The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - November 19, 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

** Attached pic is of If Man is Five being terrorized by Just Joe **

Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Allen From the band Redezra was on to talk about
the band and to promote their concert which would take place the next day.
Some of the bands music was played as well, it rocked. Lance was there for
most of the night, but left just before the last hour saying that he thought
Jeffie would probably be showing up shortly, and that he did not want to
have to look at his ugly face. And, in fact, Jeffie did indeed arrive at the
next talk break, so, he was quite late that night (so Allen lucked out). Now
this week Jeffie was sounding a bit more like himself, not quite as totally
insane as he had been the week before, but some of the insanity still
lingered. He was still very distraught about what he insisted was the murder
of his babies (the toilet paper rolls). He kept calling Joe a jerk and a
baby killer, and would not be talked out of his conviction that they had
been his babies and not rolls of toilet paper. And then he again went into
another long disjointed ramble about things that were not connected to each
other and didn't make any sense (talking about following llamas into the
woods, and there being more jam there,. And then getting animals all screwed
up, describing rabbits, but calling them deer, and then describing cats, but
calling them rabbits and so on and so forth. His voice was more like his
usual voice though, not the deranged manic voice of the week before, and he
was a bit more calm and subdued. He never used the Luchador voice, in fact,
when they kept asking him what had happened to his mask, he refused to talk
about it. He and Joe did get into one altercation in which they got stuck
together as Joe's sweater apparently had Velcro like properties to Jeffie's
shirtless body, unfortunately for Joe. Then Jeffie said that he thought he
was going to retire very soon, like by the end of the month, to be like many
big wrestlers (Sean Michaels, Terry Funk, for example). Everyone was
thrilled with this idea (apparently forgetting, or choosing to forget
perhaps, that those wrestlers came back from their retirements). They urged
him to not wait and just retire right then. But Jeffie wasn't having that,
saying not until the end of the month. So, they said that they would prepare
and throw for him a big send off party. So, tune in to see what that will be
like. Should be very interesting...

On The Last Exit: Co-host (host for a night) David did not show up. Well, he
was actually there for like three whole weeks in a row, how much can you
expect. :) Besides he was probably afraid to show up and was in hiding
fearing punishment for some aspects of his hosting. Actually, he got praise
for the job he did (well, mostly, not from Just Joe, who kept insulting him
as usual, but his opinions don't count as he is stupid). However, I still
wouldn't rule out something bad happening to David when/if he shows up
again, as this is LE where bad things happen to almost everyone whether they
did anything to deserve them or not..The LE gang was back (including, as I
mentioned already, Just Joe, unfortunately). Also there this week was Ian
The Yeti. Three fourths of the band If Man Is Five, (everyone but their
drummer, the only male in the band) were there for the first half of the
night. They talked about their band and upcoming events and projects, one of
which will be their participation in Last Exit's Xtreme Soundscapes DVD
release show on November 21st.. They performed many songs acoustically on
the air. They are Awesome! They also were asked and answered many of those
crazy questions from www.theinsanedomain.com.. They tried to get Ian to get
on all fours and let one of the band members ride him around, but Ian
refused saying that some things should only be done in private, at least as
far as he's concerned. So, later, one of the band members rode Just Joe
around instead. They also had Just Joe take one of the band members down to
the basement, which he did in a surprisingly gentle and decidedly un-Just
Joe like manner. They both seemed pleased with their time in the basement.
Also there was Crow (the drummer for The Pushrods). He smacked Just Joe
around quite a bit during the night. Just Joe was also briefly dead when
they seated him right next to the vocalist for If Man Is Five while she was
performing. She has an extremely powerful and awesome voice which
temporarily killed Just Joe. He recovered of course as nothing keeps him
dead for long. Just Joe got a few beat downs throughout the night including
one where they broke a Seasons Of The Wolf poster tube over his head, and
then one where they attacked him with a big monkey. However, I think Just
Joe took to the monkey, liking it a lot. And so that was The Last Exit for
that week. This week, Two more bands who are featured on LE's Xtreme
Soundscapes DVD and will be participating in their DVD release show, The
Pushrods and Divinity Destroyed should be on to perform and to promote the
DVD release show. The show is on Sunday November 21st, so, actually later on
the same day as this weeks LE.. It starts at 7 P.M. at Castaways in Ithaca
and will feature a bunch of great local bands (including David's band Lotus
Project who are on first), and lots of awesome music. So everyone should be
there, support the local and independent music scene, and have a great time!
The first twenty people through the door will get a free copy of The Xtreme
Soundscapes DVD.. And, after that, they will be available in the area for a
very low price, way below cost, so, you all should buy it!

*******************************************************

Yeah, so here is the deal, Joe from The Metallic Onslaught called me a
little bit ago to say that there would be NO Metallic Onslaught tonight.
Apparently there is a hockey game and a Jelly Beans concert. What this
means for Jeffie's retirement is unknown. They SHOULD be on the following
week, however, but we will have to see...

So as FEW mentioned above, yeah, Divinity Destroyed (also known as the first
band to make Just Joe bleed) will be on the show this week, as will The
Pushrods. Should be interesting. And chaotic. The Xtreme Soundscapes DVD
is done finally, and it clocks in at a couple minutes over 2 hours. I don't
think anyone will be disappointed. Come to the show Sunday night and get a
copy. First 20 people get free ones, after that it's only $3. More info
and links can be found at http://welcome.to/aprod.

________________________________________________

WORM QUARTET MINI-UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 11/19/04

Remember back in October when I swore that my Syracuse show
that month was the last show I'd do this year, and that I
was taking a hiatus due to the recent birth of my son?

Then remember last week when I swore that my performance
with The Great Luke Ski at UNY-Con was the last show I'd do
this year?

Don't even friggin' tell me you believed me.

WORM QUARTET DOESN'T KNOW WHAT "HIATUS" MEANS NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
**THIS SUNDAY***
November 21st - Ithaca, NY

LAST WORM QUARTET SHOW OF THE YEAR!!
(For real, this time)

Xtreme Soundscapes DVD Release Party

THE WITCHING
DIVINITY DESTROYED
THE PUSHRODS
WORM QUARTET
LOTUS PROJECT
IF MAN IS FIVE *Acoustic Performance*

@ Castaways
413 Taughannock Blvd. Ithaca, NY

7:00 pm, $5 at the door
First 20 paid admissions get a free DVD!
More info at http://www.castawaysithaca.com

After this, no more live WQ 'til January.

Yes, really.

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
For some inexplicable reason, I smell like Indian food. I haven't eaten
Indian food in at least three years, so I'm very concerned that I've
been misfiling the "clean" and "dirty" laundry piles in my basement for
a considerably long time.

Fighting for incontinence,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
________________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release:

Behold, the Diabolical Return of
DISSECTION

Legendary Scandinavian Act Explores the Realms of Musical Darkness with Maha
Kali
for Escapi Music/Screaming Ferret Wreckords

In the annals of exquisite Scandinavian dark metal music, few have been
graced with the title ‘legend’. Entry into the ranks of such honor requires
a strict doctrine of vision, passion, and above all, an unyielding
compulsion for conceiving extraordinary and extreme, bleak musical
landscapes. Such artists befitting of the renown include names that echo
into eternity: Mayhem, Emperor, Darkthrone, and Sweden’s DISSECTION. Escapi
Music/Screaming Ferret Wreckords is pleased to announce the return of
DISSECTION with the release of Maha Kali.

Through a mere 2 studio albums, The Somberlain and Storm of the Light’s Bane
(the latter being released in 1995), DISSECTION’s unique blend of blackened
intensity with melodic integrity launched the band to the forefront of the
budding “Black Metal Scene” as well as being heralded as an originator of
the much-imitated “Gothenburg sound”. Led by vocalist/guitarist/visionary
Jon Nödtveidt, the band was primed for metal greatness, as a true explorer
of genuine musical darkness. However, due to internal conflict and “legal
complications”, DISSECTION was forced to disband in 1997, with demo
compilations and unreleased recordings to further fuel the band’s legendary
acclaim.

Now, in 2004, like a devastating volcanic blast, the phoenix that is
DISSECTION has arisen to further its sinister expedition. Armed with a
fresh lineup, consisting of Nödtveidt, guitarist Set Teitan (Aborym,
Bloodline), bassist Brice Leclercq (Nightrage) and percussionist Thomas
Asklund (Dark Funeral, Infernal, Dawn), DISSECTION’s mission is a
self-proclaimed “Anti-Cosmic Metal of Death”, fueled by the band’s trademark
powerful and melodic sound.

The debut proclamation comes via the single/EP Maha Kali through Escapi
Music/Screaming Ferret Wreckords, and is described by the band as “a hymn to
the wrathful black Hindu goddess of Mahapralaya, the great dissolution of
cosmos, Jai Maha Kali!” An audio sample of the apocalyptic track is
available here:

http://www.dissection.nu/sounds/mahakali/mahakali_sample.mp3


DISSECTION is making its resurrection known on a widespread European tour
through the deadened coldness of Autumn, which kicked off in Stockholm on
October 30th. A full studio album is in the works for early 2005, as is a
documentary/concert DVD (filmed at the Stockholm performance).

Chaos shall reign in 2005 with the merciless inferno that is DISSECTION!

www.dissection.nu
www.escapi.com
www.screamingferret.com
________________________________________________

For Immediate Release:

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY Announces New Studio Album for 2005

GALACTIC Drummer Stanton Moore Contributes to Record

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY, the Grammy-nominated heavy rockers from North
Carolina, will release an aggressive new studio album through Sanctuary
Records in early 2005, to be followed by a worldwide tour.

Tentatively titled En los Brazos del Dios (In the Arms of God), the upcoming
album is among the band’s heaviest in years. “We all have a certain affinity
for real music, including truly heavy stuff,” says founding guitarist Woody
Weatherman.

The band’s current direction reflects their long tradition of evolution. “We
started writing songs, and they somewhat had the vibe of Blind, Deliverance
and our earlier material,” says vocalist/guitarist Pepper Keenan. “We
started thinking from that perspective, and it evolved into a heavy, classic
sound but with a modern wisdom to it. We really got back to our roots with
this one, listening to old records that we all grew up on and headbanging at
Woody’s farmhouse. It was a good time putting it together.”

The result, Keenan says, is a “bombastic, epic record, staying clear of the
3-minute formula. It’s not a nostalgic record by any means; it’s big and
ugly and heavy. Thematically, there’s a lot of disgust on the record,
directed inwardly and towards society in general, reflecting these times we
all live in. A lot of people will be able to relate.”

Tentative song titles include “En los Brazos del Dios,” “Never Turns to
More,” “Stone Breaker” and “World on Fire.” Producing the album is COC’s
longtime collaborator and knob-twisting, speaker-blowing genius, John
Custer. Besides working on four of the band’s previous albums, Custer also
produced COC bassist Mike Dean’s track on Dave Grohl’s Probot project and
COC’s contribution to Nativity In Black, the Sabbath tribute compilation.

Playing drums is New Orleans’ Stanton Moore, skinsman for the renowned
jazz-funk combo Galactic. Over the past year, COC found themselves writing
intense material and needed a drummer who could not only handle it but take
it to another level. Keenan, who had since moved back to his hometown of New
Orleans, called his old friend Moore to ask him if he knew any drummers up
for the task. Moore laughed. “Yeah, me,” he said.

Within four days, COC was in New Orleans undertaking a musical adventure
without a map. This is the type of creative situation in which the band
thrives and distinguishes itself as an original force in heavy music. Though
COC’s onslaught represented a departure for Stanton, he was more than up for
the challenge. “His performance was totally original and category-crushing,”
Weatherman says. “He stepped right into it full-throttle.”

“He’s one of the most progressive drummers I know,” Keenan says of Moore.
“In the heavy metal world nobody really knows who he is, but after they hear
this they will. He’s an accomplished jazz drummer playing manic heavy
music — I’ve never heard anything like it.”

The result of the collaboration is a dozen or so pieces that continue COC’s
history of refusing to spoon-feed the masses a bunch of formulaic,
commercial f*&#ing horse$#!%.

COC 2005 – Aggression is a state of mind.

www.corrosionofconformity.net
http://www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com/
______________________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Sat, Nov 20: Slayer, Killswitch Engage, and Mastadon at The Dome Theater,
Niagara Falls

Sat, Nov 20: Pile of Heads, Bone Jar, and Ruination at Palm Gardens,
Cortland

Sat, Nov 20: Post Election Punk/Metal Show with Robot Goes Here (electronic
punk/hardcore; robotgoeshere.com), The Degenerates (solid pop/punk;
thedegeneratesrock.com), Timur Lenk (x-Knives! metal mayhem), Black Labeled
(hardcore), Selador (more indie), and Lotus Project (metal) at Noyes,
Multi-Purpose Room, West Campus, Cornell, Ithaca (doors 8:30, show 9, FREE!)

Sun, Nov 21: Xtreme Soundscapes DVD Release show featuring Lotus Project,
Worm Quartet, The Pushrods, Divinity Destroyed, and The Witching at
Castaways, Ithaca (Show starts at 7:30 – Free DVD’s to the first 20 Paid
Attendance – 18+ $5)

Mon, Nov 22: Marathon (Rochester punkrock heroes), Fire When Ready (Loud
Indie from Vestal),
Timur Lenk (Heavy goodness), and Robot Goes Here (Electronic punkhardcore) @
The Lost Dog Cafe, Ithaca - 7 PM

Tues, Nov 23: Dope, Motograter, and Twisted Method at The Penny Arcade,
Rochester

Wed, Nov 24: Metal Church, 3 Inches of Blood, Liquid Violence, and Darkling
at The Icon, Buffalo

Wed, Nov 24: Boiler, Pile of Heads, and Check Engine at The Haunt, Ithaca

Fri, Nov 26: If Man Is Five (CD Release Party), Nancy, and Paroxysm at Black
Azul 7 Main St. 3rd Flr, Binghamton NY. 8pm, Free admission, food, and
drinks.

Fri, Nov 26: Ministry, Thrill Kill Kult, and Hanzel and Gretyl at The Water
Street Music Hall, Rochester

Sun, Nov 28: Haunted by Angels and Bella Morte at The Haunt, Ithaca

Mon, Nov 29: Goatwhore and Misery Index at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Fri, Dec 3: Punch Drunk Monkeys (10 Year Anniversary Reunion Show) with If
Man is Five and The Others at The Downtown Quarterback, Endicott

Fri, Dec 17: Bile, Liquid Violence, Mushroomhead, Three Minutes of Hate, and
Fireborn at The Icon, Buffalo

Sat, Dec 18: The PushRods, CrankDaddy and Plan-607 at The Half Penny pub,
Fayette St. Syracuse (9PM **FREE***)
_______________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: November 14, 2004
(R) = Requested

VoiVod "Killing Technology"
Lilitu "Even the Vultures Have Moved On (A Tragic Love Story)"
Divinity Destroyed "Sweet Heresy"
No Warning "Dirtier than the Next"
Junta "Parasitic Suicide"
Rammstein "Dalai Lama"
Kings X "Sumerland - Live"
The Others "I, Vampire"
Platitude "Skies of Xenon"
Circus "Interior"
In Battle "Scorches World"
If Man is Five "Escape"
Robot Goes Here "The Composition / Performance Dichotomy (Skill Is Not Art)"
Black Labeled "Fight to Live Another Day"
Paria "The Absurdity of Solace"
Derek Sherinan "Alpha Bursts"
If Man is Five "Distorted"
Lotus Project "Storm"
Worm Quartet "Great Idea for a Song"
The Pushrods "Liar"
Divinity Destroyed "Borealis"
The Witching "Let Us Drown"
The Others "Baby's Dead Stare"
If Man is Five "My Nightmare"
Punch Drunk Monkeys "Are You Gonna Eat That / Mr. Softy" (R)
If Man is Five "Six Years Earlier"
Age of Silence "The Concept of Haste"
Terror "Are We Alive?"
Cornerstone "When the Hammer Falls"
Pile of Heads "Perfect Way to Die"
Things Fall Apart "Death Becomes Her"
Emperor "The Tongue of Fire" (R)
NOFX "Murder the Goverment"
Sick of It All "I Believe"
Michael Grapys "Absolutum Dominium"
Metal Church "Time Will Tell" (R)
Braindance "Resurrection" (R)
Invocation of Nehek "The Decay"
Thrasher "Burning at the Speed of Light"
Dead Horse "Peaceful Death" (R)
Master "Death March" (R)
Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles "It was the Tits"
Killing Joke "The Wait"
The Wage of Sin "Forgetting Forever"
inRed "Paparazzi"
The HPLHS "The Carol of the Olde Ones"

Feature Artist: Manowar...
______________________________________________

TOP WEIRD AND STRANGE STORIES FOR THE WEEK

Bizarre Holidays in November

November is . . . . International Drum Month, Peanut Butter Lover's Month,
and Slaughter Month

November 1 is . . . . . Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 2 is . . . . . National Deviled Egg Day
November 3 is . . . . . Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day
November 4 is . . . . . Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 5 is . . . . . Gunpowder Day
November 6 is . . . . . Saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 7 is . . . . . National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
November 8 is . . . . . Dunce Day
November 9 is . . . . . Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is . . . . Forget-Me-Not Day
November 11 is . . . . Air Day
November 12 is . . . . National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day
November 13 is . . . . National Indian Pudding Day
November 14 is . . . . Operation Room Nurse Day
November 15 is . . . . National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
November 16 is . . . . Button Day
November 17 is . . . . Take A Hike Day
November 18 is . . . . Occult Day
November 19 is . . . . Have A Bad Day Day
November 20 is . . . . Absurdity Day
November 21 is . . . . World Hello Day and False Confessions Day
November 22 is . . . . Start Your Own Country Day
November 23 is . . . . National Cashew Day
November 24 is . . . . Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day
November 25 is . . . . National Parfait Day
November 26 is . . . . Shopping Reminder Day
November 27 is . . . . Pins And Needles Day
November 28 is . . . . Make Your Own Head Day
November 29 is . . . . Square Dance Day
November 30 is . . . . Stay At Home Because You're Well Day
________________________________________________________

Man tries to convert lions to Jesus, gets bitten

46-year-old leaps into den at Taipei Zoo, calls beasts to Christianity
An image taken from television shows a man being attacked by a lion after
he crossed a barbed wire fence to "preach" to two of the animals at the
Taipei Zoo on Wednesday.
Updated: 5:51 a.m. ET Nov. 3, 2004TAIPEI, Taiwan - A man leaped into a lion
's den at the Taipei Zoo on Wednesday to try to convert the king of beasts
to Christianity, but was bitten in the leg for his efforts.
"Jesus will save you!" shouted the 46-year-old man at two African lions
lounging under a tree a few meters away.
"Come bite me!" he said with both hands raised, television footage showed.
One of the lions, a large male with a shaggy mane, bit the man in his right
leg before zoo workers drove it off with water hoses and tranquilizer guns.
Newspapers said that the lions had been fed earlier in the day, otherwise
the man might have been more seriously hurt ... or worse.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422
_____________________________________________________________

Rabbits take over man's home
October 21, 2004
(from The Associated Press (via news.com.au) 24.10.04)
http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,11138321%255E13762,00.html

A MAN in New Orleans who bought a pair of bunnies for company, ended up
with more company than he could handle.

In less than a year, he had 73 rabbits. The man's name was withheld by the
Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals on grounds that
he was embarrassed enough already.

They chewed the furniture. They burrowed into chairs, couches and
mattresses. They processed food faster than their owner could clean up
after them.

Finally, he moved out and called his doctor for help, said SPCA Director
Laura Maloney.

The doctor called the SPCA, which chased rabbits through the house for much
of the day. Now - though a few have been adopted - it is asking area
shelters for help.

"The rabbits were clean and healthy, even though the house wasn't," said
Kathryn Destreza, director of animal services.

Maloney said the man was not cited.

"He was a very nice man who recognised he was in a situation where he
needed help," she said.
_________________________________________________________

Motorcyclist loses foot in crash
<http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/3947255.stm>

A motorcyclist has had part of his leg amputated after his foot was
ripped off in a collision with a car, which drove off with it stuck to
the front bumper.

Richard Sholl, 36, collided with a grey Volvo estate as he was riding
his Honda along Yew Tree Drive, Blackburn, on Friday evening.

He was taken to Wythenshawe Hospital, Manchester, where his left leg
was amputated below the knee.

A 23-year-old has been arrested and is being questioned by police.

"As a result of the collision, Mr Sholl's left foot was severed and
became attached to the front bumper of the Volvo," a spokesman for
Lancashire Police said.

"The driver failed to stop at the scene and drove off, leaving Mr Sholl
in the middle of the road.

"The driver then got out of the vehicle, noticed the severed limb, and
rang the police."
________________________________________________________

* Bad Week in Louisiana for Barnyard Animals: Austin Gullette,
45, was arrested on August 31 in West Monroe, La., after his sister
caught him allegedly have sex with one of her three pigs. Two
days later about 100 miles away in Florien, La., Timothy Garner,
35, was arrested after being spotted inside a henhouse, allegedly
having sex with a chicken. (A sheriff's official in the West
Monroe case said he had never before, in his 29-year career, seen a
case of a man having sex with a pig, but then he added, to a
Monroe News Star reporter, that of course there were cases
involving men with "dogs, donkeys, and sheep.")
________________________________________________________

* The Art and Science Collaborative Research Lab at the
University of Western Australia is growing what it calls
"victimless leather," a substance with the feel of the real thing but
made without killing animals, according to an October report on
Wired.com. Their work-product (a substance grown using excess
mouse and human bone cells) is, now early in the process, only
about three square inches, but as it expands, its form will be shaped
into a jacket. The developers expressed disappointment at some
early reaction to the project from people who focus on the ethical
issue of using human cells but ignore the ethical issue of killing
animals for their skin.
______________________________________________________

* In a weird-behavior genre that has been out of the news for
several years now, the Taipei Times reported that a man went to
the emergency room of the National Taiwan University Hospital on
September 6 with a empty Taiwan-brand beer bottle lodged in his
rectum, it having been inserted "wide-end first." Doctors took two
hours to remove the bottle and said that the man had a history of
such inappropriate insertions.
_______________________________________________________

* In October, the school board in Puyallup, Wash., canceled
Halloween activities because it believed that local Wiccans would
object to pointy-nose, broomstick-riding "witch" icon of the
holiday was offensive to their religion, which refers to its
priestesses as witches. (In several other cities, in response to
complaints from Christians, officials moved trick-or-treating day to
October 30 because October 31 fell on a Sunday, which might be
inappropriate to celebrate what to some is "The Devil's Night.")
______________________________________________________

In October, Crystal, Minn., police Sgt. Robin
Erkenbrack, summoned to the local VFW hall by a report of a
medical emergency, arrived to find an Elvis impersonator, who
worked a show at the hall that night, ostensibly in the middle of a
seizure, just as another impersonator (portraying the late comedian
John Belushi) jumped into a car that did not belong to him and
sped off. As Elvis's "seizures" stopped, and frightened onlookers
gathered, Elvis suddenly leaped to his feet and broke into "Viva
Las Vegas!" while Erkenbrack chased "Belushi" to a nearby
airfield, where he stopped him. Said Erkenbrack later, "Every time
you think you've seen it all, there's something else."
_____________________________________________________

----------- Chainsaw Massacre: Australian Style ------------

INGLEWOOD, S. Queensland - We are all guilty of over-
reacting from time to time. Now, here's a story about our
king. Two friends were driving along a property fence line
around 2 a.m. when they were attacked by a man with a
chainsaw. The attacker happened to be the passenger's
neighbor who was upset the car was on his property.
According to police, he allegedly ran towards the car with
the chainsaw and cut through the passenger door. The 35-
year-old victim was airlifted to a Brisbane hospital to
treat severe stomach wounds. The attacker was apprehended
and charged with grievous bodily harm, unlawful wounding
and willful damage. Leatherface could not be reached for
comment.
____________________________________________________

------------ This Liberal Isn't Too Tolerant ---------------

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Sometimes you need to just agree to
disagree. This is especially true when it comes to politics
and elections. One man got so upset that his girlfriend
wanted to vote for John Kerry and was breaking up with him
that he imprisoned her in his home. President Bush supporter
Steven Soper began pushing his girlfriend Stacey Silviera
when she came to his house to drop off some of his personal
items. "I'll kill you," he said, according to the arrest
report. "You want (to) live to see the election?" He held
her captive with a screwdriver and a glass shard while a
deputy tried to separate them. After a struggle, she was
finally able to break free and the deputy used a Taser on
Soper.
___________________________________________________

---------- I Bet She Gave Him the Cold Shoulder ------------

SPOKANE, Wash. - If you aren't sure what to do with the dead
body of your caregiver, the best option may not be storing
the corpse in your freezer. If you choose to do this, you
may be sent for a mental evaluation. A 59-year-old man went
to the Public Safety Building on Tuesday and inquired as to
what he should do about the dead woman's body had he stored
in his freezer. Detectives went to his apartment and found
the body of a 57-year-old woman inside the freezer. Police
said the man was the woman's caregiver, and he told them he
had gone to the woman's apartment a week ago and found her
dead. So, he put her in the freezer. "His underlying motiv-
ation, at least what he told us, was he wanted to preserve
her dignity," Capt. Bruce Roberts said. "It's unique and
unusual, but at this point there is nothing criminal."
_________________________________________________

--------------- Nudity, Not This Year's Theme --------------

SYRACUSE, N.Y. - A couple is in a boatload of trouble for
their obscene display during a children's charity boat
parade. Police used a spectator's video footage of the
Christmas Parade of Boats on the Seneca River to identify
the offenders. According to the tape, a topless woman
wearing a strand of Christmas lights was spanking a man on
his exposed rear. Parade organizers received numerous calls
about the incident. The kinky couple was charged with
misdemeanor public lewdness. I'd hate to find out what
they want for Christmas.
__________________________________________________

+-------------- Bizarre Facts About America --------------+

Need something new to bet on? Head out to Deming, New Mexico
for its annual duck races.

Okmulgee, Oklahoma still holds the world record for the
biggest ice cream and cookie party.

Here's a stretch for tourism in Berkley Springs, West
Virginia: "George Washington bathed here."

If you like Idaho potatoes, think about visiting Shelley,
Idaho, home of the "Idaho Annual Spud Day."

Chittenago, New York, is home to the annual "Munchkin's
parade."

Arizona's official state neckwear is the Bola tie.

Maine produces 90 percent of the country's toothpick supply.

Every year on September 10, the people in Fruita, Colorado
celebrate "Mike the Headless Chicken Day" in honor of a
chicken that lived four years after it was beheaded.

In Wyoming, you need a license to take a picture of a rabbit
during January, February, March, or April.

Texas has an official state shell. It's the Lightning Whelk.

The International Checkers Hall of Fame is in Petal,
Mississippi.
__________________________________________________

-------------- These Monkeys Mean Business -----------------

GAUHATI, India - Up to 300 children have been attacked by
monkeys lurking at an ancient Hindu temple over the past
three weeks. "They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting
children loitering about in the temple premises or walking
by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood," Bani
Kumar Sharma, a priest at the Kamakhya temple in Assam state,
told The Associated Press. Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl,
said she was coming home from school when a monkey jumped
on her, scratching her head and pushing her to the ground.
At least 2000 rhesus monkeys wander in and around the temple,
but the priest said they had never shown aggressive behavior
in the past.
____________________________________________________

+--------------------- Bizarre Signs ----------------------+

[Actual signs spotted around the world]

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
Do not activate with wet hands.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone
in a glass container.

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.

At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?

At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to
young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the
machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the
machinist.

Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the
road and stop reading these signs.

In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want.

In a cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here
for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove
all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night
but Sunday.

In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses
rude ought to see the manager.

In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the
teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all
by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.
Please use side entrance)
___________________________________________________

----------------- Their Plan Went to Pot -------------------

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - During a visit to a Sears Auto Center,
two men tried to negotiate a trade for tires. They offered
the employees some marijuana in exchange for a couple of
tires. When the offer was refused by an employee, one of
the men swung a baseball bat at him. The worker managed to
avoid injury and threw a rock at the suspect's car, break-
ing a window. The two men then grabbed two tires and
quickly took off. The tire thieves returned an hour later
to get revenge on the worker, but they were arrested when
other workers recognized them.
_________________________________________________

Blind car thief crashed into tree

A blind Romanian's decision to become a car thief was short-lived after
he smashed into a tree and knocked himself out.

The man stole the car after a row with friends who told him he was
useless because of his lack of sight, and so he set out to steal the car
to prove he could do anything.

And police say that Alin Popescu, 24, from Izvoare on southwest Romania,
almost succeeded.

He managed to break into the parked car without help, started the
ignition using a screwdriver, and then drove off down a busy road before
crashing half a mile later, local daily National reported.

He told police: "I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do
anything I wanted - despite my handicap. I only crashed because I was
not sure of the way home."
________________________________________________

From The Onion...

Liberals Return to Sodomy, Welfare Fraud

BERKELEY, CA—No longer occupied by the 2004 election, liberals across the
country have returned to the activities they enjoy most: anal sex and
cheating the welfare system. "I've been so busy canvassing for the
Democratic Party, I haven't had a single moment for suckling at the
government's teat or no-holds-barred ass ramming," said Jason Carvelli, an
unemployed pro-hemp activist. "Now, my friends and I can finally get back to
warming our hands over burning American flags and turning kids gay."
Carvelli added that his "number-one priority" is undermining the efforts of
freedom-loving patriots everywhere.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...