The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - June 4, 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time - 89.7FM
Metallic Onslaught Web Page - http://devoted.to/onslaught
WEOS Web Page - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost
Every Saturday Night at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning - Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM - East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca
And you can tune in on-line...
The Last Exit for the Lost direct page: http://www.TheLastExit.org
WVBR Web Page: http://WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during the show:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________
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THEM ALONG!!!
_________________________________________________

Attached Pic is from The Metallic Onslaught, and Rick throwing Jeffie down
the stairs again...

Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On the Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was not present because, as I mentioned
last week, he was performing at the WE Fest. And Maury was yet again absent.
Everyone else was present and accounted for. Jeffie arrived and they told
him that he had forgotten that his favorite band POD had been in concert
that night. They told him that, if he hurried, he could still catch them. In
his excitement he ran hard into the door and knocked himself out. They
decided it would be a great idea to lock his unconscious form in the
refrigerator, reasoning that when he woke up in there the fumes would kill
him thus finally ridding them of him, or, at least this version of him. So,
Joe directed Rick and Lance to carry him up the stairs and put him in the
'fridge. The plan went beautifully until they got to the top of the stairs.
Now it seems that Rick got to thinking that he really hasn't been inflicting
much beating on Jeffie lately and seeing how Lance got to throw Jeffie down
the stairs last week...Well, Rick just couldn't seem to help himself. He
threw Jeffie down the stairs. This took everyone by surprise, Lance almost
went down the stairs along with Jeffie, as Rick did this so fast and with no
warning so that Lance almost didn't have time to let go. Joe and Lance were
not at all pleased with Rick for ruining the plan. After a bit, Jeffie came
to with no memory of what had happened to him. A little later, They reminded
him again about the POD concert. Again he tried to hurry to it and, once
again, knocked himself out on the door. They tried the plan again with stern
warnings to Rick to do what he was instructed to do this time. He said he
would, but at the top of the stairs apparently the temptation was just too
great. Rick threw Jeffie down the stairs again to the dismay of all. Later,
it was tried a third time and yet again Rick just couldn't get with the
program and threw poor Jeffie down the stairs again. Jeffie kept coming to
not remembering how it was that he became unconcious. But, by the end, he
said that for some reason that he didn't know, he no longer liked POD
because he associated them with bad things happening to him. A fight ensued.
Rick and Lance chased Jeffie up the stairs whereupon Jeffie locked himself
in the refrigerator! There was a discussion and they got the idea to throw
the 'fridge with Jeffie in it down the stairs, which Rick and Lance did. It
made a whole lot of noise on the way down and, apparently, hit and took out
just about everything in it's path. Which was how things ended, with the
destruction caused by a runaway refrigerator on the rampage :)

On The Last Exit: The band The Pushrods came up after their concert for an
interview. They played a lot of acoustic songs on the air. which sounded
great. After awhile, Just Joe showed up with a stuffed Lizard which has
apparently replaced Cuppy as the object of his weird attachments. The Giant
Canadian was up for a visit and they wanted Just Joe to climb him, which was
something that had been planned for a long time. However, now that they were
both in the same place finally, The GC balked (isn't that just the way with
those weird uncooperative Canadians!?. :) After some long negotiations
between The GC and JJ, which we couldn't hear, it still just wasn't
happening. So, it was decided that Just Joe would climb a band member
instead. The privilege wound up going to Crow, the drummer. Just Joe climbed
him, with lizard in tow, but Crow threw JJ hard on the floor. I think
eventually JJ did climb The GC, at least a bit. They took the lizard from JJ
and pretended to throw it outside, so Just Joe went outside after it. Then
later it did get thrown into the bushes outside but was retrieved
eventually... I think. Although I said last week that David from Lotus
Project would not be there, and it was expected that he would not be, he
was! And so was Gorgar. So, it was another rather crowded show, a cool band
that we heard a lot of good music from, and a lot of other people and
silliness.. And this week kicks off the month long celebration of the 10th
anniversary of The Last Exit For The Lost show, with many special events and
some voices from the past promised to appear again.. I can't wait for that
and to hear what it brings! :)

*************************************************************
Yeah, I hope the anniversary shows come off as planned. I have promises and
semi-promises of various kinds. We will see who really shows up in the end,
and who survives this month. And what I mean by that, not even I know. I
do know that it is always fun to have The Pushrods up, and we will hopefully
have them back soon. As for this week, I really am not sure what is going
to happen. The Plankboys MAY be up. They have one last show in Ithaca,
that being on the 18th of June. (www.plankboys.com) I don't think they have
much on their new site yet... As for special guests, I am saying nothing as
not to jinx anything, but yes, I have been in contact with long past voices,
who may actually be breifly ressurected at this, the 10th anniversary of The
Last Exit for the Lost.

I have no idea what is up for The Metallic Onslaught. Marcos of Ring of
Honor Wrestling may be up to talk about his NWA show Sunday in Rochester.
Jeffie as far as I know, is fine after last week's numerous stair falls.
Shoebox will not likely be there because he is a Rock Star. Wait, no,
because he will be dancing in the woods with guys... Nope, not that, um,
because... Because he is allergic to Watermelon and bathes with it every
Thursday and thus is always sick on Fridays? Anyways...

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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may
be king, but due to his poor depth perception,
I'd kick his ass and become the new king.
Then all the hot blind chicks would be mine!

(Todd Loushine)
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--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week’s Metal Update went out to over 14,830 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

BLACK SABBATH
after initially declining an offer to join the reunion for Ozzfest,
drummer Bill Ward has now reconsidered - the original line-up is now
complete for their much anticipated headlining slot

MISERY INDEX
the band has confirmed that drummer Kevin Talley is “fully back in the
band”

FLESHTIZED
bassist Garth Lovvorn and guitarist Casey Robertson have left the group –
the new lineup features original drummer Gary White (Convergence From
Within) along with vocalist Rob Kline (Pessimist, Psychotogen), guitarist
Sonny Lombardozzi (Incantation, Seven Gates) & bassist Jason Flippo
(Quinta Essentia, Bloodstained Dusk)

EIDOLON
vocalist Pat Mulock has been replaced by Nils.K.Rue (Pagans Mind)

PLANET X
bassist Rufus Philpot has been added to the lineup

PRONG
the band’s gear, including six guitars, was stolen when their trailer was
broken into on May 27 in Dallas, TX

DEICIDE
Brian Hoffman has collaborated with Neal Moser to design the “Beast
Master” guitar for the Moser Custom Shop

SLIPKNOT
‘Vol.3: (The Subliminal Verses)’ debuted at #2 on the Billboard Top 200
Album Chart

NEW SIGNINGS
Baphomet Records: Bound In Human Flesh
Rising Realm Records: Dispatched
Lava Records: Nonpoint

-- HELP WANTED --

BASSIST wanted - With Immortality seeks bassist – must be dedicated,
preferably has their own equipment and listens to mostly metal - been
together since January of 1998 and usually play in the Philly and NJ area
but are looking to do some small touring this summer - plan to record very
soon – contact: wi213@...

MUSICIANS wanted - Of Infinity, the powerful dark female fronted melodic
metal band based out of San Antonio, TX, is currently seeking a drummer
with double bass skill - there may also be a position open for a 2nd
guitarist - should be dedicated, serious, talented, and permanent -
influences: In Flames, Nightwish, Children Of Bodom, Lacuna Coil,
Type-O-Negative, Theatre Of Tragedy, Zakk Wylde, Ozzy, Soundgarden, Opeth,
Cradle Of Filth - seeking males and females between the ages of 18-29 – no
druggies / addicts - contact: OfInfinityEmail@...

GUITARIST wanted - VA's Worst Case Scenario seeks 2nd guitarist - must be
willing to tour - WCS have an RV for touring - you must have
transportation to and from practice - willing to help the right person
relocate - WCS have small label interest and a booking agent – influences:
Lamb Of God Slayer, Burnt By The Sun – contact: darren022698@...

BASSIST wanted - Houston based black metal band To Scale The Throne seeks
bassist - must have own equipment/ transportation - must have a job and be
willing to contribute funds to the band – pros only – no drama - corpse
paint is a must - influences: Celtic Frost, Gorgoroth, Mayhem, Carpathian
Forest – contact: Abyssalgates666@...
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

QUEENSRYCHE RELEASES CONCERT DVD AND CD 'THE ART OF LIVE'
ON SANCTUARY RECORDS

DVD BONUS FEATURES INCLUDE TOUR DOCUMENTARY AND
ENCORE DUETS WITH DREAM THEATER

The extraordinary live show of the progressive metal band Queensr˙che is
captured on the new DVD and CD 'The Art of Live' on Sanctuary Records. The
DVD is out now, and the CD will be released on June 8, 2004. The DVD and CD,
sold separately, each include exclusive bonus tracks.

'The Art of Live' was filmed and recorded in summer and fall 2003 on
Queensr˙che's tour promoting the Sanctuary studio album 'Tribe.' The summer
tour was a co-headlining run with Dream Theater.

Vocalist Geoff Tate, guitarist Michael Wilton, guitarist Mike Stone, bass
guitarist Eddie Jackson and drummer Scott Rockenfield perform Queensr˙che
classics and the finest 'Tribe' songs. The DVD includes cover encores of
Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" and The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again"
featuring Dream Theater. The CD bonus track is "Anybody Listening?"

The songs on 'The Art of Live' DVD include: "Tribe," "Sign of the Times,"
"Open," "Losing Myself," "Desert Dance," "The Great Divide," "Rhythm of
Hope," "My Global Mind," "Roads to Madness," "Della Brown," "Breaking the
Silence," "The Needle Lies," "Best I Can," "Comfortably Numb" and "Won't Get
Fooled Again."

The track listing for 'The Art of Live' CD is as follows: "Tribe," "Sign of
the Times," "Open," "Losing Myself," "Desert Dance," "The Great Divide,"
"Rhythm of Hope," "My Global Mind," "Roads to Madness," "Della Brown,"
"Anybody Listening?" "Breaking the Silence," "The Needle Lies" and "Best I
Can."

'The Art of Live' DVD was shot in black and white and is presented in
full-screen picture format with DTS audio options. Bonus extras include an
"on the road" travel documentary shot by the band members themselves, as
well as backstage footage.

Queensr˙che just finished a highly successful U.S. headline tour. The tour
featured vocalist Pamela Moore who performed her "Sister Mary" character's
vocal parts when the band played songs from its legendary 'Operation:
Mindcrime' album. On the San Diego stop in April the band members enjoyed a
VIP visit on the nuclear powered aircraft carrier USS Nimitz; they held a
special meet-and-greet event with the vessel's crew. Queensr˙che will embark
on a major U.S. tour of outdoor amphitheaters this summer.

For all the latest Queensr˙che news and tour information, visit

www.queensryche.com
www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com
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Kids today have so many advantages I never had.
There's no telling what I could've accomplished
with a home computer and a handgun.

(LeMel Hebert-Williams)
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SHOW LISTINGS

Friday, June 4: Brand New Sin, King Snyder, and Heatseeker at The Haunt,
Ithaca

Sat, June 5: Keelhaul, Colossus of Rails, and Babayaga at The Bug Jar,
Rochester

Sat, June 5: Eighteen Visions, It Dies Today, Fear Before The March of
Flames, Silhouette, and A Murder of Crows at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd.,
Syracuse (6:30 pm. $8)

Sun, June 6: NWA Upstate at The German House, 315 Gregory St, Rochester
(716) 442-6880 – Admission $12 – 3:30pm Bell Time.

Wed, June 9: Stretch Armstrong, Terror, Between the Buried and Me, and Out
to Win at The Xtreem Wheels Indoor Skate Park, Buffalo

Sat, June 12: If Hope Dies, Undying, Saving Throw, Fordirelifesake, The
Sleeping, and Between Walls at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (5:00
pm. $8. All ages)

Sat, June 12: The Pushrods, Count Buttafuoco and the Hellcasters (CD Release
Party), Plan 607, and The Wilkes Project at The Pitt, Bleeker Street, Utica

Sat, June 12: Seed, Habit Forming, 137, A Missing Piece, Ghost, Nocturnal,
and Down Driven at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, June 17: Iced Earth, Trivium, and Beyond the Embrace at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, June 17: Fallguy (Jim the Drummer’s Last Show) and Blues for the Red
Sun (Kyuss Tribute Band) at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, June 18: The Plankboys (last show in Ithaca before they relocate to
NYC) at Castaways, Ithaca

Fri, June 18: The Pushrods and Plan 607 at Club Amnesia, 2005 Genesee
Street, Utica (9PM)

Fri, June 18: Zao, Remembering Never, Scarlet, Twelve Tribes, and The
Chariot at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (6:30 pm. $10. All ages)

Sat, June 19: Aggressive Betty, Low Key, Intox, Victim 6, and Flipface at
The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, June 19: The PushRods and Plan-607 at The Half Penny Pub, Syracuse - 9
PM

Sat, June 26: Images and Words (Dream Theater Tribute) and Reign of Terror
at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Fri, July 2: A Life Once Lost, Premonitions of War, Misery Signals, and A
Perfect Murder at The Furnace, 312 Lakeside Rd., Syracuse (6:30 pm. $8. All
ages)

Sat, July 3: Pretty Suicide at The Haunt, Ithaca

Mon, July 19: Stress Fest featuring Shadow’s Fall, As I Lay Dying, Himsa,
and Remembering Never at Infinity, 8166 Main St, Williamsville
(716-565-0110......$12/12......All Ages - doors 6pm)

Mon, July 19: Terror, Comeback Kid, With Honor, Champion, and Blacklisted at
Club Tundra, Syracuse (6 pm. $10. All ages)

Thurs, July 22: Worm Quartet and Torsos from Space at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Fri, July 23: The Pushrods and Recently Vacated Graves (DC zombie metal,
http://www.zombiemetal.tk) at The See Spot Gallery, Ithaca (7PM $5 all ages)

Sat, June 26: The PushRods, Plan-607, Dogs on Mars and Caustic at Brownies,
Herkimer (9 PM)

Sat, Aug 7: The Pushrods and Plan 607 at Albies Utica (18+ 9 PM)

Thurs, August 19: Shadows Fall, As I Lay Dying, and Himsa at Club Tundra,
Syracuse (6:30 pm. $12. 16+ w/ ID)
__________________________________________________________

My wife and I know we have to make a few sacrifices
for our marriage to work, but the animal shelter
people are beginning to get a little suspicious.

(Jerry Embry)
__________________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: May 30, 2004
(R) = Requested

Background: Michael Sterns "The Storm"

Samael "Rain"
Leaves' Eyes "Ocean's Way"
Therion "Blood of Kingu"
Xandria "Ravenheart"
inRed "Turn Myself Away"
Crisis "Nomad"
Dope Stars Inc. "Infection 13"
Divinity Destroyed "Cresfallen / Disciple"
Nasty Savage "Human Factor"
Neue Regel "Room 23"
Skyfire "Dawn Will Break"
The Plankboys "Under the Influence (Over the Circumstance)"
The Pushrods "Stupid"
A18 "Fire in the Hole"
Ignitor "Execution"
The Unchallenged "Mindless Fools"
Plan 607 "We Are the Devil" (R)
Low Ton "When the Time"
1349 "Nekronatalenhetan"
Atreyu "Lip Gloss and Black" (R)
Tony Goldmark "Trapped in Iowa"
EdGuy "Rise of the Morning Glory" (R)
Probot "Sweet Dreams"
Queensryche "Spreading the Disease" (R)
Lotus Project "Storm"
Worm Quartet "Spatula (Acoustic) / Great Idea for a Song"
Loch Vostok "Falling Star"
Therion "Quetzalcoatl"
Farmakon "Mist"
Corvus Corax "Avanti"
Elvenking "Jigsaw Puzzle"
Xandria "Some Like It Cold"
Leaves' Eyes "Lovelorn"
Harkonen "Cannibal"
Haloburn "Playing God"
Kittie "Into the Darkness (Aggro Vocal Verse)"
Slipknot "The Nameless"
GWAR "Baby Raper" (R)
Nonpoint "Broken Bones"
Haunted by Angels "No Looking Back"
Monster Magnet "There's No Way Out of Here"
Crisis "Exit Catacombs"
River Chicken "Sharxxx"
Misery Signals "In Summary of What I Am"
Destiny "Kiss Us Goodbye"
Cans "Fields of Yesterday"
Insomnium "Daughter of the Moon"
Julie Laughs Nomore "From the Mist of Ruins"
Leash Law "Fight"
4 Mag Nitrous "Pistolwhipped"
Atrophia Red Sun "Nameless Rot"
The House That Lords Built "Hell Hath No Fury Like Desperation"
Dragonforce "Fury of the Storm"
Evergrey "Bassador"
Cinderella "Night Songs"
Into the Moat "The Golden Vile"
Transcending Bizarre "A New Saturn!"
Disillusion "Alone I Stand in Fires"
______________________________________________

I used to think that the worst feeling in the
world was being lonely until I remembered that
sliding down a giant cheese grater naked is
also pretty bad. So it hit me what would be
worst of all: sliding down a giant cheese grater
naked and having no one to share it with.

(Silas Knight)
______________________________________________

TOP STORIES OF THE WEEK

A Skin Story
26-May-2004
http://www.unknowncountry.com/news/?id=3822

In the movie Fahrenheit 451, books have been burned, so a group of people
volunteer to each memorize a book in order to keep it alive. Now author
Shelley Jackson is using volunteers to create a story called "Skin." Each of
them will have one word of the story tattooed on their body. The story will
not be published anywhere else, making it necessary to get most of the
volunteers together (and arrange them in the correct order) to be able to
read it.
The full text of the story will be known only to participants. If you'd like
to be part of this story, contact the author at shelley@.... Once
you sign a health waiver, you'll be sent a registered letter telling you
which word to have tattooed on your body. You may also need to add a
punctuation mark. Although you have to use the word you're given, and it
must be tattooed in black in an assigned script, you can have it put on any
part of your body that you choose. The only exception is if your word is the
name of a body part; then it can be put anywhere except on that part of the
body. When your tattoo is done, you must send a photo of it to the author.

As people die, the story will change and when the last tattooed person dies,
the story will be out of print.
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+----------- Bizarre Methods of Contraception -------------+

Back in 23-70 AD, Roman nobleman Pliny the Elder believed
that if you took two small worms from the body of a certain
species of spider and attached them -- wrapped in deer skin,
mind you -- to a woman's body before sunrise, she would not
conceive.

It was believed in ancient times that if a woman spat three
times into a frog's mouth she would not conceive for a year.

Supposedly, a pebble clasped in the hand during coitus would
also stop conception.

St. Albert the Great (1193-1280) advised women to eat bees
as an effective contraception procedure.

Aetios of Amida (fl. 527-565) suggested that a man should
wash his penis in vinegar or brine before having sex and
that a woman should wear a cat's testicle in a tube across
her navel to avoid contraception.
___________________________________________________

--------------- Greek Mythology Made Easy ------------------

LONDON - Microsoft has made it easy for those lazy students
who have to get through Greek mythology. They have trans-
lated the first five books of Homer's ancient Greek poem
"The Iliad" into the language used when sending instant
messages. Book two is compressed into just 24 words of
'messenger speak," losing much of the lyricism of the orig-
inal. "Agamemnon hd a dream: Troy not defended. Ordered
attack! But Trojans knew they were coming n were prepared.
Achilles sat sulking in his tent." The translation was
created to publicize Microsoft's messenger product and is
obviously not written in Homer's dactylic hexameters. How-
ever, it does use 'emoticons' - little faces or images - to
emphasize dramatic moments.
___________________________________________________

----- "Playing With Your Food" Takes On A New Meaning ------

HAMBURG, Germany - The melodic sounds of finely tuned
cucumbers, leeks, potatoes, radishes, peppers, aubergines
and marrows held a German audience captive at a concert by
the Viennese Vegetable Orchestra. The nine-piece orchestra
entertained by playing several original compositions on
instruments made from vegetables. The ensemble included a
flute constructed from a carrot, a saxophone carved out of
a cucumber and a pumpkin transformed into a double bass. "I
would never have thought you could get sound out of a
cucumber," a young woman at the concert said. The orchestra
said their instruments are freshly sliced and put together
an hour before each performance to ensure great sound.
"Ordinary vegetables work better together than organic
vegetables," Matthias Meinharter, who plays a violin
fashioned from leeks, said. After the performance, the
instruments were turned into vegetable soup.
_____________________________________________

MOLEHILL ELEVATED: An erupting volcano that made hundreds of people
flee turned out to be a small, immobile heap of mud. The town of
Nabunturan in Compostela Valley in the Philippines emptied itself as
news spread that a major eruption had started. But scientists found no
volcano, let alone any eruption.

"The residents of Nabunturan have mistaken a four-foot [1.2 metre]
high mound of mud in Barangay Bukal that was earlier named Mount
Angelo, to be a volcano," Ferdinand Taglucup of the Philippine
Institute of Volcanology and Seismology told the Philippine Star
newspaper. "But it is not a volcano based on our studies since 1997;
it is a mound of mud."

Scientists believe the panic started after a small earthquake shook
the ground and panicking residents started forwarding text messages
saying that a volcanic eruption had begun--forgetting that they didn't
have a volcano in their town. SMS-generated panic escalated, as these
things do, and the town was evacuated.

Officials accompanied by scientists were last seen scouring the
district trying to persuade people to return to their homes. The
hillock, meanwhile, is no doubt enjoying its 15 minutes of elevation
to Vesuvian status.
______________________________________________

ANY OTHER NAME: The battle to stop Japanese sweet stalls selling candy
drops labelled "Snot From the Nose of the Great Buddha" has been
partially successful. Priests have persuaded officials to promise not
to let the name be trademarked. But they haven't been able to stop
vendors selling the sweets to tourists at the temple grounds in Nara,
Britain's Daily Telegraph reported. The firm uses the reverential
Japanese prefix "sama" to suggest they are being polite, but the
packet shows a picture of Buddha with his finger in his nose. Other
religious groups have started wars for less.
_______________________________________________

-------------- Appearances Can Be Deceiving ----------------

For two years, 38-year-old Jian Feng had the luxury of a
beautiful woman at his side. Everything was going perfectly
fine until the couple decided to have a baby. Apparently,
his wife gave birth to a baby girl so ugly that Feng was
"horrified" at the sight of her. Feng immediately assumed
that his trophy wife had been cheating on him with an ugly
fellow. Quick to defend her daughter, his wife admitted to
having $127,000 worth of plastic surgery in South Korea
before they had met. She then produced a picture of how she
used to look and let him have a look. Well, this set Feng
over the edge and not only did he waste no time filing for
divorce, but he also sued her for deceit. He managed to get
$99,700 out of the whole deal.
________________________________________________

----------------- Rubbers to the Rescue --------------------

STOCKHOLM - Amorous couples in quick need of protection can
dial the telephone number 696969 and the condom ambulance
will come to their rescue. The ambulance, a white van with
a large red condom with wings as a logo, will deliver them
a packet of 10 prophylactics. "We need to increase the
usage of condoms," said Carl Osvald, marketing manager for
the Swedish Organization for Sex Education, the non-
governmental organization behind the initiative. "It is 50
percent about pregnancy and 50 percent about sexually
transmitted diseases." The service will run until June 25
and is available between four in the afternoon and nine at
night. "We need to change attitudes to condoms," Osvald
said. "If we need to get out in to the bedrooms to make
things better we will do it."
________________________________________________

* Finer Points of the Law: In April, a judge in Ocala, Fla.,
sentenced a 27-year-old man to probation-only for having sex with
his then-girlfriend's Rottweiler (with the man admitting that he had
a "lifelong problem") and lamented that under state law, the man
could not be forced to register as a sex offender, since the victim
was a dog. Also in April, authorities in Nashville, Tenn., charged
Metro News with violating the state's Sunday-closing law for adult
businesses, but the owner said he would fight it since he had
recently tried to avoid the law by occupying most of his floor space
with a Sunday-law-acceptable retail furniture and garden business
(although his sign still said customers had to be age 18 or older to
shop for furniture).
________________________________________________

* In April, the Virginia Supreme Court turned down the petition for
a new trial for Aleck J. Carpitcher, who was sentenced in 1999 to
38 years in prison for molesting an 11-year-old girl even though she
recently told authorities she made up the whole incident to punish
Carpitcher, who was at the time dating the girl's mother. The
justices cited state law, which allows consideration of "new
evidence" only if it is submitted within three weeks of the
sentencing date.
__________________________________________________

TALES FROM THE ONION

No-Makeup Look Easier To Achieve Than Elle Claims
NEW YORK—Contrary to claims in the June issue of Elle magazine, the
no-makeup look actually requires little effort, a licensed cosmetologist
reported Monday. "The article '20 Minutes To A More Natural You' suggests an
application of under-eye concealer, light powder, natural lip gloss, and
clear mascara to achieve the makeup-free look," said Michelle Karns-Daley,
spokeswoman for the American Association of Cosmetology. "But really, a
quick shower and a towel-off will do the trick just as well." Similarly,
experts say Elle's six-page article "Building Your Self-Esteem" can be more
simply stated as "Stop giving a shit about what people think."
__________________________________________________

FROM BBSPOT

Hard Drive Sick of All This Crap
By Brian Briggs

Palmston, MO - A hard drive reported that it was sick of all this crap on
it. The Maxtor 40 GB 7200 RPM Diamondmax Plus hard drive decided that it had
enough of the fragmentation and unused files and started doing something
about it.

"I started noticing some of my files missing, nothing important. I thought
maybe my little brother had messed with it, but he denied it. Probably
shouldn't have beaten the little guy," said Cody Shrewsberry, "Anyway, I
start getting these text files popping up on my desktop and they say things
like 'Defrag me or I'm gonna do it myself' and 'You haven't used Doom in 3
years delete the damn thing already'."

The sad truth is that Max wasn't even supposed to be in the Shrewsberry
home. A mix up at the factory put the high performance drive in a position
he should never have been in - a casual computer using household.

"When I first got there they ghosted a bunch of crap from their old hard
drive. Then I got like 5 different people loading crap on me. I think
there's about 4 different installs of AOL floating around in here, as if one
isn't bad enough. I know from Cody's last term paper that he can't even
spell 'uninstall'," said Max.

After his initial notes didn't prompt any action Max raised the stakes. "I
told them to start defragging me in 10 minutes or I start deleting files at
random. Eventually I'll get to something that they'd care about and then
they'll pay attention."

Cody the only family member capable of opening text files was panicked. "I
got that last note. It popped up while I was on the computer. Scared the
crap outta me. My photochop folder disappeared and I freaked. There was no
way to replace those. I decided if this hard drive wanted to play hardball
then two could play that game,"

What Cody did next even experts can't explain?

"The idiot got his mom's credit card and started rubbing it on me and was
yelling 'How you like them magnets baby!' Moron," said Max sadly shaking his
heads. "I knew right then that there would be no solving this problem."

"All of a sudden I hear this really loud whirring," said Cody, "Faster and
faster it spun. Then silence. Must've been some fatal death spin because
that biznatch never spun again. No inserting of system disk was gonna solve
that problem."

A Maxtor spokesperson confirmed that their Diamondmax Plus line of hard
drives is equipped with suicide chips for situations just like this. "No
high performance drive should have to endure such torture. We're sorry for
the loss of data. We'll gladly replace the Shrewsberry's drive with a lower
performance model."
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...