The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 1, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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Attached pic is Azkath, Ritchie, and Rub over the dead corpse of Just Joe...

* Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard *

On The Metallic Onslaught: There was No Metallic Onslaught last week, and
there will not be one this week either, due to the holidays. So tune in when
it returns on January 7th...

On The Last Exit: As this show began at midnight directly after Christmas
Day, it was of course a We Love Satan Extravaganza show. Present for this
huge event were Just Joe (still no Fritz, though, so his fate is still
unknown), Rub McGroin, Ritchie (the vocalist and guitarist for The
Pushrods), and, of course, Satan. Satan Claus came bearing satanic gifts
for all. For some strange reason Rub and Satan kept missing each other all
night long, as one would go outside for a bit and that would be when the
other would come in, and then vice versa. Perhaps Satan is afraid of Rub?
Now of course this being a We Love Satan show, it meant that someone would
have to be sacrificed to Satan... And, since no one else showed up, it was
decided that it would have to be Just Joe. Rub got the sacrificing started.
They had read a story earlier in the night about a man who had been sexually
assaulted by two women with ice tongs. And it was decided that that would be
an excellent tool to use to begin the sacrificing with, to incapacitate Just
Joe, before the killing. So they sent Just Joe outside under the guise of
having him check to see if some one had arrived and was in the driveway.
And, when he came back, Rub attacked him with ice tongs. The screams of
agony were terrific, and went on for quite some time. And then Azkath
attacked Just Joe, giving him some brutal steal chair shots to the skull.
Just Joe appeared to have been successfully killed and sacrificed. They were
wondering what they should do with the body, and, being the environmentally
conscious folks that they are, decided to throw it in the recycle bin.
However, at the next talk break Just Joe was back again, very much alive. He
said that he had been dead, and in hell. But Satan's gift to him earlier had
been a Get Out Of Hell Free card, and he had used that to get out of hell,
and, thus, was back. Ah, that Satan! How evil! Allowing them to get their
hopes up that Just Joe was finally gone, and given as such a lovely
sacrifice to him no less! And that was their thanks!? To have that ruined by
his satanic gift! Satan can be really quite ungrateful sometimes! Apparently
Satan doesn't want Just Joe in hell any more than anyone else wants him
anywhere near them either. Ritchie had composed a special Christmas song
for this show entitled "Christmas Sucks", which he performed acoustically.
It was awesome, very funny! He then also performed The Pushrod's song "The
Devil Wears A Bra". Unfortunately Satan was not present for this. I wonder
what he would have thought of that song?? :) Would've been interesting.
Later they decided that they should spin the Wheel Of Satan. But, when they
tried this, the wheel began mooing, which is not how it's supposed to
sound, and an "error 17" message appeared. No one knew what that meant or
what was wrong with it. No one, that is, except Just Joe, who claimed that
he knew what was wrong and how to fix it. He took the wheel in to the
basement (yes, he willingly went to the basement, but no one thought to lock
him down there, perhaps because they hoped he could fix the wheel) to work
on it. Later he came back with the wheel saying that he had fixed it. They
spun it again... And it did something really really evil... It started
continuously playing The Teletubbies, which though it may be truly evil, is
not what it's supposed to sound like either. They informed Just Joe that he
had not fixed the wheel, but he insisted that he had too, and that he knew
this because the wheel told him that this was what it wanted to do now. They
decided to abandon The Wheel Of Satan, for this night at least, as it
clearly appeared to be in serious need of repair by someone other than Just
Joe. And, of course the music for this night was all about and for Satan.
And so that was the extremely evil violence filled fun We Love Satan
Extravaganza Show. This weeks show will begin at midnight directly after New
Years Day, and is entitled Demons Choice (the first one of this kind), which
means the host (the Demon Azkath) will devote the show to playing his
favorite music, all the stuff that he thinks is especially good. You can
however still make your own requests as well, as always. Should be
interesting...

******************************************

Yes, as stated above, I have been collecting some of my favorite stuff to
play tonight. Will also be airing some new stuff, and of course playing
requests. Tim should be out again, as should Rub, and Ritchie. We will see
who shows up in addition...

...Azkath
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--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week's Metal Update went out to over 15,400 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

NASUM
Vocalist Mieszko Talarczyk was vacationing in Thailand and is missing
following the massive tsunami that struck the region.

SATYRICON
Touring guitarists Steinar Gundersen and Arnt Gronbech have been charged
with administering a stupefying drug and sexual assault in Toronto. They
allegedly drugged and raped a female fan after she accompanied them onto
their tourbus following their performance at a local venue.

LIFEFORCE RECORDS
Germany's Lifeforce Records has announced that after ten successful years,
they will be opening a U.S. office in Philadelphia, PA. The new office
will open on January 10, 2005.

MEATLOCKER SEVEN
Drummer Dave Krull has left Meatlocker Seven to resume full time duties
with Gorilla Monsoon. He has been replaced by Lincoln McCulloch (Pariah,
Self Inflicted). Guitarist Tony Oliveira has also departed, and has been
replaced by Darryl Curren (Pariah).

CIRCLE OF 5THS
Circle of 5ths has decided to "call it a day." Their final show will be
January 15, 2005.

NEW SIGNINGS
Cold Records: Centinex
Equal Vision Records: Chiodos
Grau: Mourning Beloveth
Profound Lore Records: Dead of Winter

FOR MORE NEWS GO TO:
http://www.metalupdate.com

-- HELP WANTED --

DJs wanted - BrainGell.com, a leading Heavy Metal Internet radio station
is looking to fill 4 shifts immediately with talented, knowledgeable
"Metal Heads"! Bring your voice, mic, Heavy Metal knowledge and enthusiasm
and we will bring the audience. BrainGell carries a strong daytime
audience across all time zones. If you think you have what it takes and
enjoy meeting people from across the world that enjoy Heavy Metal as much
as you, then send an email to vboogieman@...

GUITARIST wanted - Bowel Erosion seeks brutal, sick minded guitarist to
complete line up. Must be willing to contribute to the writing process,
travel and perform live. Debut album to be released in early 2005 through
Inherited Suffering Records. Must be near, or willing to travel to
Spartanburg, SC to rehearse. Must have pro attitude and equipment. Contact
bowelerosion@...

DRUMMER wanted - The Calm, a metal/hardcore band based out of Tampa FL and
are in search of a pro drummer. We have just finished a full length album
with gold/platinum producer, Tom Morris. We are in need of a drummer to
enable us to
press the album and tour under our label. Contact calmmusic@...

DRUMMER wanted - Sympathy, from Ontario, Canada, is looking for a full
time drummer for both touring and recording. The band's line up will be
complete if the appropriate drummer is found. If you are interested in
auditioning, please contact realm_of_disease@...
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December 28, 2004
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Metal Blade Records signs THE RED DEATH!

Metal Blade Records has officially inked a worldwide deal with the upstate
New York metal band The Red Death! Having previously released a six-song EP
with Crooked Halo Records, this will be the bands first full-length album
due to hit stores in the Spring/Summer of 2005. The Red Death just finished
up recording at Indie Audio in Syracuse, NY to record their Metal Blade
debut with producer Jason "Jocko" Randall (Ed Gein).

Here's what the band had to say signing to Metal Blade Records Inc:
"We at The Red Death camp are proud to announce our signing with the
almighty Metal Blade Records. This is exactly the label we wanted to work
with, and it's an honor to be given this opportunity. It's still unreal that
a band from Western New York has been given the chance to work with a label
that bands such as The Red Chord, Amon Amarth, Unearth, As I Lay Dying, The
Black Dahlia Murder, Cattle Decapitation, The Crown, Vehemence, and many
others call home. Look for us on the road starting in Feb."

"We are extremely excited to be involved with the new core of metal bands
that are cropping up across America and Europe. To that end we are proud to
welcome The Red Death to the Metal Blade Family. They are a young, exciting
metalcore band who are extremely talented and destined for a bright future."
Michael Faley President, Metal Blade Records

http://www.purevolume.com/thereddeath
http://www.thereddeath.net/
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: December 26, 2004
(R) = Requested

Venom "Black Xmas"
Deicide "Deicide"
De Infernali "Ave Satan"
Night Conquers Day "The Perseverence of Ignorance"
Cryptic Wintermoon "SuperSatan"
Pushrods "Burning Love"
Rotting Christ "Thy Wings, Thy Horns, Thy Sin"
Amnesia "Reborn in Evil"
Dark Angel "Death is Certain (Life is Not)"
King Diamond "Christmas / No Presents for Christmas" (R)
HPLHS "Silent Night, Blasphemous Night"
Rammstein "Du Hast" (R)
Sabbat "Hosanna in Excelsis"
Exhorder "I Am the Cross"
Raggedy Aneurysm "My God can Kill Your God"
Vader "Choices"
Morbid Angel "Fall from Grace"
Possessed "Burning in Hell"
DOKAKA "Angel of Death"
Ablaze My Sorrow "As the Dove Falls Torn Apart"
Manowar "Bridge of Death"
Grim Reaper "Rock You To Hell"
Ludichrist "Blown Into the Arms of Christ"
Voltaire "When You're Evil"
Venom "Welcome to Hell"
HPLHS "Dance of the Cultists"
Stryper "Winter Wonderland"
The Pushrods "Girls in Vinyl Skirts"
Cradle of Filth "Hell Awaits / The Twisted Nails of Faith"
Exodus "Deliver Us to Evil"
Worm Quartet "What Your Parents Think All Your Music Sounds Like"
Long Winter's Stare "Blood of the Nazarene / He is Insane"
War "Satan"
Cadaveria "Blood and Confusion"
Goatwhore "Baptized in a Storm of Swords"
Laibach "Sympathy for the Devil"
Emperor "Inno A Satana"
Endura "Twilyte Language"
Arcturus "Alone"
Mercyful Fate "Burning the Cross"
Sopor Aeturnus and the Ensemble of Shadows "We Have a Dog to Exercise"
Slayer "South of Heaven"
Others "Devil May Care"
Sinergy "Midnight Madness"

**MySpace.com Pick of the Week**
Necromis "Filth of this World"

Abaddon "Aunquam Mores"
Hanoi Rocks "Dead By Xmas"

Feature Artist: The Electric Hellfire Club...
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SHOW LISTINGS

Sat, Jan 15: The Witching and Papa Muse at Castaways, Ithaca

Sat, Jan 15: Others, Black Labeled, and King Snyder at The Ice House,
Binghamton

Sat, Jan 15: H20, Stretch Arm Strong, With Honor, and Dead Hearts at The
Icon, Buffalo

Sat, Jan 15: Nick Fuoco Winter Show Festival with If Man Is Five, Tempter,
Gold Ethl, King Snyder, Black Labeled, Others, and One Hitters at The
Icehouse, 15 Charlotte Street, Binghamton (10 Kegs and Contests)

Sat, Jan 22: Walls Of Jericho, Bury Your Dead, Full Blown Chaos, and
Premonitions Of War at The Icon, Buffalo

Wed, Feb 9: 18 Visions, Emery, Remembering Never, and Misery Signals at The
Icon, Buffalo

Tues, April 5: Soilwork, Dark Tranquility, Hypocrisy, and Mnenic at The
Icon, Buffalo
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Top Stories

+------------- Most Bizarre Stories of 2004 --------------+

Here is a selection of some "offbeat" stories which offered
an insight into human nature in 2004, courtesy of yahoo.com:

ZHENGZHOU, China: A Chinese couple raised their only child
for 13 years in the belief it was a girl, until a visit to
the local hospital alerted them to the fact that he was
really a boy with underdeveloped sexual organs. They did not
realize anything was wrong until they were baffled by a
"reaction in the lower half of his body" whenever he watched
pretty women on TV.

RATCHABURI, Thailand: A group of Thai Buddhist monks were
arrested and defrocked after holding a spate of rowdy drug
and alcohol parties. Villagers complained about their wild
behavior and drug-taking at the local temple. Five of the
saffron-robed monks tested positive for amphetamine pills
and a sixth was blind drunk.

COSENZA, Italy: A driverless railway engine thundered nearly
120 miles through southern Italy at 50 miles an hour before
staff managed to derail it. The driver had set the loco-
motive in motion, leaned out to see if the line ahead was
clear, then slipped and fell from his cabin. Another railway
worker tried to jump aboard and stop it but failed and the
train gathered speed until it was finally switched to a
track with a long incline and it smashed through buffers at
a disused station before finally coming to a halt.

ZAGREB: A South African who fell in love with a Croatian
beauty he has never even spoken to, traveled halfway round
the world in search of the woman of his dreams. Keith van
der Spuy saw the woman only twice, on a boat and in a night-
club, while on vacation in the former Yugoslav republic but
could not get her out of his head and returned to Croatia
weeks later, with two diamonds in his pocket, to track down
the haunting blonde -- but, sadly, to no avail.

ALDERSHOT, England: A drunken soldier sparked a major secur-
ity alert after leaving a regimental party dressed as an
Arab suicide bomber. Fifteen police cars, along with dog
handlers were called out after a passer-by spotted someone
near an army base wearing an Arab-style robe, a turban and
false beard, as well as orange paper, wires and candles
stuffed into a jacket to make it look like he was carrying
explosives. The soldier, who was drunk, was ordered to pay
a small on-the-spot fine.

LONDON: A number of wealthy clients of the smart London
restaurant Zafferano clubbed together to buy one of the most
expensive truffles in the world for 40,000 euros (53,000
dollars), but it ended up spoiling in a refrigerator. The
850-gram (30-ounce) delicacy from Tuscany was put on display
at the restaurant but then the chef went on vacation after
locking the truffle in the fridge and taking the keys with
him. When he returned after four days, he found it had
rotted, forcing the owner to throw the whole thing out.

CHISINAU, Moldova: The president of first division football
club Roso saw red when the referee awarded a penalty against
his team, so he leaped into his jeep, drove it on to the
pitch and tried to run the hapless official down. Mikhail
Makayev chased the astonished referee around the ground for
several minutes until he escaped by clambering up into the
stands. The match was abandoned and Roso's opponents
Poitekhnik were awarded the game 3-0.

GUWAHATI, India: An army officer was dismissed and another
suspended after a court martial found they splashed tomato
ketchup on civilians to make them look like dead Assam
separatist rebels in a bid for a gallantry medal. Colonel
H.S. Kohli took photos of civilians posing as corpses and
gave them to his senior officers as proof of the killings,
but records later showed no deaths had been reported.

PALEMBANG, Indonesia: A landmark bridge in Sumatra is in
danger of collapse because too many men are urinating on one
of its steel pillars. Surveyors have found that the Ampera
bridge in Palembang has begun to lean at an angle and rocks
slightly when traffic is heavy. The acidic fluid's corrosive
forces could lead to the eventual collapse of the bridge.

OSLO: Until the divorce papers dropped into her mail box, a
22-year-old woman was unaware that she had been married to a
complete stranger for a year. The woman's wallet was snatched
some years ago and her identification cards were used in an
Islamic ceremony to unite her and a Pakistani man in holy
matrimony. She hopes to have the marriage annulled, but
investigators have closed the case as they cannot find the
man, believed to be operating under several different
aliases.
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----------- Beds So Clean You Can Eat Off of Them -----------

MANHATTAN - If I ever decide to have dinner in bed, it's
going to be in the comfort of my own home. For some
Manhattanites, however, the place to be to eat in bed is
Duvet - a bed-filled restaurant that has recently opened.
This restaurant is filled with about 30 king-size beds, tons
of satin pillows and some very awkward-looking waiters
bending down to change the sheets between customers. The
whole trendy look is completed with a giant video screen
playing video footage of anemones and dead jellyfish
floating in a massive aquarium. And did I mention the
bathrooms, where you sit on the throne while looking out,
thanks to one-way mirrors?
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------------- Sniper Sets His Sight on Santa ---------------

VENTURA, Calif. - No one is safe now a days, not even Santa.
Apparently, there's a sniper on the loose and he's aiming
for jolly old St. Nick. Ventura County authorities reported
that someone fired five bullets into the face of a 20-foot-
high Santa statue. The officers that responded to the call
came across the bullet holes and recovered the empty shell
casings. At this time no arrests have been made. The statue's
owner had this to say, "You've got to be a pretty strange
individual to want to shoot Santa Claus." And stay away
from the Easter Bunny too.
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* According to a transcript obtained by the Rochester Democrat
and Chronicle in September, convicted rapist John Horace, 60, was
turned down by the New York Parole Board after offering a new
excuse for his crime (which was committed against a nursing home
resident in a near coma). Horace, then an aide at the home, said he
had read in a medical book somewhere that the sensation of
pregnancy would snap a woman out of a coma and that he was thus
only trying to help.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...