The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - February 11, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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** RECAOPS FROM FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox, not there, of course. There: Jeffie,
Lance, Rick, and Joe. Usual show, right? Wrong! Because, for starters, the
Joe present on this night was not the old senile Joe, but Just Joe, the
idiot from The Last Exit. Old Joe, as you may recall from last week, (which
you will, if you were paying attention, which I'm sure you all do, and
certainly should! After all, what better and/or more important matters are
there to pay attention to?! None, exactly!), informed them that he was going
to Vegas, and that Jeffie could run the whole show for that night, to the
delight of Jeffie, and the dismay of everyone else. Jeffie had promised that
he would have special guests and surprises for his big night. Rick had
demanded that one of those guests had better not be Just Joe, or he would
kick both their asses (hall pass or no hall pass, lawyer or no lawyer).
Jeffie insisted that Just Joe would definitely not be there, as he did not
want him there either, so he would absolutely not be there... Unless he
followed him there... Which must be what happened, just goes to show once
again that Jeffie can never get anything right, and that his word can not be
trusted. Jeffie had also brought with him (these being the guests he meant
to bring when he promised special guests) most of the band The Pushrods,
Richie, the vocalist/guitarist, and Crow, the drummer. It was a very violent
night with most of the violence going on between Jeffie and Just Joe.
Jeffie actually beat down Just Joe pretty well, and screwed him... With a
screwdriver! (shame on you for what you were thinking!) He busted him open
and made him bleed with the screwdriver. Just Joe beat down Jeffie as well,
and Rick and Lance also beat on Just Joe. Jeffie and Just Joe also used that
purple slide whistle. Jeffie said that he liked it when Just Joe pulled his
whistle. The Pushrods performed many of their songs live on the air. They
also endured many insults from Just Joe, as did everyone else. I think the
MO gang may have actually come across someone who is even more annoying than
Jeffie. That's a pretty tall order, I know, but, if anyone could fill it, it
would be Just Joe. Lance and Richie got together (along with Just Joe, Crow,
and Jeffie) and performed some classic metal songs, AC/DC, Ozzy Osbourne,
and that extremely rare, so rare it's never been heard before, Kiss song, "I
Wanna Rock And Roll All Night", with Lance doing the vocals in death metal
style, Jeffie on slide whistle, Just Joe screaming, and Crow on drum sticks.
However, Lance Kicked Just Joe out of the band eventually, telling him that
he sucked, as Just Joe sang horribly, and was always out of sync with
everyone else, plus often didn't know the words. The performances were very
amusing, and The Pushrods rocked! And so that was Jeffie's big night running
the show. A night filled with violence, brawling and beatdowns, and humorous
musical performances. This week the other Joe (the old one) returns to take
control once again. Or as much control as can be taken on MO, that is. And,
although Just Joe vowed to return as well, I don't think that will happen.
Jeffie seemed to have enjoyed his special night. Which is understandable...
He actually got to beat down someone, for once, and, for a change, most of
the anger and hatred and beatdowns from the rest of the gang were directed
at someone else (Just Joe, of course!). Jeffie actually got some praise
(another first for him) from the gang, when he beat on Just Joe, and
especially for the screwdriver incident. So I can see why he would've
enjoyed the night. Plus Jeffie liked The Pushrods. That feeling was probably
not reciprecated, though, alas for Jeffie. It was quite a night, and quite a
show! So, tune in to see what other craziness this weeks show will bring...

On The Last Exit: Just Joe was not there, probably recuperating from all his
beat downs at The Metallic Onslaught the night before. Although, the reason
he gave was that he was home sick. (sick from the beatdowns, probably). :p
The Penguin was there briefly. Richie from The Pushrods was there. He
performed many pushrods's songs and one Beatles song live and acoustic. And,
interestingly enough, even though Just Joe was not there to distract and
molest him, he still couldn't remember the words to his songs, and had a
hard time getting through them, and still even on one of them, could not get
through it at all. Which I guess just proves that he can't remember
anything, and is easily distracted. :) Since he did not have the excuse
(completely valid and understandable excuse though it is) of Just Joe, what
else is there to conclude? :) It was amusing, though, and the songs
rocked, as always. This week, the band If Man Is Five should finally be on
again. They rock and are cool. And Just Joe will probably be recovered from
being sick (and beaten down on MO), so he should be back. And who knows what
else will happen. So, tune in and find out...
******************************************************************

FROM AZKATH...

Yes, If Man is Five will be up this week, as should Crow and Ritchie again.
Just Joe should return and I have a new idea to work out with him.
Hopefully I will remember and we will get to it tomorrow night.

The Onslaught starts in 30 minutes from this writing, no idea what they have
planned...

I updated the website a bit, added the real Live Journal thing for The Last
Exit, and I will have some new links to the best of's and some MP3's in the
Merch section later tonight. Hopefully.
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: February, 6, 2004
(R) = Requested

Background: Nox Arcana "Darklore Manor"

Empyrean Sky "Love Posion"
Kreator "Under a Total Blackened Sky"
Angkor Wat "Emotional Blackmail"
Lilitu "Fragments of My Reflection"
Pungent Stench "The Passion of Lucifer"
Coffee Inc. "Monsanto"
Oathean "Beyond the Memories I Lost"
ICP with Twiztid "Dirt Ball" (R)
Augury "From Eden Estranged..."
Future 86 "Let's Go!"
Augury "Becoming God"
The Old Dead Tree "Joy and Happiness"
If Man is Five "Escape"
The Pushrods "She Works at Burger King - Acoustic"
The Pushrods "I Need a Girlfriend with a Fucking Job"
Avec Tristese "A View of the End"
Fates Warning "Crawl"
Megadeth "Back in the Day"
Finntroll "Fiskarens Fiende"
The Pushrods "Help Me Dr. Phil - Acoustic"
Worm Quartet "Great Idea for a Song"
The Plank Boys "Under the Influence"
King Diamond "So Sad - Live"
If Man is Five "Choking on the Past - Acoustic"
Lux Occulta "Nude Sophia"
The Pushrods "Old People are a Pain in the Ass - Acoustic"

** MySpace Pic of the Week **
Polyandrium "Velvetine Tearsdrops"

Transmission 0-0 "Dust Like Sand"
High on Fire "Brother in the Wind"
Graveworm "Outside Down"
ICP "Hokus Pokus" (R)
Black Labeled "Almighty"
Anorexia Nervosa "Diver the Necessities of the Body" (R)
Mushroomhead "Before I Die" (R)
Robot Goes Here "Bizack in Blizack"
The Mighty Nimbus "Drinking on a Pile of Skulls"
Tenacious D "Explosivo" (R)
Never the Sunshine "Show Me How / Follow the Circle Down"
The Pushrods "Relationship Destroyed - Acoustic"

** Tribute to the Past Block **
Kreator "Flag of Hate"
Kick Axe 'Heavy Metal Shuffle"
VoiVod "Psychic Vacuum" (R)
Judas Priest "Desert Plains"
Angkor Wat "Warsaw"

Exodus "Sealed with a Fist" (R)
The Great Luke Ski "88 Lines about 44 Simpsons"
.30 Caliber "It's Gone Black"
Anvil of Doom "Milennium"
Others "The Fear Of..."
Persephone "My Prayer / Immersion"

Feature Artist: The Accused...
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UPCOMING SHOWS

Sun, Feb 13: Crowbar, ProPain, The Mighty Nimbus, and Entombed at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Fri, Feb 18: The PushRods at the Haunt, Ithaca

Tues, Feb 22: Hed(pe) and Dry Kill Logic at The Magic City Music Hall,
Johnson City

Fri, Feb 25: Suffocation, Cattle Decapitation, and Behemoth at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, March 3: Atreyu, Unearth, and Scars of Tomorrow at The Water Street
Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, March 3: Tesla at The Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City

Thurs, March 3: Soulfly, God Forbid, and Stemm at The Icon, Buffalo

Sat, March 5: Punch Drunk Monkeys, GWAR, and Alabama Thunder Pussy at The
Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City

Monday March 7th - The Sports Bars
State St. Binghamton N.Y.13905
M.A.D. Muzak Presents
"Others" 3rd yr Anniverary Party - Fan Appreciation
with Special Guests
The Lurking Corpses - http://www.thelurkingcorpses.com
the Mofo's - http://www.mofosonlone.com
2 for 1 drinks Specials
FREE CD FOR THE FIRST 50 PAID THROUGH THE DOOR!
"Others - Live for the UnDead"
$5.00 / 18 & up / doors 7:30pm first band 8pm
band page: http://www.soundclick.com/others

Weds, March 16: Mike Tramp at Rock and Roll Heaven, Buffalo

Tues, March 29: Black Label Society at The Water Street Music Hall,
Rochester

Tues, April 5: Soilwork, Dark Tranquility, Hypocrisy, and Mnenic at The
Icon, Buffalo

Mon, April 18: Velvet Revolver at The Blue Cross Arena, Rochester

Mon, April 18: Pigface, Nocturne, and Scary Monsters at The Water Street
Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, April 21: Strapping Young Lad, Misery Signals, Reflux, and Agony
Scene at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Mon, May 2: Murphy’s Law, Supersuckers, and Rev Horton Heat at Milestones,
Rochester

Thurs, May 12: Kreator, The Autumn Offering, Death Angel, and Vader at The
Penny Arcade, Rochester
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TOP STORIES

Bizarre Holidays in February

February is . . . . National Blah Buster Month, National Embroidery Month,
National Grapefruit Month, National Snack Food Month, National Weddings
Month, Responsible Pet Owner Month, Return Carts to the Supermarket Month,
Creative Romance Month, International Twit Award Month, Canned Food Month

February 1 is . . . . . Serpent Day
February 2 is . . . . . Purification Day
February 3 is . . . . . Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is . . . . . Create A Vacuum Day
February 5 is . . . . . Disaster Day
February 6 is . . . . . Lame Duck Day
February 7 is . . . . . Charles Dickens Day
February 8 is . . . . . Kite Flying Day
February 9 is . . . . . Toothache Day
February 10 is . . . . Umbrella Day
February 11 is . . . . White Tee-Shirt Day and Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk
Day
February 12 is . . . . National Plum Pudding Day
February 13 is . . . . Get A Different Name Day and Dream Your Sweet Day
February 14 is . . . . Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to Heart Day
February 15 is . . . . National Gum Drop Day
February 16 is . . . . Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 17 is . . . . Champion Crab Races Day
February 18 is . . . . National Battery Day
February 19 is . . . . National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is . . . . Hoodie Hoo DayMore Info on Hoodie Hoo Day
February 21 is . . . . Card Reading Day
February 22 is . . . . Be Humble Day
February 23 is . . . . International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 24 is . . . . National Tortilla Chip Day
February 25 is . . . . Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)
February 26 is . . . . National Pistachio Day
February 27 is . . . . International Polar Bear Day
February 28 is . . . . Public Sleeping Day
February 29 is . . . . National Surf and Turf Day
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--------------- He Prefers It Doggy Style -------------------

Phnom Penh - A Cambodian man's new love is such a dog.
Literally. The 24-year-old man's new wife was shocked and
angered to find her man in a passionate embrace with the
family dog. The wife became even more upset after the man
proclaimed his love for the dog and asked for a divorce.
"When we arrived, the husband told us, yes, of course he
did it. We cannot solve the problem of his relationship
with his dog, because under Cambodian law it is not strictly
illegal," police chief Tuon Dorn said. "It is amazing, but
this husband is not crazy. It seems he is a passionate
human being who looked at a dog, and the more he looked,
the more passionate he became."
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------------------- Brotherly Love Bites -------------------

WILLMAR, Minn. - Two brothers took a fight a bit too far.
Jose Juarez, 45, insulted his younger brother Roy's daughter
and they began to rumble. According to witnesses, during
the brawl Jose bit off a third of Roy's middle finger from
his right hand. After police arrived it appeared that Jose
was noticeably intoxicated. Roy was taken to Rice Memorial
Hospital where the piece of finger was reattached success-
fully. Jose Juarez faces two counts of assault charges and
one count of domestic abuse. He told KMSP-TV that he wasn't
proud of what went on, but alcohol could have fueled the
fire. To quote Homer Simpson once again, "Alcohol, the cause
of and solution to all life's problems." Need I say more.
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VALENTINE CARDS THAT DIDNT MAKE IT

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing
I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm
fulfilled...SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!

4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has
grown but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty."

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
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---------------- The Sherry's To Die For -------------------

LAKE JACKSON, Texas - A 58-year-old man died after his wife
gave him a sherry enema that caused his blood-alcohol level
to rise to .47 percent. "That's extremely high," Detective
Lt. Robert Turner said. "You're either going to be in the
hospital or the funeral home with that much alcohol." Michael
Warner's wife Tammy was indicted last week. Turner said that
Warner was an alcoholic who couldn't swallow liquor because
of ulcers and heartburn. "We are going to prove that she
gave him the sherry and that she knew that he wasn't supposed
to have any and that it could be detrimental to his health,
and that she gave it to him anyway," he said. Tammy Warner
was released on $30,000 bail.
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Woman pleads guilty to selling fake beer

Feb 2, 2005 (BRISBANE, Australia) — A woman pleaded guilty Wednesday to
selling on eBay three nonexistent cases of Duff brand beer the favorite
of cartoon character Homer Simpson.

Tara Edith Woodford, 28, pleaded guilty in the Mackay Magistrates Court
in northern Queensland state to three charges of dishonestly gaining
money by false pretenses.

Prosecutor Gavin Burnett told the court Woodford was paid a total of
1,951 Australian dollars (U.S. $1,511) by three separate buyers after
advertising the bogus beer on the eBay Internet auction site.

Duff is the beer brand of choice for Homer Simpson and his barfly
friends in the animated U.S. television series The Simpsons.

In the mid-1990s, two breweries released their own "Duff Beer" in
Australia until legal action by the creators of The Simpsons and the
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corp. took the beer off the market. Fox has a
policy of refusing to license The Simpson's merchandising for products
that would be detrimental to children.

Duff beer is now a collector's item and cases can sell for as much as
A$1,000 (U.S. $774) on eBay, according to Lorraine Gledhill, the
treasurer of the National Beer Can Collectors Club.

Buyers paid money into Woodford's bank account, but contacted police
when they never received the beer.

Woodford was caught because she listed her correct name and address on
the auction site, the court was told.

Woodford's lawyer Phillip Moore said she committed the scam to buy
Christmas presents and clothes for her four children.

Woodford was placed on 18 months' probation, and was ordered to
reimburse the money and undergo counseling
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Animated Frog's Genitals -- Okay for TV?

LONDON (Reuters) - Despite complaints from 60 people, Britain's
advertising regulators said Wednesday there is nothing inappropriate
about the genitals of an animated frog whose high-pitched squeals are
sold as a mobile phone ringtone.

Television adverts of the motorcycle-riding Crazy Frog, who is drawn
with a broad smile and a tiny penis, run frequently on British
television, amusing, baffling and annoying viewers.

"While unusual for an animated model of this type to be shown with
genitalia, no sexual or inappropriate references were made about its
anatomy," the UK's Advertising Standards Authority said.

Twenty-two people complained they were worried children might see the
advertising, which also promotes screen savers and mobile videos. Five
parents said they were embarrassed by questions their children had asked.

Other viewers simply found the commercial annoying and thought it was
shown too often.

"We appreciate that the frequent broadcast of the same, or similar
commercials can be annoying to some viewers," the ASA said. "However, it
is for the advertiser and broadcaster to decide how often a particular
advertisement is shown."

Because the ads contain a text number to place an order, they are barred
from being shown during children's programs, and the ASA said there were
no reports of children being concerned by the advert.

The ads were created by Germany's Lorena Medienagentur GmbH for Jamba!
AG, trading as Jamster.
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Homeowners Can Even Kill Intruders - Guidelines
By James Kilner

LONDON (Reuters) - Homeowners in Britain will not be imprisoned for
using "reasonable force" to fight off intruders even if they kill, under
guidelines published Tuesday by the state prosecution service.

Britain's opposition Conservative Party has been calling for a change in
the wording of the law after a series of high profile attacks so that
people are only prosecuted if they use "grossly disproportionate" force

But Prime Minister Tony Blair (news - web sites) said a change was
unnecessary.

"What the Crown Prosecution Service and the police are saying is we
don't actually need to change the law, what we need is for people to
understand they are perfectly entitled to defend themselves against
burglars in their own home,'" he told GMTV television.

But the new London police chief, Sir Ian Blair, appeared to disagree.

"I'm not sure the wording does go far enough ..," he told BBC radio
before he had seen the new guidelines.

"'Reasonableness' is quite a difficult concept at 4 o'clock in the
morning in your kitchen ..,"

The Crown Prosecution Service issued the new guidelines to try to
clarify the law after increased public concern.

Farmer Tony Martin was jailed for manslaughter after he shot dead a
teenage burglar in his remote farm in 1999. Two months ago, intruders
killed a 49-year-old financier in his home off London's fashionable
Kings Road and a few weeks earlier rock star Ozzy Osbourne had fought
with burglars at his mansion just outside the capital.

"You are not expected to make fine judgments over the level of force you
use in the heat of the moment," the guidelines said, "so long as you
only do what you honestly and instinctively believe is necessary in the
heat of the moment ... This is still the case if you use something to
hand as a weapon."

They add that even if the intruder is killed, the homeowner can claim to
have acted within the law so long as reasonable self-defense is proved.

But, the CPS warns, excessive force will be prosecuted
_________________________________________________________-

Texas Man Refuses to Yield Mother's Pacemaker

HOUSTON (Reuters) - A Texas man charged with removing a pacemaker from
his mother's body with a kitchen knife refused to give authorities the
device in exchange for his freedom on Tuesday, prosecutors said.

James Allan Donalson, 59, said he sliced out the pacemaker after his
85-year-old mother, Ann Donalson, died of natural causes on Sunday so he
would have evidence in a 10-year dispute involving doctors and the
medical device company that provided it, the sheriff's department said.

Donalson was released on a $5,000 bond on Tuesday. Prosecutors offered
to drop a felony charge of evidence tampering if he gave the pacemaker
to coroners, but he declined.

"Right now that's the position," Harris County prosecutor Leslie LeGrand
III said. "If we get the pacemaker back, the case will be dismissed."

Medical examiners want to scan the device as part of their investigation
into the woman's death.

Donalson could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted of evidence
tampering.
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--------- Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You? ---------

MONROE, La. - A sheriff's deputy attempted to pull over
Jerry Wayne Till for speeding on Wednesday evening. Till
suddenly sped away at more than 100 mph before he abandoned
his vehicle and headed off into a wooded area. Police were
in pursuit with search dogs, but were unable to locate the
elusive Till. That was until he called the sheriff's office
from his cell phone asking for assistance because he was
lost. Still unable to find him, authorities received another
call from a nearby resident that overheard Till's cries for
help. He was arrested a quarter mile from the home of the
deputy that pulled him over. Till faces charges of driving
with an expired license and aggravated flight. After his
arrest, he told police that he didn't pull over because he
wasn't think straight.
_____________________________________________________

* Nonlethal war tactics suggested by an Air Force research team in
the 1990s were made public in December by the military watchdog
organization Sunshine Project and included a recommendation to
expose enemy troops to powerful aphrodisiacs in order to distract
them into lustful hookups with each other (irrespective of gender).
(The Pentagon said the idea was dropped almost immediately, but
the Sunshine Project said it was discussed as recently as 2001.)
Other ideas: giving the enemy severe halitosis (so they could be
detected within a civilian population), overrunning enemy
positions with rats or wasps, and creating waves of fecal gas.
____________________________________________________

* A 21-yr-old man was hospitalized in intensive care in Murdoch,
Australia (near Perth), in December following a barroom stunt in
which he put on a helmet connected to a beer jug, with a hose that
ran between the jug and a pump powered by an electric drill. The
idea was to facilitate drinking a large quantity of beer without the
laborious tasks of lifting a glass and swallowing, but the flow was
so powerful that he had to be rushed to the hospital with a 10 cm
tear in his stomach.
____________________________________________________

* Thinning the Herd: A 70-year-old woman was fatally struck by
two cars as she, wielding a knife, chased her husband into the street
during an argument (Springfield Township, Pa., November). And
a 43-year-old passenger was fatally injured, after he, sitting in the
back seat, began beating up the driver, causing him to lose control
and smash into a tree. (The driver survived.) (Newport News, Va.,
November) And a 54-year-old man was killed after a road rage
duel with another driver when he got out of his car, lunged after the
other car while it was moving, missed, and hit his head
(Jacksonville, Fla., August).
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...