The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 7, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: This was the final week of their holiday hiatus,
so join the MO gang when they return this Friday (January 7th) to begin a
new year of brutality and insanity...

On The Last Exit: This weeks show began at midnight right after New Years
Day, and was the first ever Demon's Picks Show, which meant that The Demon
Azkath devoted the show to playing his favorite music and (except for
listener requests, of course, which are always taken) picked all the
selections and only played stuff which he personally liked and thought was
really good. Well, actually, not quite all, his show was briefly hijacked,
but more on that in a bit. Just Joe was absent this week and they didn't
know why. (Perhaps he got himself arrested again to try and beat his new
record of time spent in jail - four hours - so he can claim to be even more
hardcore. He does, after all, have competition now for claiming the mantel
of being most hardcore, as he has to top Gorgar, who has a broken neck,
which is truly hardcore.) However, one of the other people present for this
night claimed credit for Just Joe's absence. Lance from The Metallic
Onslaught said that he was responsible. Lance said that in retaliation for
the many disparaging remarks Just Joe has been making about him lately,
(calling him gayer than Zoltan, which are truly fighting words, and saying
that he was not hardcore), he had kicked his ass and thrown him down the
stairs repeatedly, finally finishing him off with a shoe to the head. And
Lance has had a lot of experience with throwing people down stairs, after
all, having done it to Jeffie many times. So Lance said that it was due to
this severe beat down that Just Joe was not there. And, btw, still no word
on the fate of poor Fritz. Also present on this first show of the brand new
year were: Tim from Victory Records, Rub McGroin, and Ritchie (the vocalist
and guitarist for The Pushrods.). Ok, now the promised more on the brief
hijacking of Azkath's picks show... Lance asked if (since Old Joe never lets
him pick sets on MO) he could play a set or two of his picks. Azkath told
him that this night was reserved for him only to pick the sets, and, that if
Lance wanted to get to choose some music, he would just have to show up on
the show a bit more often. (Lance has not been on LE for months). Lance
asked Azkath what the hell was going on in the hall!? Azkath said that there
was nothing going on in the hall, but Lance insisted that there were very
bad wrong things happening out there that Azkath might be held responsible
for (fixing and cleaning up and such) if he did not see to putting a stop to
them. Azkath finally decided to go have a look... whereupon Lance
immediately shut and locked the door instructing everyone to not let the
Demon back in, and proceeded to play some of his favorite selections.
However, Lance's reign of control was to be short lived, (he got to play
about five songs), as Rub let Azkath back in. Of course Lance would pay for
this act of mutiny. Azkath caught him and duct taped him to the top of Tim's
car. He also put duct tape over Lance's mouth. Azkath told Tim to leave
Lance there for their entire ride home, which Tim said he would do. Ritchie
played some Pushrods songs acoustically, and took requests on which songs he
should play. However, He could not remember the words to one of his own
songs which was requested. This just happened to be my request btw... He
tried to perform it, but just could not remember it, so it had to be put off
for a bit until his memory could be refreshed. He finally did manage to do
it. I'm sorry Ritchie, I didn't mean to make things so difficult for you by
requesting one of your own songs. :) It was quite amusing. Later, Ritchie
attempted to perform a song which he said he had just composed and wanted to
send out to all the girls in the chatroom. He tried but kept cracking up
while singing it, so we never got to hear very much of it. But, what we did
hear was very funny something along the lines of how the girls would never
talk to him face to face, but only online. Hearing him try to sing it and
badly cracking up was also very amusing. I think there is a great song for
the band in this when/if he finishes composing it. :) And thus went the
first ever Demon's choice night and the first show of the new year. It was
an amusing fun night. This week the band Others should be on to talk about
an upcoming concert they will be participating in. And they should perform
live and acoustic on the air. Should be a great show... And perhaps we will
hear about where Just Joe was. Tune in for these things and whatever other
craziness that may occur...
_________________________________________

Words from the Demon...

Yes. I seem to mostly have internet now. I will try and upload the latest
Best of CD to the site soon. Others (www.geocities.com/others6662000)
should be up this week to play acoustic, and I think Ritchie from The
Pushrods (www.PushrodsRock.com) should be back up. Aside from that, I have
no clue who will show up this time. I guess we will find out together...

Also, Haunted by Angels are looking for a bass player.
www.hauntedbyangels.com If you are interested, contact them at
HBA@....
__________________________________________

WORM QUARTET UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 1/5/04
Hi, peoplepersons!

Happy friggin' holidays and all that crap! First off...

*drum roll*

DR. DEMENTO'S FUNNY 25 FOR 2004 NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
For those of you who weren't already aware, the most
requested songs on the Dr. Demento show for 2004 are...

#25 Me Like Hockey - The Arrogant Worms
#24 Monster Mash - Bobby (Boris) Pickett & The Crypt-Kickers
#23 Rage Against The Mundane - Tony Goldmark
#22 Ti Kwan Leep/Boot to the Head - The Frantics
#21 The Night Santa Went Crazy (extra gory version) - "Weird Al" Yankovic
#20 They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa! - Napoleon XIV
#19 Cows With Guns - Dana Lyons
#18 Army Careers - The Frantics
#17 Fish Heads - Barnes & Barnes
#16 Shatner - Steve Goodie
#15 The Devil Went To Jamaica - Travis Meyer
#14 Bulbous Bouffant - Radio Free Vestibule
#13 Dead Puppies - Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizzario Band
#12 She's Got A Tongue Like A Kodiak Bear - Bill Frenzer
#11 Stealing Like A Hobbit - the great Luke Ski
#10 If I Had The Copyright - Carla Ulbrich
#9 F. People - Ookla The Mok
#8 What If Your Butt Was Gone? - Carla Ulbrich
#7 Tribal Council - Ryan Hopak & The Happy Chinchillas f/ Timothy Mank
#6 Harry's Wand - Steve Goodie
#5 Morris The Moose - Lorne Elliott
#4 The Spongy Dance - the great Luke Ski
#3 The Liar Sleeps Tonight - Mr. Whitekeys & The Fabulous Spamtones
#2 Sirius Black - Tony Goldmark
#1 Great Idea For A Song - Worm Quartet

WHEEEEEHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Who the hell knew getting screwed over and dumped on my ass
a decade ago in the most tortuous breakup I've ever
experienced would end up being such a positive thing?

Thank you all again and again and again for your relentless
support of my stupid friggin' music. It means more to me
than I can express without making puppets out of human
flesh and using them to re-enact the high points of the
Carter administration. Additional extra-nipply thanks are
due to Dr. D himself for being kind enough to play my crap
on his show even in censored form after Nipplegate. And
elkloads of congratulations to my colleagues that also made
the top 25, particularly Tony Goldmark, who came so close
to kicking my ass that his toenails actually left an
indentation on my left butt cheek. Will somebody please
remind me at some point that unpleasant imagery tends to
make people stop reading these updates? Thanks.

In other news...

WORM QUARTET RESUMES ROCKING THE LIVE THING NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Yes, dammit! My child-induced hiatus is at an end, so
I've actually got some shows coming up! The newly-
fatherly WQ shall once again be screaming, ranting,
spitting, and cursing* at a club, bar, or convention
near you! Or, more likely, far away from you!

* Cursing available at select venues only

Upcoming Worm Quartet shows:

--

Saturday, January 15th - Montclair, NJ

GILLIGAN STUMP! AND THA PERFESSER
WORM QUARTET
DAVID KLEINER and LIZ PAGAN

@ Luna Stage
695 Bloomfield Ave.
Montclair, NJ

Tickets $10 at the door. $5 With valid Student ID.
For Tickets and additional info: www.lunastage.org
or call 973-744-3309

--

March 4-6, 2005 - Bloomington, MN

MARSCON 2005

Worm Quartet will be performing along with The Great Luke
Ski, Sudden Death, Tony Goldmark, and Raymond
and Scum!!

Other guests include Jeremy Bulloch, Richard Herd, Timothy
Zahn, and Stephanie Gannaway-Osborn

--

April 22-24, 2005 - Novi, MI

PENGUICON 3.0

Worm Quartet will be appearing along with Tony
Goldmark, Tom Smith, and more TBA!

Guests of honor include Wil Wheaton and Cory Doctorow

SUMOPHOBIA RE-RELEASE NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Those of you who have been paying attention are aware that
I'm planning to release a remixed, remastered, and
partially-rerecorded version of Worm Quartet's first
full-length CD, "Sumophobia." It's not gonna be out last
year, as my initial lie indicated, but it'll exist, dammit,
and it looks like it'll have over a half hour of bonus
material for your head-bobbing devil-horning pleasure. I'll
give you a taste of some of the redone tracks soon. They're
sounding damned tasty.

7" SPLIT NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Worm Quartet's foray into the world of Vinyl, accompanied by
Virginia punks Plan 15, should happen pretty friggin' soon,
so get your ass to Goodwill and buy a record player! Four
brand-spankin'-new tracks have been recorded for my side of
the record, I've just gotta get 'em mastered and finish up
the artwork and liner notes and such (yes, I'm doing the
artwork myself! FEAR MY DYI WORK ETHIC!!) and then poke
Tyler of Blankmind Records with a sharp stick until he puts
the damned thing on wax. It'll be chock full of synthy
punky silly goodness, with a guest appearance by The Great
Luke Ski, and will also include a multimedia section with
live concert footage, Flash games, and exclusive access to
Worm Quartet and Plan 15 ringtones.

What?

COFFEE INC. NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Coffee Inc.'s debut CD, "Benefits Of Society," is FINALLY
being mastered! MP3s will be available within the next
couple of weeks, and the CD will be out sometime early this
year on Flaming Mayo Records. Coffee Inc. features the
songwriting, guitaring, and vocaling of former WQ guitarist
Coffee, with keyboards and backing vocals here and there by
current Worm Quartet everythingist Shoebox, who also
recorded, mixed, and produced the bleedin' thing. It sounds
nothing like Worm Quartet, but neither do you, so shut up.

Very little information about Coffee Inc. can be found
at http://www.flamingmayo.com/coffeeinc

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
I'm sick, so everything smells like thick dark mucas. And
now we're back to the imagery thing again.

I hereby shut up! Hope you're all enjoying something
enjoyable! Like prunes, if you like prunes! I don't, but
what the hell do I know?

Heckling the turd ambassador,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
______________________________________________________

\m/ INSIDE OUT MUSIC AMERICA METAL NEWS \m/
(Please post)


James LaBrie solo album...

Dream Theater vocalist, James LaBrie's solo CD is slated for release on
March 15th. Musicians inlcude Matt Guillory (Dali's Dilemma) on keyboards,
Mike Mangini (Extreme) on drums, Bryan Beller (Steve Vai) on bass, and a new
guitar prodigy from Italy named Marco Sfogli. The CD will also feature a
special guest appearance by fellow Canadian Kim Mitchell (Max Webster).
Engineering chores are being handled by James' old Winter Rose bandmate,
Richard Chycki who has done work for the likes of Aerosmith, Rush, and the
Jeff Healey Band. Look for James to perform live with his band to support
the release. Stay tuned for more details.

Evergrey live CD / DVD...

Also coming on March 15 will be Evergrey's new live CD called "A night To
Remember." The upcoming DVD, which features the live performance in their
hometown of Gothenburg, Sweden, was filmed with 15 hi def cameras and will
also include all of Evergrey's videos to date. Look for the DVD to hit
stores in April.

Symphony X news...

Symphony X vocalist, Russell Allen has just completed mixes on his very
first solo effort tentatively titled, "Russell Allen's Atomic Soul." Its
more of a stripped down bluesy '70s hard rock vibe in the vein of Bad
Company. It was recorded by fellow Symphony X member, Michael Romeo who also
lent his talents to some guitar and bass work. Look for its release sometime
in April.

Romeo is now going to start working on the much anticipated new Symphony X
album.

Shadow Gallery...

Inside Out is also proud to announce the signing of Progressive Power
Metallers, Shadow Gallery. The PA group is busy working on their fifth CD
"Room Five." Look for its release sometime this spring.

More DVDs!...

The new Enchant DVD "Live At Last" will finally be released on February 1st.
Daniel Guildenlow is busy working on the very first Pain of Salvation DVD.
Devin Townsend from Strapping Young Lad will also present his first solo DVD
later this year.
_____________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: January 2, 2005
(R) = Requested

Fates Warning "The Ivory Gates of Dreams"
The Pushrods "Girls are Perverts Too"
Thrice "Under a Killing Moon"
Lilitu "Desolation Breeds"
Fall of Leafe "Lectured by the Demon of Dreams"
Vio-Lence "Bodies on Bodies"
Sepultura "Mass Hypnosis"
The Accussed "War=Death '88"
Avenged Sevenfold "Eternal Rest"
Nocturne "Happy"
Oliver Magnum "Silent Scream (Prelude to Death)"
Julie Laughs No More "From the Mist of Ruins"
Dead Horse "La La Song" (R)
Motorhead "In the Name of Tragedy" (R)
Seasons of the Wolf "Interstellar"
Vandals "To All the Kids" (R)
Worm Quartet "Let's Break Some Furnature"
Mudvayne "Determined"
Crotchduster "True Nature of Williams"
Team America Soundtrack "America Fuck Yeah"
The Wildhearts "Cheers"
Obsession "Methods of Madness"
Tha Plank Boys "Under the Influence"
Crisis "Nomad"
Paradise Lost "Eternal"
Fields of the Nephilim "Psychonaut Lib IIII"
Fear of God "Drift"
Dark Throne "Straightening Sharks in Heaven"
Yyrkoon "Reversed World"
Hitoshi Nakamura's Eternal Fantasy "Journey to the Unknown Planet"
Necromis "Look at You"
Motley Crue "Take Me to the Top"
Bent Peg "Over the Counter Culturist"
Keel "Speed Demon"
Heathen "Breaking the Silence"
Sonata Arctica "Still Loving You"
Nightwish "Wish I Had an Angel"
Savatage "Morphine Child" (R)
Fields of the Nephilim "Chord of Souls"
Anathema "Better Off Dead"
Divinity Destroyed "Crestfallen / Disciple"
King Diamond "No Presents for Christmas"
Slayer "Seasons in the Abyss" (R)
Sepultura "Biotech is Godzilla" (R)
Hatebreed "Tear It Down" (R)
Therapy? "Knives / Screamager"
Skyclad "Anti-Body Politic"
Green Carnation "Light of Day, Day of Darkness"
_____________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Sat, Jan 15: The Witching and Papa Muse at Castaways, Ithaca

Sat, Jan 15: H20, Stretch Arm Strong, With Honor, and Dead Hearts at The
Icon, Buffalo

Sat, Jan 15: Nick Fuoco Winter Show Festival with If Man Is Five, Tempter,
Gold Ethl, King Snyder, Black Labeled, Others, and One Hitters at The
Icehouse, 15 Charlotte Street, Binghamton (10 Kegs and Contests)

Sat, Jan 22: Walls Of Jericho, Bury Your Dead, Full Blown Chaos, and
Premonitions Of War at The Icon, Buffalo

Tues, Jan 25: The Pushrods at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Wed, Jan 26: The Pushrods, The Actual Facts, Ready Set Fall, and The Donger
at Castaways, Ithaca

Wed, Feb 9: 18 Visions, Emery, Remembering Never, and Misery Signals at The
Icon, Buffalo

Sun, Feb 13: Crowbar and Entombed at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Fri, Feb 25: Suffocation and Behemoth at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Tues, April 5: Soilwork, Dark Tranquility, Hypocrisy, and Mnenic at The
Icon, Buffalo
____________________________________________

TOP STORIES AND THINGS LIKE THAT...

January 2 is Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes
It Day

January 9 is Play God Day

January 10 is Peculiar People Day

January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

January 14 is National Dress Up Your Pet Day

January 17 is Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day

January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day

January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and
National Blonde Brownie Day

January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day

January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake
Round-Up Day
_________________________________________________

-------- No Presents Left This Guy Feeling Burned ----------

FEASTERVILLE, Pa. -- Here's a guy who knows how to spread
Christmas cheer. Steven Murray was so outraged that he
didn't receive any presents from his family for Christmas
that he burned down his parent's house the next morning.
Police said Murray had committed himself to a hospital on
Christmas Day, only to later sign himself out and walk the
eight miles home. He told the cops that he saw flames from
a distance, but officers said his jacket smelled like smoke
and they found a lighter in his pocket and a gas can by the
front door. One officer says Murray "was irritated that his
family gave him no presents for Christmas." He has been
charged with arson and risking a catastrophe, and was
jailed on $1 million bail. Nobody was hurt.
_______________________________________________

From The Onion

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People

AL JIZAH, EGYPT—A team of British and Egyptian archaeologists made a
stunning discovery Monday, unearthing several intact specimens of "skeleton
people"—skinless, organless humans who populated the Nile delta region an
estimated 6,000 years ago.

"This is an incredible find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University
archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one time, this entire
area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons."

"The implications are staggering," Hutchins continued. "We now know that the
skeletons we see in horror films and on Halloween are not mere products of
the imagination, but actually lived on Earth."

Standing at the excavation site, a 20-by-20-foot square pit along the Nile
River, Hutchins noted key elements of the find. "The skeletons lived in this
mud-brick structure, which, based on what we know of these people, was
probably haunted," he said. "Although we found crude cooking utensils in the
area, as well as evidence of crafts like pottery and weaving, we are
inclined to believe that the skeletons' chief activity was jumping out at
nearby humans and scaring them. And though we know little of their language
and means of communication, it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy' a
lot."

Approximately 200 yards west of the excavation site, the archaeologists also
found evidence of farming.

"What's puzzling about this," Cambridge University archaeologist Sir Ian
Edmund-White said, "is that skeletons would not benefit from harvested
crops, as any food taken orally would immediately fall through the hole
behind the jaw and down through the rib cage, eventually hitting the ground.
Our best guess is that they scared away a group of human farmers, then
remained behind to haunt the dwelling. Or perhaps they bartered goods in a
nearby city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins and
tattered, dirty clothing."

Continued Edmund-White: "The hole in that theory, however, is that a 1997
excavation of this area which yielded extensive records of local clans and
merchants made no mention of even one animated mass of bones coming to town
for the purpose of trade. But we are taking great pains to recover as much
of the site as possible, while also being extremely careful not to fall
victim to some kind of spooky skeleton curse."

As for what led to the extinction of the skeletons, Edmund-White offered a
theory.

"Perhaps an Egyptian priest or king broke the curse of the skeletons, either
by defeating the head skeleton in combat or by discovering the magic words
needed to send their spirits back to Hell," Edmund-White said. "In any case,
there is strong evidence that the Power of Greyskull played a significant
role in the defeat of the skeleton people."

According to Hutchins, the skeletons bear numerous similarities to humans,
leading him to suspect that there may be an evolutionary link between the
two species.

"Like humans, these creatures walked upright on two legs and possessed
highly developed opposable thumbs," Edmund-White said. "These and many other
similarities lend credence to the theory that hundreds of thousands of years
ago, human development passed through a skeletal stage. These skeletons may,
in fact, be ancestors of us all."

"Any of us could be part skeleton," he added.

Other experts disagreed.

"The evidence of an evolutionary link between humans and skeletons is sparse
at best," said Dr. Terrance Schneider of the University of Chicago.
"Furthermore, it is downright unscientific to theorize that skeleton life
originated in Egypt merely because mummies, another species of monster, are
indigenous to the area. Spooky creatures are found all over the world, from
the vampires of Transylvania to the headless horsemen of Sleepy Hollow."
________________________________________________

Sole Remaining Lung Fillled with Rich, Satusfying Flavor

GARLAND, TX—Local resident Jesse McCombs' sole remaining lung filled with
the rich, satisfying flavor of Parliament cigarettes Monday. "Mmm, now
that's a good smoke," said McCombs, 51, drawing a deep breath of Parliament
smoke into what remains of his respiratory system. "It's just too bad I no
longer have a right lung, because then I could be enjoying double the
tobacco pleasure right now."
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...