site has attracted an average of between 5,000 and
10,000 visits a day since then.

Church of Fools said most of the problems happened during the night in
Britain, when people log on from the United States and Australia.
___________________________________________________________

----------------------- Fowl Play --------------------------

AUGUSTA, Maine - When turkey hunter Michael Bitar went out
to his parked SUV, he wasn't expecting to see a tom turkey
pecking and scratching vigorously at his vehicle. But that's
exactly what he saw. The turkey, who bloodied and dazed
itself after attacking the SUV, probably thought his own
reflection was a rival turkey vying for the attention of an
accompanying hen. Bitar's 2002 Ford Explorer suffered large
scratches on the bumper and paint, and he is hoping to find
and bag the bird that caused $1,500 in damage. "When I came
out, he had his claws on my gas cap," Bitar said. "I guess
he figured he was fighting another turkey. But he was fight-
ing my car." Although one wildlife management supervisor has
never heard of turkeys attacking vehicles, Bitar's theory is
possible, since turkeys can be aggressive during mating
season. "My vehicle just depreciated quite a bit," Bitar said.
"But that doesn't matter. He'll be in the freezer soon."
___________________________________________________

------------------- A Slippery Suspect ----------------------

BINGHAMPTON, N.Y. - A Motel 6 cleaning crew was surprised to
discover a mess of petroleum jelly on mattresses, bedding, a
TV set, furniture, carpeting and towels in one hotel room.
The culprit wasn't hard to find - authorities found him
covered head-to-toe in the gooey substance. Fourteen empty
petroleum jelly jars and several pornographic magazines were
found in Roger Chamberlain's room, and the damage caused to
the room exceeded $1,000. A sheriff's deputy tracked Chamber-
lain to a nearby hotel, and found the 44-year-old Virginia
man still covered in jelly. Chamberlain was charged with
criminal mischief on May 9, and was released on his own
recognizance.
_________________________________________________

http://english.pravda.ru/science/19/94/377/12866_knife.html

Drug addict lived 8 months with knife in his throat
05/20/2004 19:47

36-year old Chinese Mao Kyan swallowed the 8 centimeter long knife when he
was arrested by the police for consuming drugs.
The man did not want the police to bring one more charge to him  - of
possessing weapons - and swallowed the knife before being searched in the
police station in town Chendu.  

The knife did not pierce the throat, but got stuck in the trachea. Kyan was
living with the knife for 8 months. There is no information how the man came
to the surgeon, probably the knife disturbed him. The doctors who got rid
the patient of the knife said that the man survived due to wonder, the knife
could kill him at any moment.

Let us recall some more case of the people swallowing extraneous bodies.
American construction worker Isidro Mekhia survived after he shot in his own
head with 6 nails of the construction pistol. Indian yogi Akhaa Mokhanti who
used to swallow nails, died after he swallowed the 99th nail. The French who
had psychic disease and ate nails, died after 5.5 kilos of coins were
accumulated in his stomach.

Mikhail Chechevitsky

Read the original in Russian: (Translated by: Andrey Nesterov)
___________________________________________________________

+------------------- Bizarre Lawsuits ---------------------+

[Courtesy of netscape.com]

A student attending a college in Idaho fell from his window
while mooning a friend. The student then sued the college,
claiming that it had not provided adequate information about
the dangers of upper-story windows.

A California woman sued a grocery store after she dropped a
six-pack of beer on her feet. The woman was not injured, but
she said that it hurt. She won the lawsuit.

A construction worker in Tulsa intentionally cut his hand
off with a circular saw. When he was taken to the emergency
room, he told doctors not to reattach the hand, saying that
it was possessed. The man is now suing the doctors for not
reattaching his hand, claiming that the doctors should have
known he was psychotic.

A Blue Cross-Blue Shield worker sued IBM, claiming that
their keyboard's "faulty design" had caused pain in her hand
that kept her from working.

A man riding his bike from work at night with no lights,
only reflectors, was hit by a Jeep after the driver ran a
stop sign. The bicyclist sued the bike manufacturer because
he was not warned that reflectors might not be enough to
prevent an accident. The man was awarded $6 million.

Robert Lee Brock, an inmate in Virginia, has filed a lawsuit
against himself, claiming that he violated his own civil
rights by getting arrested. He is suing for $5 million and
asking the state to pay, since he can't have an income in
prison.

A man filed a suit against his son's baseball team when he
was asked to stop smoking so close to his kid's dugout. The
father claimed that this caused his son great emotional
distress. The judge fined the man and his lawyer $2,250 for
filing a frivolous suit.

Chris Morris brought a suit against the state of Michigan
for $1 million. Morris claims that he caught a cold in the
rotunda (a large, round room) of the state capitol building.
He was there to observe an art exhibition.
____________________________________________________

-------------- A New Method of Birth Control ---------------

LONDON - A German husband and wife were sent to sex therapy
after admitting to doctors at a fertility clinic that they
had never made love. The husband, 36, and his wife, 32,
thought all they had to do to make a baby was to lie next to
each other and something would happen, the Mirror reported
Tuesday. When nothing besides sleep happened, they saved
$12,460 and went to an in-vitro fertilization clinic at the
University of Luebeck in Germany. "We're not talking about
retards here, but a couple who were brought up in a strict
religious environment who simply did not know how babies
were created," said a clinic spokesman. "It was only after
they were subjected to a battery of tests and both were
found to be perfectly fertile that we asked them how often
they had sex. "The husband said, 'We're not exactly sure
what you mean.'" The couple are now in a sexual therapy
course.
__________________________________________________

---------------- Talk About A Potty Mouth ------------------

BERLIN - A German inventor has made many women happy by
creating a gadget that lectures men if they go to use the
toilet standing up. Over 1.6 million of the devices have
been sold already. Woman who are tired of their men who
can't aim can hide the ghost-shaped gadget under the toilet
seat and, when the rim is lifted, it reprimands in a strict
female voice: "Hello, what are you up to then? Put the seat
back down right away, you are definitely not to pee standing
up ... you will make a right mess..." Alex Benkhardt, the
inventor of the "WC Ghost," and its creators are negotiating
to market it in Britain, Canada and Italy.
__________________________________________________

------- Principal Not Sweet on Pie-Throwing Contest --------

LAKESIDE, Ohio - An Ohio high school honor student was
suspended for throwing a pie in the principal's face, after
winning a school-sponsored contest to throw a pie in the
principal's face. The student allegedly threw the pie at
Danbury High School Principal Karen Abbott's head too hard
and has been expelled until winter. He might even face
criminal charges since the principal's assault complaint has
been referred to prosecutors. Apparently, he threw the pie
so forcefully that it caused Abbott's head to snap back. The
parents of the boy are appealing the expulsion and argue
that his grade point average is above 3.4 and his education
is at stake. The pie-throwing event was part of a fund-
raiser for the American Cancer Society.
________________________________________________

* In April, Luftee Abdul Waalee, 48, was sentenced to three years
in prison for trying to pass a fake U.S. Treasury check for $25
million at a credit union in Pittsburgh, Pa. According to the
prosecutor, Waalee is a member of the "Moors" black separatist
group that supposedly believes that each American is endowed with
a secret government account worth around $600,000, based on a
theory that when the U.S. went off the gold standard in 1933, it
began backing its currency not with a precious metal but with the
prospective labor of its citizens. (Because the Moors are smarter
than everyone else, only they know about these secret accounts and
can thus buy and sell them.)
___________________________________________________

* After a decade of tolerance, the Tokyo metropolitan government
ruled in March that used lingerie could no longer be sold in the
city's sex shops, where men had been paying the equivalent of
US$15-$90 for a pair of panties in a plastic bag, sometimes
including a photograph of the former owner. Increasingly,
schoolgirls as young as 9 had been supplying the stores.
_______________________________________________________

* In March, a Shell/Site convenience store manager in North
Naples, Fla., found employee Robert Lee King, 41, lying on the
floor rubbing off one not-yet-purchased lottery ticket after another,
looking for winners, stacking the used tickets neatly in two piles.
The incredulous manager said he tried to explain to King that that
isn't the way the lottery business works, whereupon King calmly
took his stack of winners and walked out. The manager called in a
sheriff's deputy, explained the problem, and showed the
surveillance tape of King with the tickets, and while the deputy was
writing his report, King happened to come back in to ask for his
paycheck. He was charged with grand theft.
____________________________________________________

* Several parents walked out of a holiday program by the Glassport
(Pa.) Assembly of God when the actors on stage began whipping
the Easter bunny and breaking its eggs, which church officials said
was an attempt to move past the benign symbols of the holiday and
focus on the suffering of Christ. As children in the audience cried
at the beatings, actors chanted, "There is no Easter bunny."
________________________________________________________

Tales from The Onion

Apparently Werewolf Was Allergic To Peanuts
NEW ORLEANS—The werewolf who died while attacking a young woman Sunday must
have been allergic to peanuts, experts said Tuesday. "The wolfman crashed
through the intended victim's front window, but before the accursed beast
could tear her apart in a savage fury, he stepped in a bowl of honey-roasted
peanuts," said Dr. Alex Price, professor of lycanthropic studies at Tulane
University. "Within seconds, the hellbeast's face began to swell, and he
collapsed into an anaphylactic attack, unable to breathe." Price said that,
had the werewolf not been more animal than man at the time of the attack, he
likely would have used the epinephrine injection pen paramedics found in the
breast pocket of his shirt.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...