The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - August 13, 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

The Attached pic is of GorGar, wearing the strange fish hat, being molested
by Friend and Just Joe...

** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was, as usual, not there, and, he will
not be there this coming week either, as he is performing at a very special
event with the one and only Dr. Demento! Good for Shoebox! Perhaps he really
is a big rock star (well, he is big - in girth :). Congratulations to him!
Hey, that's how Weird Al Yankovic got started :) "Wake Me Up Before You Go
Go" played on the electronic keyboard and Jeffie Arrived. He seemed a bit
confused (even for him), he kept saying that he had had a rough day. He said
that that suddenly there had been a bunch of bananas in his pants, and he
didn't know how they got there, or who had put them there. He seemed quite
concerned about this, not because he minded the bananas being in his pants,
he liked that, but because wanted to know who had done it so they could put
mores bananas there in the future. However, throughout the night, he kept
saying that there were even more bananas in his pants and he still didn't
know how they were getting there. He first thought that maybe aliens were
doing it, then thought Rick had done it while they were brawling. Jeffie was
also ecstatic because he had brought with him the new Mortiis CD and gave it
to them to play. They said they would play it, but if it sucked, they would
kick his ass. After they played it, Joe actually said he had liked it. But
Rick said it sucked. Rick attacked Jeffie and they brawled. Jeffie actually
managed surprisingly to get in some offense in this brawl, and shoved Rick
into the hallway. Joe joined in and he and Rick beat on Jeffie. Next, while
Jeffie was reading a story, he got it into his head that Joe was choking and
that he would give him the Heimlich maneuver and save his life. Then he said
that he was going to save Joe's life every remaining talk break. Well, You
know, with old people you have to be vigilant about these things. You never
know, they could just drop at any second. But perhaps Joe is so old that he
is tired of living because he violently fought all of Jeffie's helpful
attempts to save his life. And that's how the show ended, with the two of
them still fighting noisily after Jeffie's last life saving efforts...

On The Last Exit: David was gone as co-host again (back to New Jersey. Why?
No one can imagine what reason you could possibly have for going back there,
but, that's where he was). Just Joe was back after being gone the week
before. No word on why he hadn't been there, but, if he had been dead, he
was alive now.. Gorgar was also back after a week absence. Now, the show
started off quietly enough... But then Azkath got the idea that Just Joe was
losing his Extremeness and becoming quiet and docile. He told Just Joe this
and told him that he should prove somehow that he was still Extreme setting
examples of things JJ had done in the past like getting killed and
attempting (and failing always) to kill other co-hosts. After that,
everything fell apart and spun out of control very quickly.. Gorgar was the
first to fall victim to the chaos. First, they claimed that they had all
witnessed him touching Just Joe's ass, which he strongly denied. Then Just
Joe was attempting to kiss poor Gorgar. Next Friend showed up (he hadn't
been seen for several weeks. The last we'd heard from him, was when he
abducted Handy). Tonight Friend seemed very hostile for some reason. He kept
screaming "Just Joe, no Friend!" and " I hate Just Joe!". Well, don't we
all? :) (apparently Friend's vocabulary just seems to keep expanding by a
couple new words all the time). Friend kept attacking Just Joe. They fought
brutally. Just Joe's little yellow chair kept being used as a weapon and
flying around as did a hat with a fish on it that Just Joe was wearing for
some reason (they were trying to find the steel chair to use on Just Joe,
but, for the time being, it was lost). Then Azkath joined in the brawl as
well to try and put down Just Joe. Just Joe actually managed to put Azkath
down for a couple minutes (it seemed to be the weekend for strange
occurrences like that, first Jeffie with Rick, and now this). Just Joe said
that he was taking over, and that it was his show now. He did start playing
some music, (no doubt trying to get Elf played, or perhaps Triumph) but this
was to be very short lived.. Azkath came back and took control again after
beating on JJ some more. Then there was more brawling with JJ and the still
very hostile Friend. Friend locked JJ out, and then began tormenting
everyone else, subjecting them to Friendings. They thought JJ was gone, but
then realized they had a problem. If Friend opened the door to leave (which
everyone very much wanted him to do, leave, that is), then Just Joe would
probably get back in. What to do, what to do?! They told Friend that he
could probably sneak past JJ.. Finally Friend opened the door and, alas, JJ
did in fact return. So, it was quite a chaos filled and frantic night. Not
so sure if it was a good idea to try and bring back Just Joe's extreme side
or not. :) Perhaps more thought should be put into things before you ask for
them :) It was all highly amusing...And, remember to vote in the poll asking
what you like most about the show if you haven't already done so...

****************************************

Tune in this weekend to discover what you can hear when you tune in!!

Oh, and I updated the website minorly.
______________________________________________

WORM QUARTET UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 8/8/04

Okay, I've got two big announcements to make that
are bound to make a set of brand-new nipples pop
right out of your FACE!

First...

WORM QUARTET ROCKS WITH THE DR. NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Friday, August 13th - Rochester, NY

Worm Quartet makes a special appearance with
**DR. DEMENTO!**
as part of his Festival of Dementia!

Montage Grille
50 Chestnut Street
Rochester, NY 14604
585-232-8380

Tickets can be purchased at www.montagegrille.com
Starts at 8pm - $12 advance/$15 at the door

And secondly...

*drum roll*

SHOEBOX SHOWS OFF HIS PAC-MAN OBSESSION ON VH-1 NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
VH-1 has a new show starting later this month called
"Totally Obsessed," and one of the early episodes
will feature none other than *ME* showing off my
friggin' Pac-Man obsession!

A few nice people from MTV's bastard stepcousin were
over here in Shoeboxland filming me last month
showing off my shrine and playing Pac-Man with my
wife and other various crap. They also interviewed
Gregg Yeti about what it's like to be aware of my
existence, and and followed me around a mall parking
lot while I accosted innocent bystanders with a
megaphone and a throatful of Pac-Man propaganda!
I have no idea what they're gonna use of what they
shot, but I guarantee it'll be damned bizarre.

And Bob-willing, a performance of "Pac-Man Is Naked
And So Should You" will be included in the segment...

MARC BALL FEST NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Thanks to everyone that came out to Marc Ball Fest
'04. The turnout wasn't huge, but over $500 was
raised for Camp Good Days and Special Times
(www.campgooddays.org), which provides camping
experiences for children touched by cancer,
HIV/AIDS, and violence. Buckets of thanks to
Ryan and Reverend Phil for putting this thing on...
it was good to play Syracuse again, and to FINALLY
play the Westcott Community Center after seeing so
many great shows there.

ANOTHER FRIGGIN' DR. DEMENTO REQUEST REQUEST NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
ACK!! It appears that Tony Goldmark's brilliang
"Sirius Black" has overtaken "Great Idea for a
Song" as the most requested song of the year on
the Dr. Demento show! So if you wanna get in my
coerner and boost me back to #1, you can request
my stuff via the online Dr. Demento request form,
located here:
http://www.clamhead.com/drdrequest.php

If you fear forms (and who doesn't?) you can
e-mail your request here: drdemento@...

You can also request by phone by calling
1-562-ODD-TUNE!

A list of stations that carry Dr. Demento, as well
as times, can be found here:
http://mypage.iu.edu/~jbmorris/FAQ/stations.html

And a list of online stations that carry the Dr.
is here: http://www.krellan.com/demento/

The official Dr. Demento page is at
http://www.drdemento.com

Pictures documenting a friend of mine's brother and
his quest to lick all the great landmarks of the
world are here:
http://www.ravelgrane.com/ER/proj/etc/lick/overview.html

SHOEBOX RANTS ABOUT MUSIC NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torpedo Magazine has finally been updated with a new
page of reviews, including several written by yours
truly, and a very kind review of Faster Than a Speeding
Mullet (NOT written by yours truly, though it is by
Gregg Yeti, who has a co-writing credit for the song
which bears his name, so there's still some
questionable practices going on in the dark corners
of the Torpedo Magazine offices. Or at least there
would be if Torpedo Magazine had offices.) So anyhoo,
if you wanna see me rave about Helloween, Rancid, and
M.O.D., and thoroughly trash some emo bands, check it
out.

There's also a very odd story by me on the front
page called "How to Throw Up," which you're allowed
to read. And I interviewed Atom a long time ago...
that's up there too, dammit.

Torpedo Magazine can be found here:
http://www.torpedomag.com
Or go right to the reviews page here:
http://www.torpedomag.com/reviews7.html

HOW TO BE A WORM QUARTET SUPERFAN NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
As with any band, Worm Quartet has fans with varying
levels of devotion. There are those who are perfectly
happy to download my mp3s, catch me live sometimes, or
listen to me on Dr. Demento, those who own my new CD but
nothing else, those who own every piece of music I've
made available and are desperately seeking bootlegs of
everything I haven't, and those who own actual wads of
my hair and samples of my urine and would gladly have
my children...by force, if necessary.

So are you truly a Worm Quartet superfan? I know this
question must be keeping you up at night and distracting
you when you're trying to aim your slingshot to get that
egg to smack right into Carrot Top's face. Thus, I have
provided you with a handy guide. To be an official Worm
Quartet Superfan, you must perform at least 3 of the
following activities:

- Write a detailed biography of all Worm Quartet
members, past and present, from the point of view of
a half-eaten celery stick that Shoebox once sat on at
a crappy barbeque place in Rochester.
- Make yourself a "Frank" costume for halloween by
cutting off your own arms and legs (You can also
re-use this costume in later years by putting bricks
in your mouth and going as a Pez dispenser.)
- Put "Faster Than a Speeding Mullet" in a discman,
crazy-glue it shut, and wire it to speakers in your
bra. Wear said bra and allow the glorious sound of
Worm Quartet to permeate your nipples 24 hours a day.
Allow strangers to place their face in your cleavage
in order to spread the message of Worm Quartet.
- Research the possible side effects of putting
deodorant in one's mouth
- If you are a petite caucasion, request that "Ode to
Ziploc" be played at your funeral.
- Work for a company that manufactures bibles and sneak
the lyrics to "Eskimo Pie Is Not Pie And Contains
Very Little Eskimo" into the book of Psalms.
- Sleep with someone who looks like Shoebox. Bonus
points if they're female. Extra bonus points if you
yourself also look like Shoebox.
- Listen to every Worm Quartet recording backwards and
count exactly how many times Shoebox has subliminally
inserted the word "nipple" into his songs.
- Go up to a sweat-drenched Shoebox after a Worm Quartet
performance and offer to lick his armpit.
- Make a recording of all of the verbs from every song
Worm Quartet has ever recorded.
- Brush your teeth. Oral hygiene is very important, and
you shouldn't neglect it just because you want to be
a Worm Quartet Superfan.
- Design a sweat collection cup which Shoebox can mount
on his forehead to keep the perspiration out of his
eyes during performances, preferably with a voice-
activated "squirt" command which will allow him to
spray hecklers.
- Teach a parrot to speak the lyrics to "Ice Cream Has
No Bones" in its entirety. Bonus points if it can
also recite them in Swahili, additional bonus points
if the parrot is dead.
- Grow your own mullet in case Shoebox ever loses his
and needs a transplant.
- Staple barnacles to your face and claim to be the
Watermelon Princess.
- Make Cleveland shut up.
- Fill a cow with oysters and mail it to the President
with a note that says "Hey, man! Look! It's
Oyster-cow! VROOOOM! VROOOOOOOOM!!!"
- Eat nothing but Gummi Worms for a month and
photograph everything you excrete.
- Put band-aids over your nostrils until they heal
shut.
- Autograph a puddle.
- Sleep through the apocalypse.
- Give the Pope diarrhea.
- Brainwash a porn star into thinking that they're a
bottle of lemon garlic marinade.
- Teach your grandmother to perform photosynthesis.
- Fit all of the Amish into a phone booth.
- Boycott carpeting.
- Using only string, butter, raisins, and a Michael
Bolton record, commit nine unique felonies.

I hope this helps! Remember, if you can prove that
you're a Worm Quartet superfan, you can save 11 cents
on the purchase of select Worm Quartet merchandise.

(I originally posted this on the Worm Quartet
LiveJournal, but figured I should put it in this here
update for the hell of it.)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT IT YET NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Any of you who haven't yet bought my latest CD,
"Faster than a Speeding Mullet," should be ashamed
of yourselves!! It's only eight friggin' dollars,
dammit! Go forth to www.wormquartet.com and pay up!

CONGRATS TO KENYATA NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Kenyata Sullivan, the supreme Praetor of the WE Fest
and an all-around bitchin' human being, just went
and got hitched to a fellow human named Grace, a
very nice girl with nostrils who feeds raccoons and
has never bashed me in the groin with a crowbar! So
YAAAAAY and congratulations and all that! May your
marriage be thoroughly unlike Police Academy 5.

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
I smell just DUCKY! DUCKY, dammit! DUCKY DUCKY
DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!

I suppose that's all I have to say! Thanks for
committing every single friggin' word of this
update to memory, and for your continual support
of my stupid music. May you each be offered the
opportunity to squeeze kelp today.

Molesting the metric system,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*

______________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: August 8, 2004
(R) = Requested

Background: Lustmord "Purifying Fire"

Aleister Crowley "The Pentagram"
Mercyful Fate "Come to the Sabbath"
Sodom "Outbreak of Evil"
Emperor "The Burning Shadows of Silence"
Sopor Aeturnus and the Ensemble of Shadows "Day of the Dead"
Mortiis "Broken Skin"
Still Remains "I Can Revive Him with My Bare Hands"
Manticora "Keeper of Time - Eternal Champion"
Danzig "1000 Demons Reign"
Borknagar "Sealed Chambers of Electricity"
Golem "Tomb"
Ministry "World"
Nocturne "If I Could Leave, I Would / Happy (Matress Factory Mix)"
Lamb of God "Laid to Rest"
Cryptic Wintermoon "When Daylight Dies" (R)
Sentenced "Bleed in My Arms" (R)
Sybreed "Next Day Will Never Come"
Starwood "All My Girlfriends Have Boyfriends"
River Chicken "Sharxxx"
Dope Stars Inc. "Generation Plastic"
Paganizer "Brutally Torn Sanity"
Ablaze My Sorrow "As the Dove Falls Torn Apart"
Annihilator "Alice in Hell" (R)
Finntroll "Nattfodd"
Beatallica "The Thing That Should Not Let It Be"
...And Here I Lie "Maelstrom"
Crowpath "The Percise Art of Knives"
Sopor Aeturnus and the Ensemble of Shadows "The Skeletal Garden"
Shadow's Fall "The Power of I and I"
Chastain "Lucky to Be Alive"
Trail of Tears "Enigma of the Absolute"
The Forsaken "Project: The New Breed 666"
XHeadz "Return of the Demons"
Skyclad "Halo of Flies / A Bellyful of Emptiness" (R)
Carcass "Heartwork" (R)
Carnival in Coal "Maniac"
Atreyu "You Give Love a Bad Name" (R)
Vintersorg "Fvr Kung Och Fosterland"
Worm Quartet "Great Idea for a Song"
Imp "Successors"
Deathstars "Little Angel"
Otep "Buried Alive" (R)
Vidres a La Sang "De Sobre El Foc"
Enertia "Time to Go"
Nightwish "Dark Chest of Wonders"
Lucian Blaque "So Goes the Sun"
Diamond Tyr "The Restless One"
Bad Acid Trip "Beef Moo'
inRed "When You Die"
Crystal Eyes "Metal Crusade"
Nocturnal Rites "Against the World"
William Shatner "Common People"
Sopor Aeturnus and the Ensemble of Shadows "Beyond the Wall of Sleep"
Lotus Project "Burning Alive" (R)
River Chicken "Snapper" (R)
Cyst "Angel of Death"
Metal Church "Leave Them Behind"
Danzig "Circle of Snakes"
The Brunching Shuttlecocks "The Bjork Song" (R)
Electro Quaterstaff "The Right to Bear Arms"
Sopor Aeturnus "Hearse-Shaped Basins of Darkest Matter"
___________________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, Aug 13: Go-Man-Go Productions presents The PushRods and Plan-607 at
Nothin' Fancy, Vernon

Sat, Aug 14: The PushRods and Plan-607 at The Half Penny Pub, Fayette
street, Syracuse - 9 PM No Cover

Sat, Aug 14: Nikstock II (Featuring King Snyder) at the Leisure Livin
Campground & Resort, Nichols (Lounsbury), NY

Thurs, Aug 19: Shadows Fall, As I Lay Dying, Remembering Never, and Himsa at
Club Tundra, Syracuse (6:30 pm. $12. 16+ w/ ID)

Fri, Aug 20: ONE / Diamond Tyr, Exploding Boy, The Fugitives, and Pantara,
(Unkle Roger Tribute Show (www.UnkleRoger.com) at The Penny Arcade,
Rochester

Sat, Aug 21: Haunted by Angels and 605 at The Savoy, Watkins Glen

Sat, Aug 21: Jagermeister's Deja Zoo Tour featuring Dog Fashion Disco, King
Snyder, Tub Ring, and Bad Acid Trip at The Haunt, Ithaca

Sat, Aug 21: Twisted Sister at The Buffalo Bike Blast (Free Show)

Sat, Aug 21: The PushRods, Plan-607, and Pop Shop at Banana Joe's,
Allentown, PA

Sat, Aug 21: Brand New Sin, Breaking Benjamin, and StereoTide at The Steel
Music Hall, Rochester

Sun, Aug 22: The Overground Festival at The Country Pines Inn, 1660 Union
Center Maine Hwy Endicott, NY (With King Snyder, Breaking Benjamin, & more)

Fri, Aug 27: Slayer, Slipknot, Hatebreed, and God Forbid at Darien Lakes

Sat, Aug 28: Sk8Fest 2004 featuring Haunted by Angels at The Hopkins Street
Youth Center, Elmira - (12pm - 9pm -ALL AGES ADMITTED- $5 cover - Skate
competitions all day long. HBA plays at 7pm - Proceeds to benefit the youth
center.)

Sat, Aug 28: The PushRods, Plan-607 & other bands TBA at Sweets On The Beach
(Main street Sylvan Beach ,NY)

Sat, Aug 28: Native Invasion at Club Tundra (formerly The Lost Horizon),5863
Thompson Rd, Syracuse, NY (King Snyder, Brand New Sin, & more)

Fri, Sept 10: Crisis, Soulfly, Ill Nino, and 12 Tribes at The Water Street
Music Hall, Rochester

Wed, Sept 15: Killswitch Engage, 18 Visions, From Autumn to Ashes, and 36
Crazyfists at Club Tundra, Syracuse

Fri, Sept 17: The PushRods, Caustic and River Chicken at The Rock N Roll
Preserve, Utica

Sat, Sept 18: River Chicken at The Continental, Buffalo

Fri, Sept 24: Bully and Clutch in Syracuse

Sat, Sept 25: Monster Magnet, Torsos from Space, Bongzilla, and Bully at The
Steel Music Hall, Rochester
________________________________________________________

Bizarre Holidays in August

August is National Catfish Month, National Golf Month, National Eye Exam
Month, National Water Quality Month, Romance Awareness Month, Peach Month,
and Foot Health Month

August 1 . . . . . is Friendship Day and National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
August 2 is . . . . . National Ice Cream Sandwich Day
August 3 is . . . . . National Watermelon Day
August 4 is . . . . . Twins Day Festival
August 5 is . . . . . National Mustard Day
August 6 is . . . . . Wiggle Your Toes Day
August 7 is . . . . . Sea Serpent Day
August 8 is . . . . . Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night
August 9 is . . . . . National Polka Festival
August 10 is . . . . Lazy Day
August 11 is . . . . Presidential Joke Day
August 12 is . . . . Middle Child's Day
August 13 is . . . . Blame Someone Else Day
August 14 is . . . . National Creamsicle Day
August 15 is . . . . National Relaxation Day and National Failures Day
August 16 is . . . . Bratwurst Festival
August 17 is . . . . National Thriftshop Day
August 18 is . . . . Bad Poetry Day
August 19 is . . . . Potato Day
August 20 is . . . . National Radio Day
August 21 is . . . . National Spumoni Day
August 22 is . . . . Be An Angel Day
August 23 is . . . . National Spongecake Day
August 24 is . . . . Knife Day
August 25 is . . . . Kiss-And-Make-Up Day
August 26 is . . . . National Cherry Popsicle Day
August 27 is . . . . Petroleum Day
August 28 is . . . . World Sauntering Day
August 29 is . . . . More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is . . . . National Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is . . . . National Trail Mix Day
______________________________________________

+-------------------- Bizarre Humans ----------------------+

Prussian Field Marshal Prince Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher
was convinced that he was pregnant with an elephant,
fathered on him by a French soldier. He saw French conspir-
acies everywhere and used to totter around his room on tip-
toe in the belief that the French had heated the floor to a
temperature greater than human flesh can endure.

Legendary French actress Sarah Bernhardt's traveling compan-
ion on tour was a silk-lined coffin. She used to learn her
lines while lying in it and allegedly entertained her string
of lovers in it too.

Nineteenth century French poet Gerard de Nerval was in the
habit of taking a lobster for a walk on the end of a length
of ribbon through the Palais Royal gardens in Paris. He
ended up hanging himself from a lamp-post.

Greek General Hajianestis, who led his country in the 1921
war with Turkey, often refused to get out of bed because he
thought his legs were made of glass or sugar and were so
brittle they would collapse. On other occasions, he simply
pretended to be dead. It came as little surprise when he
was relieved of his duties.

Eighteenth century Shropshire squire Jack Mytton was a heavy
drinker who used to go hunting stark naked. To the horror of
guests, he once rode a bear into his dining room. He also
came up with an ingenious cure for hiccups - it was to set
fire to his own night-shirt while still wearing it. He
suffered serious burns but his hiccups were gone!
_________________________________________________

-------- His English Lesson Ended Up Being a Bomb ----------

CHICAGO - Maybe it's not a good idea to do an English exer-
cise on an airplane, especially if you write down "suicide
bomb" as words you want to look up later. One Japanese man
flying to Ohio learned this the hard way when he was
arrested for jotting these words down while reading the
newspaper. He was released without charge after explaining
that it was a spontaneous English lesson. "He teaches himself
English by reading newspapers," police spokeswoman Alice
Casanova said. "It was all just a miscommunication." The man
was on a business trip Sunday when a fellow passenger noticed
the words and alerted an attendant. The flight was returned
to O'Hare International Airport and the man was taken into
custody while the plane was emptied of its passengers.
Investigators also searched the plane. "Nothing panned out
and he was released," Casanova said.
_________________________________________________

Ananova: 
Girls' school closed after pupils started acting like cats

An Indian girls' school has been closed down after its students fell ill and
reportedly began behaving like cats

Teachers at the school in Dolagobind in Orissa said at least a dozen
students have suffered the mystery illness.

All of them started fainting and, after waking up, started behaving like
cats, reports Asian News International.

The affected girls, aged eight to 12, clawed their own faces and shrieked
like cats after the fainting spells.

The management called witch doctors to remove the 'evil spirits' but said
they had no option but to shut down the school when the abnormal behaviour
persisted.

School headmistress Manjubala Pande told the news agency: "First three girls
fell down when they came to school. We thought they hadn't had food so we
gave them something to eat but after that also they were not normal and
behaved strangely.

"Next day again some six-seven girls started crying, fell down on the floor
making sounds like that of a cat. We immediately informed others in the
village but after the faintings and behaviour were repeated we were forced
to shut the school".

The affected children have been since shifted to an ashram or hermitage run
by a local saint where they are being made to recite Hindu religious hymns
and undergo fire rituals to drive the spirits away.

It is reported parents of the affected students said the children had shown
some improvement but were unable to recall exactly what had happened.
________________________________________________________________

A church pastor and deacon were convicted yesterday of misdemeanors in
connection with the slashing and burning of a wheelchair-bound woman in a
bizarre healing ritual.
The Rev. Junior Mitchell was convicted of reckless endangerment and assault
and Deacon Curtis Babb was convicted of reckless endangerment in a trial at
Brooklyn Criminal Court.

The two performed a bizarre ritual on the feet of Charmaine Babb, the
deacon's estranged wife, cutting and then pouring hot wax on them.

She later had one lower leg amputated.

Defense lawyers noted she came to the church hoping to be healed from a
stroke.

They insisted that vascular problems in the legs prompted the amputation.
_______________________________________________________________

Sorcerers Nabbed with 50 Bodies, 20 Skulls
Thu Aug 5, 8:40 AM ET
By Tume Ahemba

LAGOS (Reuters) - Nigerian police have arrested 30 witch-doctors in a raid
on fetish shrines in southeast Anambra state where over 50 decomposing
bodies and 20 human skulls were discovered, a police spokesman said
Thursday.

The heads, genitals and other vital parts of some of the bodies, found in a
teak forest in Okija village, had been severed, a sign they may have been
killed for ritual.

"We saw more than 50 bodies in various coffins. There were several skulls,
some of them really fresh," Anambra police spokesman Kolapo Shofoluwe told
Reuters by telephone.

Ritual killing is common in some parts of Nigeria where many people believe
they can become instant millionaires by using human organs to make potent
charms. Many Nigerians mix traditional religions with Christianity or Islam.

Police said preliminary investigations showed that the people died after the
sorcerers engaged them in an animist ritual.

As part of the ritual, the victims pledged their property, including bank
accounts, to a deity upon their death, the officer said. Their relations
were made to believe they would also die if they refused to give up the
property.

"We are looking beyond the deity," Shofoluwe said, adding that at least 20
shrines were raided.

"The priests may have killed the people for ritual, or to obtain their
property by false pretence or they may have been running a human parts
market," he said.

Shofoluwe quoted a villager who had tipped police off, as saying the
sorcerers ate the flesh of some of their victims.

Local media reported Thursday that the witch-doctors enjoyed the patronage
of rich businessmen and influential politicians in eastern Nigeria.

"I am sure our investigation will reveal a lot of things in the next two or
three weeks," said Shofoluwe, who said he did not know the identity of the
sorcerers' patrons.
___________________________________________________________

340 killed in inferno
By Chris Millar, Evening Standard
2 August 2004

Hundreds of people were left to die inside a blazing supermarket after
security staff locked doors to prevent customers from running out without
paying, it emerged today.

Initial reports suggested as many as 340 people were killed when the fire
tore through a large shopping centre in the Paraguayan capital of Asuncion
after an industrial propane tank exploded.

Police have charged the store's owner Juan Pio Paiva and his son Daniel with
homicide after they allegedly ordered security personnel to lock down every
exit. Firefighters had to batter down the locked main entrance to the
complex before they could reach hundreds of trapped shoppers.

Some survivors told local newspapers they were unable to open doors as they
tried to flee the fire.

The death toll is expected to reach as high as 600. The fire has been called
the worst tragedy to strike the country - one of Latin America's poorest -
since war broke out against Bolivia in the 1930s.

Firefighters were hampered by the collapse of much of the huge Ycua Bolanos
complex and by the dilapidated state of their equipment.

Local television showed firefighters trying to plug holes in leaking water
hoses with the soles of their boots.

A chronic shortage of ambulances meant many survivors had to be taken to
hospital on the back of pick-up trucks.

Local hospitals, which lack many of the most basic resources, were appealing
to citizens to donate simple supplies such as gloves and bandages.

There were chaotic scenes at hospitals across the capital as police held
back sobbing relatives desperate to search wards for survivors.

President Nicanor Duarte, who rushed to the scene with his wife,

said it was "a moment of huge grief and tension" for his country. Bodies so
far recovered include a baby and a pregnant woman and dozens of children
found near the supermarket's toy department.

One survivor, Victor Catan, who lost his wife in the blaze but escaped
through the pitch black building with his young son, said: "The doors were
shut. I managed to get out with my son, but my wife didn't make it."

Orlando Correa, who lost his sixmonthold nephew in the fire and was
searching for his sister's body at the scene, said: "There are no words for
this." Police chief Humberto-Nunez said rescue workers had been unable to
reach many people inside "because of the ruins and the danger of collapse."

However one firefighter said some of the burned bodies were found inside the
supermarket hugging each other.

Other victims were burned alive in their cars as the blaze swept though a
parking lot underneath the supermarket.

The blaze broke out yesterday afternoon, one of the supermarket's busiest
times, when people from all over the city traditionally headed to the
complex to do their weekly shopping.
______________________________________________________________

+------------------- Bizarre U.S. Laws --------------------+

Alabama:

It is illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter
in church.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.


Alaska:

In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a
moose.

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for
the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.


Arizona:

In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.

In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a
Native American.

In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.

In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.
_______________________________________________________

------ Man Gets Heated Up and Has Explosion in Pants -------

Hmmmm, and this story isn't even about sex. But it is about
a lack of common sense. A Georgia man was nervous when three
Walker County social workers showed up at his home. As he
sat in their car filling out paperwork, he kept fidgeting
with his pants pocket. Suddenly, there was a loud bang and
fire shot from his pants. Apparently, Doyle had combined red
phosphorus and iodine, two chemicals used to make methamphe-
tamine, in a film canister. When the social workers arrived,
he stuffed the canister in his pants. The reaction of the
two chemicals heats up to about 278 degrees Fahrenheit before
exploding, according to the Walker County Messenger. The
explosion damaged the inside of the state vehicle and burned
clothing on the workers. Doyle was taken to Erlanger Medical
Center in nearby Chattanooga, Tenn., with second- and third-
degree burns to his testicles and leg.
_______________________________________________________

Human-like baby found inside a sheep
August 03, 2004, 12:57

Northern Cape veterinarians have taken a human-like baby creature, found
inside a sheep, from Schmidtsdrif to Kimberley for examination. A
Schmidtsdrif man was slaughtering the sheep when he found the dead creature
inside.

The SABC's Mercedes Besent-Thahane went to look at the creature. She says
its lower body resembles that of a human baby.

Local residents say its tongue is like that of a human being. Agriculture
officials suspect its a deformed lamb whose mother may have been eating
poisonous plants.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
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Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...