The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - March 25, 2005
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Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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** RECAPS BY FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Jeffie was not there as he had taken the week off
to go party, as he was so pleased with Joe Jeff's performance as a Jeffie,
that he decided he trusted Joe Jeff to run the show. However, I'm sure that,
if he gets a chance to hear how the show was without him, he will be very
disappointed as, without Jeffie's presence to cast it's strange new power
over him, Joe went back to being his usual Jeffie hating self, acting
nothing like Jeffie, and having no memories of the time he has spent as a
Jeffie and friend of Jeffie lately. He denied that any of that had ever
happened, and accused Rick and/or Lance of photoshopping pictures of him and
Jeffie together. Santa showed up early in the show to tell stories about how
rough Cristmas is and how he doesn't get along with any of the other holiday
creatures. Then Gene Simmons showed up, and tried to make it a Kiss Tribute
show. Joe and Lance revived their emo/black metal band project and did an
awesome lovely version of Night Ranger's "Sister Christian". There also was
an amusing discussion amongst all present about the lyrics of that song,
particularly just what exactly does it's constant refrain "your motorin'"
mean? Which is something that I have always wondered myself. "your motorin,
what's your price for flight, in finding Mr. right"... What the fuck does
all that mean!?? But, I digress, it's just something I've always thought
made no sense as well. Nice to know I'm not the only one who thought that
songs lyrics were strange. :) Anyways, this week Jeffie returns, and we
shall find out if Jeffie's presence will still turn Joe into Joe Jeff, as
well as what Jeffie's reaction to his entrusting "his" show to what he
thought would be Joe Jeff, but turned out to be the usual Joe, will be. As
Jeffie thinks the show sucks without him, and only dared to leave it because
he thought he had a clone of himself to run "his" show in his absence, well,
I can't imagine he will be too pleased with the way things turned out...

On The Last Exit For The Lost: A member of Lotus Project was there. No, not
David. Of course not David, you really didn't think the worst excuse for a
co-host ever actually showed up did you!? No, it was Pat, the guitarist.
Just Joe was also there, and was on time this week. The Penguin was also
there briefly. But, unfortunately for her, not briefly enough to escape
being thrown in the snow again by Just Joe and having Just Joe put snow down
her pants. Poor Penguin! Well, the snow should be gone soon Penguin (even in
central NY). And, on this night, she would not be alone. No that was the
first of a long night of many people going into the snow many times, but
more on that in a bit. She also got her ass smacked a lot. Now I'm sure you
will all recall that, after all the build up, and all the weeks of waiting,
this was the week that the combined Wheel Of Satan/Keys To The Apocalypse's
count down would run out, and we would finally find out if we would have an
Armageddon. Now, I said in last weeks recap that we might get an Armageddon,
or that, perhaps, it might go back to playing The Teletubbies, which, of
course, would be a much worse fate than an Armageddon... So, now the big
moment was almost upon us, and all waited with bated breath to see what
would occur... The thing had been brought up from the basement, which meant
that the echoing distorted reality was back. But not for too long, as the
thing only had some seconds to go on it's count down, which everyone counted
down together... And then two horrible things happened... The thing did go
back to playing The Teletubbies, which Just Joe was thrilled about, but
that's just because he's an idiot. For the rest of us... Now how could
anything possibly be more horrible than that? But, as if that wasn't bad and
evil enough, there was something else. Vern!!! Yes, the mopkin was baaaaack!
Well, first off, Azkath ordered Just Joe to kick the wheel (which Just Joe
kept refusing to do, as he wanted it to go on playing The Teletubbies) to
try to make all this terribleness go away. It did get kicked eventually, by
Vern, and the Teletubbies went away. However, unfortunately, Vern's being
there did not. Apparently, the wheel was not what had brought him there
after all. He said that he had came back because he had heard that they were
going to have The Wheel Of Satan, and that he wanted to be there for that.
That plus it was his show, and it had sucked so badly in his absence, that
he couldn't stay away any longer. (he sounds a lot like Jeffie in these
delusional regards). Now, from here on out, there are a lot of twists and
turns in what went on... I am not sure even my memory can keep track of all
of them, and just how many times things went back and forth, but I will do
my best to summarize, but this one's going to be a work out. Ok, here we go,
let's see... Vern picked up where he had left off, as annoying and obnoxious
as ever, insulting everyone. He started insulting Just Joe, and Just Joe
killed him! Yes, that's right, Just Joe did what many had tried and failed
to do quite easily. It's not known how he does these things (he was also the
one, you will recall, who finally got rid of Friend, after many had tried
and failed at that), but, somehow, he does. He killed the puppet, which
meant that The Eternal Void (whom Vern had taken complete control over a
long time ago) was back. The Void thought Just Joe was the greatest ever for
freeing him and became his number one fan, fawning all over him and praising
everything he did. Actually, everyone for once thought Just Joe was pretty
neat, as he had gotten rid of the puppet. Just Joe tossed the puppet corpse
in the snow. Then it was suggested that Just Joe throw his new number one
fan in the snow. He did, and this lead to some extremely chaotic and
disturbing events taking place in the snow. An orgy in the snow involving
Just Joe and his new fan. Azkath told Just Joe that he could actually pick a
song for his good work throwing people in the snow, and for getting rid of
Vern. And, surprisingly, Just Joe did not pick Elf. He picked Dick Delicious
And The Tasty Testicles doing "Masturbating For A Better Tomorrow", which he
sent out to Lance. Then, somehow, Vern was back, probably because the Void
and Vern were together again in the snow. For awhile... Then there was more
snow activity. And the puppet was dead again. Azkath Told Just Joe to throw
his fan in the snow again. The Void suggested that he and Just Joe throw
Azkath in the snow. Azkath said that there was now going to be a bloody snow
orgy... The three of them went out into the snow. When they all were back
inside... Weeelllll... There was some dispute as to just what had gone on
and who had won, and who had lost... Just Joe and his fan were gloating,
saying that they had won. Azkath said that he did not exactly lose and
described some of the things he had done to them, DDT-ing them and such.
Then they pointed out that they had put snow down his pants. He had to
concede that that was true. But, then said that actually Just Joe had done
him a favor, as it was hot inside and now he had a well, a built in cooler I
guess you could say. He thanked Just Joe and told him he was pretty cool.
(ha, unintended pun there!) :) Then Vern was back, for awhile... Azkath told
Just Joe that for a reward, he was going to play The Dave Mathews Band...
Just Joe was thrilled, and Vern was furious, saying it would ruin "his"
show. He stormed off and threw himself in the snow. Then Azkath told Just
Joe that he was not going to play Dave Mathews. Then The Void was back, but
now he was acting more like Vern, saying it was his show and being
obnoxious, since he had now saved himself from Vern. Then It was decided
that as FMG was the only person who had not gone into the snow that night
(well, all except for Pat, he never did), that this should change. She
Protested and resisted, but Just Joe and Azkath teamed up and threw her in
the snow. Azkath told Just Joe that they made a good team, and thanked him
again. Then Vern And The Void were both there arguing with each other over
who was the greatest. It was said that Just Joe was better than both of
them. Then, at the end of the night, it was Vern again and worse than ever.
He attacked Azkath and was humping his head (a fate that the late Zoltan,
among others, had the misfortune of experiencing). Just Joe said that, if
humping was going on, then he wanted to be part of it... And apparently Just
Joe started humping Vern. Vern screamed that he hates humping, (which was
quite a shock for everyone to hear!), and ran away, so, Azkath thanked Just
Joe yet again. And thus went a disturbing chaotic very, very snow filled
night. No Armageddon, Teletubbies, Nothing much from the wheel, Vern, and a
lot of praise for Just Joe, and, lots and lots of snow. Very weird upside
down night. This week... It is a special show for a couple of reasons...
Sunday is Easter, which is traditionally a We Love Satan show, and will be
this week as well. However, this year, the 27th of March (National Joe Day,
which I'm sure is a holiday that many more people are aware it is this
Sunday than are aware it is Easter) also falls on Sunday... So, it will be a
combined We Love Satan National Joe Day extravaganza. The Wheel Of Satan may
be brought back again, although, as it has been doing some really evil (and
not evil in a good way), things lately, and seems to still be broken, who
knows if that's such a good idea, or not. Perhaps there will be a Satan
there, who knows? Last year on National Joe Day, Just Joe got the crap
beaten out of him all night long. And, last year, on Easter, Just Joe
(playing The Easter Bunny) got killed multiple times. So, I'm sure Just Joe
will have quite a night. Although, Azkath said that since Just Joe had
helped him out so much he might have to help him out, which he said would
kinda suck. But... At any rate, it promises to be another wild night...

********************************************************

Notes from Azkath...

Jeffie is not happy about the way things went last week on The Onslaught,
and has a plan in place to take care of it. No idea what that means. If
anything.

The Last Exit... Yes. That should be something. Maybe some BIG surprises,
who knows... You will have to listen and find out. And remember, Easter is
the day you can kill the Easter bunny and he will keep ressurecting...
Always fun...

Other stuff, we are currently working on Volume 2 of the Xtreme Soundscapes
DVD Project, the release show is June 4th at Castaways, and we will also be
having a POST release show at The Haunt on the 11th. See details before. We
will tell you more when things get confirmed. I have also just finished Vol
8 of our Best of DVD series from both shows. If you want a copy, just ask
and I will get you one. Free.
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The Witching News

My dear friends, it is with extreme pleasure that I extend this
invitation...

THE WITCHING with
KIEVAN RUS (formerly Kiev) and
LOTION (formerly We Are The Arm)

Saturday, March 26th at THE CHAPTER HOUSE!!
Modest Cover Charge

Please don't miss this very special performance with special guest star, Mr.
Willie B, on drums!!

Plus, our new live CD is ready!! Thanks to the magic of Al Grunwell
(engineer) at Fingerlakes Recording, www.FLREC.com, we are ready to release
a volume that spans the entire history of The Witching. CD's will be
available at the show. Also, hang in there, Knappy-B fans, Barb will be
back behind the skins in June. How we miss her so!

Hope to see you Saturday night! It's been awhile... Come give us some
lovin'!

Eva, Barb, Meryl and Ruby
www.thewitching.com
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WORM QUARTET UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 3/23/05

Hi or some crap!

Just wanted to drop a quick note to make sure you comedy
fan people in western NY don't miss this one:

WORM QUARTET LIVE IN YOUR FRIGGIN' FACE NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Thursday, March 31st, 2005 - Buffalo, NY

APRIL FOOLERY SHOW with:
OOKLA THE MOK
CARLA ULBRICH
WORM QUARTET
JOE GIACOIO
THE FIBS

@ Nietzsche's
248 Allen Street
Buffalo, NY

9:00 pm

--

April 2nd, 2005 - Alfred, NY
WORM QUARTET
THE NOTABLES

@ Alfred University
the Nevins Theatre in Powell Campus Centre
Alfred, NY

10:00 PM, FREE ADMISSION!!!

--

April 22-24, 2005 - Novi, MI

PENGUICON 3.0

Worm Quartet will be appearing along with Tony Goldmark
and Tom Smith! We'll each be doing an hour-long concert
on Saturday afternoon and Tony and I also be performing
during halftime at the masquerade.

More info at www.penguicon.org

--

May 14, 2005 - Rochester, NY

*NIPPLEPALOOZA*

featuring WORM QUARTET and POWERED BY SATAN
Hosted by Pisspot the Rabbit

@ Monty's Krown
875 Monroe Avenue
Rochester, NY 14620

SHOEBOX ON THE RADIO THIS SATURDAY NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
If all goes well, I'll be co-hosting Friggin' Here, Rochester NY's
only comedy music show, on WITR 89.7 this Saturday from
Noon-2pm! Will I be able to trick my wife into watching our
offspring so I don't have to bring him with me, or will you once
again get to hear the cooing noises of WQ:TNG over the airwaves?
Tune in and find out if for some reason you care!

For those of you who don't live in Rochester, you can listen
online at http://www.modernmusicandmore.com

(And that's noon-2pm Eastern time)

"INNER VOICE" HITS #2 NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Inner Voice," my collaboration with Sudden Death, just hit
#2 on Dr. Demento's funny five last week! So friggin' YAY
and stuff, don't you think?

Wanna hear it again? Why not go forth to www.drdemento.com
and click on "Request a Song?"

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
I just finished cleaning baby bottles, so I smell nipple-fresh!

I shut up now! Hope you guys are all having yourselves a
supremely bitchin' evening full of cake and phlegm and various
assorted nuggets.

Watching my son try desperately to pull a large box of receipts
down onto his head and wondering if I should intervene,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: March 20, 2005
(R) = Requested

Slayer "Darkness of Christ / Disciple / God Send Death / New Faith"
Trail of Tears "Carriers of the Scars of Life"
Cephalic Carnage "Dying Will Be the Death of Me"
Judas Priest "Deal with the Devil"
Strapping Young Lad "Shitstorm"
Overkill "Love"
Epoch of Unlight "Broken Pendulum"
Grave Digger "Grave in the No Man's Land"
COC "In the Arms of God"
Elusive Travel "Seperation"
Mercenary "Sharpen the Edges"
Impelliteri "The Kingdom of Titus"
Burn the Priest "Lies of Autumn" (R)
Graveworm "Which Way" (R)
GWAR "Fistful of Teeth" (R)
Nocturne "Happy (In the Flesh Mix)"
Lotus Project "Run to the Hills"
Ivory Knight "In Fog I Walk"
James Labrie "Freaks"
Winter of Apokalypse "Storming the Gates of Heaven"
Bang Tango "Dancin' on Coals" (R)
Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles "Masturbating for a Brighter
Tomorrow" (R)
Hortus Animae "Windfall - Summoning of the Muse" (R)
Labyrinth "Sons of Thunder"
Vader "Sothis - Live"
Manowar "Return of the Warlord"
Draconian "Death, Come Near Me"
Wednesday 13 "I Wakled with a Zombie"
Kinrick "Dressed Up God"
Bone Jar "Can't Hide"
Pure Sweet Hell "Gehenna"
Hourcast "God Failed"
Dropkick Murphy's "It'a A Long way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll)"
He is Legend "Eating a Book"

**MYSPACE PIC OF THE NIGHT**
Angels Beneath Me "Red Silhouette"

Evergrey "She Speaks to the Dead - Live"
Kylesa "Shatter the Clock"
Emanuel "Buy American Machines"
Elusive Travel "7 Days"

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST BLOCK **
Christian Death "You Should Have Died" (R)
Laibach "Lebun Heirt Lebun" (R)
Laaz Rockit "Say Goodbye MF"

Feature Artist: Judas Preist...
_____________________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, March 25: The Rods (Reunion Show), Superdrive, and Ryan Coughlin at The
Haunt, Ithaca

Sat, March 26: The Rods (Reunion Show), Ryan Coughlin, and Nasty Habit at
Mackenzy's, Cortland

Sat, March 26: The Witching, Kieven Rus, and Lotion at The Chapter House,
Ithaca

Tues, March 29: Black Label Society and MeLDRum at The Water Street Music
Hall, Rochester

Wed, March 30: Cryptopsy, Misery Index, Cattle Decapitation, Autumn
Offering, and Skodag at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, March 31: APRIL FOOLERY SHOW With: OOKLA THE MOK, CARLA ULBRICH, WORM
QUARTET, JOE GIACOIO, And THE FIBS at Nietzsche's, 248 Allen Street, Buffalo
(9:00 pm)

Fri, April 1: Victim 6, Pitbull Daycare, and Society 1 at The Steel Music
Hall, Rochester

Sat, April 2: Amorphis, Into Enernity, Beyond the Embrace, and Solsprey at
The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Sat, April 2: Worm Quartet and The Notables at Alfred University, The Nevins
Theatre in Powell Campus Centre, Alfred, NY

Tues, April 5: Soilwork, Dark Tranquility, Hypocrisy, and Mnenic at The
Icon, Buffalo

Wed, April 6: The Queers, River City Rebels, The Black Halo’s, and The Bones
at The Icon, Buffalo

Mon, April 11: Overkill, Others, and If Man is Five at The Magic City Music
Hall, Johnson City

Wed, April 13: As I Lay Dying, All That Remains, and Throwdown at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, April 14: Madball at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Mon, April 18: Velvet Revolver at HSBC Arena, Buffalo

Mon, April 18: Pigface, Nocturne, and Scary Monsters at The Water Street
Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, April 21: Strapping Young Lad, Misery Signals, Reflux, and Agony
Scene at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, April 21: Chimaira, Trivium, Stemm, and The Killing at The Icon,
Buffalo

Fri, April 22: The Pushrods CD Release Show at Castaways, Ithaca

Sun, April 24: Melt Banana, Hot Cross, and Robot Goes Here at The Noyes
Community Center, Cornell (8pm - $6 with CUID / $8 public)

Sun, April 24: Darkest Hour at The Icon, Buffalo

Sun, April 24: Trivium, Chimaria, Stemm, and Killing at The Magic City Music
Hall, Johnson City

Sat, April 30: Sulaco, Anodyne, The Heuristic, and Skodag at The Bug Jar,
Rochester

Sun, May 1: Dead to Fall, Cephalic Carnage, and Sons of Azreal at The Icon,
Buffalo

Mon, May 2: Murphy’s Law, Supersuckers, and Rev Horton Heat at Milestones,
Rochester

Thurs, May 12: Kreator, The Autumn Offering, Pro-Pain, and Vader at The
Penny Arcade, Rochester

Sat, May 14: Nipplepalooza featuring Worm Quartet and Powered by Satan at
Monty’s Crown, Rochester

Fri, May 20: Joe Stump, The Sean Baker Orchestra, Haunted by Angels,
Redezra, and Intox at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, May 21: Chris Caffery, Metal Mike’s Pain Museum, Joe Stump, and
Scattered Ink at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, June 4: The Xtreme Soundscapes: Volume II DVD Release Show featuring
Never the Sunshine, Others, Punch Drunk Monkeys (in a rare appearance),
Elusive Travel, and more at Castaways, Ithaca

Sat, June 11: Xtreme Soundscapes Post Release Show with Divinity Destroyed,
Future 86, and more, at The Haunt, Ithaca (Tentative)
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...