The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 28, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

** RECAPS BY FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: When Jeffie arrived he had some new facts and
news for everyone. He has always maintained that he is the star of the show,
and he thinks that the show never starts until he gets there... but now in
his newfound wisdom, he said that he is the whole reason there is a show.
That he was responsible for bringing everyone on the show to it (even though
they all (aside from Lance)preceded his arrival there, it still was all due
to him). He informed Joe that he would have no show at all and no listeners
if it wasn't for him, that he was responsible for everything Joe had,
including his wife... Joe at first challenged this, but then told Jeffie
that after thinking it over, he had seen the light, and that Jeffie was
absolutely right (in the middle of this he said "I'll take your life, err, I
mean...", so, this was obviously sarcasm. He is old, demented, and senile,
yes, but not that far gone... not yet, anyways. Someday soon, who knows?).
Jeffie said that since he had realized that he was so incredibly important
and loved and adored, that he was now living a lifestyle befitting of
someone with such power and fame... He said that he had written a book, and
that he had been attending book signings all week, all of which were
attended by throngs of adoring fans. He said that he had acquired a big tour
bus, and had had many wild parties on it with his many many groupies. He
called himself a rock star who doesn't make music, and claimed that soon the
band The Who would be opening for him at his book signings. At some point
Joe got careless and left his cell phone unguarded (old people are
neglectful like that). Jeffie got a hold of it (he's been wanting and
waiting for a chance to get that phone again for months). He shoved it in
his pants, and begged for someone (hopefully lots of his fans) to call it.
The phone vibrates when it rings, you see, so I'm sure you can figure out
why he wanted this so badly. :) (you know, there has been news lately that
cell phones may cause sterility, and I'm sure the scientists who brought
this out weren't considering that someone might put them in their pants to
use them for a vibrator, so, this might actually be a very good thing. We
certainly don't want Jeffie reproducing! Perish that thought! It's bad
enough that Shoebox did, but Jeffie?! That would be worse still! Joe's cell
phone may be providing a much more valuable service than bringing Joe his
calls. Maybe they should each buy Jeffie a cell phone.) There was a brawl in
which Joe, Lance and Rick beat down Jeffie. They hit him with a HedPE CD
again (they had broken a HedPE CD over his head the week before). Then there
was an amusing segment where Lance said he wanted to form a Kiss tribute
band, one that would only cover extremely rare and obscure Kiss songs like
the completely unheard of songs "I wanna Rock And Roll All Night", "Beth",
and "Shout It Out Loud". The band would have the extremely clever name Kiss
And Make Up (get it? I'm sure you do!). Way ta go Lance! Someone finally
will do us all the important and long overdue service of bringing these
unknown treasures the public exposure they so richly deserve! Everyone
joined in on giving him suggestions of songs his band should cover. It was
all very funny. At the end of the night Jeffie still had the phone in his
pants, but noone had called it. He implored someone, anyone, to call it,
that it was of vital importance! Finally the phone rang (the ring tone is
the beginning of Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train"). Jeffie was ecstatic, as you
can guess. Lance told Jeffie that he owed him, and Jeffie told Lance that he
could come hang out and party with him on his big tour bus. And that was MO
for that week...

On The Last Exit: In a shocking turn of events, Just Joe beat down and
totally incapacitated The Demon Azkath. Just Joe hosted the show for the
night, and played all his favorites, Elf, Dio, Triumph, The Dave Mathews
Band, and Travis Rocco (that last is a local soft rock/pop sounding band
btw, as I doubt if many of you would know who they are, I do, but that is
because, unfortunately for me, I have the misfortune of sharing a hometown
with Just Joe!) :( Just Joe turned out to be extremely smart after all,
and his feigned stupidity was just a clever disguise to lull everyone into a
false sense of security. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Nobody could
be that good of an actor! But, that turned out to be just his evil
brilliance. The Penguin and FMG talked on the air all night long as well. It
was a very different show than it usually is! It rocked and I hope it will
continue! PSYCH!!! Gotcha! Actually, for the first time in ten years, there
was no LE of any kind (there was a recorded version, instead of a live show
once when the station was transferring to a new location. There was almost a
rerun of The classic Armageddon show last fall, when the crew had planned to
take a rare and well deserved night off, but their plans fell through, and
there was a live show after all that night. And there have been a couple of
times when there were fill in hosts. But this was the first time that there
was no show at all)... And this tragedy was due to the blizzard that hit the
east coast which I'm sure (unless you live in a cave) you noticed or heard
and saw a lot of coverage of. So, I made it all up for you! None of those
travesties took place! Aren't you relieved?! What a nightmare! There was
only a virtual show of sorts held in the chat room. Hmmm, I wonder if that
severe weather might have been caused by the work that might have been going
on trying to combine the Wheel Of Satan with The Keys To The Apocalypse to
reek havoc?? A mini Apocalypse (possibly a preview of bigger and better
things to come, perhaps??) Who Knows? Having no LE for a week, tragic though
that is (and it most certainly is!), if it was in the cause of trying to
engineer an Armageddon, well, every worthy cause requires great sacrifice.
In any case, barring any more unforeseen freak events of nature, (or any
other freak events of any sort) there will be a LE this week, so be sure to
tune in for it!

******************************************************

From Azkath...

Yeah, ok, tonight on the Metallic Onslaught, will be, probably like any
other night on the Metallic Onslaught, unless it's not. I really have no
idea what any of them have planned for tonight. Hopefully it will start on
time this week...

On The Last Exit, we have to make up for last week, now don't we? We should
have Crow and Ritchie from the Pushrods there, and I do believe that If Man
is Five is coming up. I also hear word that Rub McGroin may show up, and
who knows who else. Should be an interesting night...
____________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week's Metal Update went out to over 15,640 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

MEGADETH
The lawsuit filed by former Megadeth bassist David Ellefson against
singer-guitarist David Mustaine, disputing the legitimacy of a May 2004
settlement agreement and seeking at least $18.5 million in damages, was
dismissed by a federal judge in New York on January 13th, according to The
Hollywood Reporter.com. The article also states that Ellefson's attorney
has already filed a notice of appeal, and that a countersuit filed by
Mustaine agains Ellefson remains pending.

TESTAMENT
The band has announced they will re-release the 1991 documentary 'Seen
Between the Lines' on DVD this spring. The documentary contains live
footage, promotional music videos, rare video clips, as well as behind the
scenes and candid footage.

FATES WARNING
Following the departure of Mark Zonder, the band has announced the
drummers for their upcoming European shows. Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater)
will join them on drums for the Headway festival. Nick D'Virgilio (Spock's
Beard) will handle drumming duties for the scheduled February dates.

KATAKLYSM
Kataklysm have parted ways with drummer Martin Maurais, citing "personal
and professional reasons." Max Duhamel, who performed on five past
Kataklysm albums including Shadows and Dust has been named as his
replacement. Kataklysm will be direct support on the Danzig tour with
Trivium and Eyes of Fire, beginning February 18th.

CRISIS
Crisis have added drummer Ryan Ball to the line up. Karyn Crisis is one of
the women featured on this week's episode, entitled "Chicks in Metal," of
Uranium airing on Fuse beginning January 21st.

SKINLESS
Vocalist Jason Keyser has been added to the Skinless lineup following the
departure of Sherwood Webber. Keyser is the brother of bass player Joe
Kyser. The new lineup will debut onstage in Providence, RI on March 4th.
The band plans to enter the studio by the end of 2005 to record a new
album for release through Relapse Records in 2006. The band recently
released a DVD, entitled 'Skinflick.'

ARCTURUS
Simen Hestnæs (Vortex of Dimmu Borgir and Borknagar) recently joined the
band as lead vocalist. His first appearance with the band will be at the
Inferno Metal Festival in London on January 27th. The band has signed to
Season of Mist and will be entering the studio in February to record their
new album, scheduled for an August release.

MERCENARY
The band won all three of the Danish Metal Awards they had been nominated
for: album of the year, vocal performance of the year, and guitarist of
the year. An MP3 of the song "Firesoul" is available at the Mercenary and
Century Media websites. Mercenary are currently on tour in Europe with
Brainstorm and At Vance.

NEW SIGNINGS
Galy Records: Camilla Rhodes, Eclipse Eternal
Nuclear Blast: Bleed the Sky
Scarlet Records: Kayser, Requiem, Lords of Decadence
Season of Mist: Arcturus

FOR MORE NEWS GO TO:
http://www.metalupdate.com

-- HELP WANTED --

VOCALIST wanted - Fragments of Unbecoming need a powerful frontman. The
one to be chosen should be committed to shows, practices, forthcoming
recordings and must have great stage presence (in any possible personal or
special way). The one should be an extreme vocalist who perfectly fits to
our music. If you are interested, please get in touch as soon as possible:
sascha@...

DRUMMER wanted - Brand New Disaster are looking for someone with a lot of
talent, experience, and touring history. You must live in the Virginia
area or be willing to relocate. Most importantly, you have to be a cool
dude and really want to commit to being in a band. Send an e-mail with
your name, contact info, and experience to: tryouts@...

VOCALIST wanted - Signed NYC Metal Band with Top Management. Recording
and live experience necessary. Huge and very serious opportunity.
Influences: Bruce Dickinson, Rob Halford, Eric Adams, Jon Oliva. Contact:
guitwzd@...
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NOCTURNE NEWS

Hey Everyone!!!

It was recently confirmed that Nocturne will be going on a U.S. tour with
Pigface, starting April 15th!

Here is the line-up:

1st band: DAMAGE MANUAL (featuring Chris Connelly of Ministry and the
Revolting Cocks)

2nd band: NOCTURNE

3rd band: SHEEP ON DRUGS

Headliner: PIGFACE


I don't have the tour dates yet, but as soon as I do (which will be within
the next week or two), I will let you all know. I'm sorry, but it's not up
to me where we perform, and I have no say in the matter. So please, no
e-mails asking "Are you going to play in Cleveland?" "Are you going to play
in Phoenix?" "Please come to Atlanta!" All I know is that the tour will be
five to six weeks long, and we'll most likely be hitting most of the major
cities in the country. Again, I'll let you all know as SOON as I get the
details of where and when we're playing! - which will probably be within a
week or two - :-)

Thanks for your support, everyone!!!

Cheers!

- Lacey
- N O C T U R N E -

P.S. Please send questions, comments, etc to NocturneMusic@.... I'll
respond to as many e-mails as I can, but please don't take it personally if
I don't respond to your e-mail. You know I love you all, but there are only
24 hours in the day, so unfortunately, I can't respond to everyone, even
though I wish I could! ;-) Please know that I DO read all the e-mails
though! Thanks everyone, and I wish you all well!!!

http://www.myspace.com/nocturne
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Nocturne message board is alive and kicking! Check it out!
http://www.nocturne.cc/cgi-bin/board/ikonboard.cgi

Pick up a Nocturne CD, or T-shirt, by clicking here:
http://www.nocturne.cc/merch.htm

The official Nocturne web site: http://www.nocturne.cc

Learn what you can do to help stop animal cruelty:
http://www.animalcruelty.com/

_______________________________________________________

THE END REECORDS and KISS OF INFAMY MANAGEMENT are proud to announce the
signing of a multi-album deal with Canadian act THINE EYES BLEED. Their
debut album, 'In The Wake Of Separation', is scheduled for an April 26
release. Highlighted by a disciplined ferocity and over-the-top
instrumentation, the band fuses modern metal extremity with touches of
dissonant, oddly-constructed riffing, engaging vocal variation, ripping
guitar-soloing and memorable songwriting. The band was voted Best
Underground Metal Band by Uranium.com and boasts an exceptional line-up,
including former Kittie guitarist/technician Jeff Phillips, Justin Wolfe
from Acacia and John Araya (brother of Slayer's Tom Araya). Having toured
with Kittie, Superjoint Ritual, MTV's “Jackass/Wildboys” Steve O, Candiria,
Twelve Tribes, 36 Crazy Fists, etc., they are now gearing up for extensive
national touring in 2005!
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If Hope Dies - Direct word from the band about switching tours

Here's an email received by SMNnews.com from IF HOPE DIES regarding their
switch from the KREATOR / VADER / DEATH ANGEL tour to the THE RED CHORD /
BURY YOUR DEAD / A LIFE ONCE LOST tour and if there's been any word as far
as whether or not the band may be playing this year's Ozzfest:

"Sorry we haven't updated our site, we've been on the road rockin' hard. But
unfortunately we've dropped off the KREATOR tour to join on THE RED CHORD, A
LIFE ONCE LOST tour. We thought that tour was more suitable for our sound.
And we haevn't heard anything about Ozzfest.... but man wouldn't that be
GREAT!

Take care, Thad IHD"
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NEWS FROM GORGAR

Z Records have again delayed the release of BLACK N BLUE's new album, Hell
Yeah! The band will finish up work on the forthcoming album during March in
Portland, OR. Z Records now plan to release the album in late April/early
May. More details will be announced soon. Track titles set to appear on the
release include: 'Your My Monkey', 'Angry Drunks' and 'Fools Bleed', all
described as "classic Black N Blue material."
_____________________________________________________

From ANDY of Haunted by Angels...

Attention METALHEADS, I am writing to you to tell you about a new project
called NYMetal.com. NYMetal's mission statement is to serve all New York
based Metal bands (and fans) and build an unstoppable network. To supply
resources such as venue contacts, studio listings, band contacts, forums,
equipment/musician classifieds, label contacts, promotion, and more. Right
now as an introductory we are offering 3 levels of service. Free, Standard
and Premium. Here is a breakdown.

FREE - It's just that. Free to all. Take advantage of our classifieds, band
news and forums, reviews and more. This is ideal for your fans but if you
are a band in need you will want to look at the Standard or Premium setups.
Remember to view the site (accept for the venue, distro, studio sections)
and to post in all sections that are public is free!

STANDARD - $10.00 One-time fee. Yep, it's cheap. Basically to cover my setup
costs. Standard account gets your band a forums section(s) that you will
have control over. Complete with the ability to upload your pictures, mp3s,
etc. (65 MB) Up to 3 forum sections. Full access to our resources. A rotated
1 month feature on our frontpage (when implemented).

PREMIUM - $20.00 One-time fee. Essentially right now the only difference is
that you get 150MB of upload space, up to 6 forum sections, and a free
domain name, example: YourBandName.NYMetal.com.

Whether or not you do a Standard or Premium account you should still
participate as the community needs your support.

Visit us at http://www.NYMetal.com and register today. Most importantly,
help us spread the word! The metal community is strong...and will be
stronger with your help!

Bands wishing to get their CDs/Band reviewed on our site can send promopacks
including CD, Photo, Band logo and a short bio to:

NYMetal.com
809 West Church Street Elmira, NY 14905

No promos will be returned.

~TurnItUp~
_______________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Saturday 1/29
Northern Lights
Channel 103.1 Presents: A Benefit for the Asian Tsunami Relief Fund
With
Pile of Heads
The Sofa Kingz
Shift
North Allen
The Erotics
Catch Fire
Inside Draw
Radiation Sqaud
Proceeds to benefit the Red Cross Relief Fund
1208 Route 146
Clifton Park, NY
(518) 371-0012

Wed, Feb 9: 18 Visions, Emery, Remembering Never, Inferis, and Misery
Signals at The Icon, Buffalo

Thurs, Feb 10: BudweiserTrue Music Band Competition w/ the PushRods and 2
other bands at Peppers Grill, Berwick, PA 9PM - 12

The Last BOILER Show Ever will of course be @ The Haunt - Ithaca, NY.
Friday, Feb. 11 - $5 / 18+ / 10:00pm
There will be no opening bands. BOILER will play 2 sets.

Sun, Feb 13: Crowbar and Entombed at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Fri, Feb 18: The PushRods at the Haunt, Ithaca

Fri, Feb 25: Suffocation and Behemoth at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, March 3: Atreyu, Unearth, and Scars of Tomorrow at The Water Street
Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, March 3: Soulfly, God Forbid, and Stemm at The Icon, Buffalo

Monday March 7th - The Sports Bars
State St. Binghamton N.Y.13905
M.A.D. Muzak Presents
"Others" 3rd yr Anniverary Party - Fan Appreciation
with Special Guests
The Lurking Corpses - http://www.thelurkingcorpses.com
the Mofo's - http://www.mofosonlone.com
2 for 1 drinks Specials
FREE CD FOR THE FIRST 50 PAID THROUGH THE DOOR!
"Others - Live for the UnDead"
$5.00 / 18 & up / doors 7:30pm first band 8pm
band page: http://www.soundclick.com/others

Weds, March 16: Mike Tramp at Rock and Roll Heaven, Buffalo

Tues, March 29: Black Label Society at The Water Street Music Hall,
Rochester

Tues, April 5: Soilwork, Dark Tranquility, Hypocrisy, and Mnenic at The
Icon, Buffalo

Mon, April 18: Velvet Revolver at The Blue Cross Arena, Rochester

Thurs, April 21: Strapping Young Lad, Misery Signals, Reflux, and Agony
Scene at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Mon, May 2: Murphy’s Law, Supersuckers, and Rev Horton Heat at Milestones,
Rochester

Thurs, May 12: Kreator, Death Angel, and Vader at The Penny Arcade,
Rochester
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...