The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - April 8, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

** RECAPS FROM FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: In a surprising turn of events... It was decided
that it was time for the show to go in an entirely new and completely
different direction... The gang came to the conclusion that they had been
going about things all wrong, and, in the process, had been doing society a
terrible disservice, carrying out and, thus, condoning and promoting such
violence and brutality every week (not to mention corrupting society by
playing all that heavy metal music and ruining all who listen to it, plus
being politically incorrect to stupid people by having an idiot like Jeffie,
and then having him get so badly treated all the time). Well, they realized
that all these things were horribly wrong and should be stopped
immediately... The result is a very different show... No violence, none
whatsoever. Everyone was polite to one another and behaved in an extremely
civilized manner. And, no more heavy metal (except for Striper). Only
positive wholesome music. Jeffie no longer was stupid or annoying. In fact,
he was the smartest one there, as well as the most kind gentle civilized
one, and everyone loved him. I think all these changes are great and were
long overdue. Be sure to tune in this week for the new and vastly improved
show. Oh yeah, obviously it can no longer be called The Metallic Onslaught!
But, a new name hasn't been decided on yet. I'm sure by this week they'll
have one though, perhaps The Jeffie Show, as he really is the star of the
show now. but, be sure to tune in! It's a much better show, you'll love it!
April Fools!!! Sorry, as most of last weeks MO fell on April Fools Day, I
thought it was only fitting (and just couldn't resist) to include an April
Fools joke in this recap. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't scare you too badly,
making you think that are beloved show was gone (and to be replaced by such
a travesty!). No, rest assured that none of those horrible things happened!
It was the same violent, chaotic, and most definitely heavy metal filled
(and no stryper) show, our beloved Metallic Onslaught! Sorry... :) :) :) And
now, on to the real MO recap... On The Metallic Onslaught: Jeffie, Joe, Joe
Jeff and Santa were all at a store for a big sale to purchase Star Wars toys
(this event began at midnight, and, thus, coincided with MO), and so none of
them were there. So The Demon Azkath invaded the show to help out. However,
he brought Just Joe with him, so I don't know how helpful he was after
all... Just Joe hugged Rick, and then, consequently, got killed by Rick for
doing that. And, oh can you believe it!?, Shoebox was actually there! Not
for very long, only long enough to drop off and have them play a new song of
his, but, hey, he was there! And, I'm particularly happy about this because
it means I win the "when will shoebox be on again" contest... He was last on
the first show of this year (after having been absent for six months). And,
after that, they were taking guesses as to how long it would be before he
would be back... They made a contest of it where they would all make a
prediction... I recorded theirs in my recap for that show, and gave my guess
then as well... I said three and a half months. All the other predictions
were for longer than that, starting with four months, and getting longer.
Since April 1st is three months from January 1st, I came the closest! :)
Yay! I don't know what I win, but, it's nice to win in something! (although,
with my luck, my prize is probably that I get Jeffie for a week). (Like
Rahul did.) Shoebox sat on Just Joe, killing him again. But, of course, Just
Joe doesn't stay dead for long. Just Joe has decided that Lance is his
nemesis, and, thus, kept insulting and tormenting him. They began brawling.
In this brawl, Just Joe had a french fry bag (Ihuhhuh, huhhuh, I said bag!)
filled with shaving cream (Azkath kept saying it was whip cream, both there,
that night, and also the next night when he was relating the incident on LE,
but that's 'cause he's remembering the many times whip cream and Just Joe
have been involved with each other on LE, and they are both white sticky
substances, after all, :) but it was in fact shaving cream here), which he
was going to try to cover Lance with. However, since Just Joe is stupid and
incompetent, he was the one who wound up covered in the shaving cream. It
was all over his face. Azkath, Rick and Lance were taking turns picking sets
of music to play (Just Joe didn't get to choose any sets for obvious
reasons, they would've consisted of nothing but Dio, Elf, Rainbow and
Triumph). Azkath told Rick that he could have another set of music, if...
Well, On LE there is a Just Joe challenge every week, where Just Joe has to
perform some task... So, here, instead of that, Azkath gave Rick a
challenge... He could have another set of music, if he succeeded in wrapping
Just Joe up in a roll of caution tape and also securing him to his chair
with said tape. It was successful. Just Joe was covered in caution tape.
And, later, when the microphone got accidentally turned on during Rick's
song set, we got to hear Just Joe scream "oh, God that hurts!" as they were
peeling the tape off of him. Then Azkath told Rick that he could've had his
set of music anyways, without performing a challenge. But, I'm sure Rick
didn't mind causing Just Joe pain. Then Azkath (while brawling with Just
Joe) smudged Just Joe's glasses, so he couldn't see well. Now the night was
almost over. But, they had one last trick to play on Just Joe... They told
him that because they all liked him so much, they were going to give him a
special escort on his way out, just like royalty and political leaders and
heads of state get escorted when they go anywhere. Being dumb, Just Joe fell
for it, and then Lance really smudged his glasses, by covering them with
shaving cream. But, then they had some bad news for Lance. They told him
that Just Joe had left a special message for him... On his car... An insult
left in shaving cream. They told Lance that they had nothing to do with
that, it had all been Just Joe's doing, and that he should go after him in
the parking lot and kick him and beat him some more. That was where the show
ended and, presumably, Lance did just that... This week... As there is no
grand sale on Star Wars merchandise, Jeffie and Joe (although who knows if
it will be Joe, or Joe Jeff, it won't, however, be Just Joe) should be back.
I don't know about Santa, if he will be there or not. Shoebox will, of
course, not be there, can't have it be two weeks in a row for him, after
all, that would be unthinkable! Tune in to see who will be there and what
will go on...

On The Last Exit For The Lost: After several weeks of Pushrods absence from
the show, there was once again Pushrods representation, as Crow, their
drummer was there. He told us how their tour playing in Florida had gone. It
went quite well. Just Joe was there (on LE, that night, that is, not in
Florida with the band, which I'm sure the band was very happy about). :)
And, as it was the night when the clocks are set ahead one hour for Daylight
Savings Time, it was the annual Tribute To Glam Hour Show (which we all look
so forward to all year long), in which the hour from 2 to 3 is totally
dedicated to playing nothing but glam music. Just Joe was very excited about
this, and said he had brought a whole stack of glam music to play. So, when
2:00 arrived, he was very happy... But, of course, at 2:00, it became 3:00,
and so they informed him that glam hour was over (after one song by
Firehouse). Just Joe kept insisting that it was time for much more glam (not
grasping the concept, because he is too stupid to do so), and they kept
insisting that they had had glam hour, and that now it was over, and that it
had been great, and what was he complaining for? Just Joe became irate,
ranting and pouting, and threatening to hijack the show and play more glam.
Like he could ever be smart enough to figure out a way to pull that off!
Later they were beating up on Just Joe... Just Joe removed his spiked
necklace, intending to use it as a weapon. He went to hit Azkath in the leg
with it, but didn't get to do that, as the necklace disintegrated in his
hand, exploding, sending pieces all over the room, down the hall, and, even
into the basement. So let that be a lesson, if you are in a fight, do not
try to defend yourself with a necklace, as, apparently, they do not make
good weapons at all. Or at least they don't for Just Joe. Later, it was time
for Just Joe's challenge for the night. They gave Crow a glass of water, and
sent him and Just Joe outside... Just Joe's challenge was to try to make it
back inside either without getting any water on himself, or after getting
the water all over Crow, either would be a win for Just Joe. He had one
minute to accomplish this challenge. Now, Just Joe had, up to this night
never lost a challenge (granted, some of them really haven't been too hard,
distracting Ritchie while he's playing guitar and singing, Penguin throwing,
getting an idiot like me to change her name to Joe for National Joe Day),
but this one he lost in the first second. As soon as they were outside, Crow
tossed the glass of water right in Just Joe's face. And, so, Just Joe
suffered his first loss so far. He tried to say that he hadn't lost, that
his face was wet because it was raining out, but, everyone knew that that
was not the reason, there was too much water on him for the mere second he
had been outdoors. Oh well, can't win 'em all... Everyone is a loser
sometimes. Wait... Just Joe is a loser all the time, but in the other sense
of that word. :p And so that was the show for the week, the annual Tribute
To Glam Hour, among other things. It was a good show, a bit too heavy on the
glam, perhaps, but, then again, it only happens once a year. If it was a bit
too much glam, well, how can you fault that!?? Right, you can't! For this
week... Who knows what's up. So tune in and find out...

***********************************************************************
Notes from Azkath...

Yes, tune in and find out, we can all be surprised together! :) Also,
uploaded the article about the Metallic Onslaught finally onto the Onslaught
page, and of course there are many pictures from last week's show in the
picture gallery...

Also, we may have some BIG live show announcements soon. Hehehe...
____________________________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
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This week's Metal Update went out to over 15,870 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

NASUM
Funeral services for vocalist/guitarist Mieszko Talarczyk were held on
March 30th in Orebro, Sweden. It was officially announced on February 17th
that Mieszko did not survive the Tsunami on December 26th that hit Phi Phi
Island in Thailand where he was vacationing. Mieszko helped to pioneer the
Swedish grindcore movement, and also worked as an engineer and producer at
his studio, Soundlab.

ANTHRAX
Anthrax held a global press conference April 1st on Sirius Satellite Radio
to discuss the reuniting of their classic line up. In regard to rumors
that they would be appearing on the main stage at this year's Ozzfest, the
band replied, "You shouldn't believe everything you hear on the Internet."
The band's summer plans are to play several European festivals, including
headlining at Dynamo. They will kick off the reunion with two sold-out
dates in Chicago, then head off to tour internationally, before returning
to tour the U.S. in the fall. A DVD and box set are planned and they hope
to see them released by the end of the year. They stated that they do not
know how long the reunion will last, and in regard to John Bush and Rob
Caggiano, they responded that there are no negative feelings and they are
still a part of the "extended Anthrax family" but the band does not know
what the future holds. The band also announced they are teaming with the
Slave to the Metal Foundation to raise awareness of the health risks of
the Anthrax vaccination which is being administered to military personnel.

JUDAS PRIEST
Judas Priest's new album 'Angel of Retribution' debuted on the Billboard
200 album chart at number 13, making it the band's highest-charting album
ever. Previously the band's highest ranking had been number 17 with
'Screaming for Vengeance' in 1982 and 'Turbo' in 1986.

LACUNA COIL
'Comalies' has surpassed the U.S. Sound Scan plateau of 200,000 copies
sold. They are the first Century Family artist to achieve this
distinction. The band is currently in pre-production on their follow-up
album and plans to perform some of the new songs at European festivals
this summer.

NORMA JEAN
The band's new album 'O' God the Aftermath' landed at number 62 on the
Billboard 200 album chart in its first week of release. Norma Jean is on
tour through May with Unearth and Atreyu.

TESTAMENT
Chuck Billy, Eric Peterson, Alex Skolnick, Greg Christian, Johnny Tempesta
will team up for a 10 date Reunion Tour in Europe, May 6th -15th.

SUBLIMINAL VERSES TOUR
Trivium and DevilDriver have dropped off the Subliminal Verses tour with
Slipknot, Lamb of God and Shadows Fall. According to a statement issued by
Roadrunner Records, the cause is "unforeseen Union enforced time
constraints with venues."

OZZY OSBOURNE / OZZFEST
'Prince of Darkness,' Ozzy's first ever box set was released on March
22nd. The four disc, 52 song set is "a testament to the iconic rockers
25-year solo career." Fans purchasing the set will be able to obtain a
free general admission to Ozzfest 2005 with their purchase of a ticket.
The line up for Ozzfest 2005 has been officially announced. Main stage:
Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Shadows Fall, Black Label Society. Second
stage: Rob Zombie, Killswitch Engage, As I Lay Dying, Mastodon, The
Haunted, In Flames, Arch Enemy, The Black Dahlia Murder, Bury Your Dead,
Soilwork, Trivium, It Dies Today, A Dozen Furies. One additional act, to
play on the main stage between Shadows Fall and Iron Maiden, has yet to be
announced.

SOUNDS OF THE UNDERGROUND TOUR
A new summer festival tour will be launched this summer. Dubbed the
'Sounds of the Underground,' participants in the tour are scheduled to be:
Clutch, Poison The Well, Opeth, Unearth, From Autumn To Ashes, Chimaira,
Norma Jean, Every Time I Die, Strapping Young Lad, Throwdown, High On
Fire, Devil Driver, All That Remains, A Life Once Lost. Madball and Terror
are planned to split the East and West legs of the tour, with East Coast
appearances by The Red Chord, Midwest and Southeast appearances by Fear
Before the March of Flames, and West Coast appearances by Himsa. A
"special half-time performance" by Gwar is also planned. A "special
headliner" is yet to be announced.

BLOODBATH
Peter Tagtgren has left the band due to "conflicting schedules." Mikael
Akerfeldt will return to take over vocal duties for Bloodbath's
performance at Wacken on August 5th. A statement on the band website says
this will be an "exclusive one time happening...something that you're
guaranteed to never see again as Mike will not be rejoining the band in
any way apart from committing to this performance." The line up for Wacken
will be: Mikael Akerfeldt - Vocals, Blakkheim - Guitar, Dan Swano -
Guitar, Jonas Renkse - Bass, Axe - Drums.

CRISIS
Following the arrest of Ryan Ball, recently named as the band's new
drummer, the band announced Ball had been let go over two weeks before his
arrest. The band is currently working with Justin Arman (ex-Society 1),
while they search for a permanent replacement.

VEHEMENCE
Newly appointed vocalist Sean Vandegrift will be unable to join the band
for their spring tour with Crematorium and The Red Death. Adam Cody of
Glass Casket will fill in on this run, except for the April 23rd date in
Augusta, GA, which will be handled by a guest vocalist. Bryan Edwards of
Clifton will fill in on the dates with Thine Eyes Bleed through April 5th
as previously announced.

MONSTER MAGNET
Guitarist Phil Calvano has left the band in an amicable split. The band is
auditioning for a replacement and Dave Wyndorf will be filling in the
meantime. The band is continuing to write the new album and the change is
not expected to affect the schedule. Monster Magnet will be supporting
Motorhead on two Northeast dates in May.

GRAMMY AWARDS
Motorhead won the Grammy Award for "Best Metal Performance" for their
cover of Metallica's "Whiplash." "Best Hard Rock Performance" was awarded
to Velvet Revolver for their single "Slither."


NEW SIGNINGS
Abacus Recordings: Embrace the End, Swarm of the Lotus, Ion Dissonance
Black Market Activities: Animosity
Brutal Bands: Abysmal Torment
Century Media Records: Manntis
Code666: Wormfood
Comatose Music: Exulcerate
Crash Music: Abeyance
Dancing Ferret Discs: Carfax Abbey
Dark Horizon Records: Dysperium
Deadsun Records: Grabschander, Sigma Draconis, Noctifer, Reverence,
Datura, Skaut, Amagortis, Coalition, Demiurge
Dogjob Records: Scum
DVS Records: Chaoswave
Equal Vision Records: The Fall of Troy
Hellcat Records: Left Alone
Indecent Media: HavocHate
Indianola Records: A Day to Remember, Caldwell
Martyr Records: Palehorse
Megaforce Records: Black Revelation
Metal Blade Records: The Absence
Osmose Productions: Shining
Prosthetic Records: Light this City
Reality Entertainment: Evil Engine #9
Reflections Records: .Omission.
Regain Records: Nightmare
Relapse Records: Leng Tch'e, Cretin
Risestar Promotions: Stillbirth
Robotic Empire: Kayo Dot
Scarlet Records: Allhelluja
Season of Mist: Aborym, Confessor
SPV: Manowar
Trisol Music: Dope Stars Inc.
Undecided Records: Hank Jones
Unmatched Brutality Records: Malignity, Resection
Victory Records: With Honor, The Forecast, The Tossers
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: April 3, 2005
(R) = Requested

Background: Trent Reznor "Quake Soundtrack"

Anathema "Shroud of False / Fragile Dreams"
Green Carnation "Dead but Dreaming"
Graveworm "Timeless"
Overkill "The Mark"
Betray My Secrets "From the Goddess"
Through the Eyes of the Dead "Forever Ends Today"
Korpiklanni "Spirit of the Forest"
Midnattsol "Dancing with the Midnight Sun"
Future 86 "Let's Go"
The Pushrods "2 Fucking Whores and a Case of Beer"
Others "If I'm Smilin'"
If Man is Five "Water"
Elusive Travel "Seperation"
Candlemass "The Man Who Fell from the Sky"
Cannibal Corpse "Shredded Humans" (R)
Brainstorm "All Those Words"
Six Feet Under "The Art of Headhunting"
Slayer "God Send Death" (R)

** MYSPACE PICK OF THE WEEK**
Merit "Man on a String"

Judas Priest "Hellrider"

**GLAM HOUR**
Firehouse "All She Wrote"

Arch Enemy "Dark of the Sun" (R)
COC "War"
Akimbo "Aiming for the Heel"
Salem's Cradle "Cookie"
Judas Priest "Painkiller" (R)
Death "Human" (R)
Carcass "Corporal Jigsore Quandary" (R)
Therion "Dark Venus Persephone" (R)
Nightwish "Planet Hell" (R)
Kamelot "Nothing Ever Dies"
Worm Quartet / Sudden Death "Inner Voice"
Life of Agony "Love to Let You Down"
Neaera "The World Devourers"
New Mexican Erection "Monkey"
A Static Lullabye "Half Man, Half Human; Equals One Complete Gentleman"

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST SET **
Savatage "Gutter Ballet"
Overkill "Hello from the Gutter - Live"
Obituary "Final Thoughts" (R)
DRI "Dead in a Ditch"
Momento Mori "16 Tons"
UDO "They Want War"

Never the Sunshine "Superstar"
Skodag "Symbolize My Hate"
Robot Goes Here "Wake Up"
Elusive Travel "All The Things I'd Die For"
The Pushrods "Stalker"
At the Gates "Forever Blind" (R)
Hammerfall "The Templar Flame"
Wolf "Don't Fear the Reaper"
He is Legend "The Seduction"
Despised Icon "End this Day"
Cryptopsy "Cold Hate, Warm Blood" (R)
Kryoburn "Against My Evil"
Snuff "Bob"
Chariot "Someday, in the Event that Makind actually figures out what it is
that this world Revolves around, Thousands of People are going to be shocked
and perplexed to find out it was not them, sometimes this includes me"
Chixdiggit! "Geocities Kitty"
Rapture "About Leaving"
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SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, April 8: If Man is Five and Others in the Battle of the Bands, Magic
City Music Hall, Johnson City

Mon, April 11: Overkill, If Man is Five, and Others at The Magic City Music
Hall, Johnson City ($15.00 / doors 6:30 / first band 7:30 sharp)

Wed, April 13: As I Lay Dying, All That Remains, and Throwdown at The Penny
Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, April 14: Madball at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Mon, April 18: Velvet Revolver at HSBC Arena, Buffalo

Mon, April 18: Pigface, Nocturne, and Scary Monsters at The Water Street
Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, April 21: Strapping Young Lad, Misery Signals, Reflux, and Agony
Scene at The Penny Arcade, Rochester

Thurs, April 21: Chimaira, Trivium, Stemm, and The Killing at The Icon,
Buffalo

Fri, April 22: The Pushrods CD Release Show at Castaways, Ithaca

Sun, April 24: Melt Banana, Hot Cross, and Robot Goes Here at The Noyes
Community Center, Cornell (8pm - $6 with CUID / $8 public)

Sun, April 24: Darkest Hour at The Icon, Buffalo

Sun, April 24: Trivium, Chimaria, Stemm, and Killing at The Magic City Music
Hall, Johnson City

Sat, April 30: Sulaco, Anodyne, The Heuristic, and Skodag at The Bug Jar,
Rochester

Sat, April 30: Addler’s Appetite at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sun, May 1: Dead to Fall, Cephalic Carnage, and Sons of Azreal at The Icon,
Buffalo

Mon, May 2: Murphy’s Law, Supersuckers, and Rev Horton Heat at Milestones,
Rochester

Fri, May 6: Wednesday 13 at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Thurs, May 12: Kreator, The Autumn Offering, Pro-Pain, and Vader at The
Penny Arcade, Rochester

Sat, May 14: Nipplepalooza featuring Worm Quartet and Powered by Satan at
Monty’s Crown, Rochester

Fri, May 20: Joe Stump, The Sean Baker Orchestra, Haunted by Angels,
Redezra, and Intox at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, May 21: Chris Caffery, Metal Mike’s Pain Museum, Joe Stump, and
Scattered Ink at The Steel Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, June 4: The Xtreme Soundscapes: Volume II DVD Release Show featuring
Never the Sunshine, Others, Punch Drunk Monkeys (in a rare appearance),
Elusive Travel, and more at Castaways, Ithaca

Tues, June 7: Queensryche and Judas Priest at Darien Lakes

Sat, June 11: Xtreme Soundscapes Post Release Show with Divinity Destroyed,
Future 86, and more, at The Haunt, Ithaca (Tentative)

Fri, July 1: Crisis, MOD, and Beyond the Embrace at The Continental, Buffalo

Thurs, July 21: Ozzfest at Darien Lake

Thurs, Aug 11: Cinderella, Ratt, Quiet Riot, and Firehouse at Shea’s
Performing Arts Center, Buffalo
_____________________________________________________________________

TOP STORIES AND STUFF...

Bizarre Holidays in April

April is International Guitar Month, Keep America Beautiful Month, National
Anxiety Month, National Humor Month, National Welding Month, National Garden
Month, and Uh-Huh Month

April 1 is . . . . . One Cent Day
April 2 is . . . . . National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
April 3 is . . . . . Tweed Day and Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day
April 4 is . . . . . Tell-A-Lie Day
April 5 is . . . . . Go For Broke Day
April 6 is . . . . . Sorry Charlie Day
April 7 is . . . . . No Housework Day
April 8 is . . . . . All Is Ours Day
April 9 is . . . . . Winston Churchill Day and Name Yourself Day
April 10 is . . . . Golfers Day
April 11 is . . . . Eight-Track Tape Day
April 12 is . . . . Look Up At The Sky Day
April 13 is . . . . Blame Somebody Else Day
April 14 is . . . . National Pecan Day
April 15 is . . . . Rubber Eraser Day
April 16 is . . . . National Stress Awareness Day and National Eggs Benedict
Day
April 17 is . . . . National Cheeseball Day
April 18 is . . . . International Jugglers Day
April 19 is . . . . Garlic Day
April 20 is . . . . Look Alike Day
April 21 is . . . . Kindergarten Day
April 22 is . . . . National Jelly Bean Day
April 23 is . . . . Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day
April 24 is . . . . National Pigs In A Blanket Day
April 25 is . . . . National Zucchini Bread Day
April 26 is . . . . Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day
April 27 is . . . . Tell A Story Day
April 28 is . . . . Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day
April 29 is . . . . National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is . . . . National Honesty Day
__________________________________________________________

-------- This Candy's Not What It's Cracked Up to Be -------

CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. - A 4-year-old boy did what any polite
young child would do and shared the candy he found in his
backpack with his fellow classmates. There was just one
problem. What the innocent boy thought was candy was actually
40 small bags of crack cocaine! Authorities say that the boy
apparently lived in a home where drug dealing was happening,
and someone had used his book bag as a hiding place for the
crack. The child had the drugs with him on Friday and began
handing them out on the playground. School authorities
quickly recovered the bags and handed them over to police.
The boy was taken into custody of the Department of Children
and Family Services and placed in a relative's home.
____________________________________________________

-------------- I See London, I See France... ---------------

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - Police discovered 228 pairs of thong
underwear inside the car of a pair of professional thong
thieves. Monica Barbosa and Anparo Cruz were busted by
police after running a red light. Authorities also found
clothing taken from stores like Victoria's Secret, Banana
Republic, Ann Taylor Loft and The Gap. The thieves were able
to sneak the clothes out using a booster bag that wouldn't
set off the shoplifting alarms. Aside from the undergarments,
police found bikini tops and bottoms, maternity dresses,
corsets, women's tops, shirts and a cashmere sweater.
Officers said that the store managers had no idea how the
thongs had been swiped.
___________________________________________________

---------- Boy Gets Hopping Mad At Easter Bunny ------------

BAY CITY, Mich. - The Easter Bunny is the one who usually
gives treats to the kids, but this year a 13-year-old
treated the Michigan mall Easter bunny to a knock in the
nose. According to Bay City Police, the kid hit the costumed
18-year-old in the face numerous times. As a result, the
bunny received a bloody nose. The altercation happened while
the rabbit was waiting to take pictures with children.
Luckily no children witnessed the bloody bunny beating.
However, police are planning to ask prosecutors to charge
the younger teen with assault. Happy Easter, Kid.
_______________________________________________

* Vivienne, an interactive companion accessible on powerful,
"third-generation" cellphones, was recently introduced by the Hong
Kong company Artificial Life as a high-maintenance, video-image
"girlfriend" who goes on dates with you, kisses, speaks six
languages, converses on 35,000 topics, accepts flowers and
diamonds, and may even marry you (though you also acquire a
troublesome mother-in-law). Vivienne so far is prudish (no nudity,
no sex), owing to Artificial Life's aim at marketing in modest
cultures, but she will appear in Europe and some U.S. cities by the
end of this year (at about $6 a month plus airtime). Said one Hong
Kong video game player, characterizing Vivienne for the New
York Times, "It's a little bit for the losers."
___________________________________________________

* Chutzpah! Porchia Bennett of Philadelphia was last visited by
her father Lester Trapp when she was 1, then virtually abandoned
by her drug-addicted mother Tiffany Bennett at age 2, to fall to the
custody of Tiffany's drug-addicted sister and the sister's boyfriend,
who lived in rat-infested squalor and who are now charged with
killing Porchia at age 3 through starvation and physical abuse. In
February, Trapp and his parents filed a lawsuit against the city of
Philadelphia for failing to protect Porchia (with Tiffany also
entitled to share the proceeds as Porchia's "beneficiary").
____________________________________________________

* Missing The Point: In January, Richard Graybill, 42, pleaded
guilty in Chester County, Pa., to unauthorized use of a vehicle. He
had taken a car that had been parked, awaiting repairs, at a
shopping center, but he was later discovered by the car's owner
when he happened to pull up to the drive-thru window at the
Wendy's restaurant where she worked. She confronted him, and
he sped away, but he returned a few minutes later and tried to
persuade her to sign over the title to him, in that he had put a lot of
effort into fixing the car up after he took it.
____________________________________________________

* In 2002, 17 U.S. pilots captured and beaten by Saddam Hussein's
forces in the 1991 Gulf War filed a lawsuit asking for nearly $1
billion from Saddam's assets frozen by the U.S., and in 2003, a
federal judge ruled in their favor. However, an appeals court
tossed out the case, citing a 2003 post-invasion law that removed
jurisdiction for the lawsuit at the behest of the Bush
Administration, which wants to reserve the frozen assets for
rebuilding Iraq. An even larger irony is that Defense Secretary
Rumsfeld has publicly conceded that the Iraqi detainees who were
abused in 2003 at the Abu Ghraib prison should be compensated,
even though the U.S. pilots endured perhaps worse abuse at the
same Abu Ghraib facility in 1991.
______________________________________________________

* Six years ago, during a brief affair in Chicago, Dr. Sharon Irons
manually inseminated herself with sperm from Dr. Richard O.
Phillips, following oral sex. The result was a daughter, now aged
5, for which Phillips has reluctantly been paying $800 a month to
support while his lawsuit against Irons for deception travels
through Illinois courts. A trial judge had dismissed all of his
claims, but in February, the Illinois Appeals Court granted a partial
reversal, ordering a trial on whether she inflicted "emotional
distress" by a legally "outrageous" act. However, the Court
dismissed Phillips's claim that Irons had "stolen" his sperm, stating
that "it was a gift, an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to
property from a donor to a donee" and that, without a specific
agreement to return it, it was hers to do with as she pleased.
______________________________________________________

+--------------- Bizarre Acts of Stupidity ----------------+

In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the
world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he
came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his
sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his
phone and electricity had been cut off.

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty
of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken
fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to
death.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shak-
ing frantically with what looked like a wire running from
his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him
away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy
plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two
places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his
Walkman.

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special cere-
mony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from
onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer
whale.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years
on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-
page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to
50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused
the copier with the shredder.

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on
a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped
on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was
blown to bits.
_____________________________________________________

----------------- Bringin' Down the House ------------------

LINDALE, Texas - Smith County Constable Dennis Taylor
recently received the strangest case in his life. A pair of
thieves dismantled an entire three-bedroom brick house in
the East Texas town of Lindale and carried it away until a
pile of dirt was all that remained. When Taylor first got
the call reporting a stolen house, he asked, "Is is a trailer
house, ma'am?" "No, it's a brick house," the real estate
company representative replied. The alleged crooks, Brandon
Parmer and Darrell Maxfield, spent three months carting away
bricks and shingles. They worked slowly during the daylight
hours without being questioned about their work. Apparently,
people assumed that it was the work of two retail stores
laying new foundations nearby. Authorities believe the
suspects took apart the house and sold it for drugs.
___________________________________________________

------------------ You Call This Art? ----------------------

NEW YORK - Recent visitors to New York's art museums may
have noticed some artwork that was out of place. Over the
past two weeks, a British prankster has secretly hung his
own artwork, some of them carrying an anti-war message, in
four major New York museums. The man, who refers to himself
as "Banksy," entered all the museums during regular visitors'
hours. He told The New York Times he was able to avoid being
noticed by gluing on a fake beard and moving with the times.
His artwork has been found and removed from the Museum of
Modern Art, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Brooklyn
Museum and the American Museum of Natural History. "I've
wandered round a lot of art galleries thinking, 'I could
have done that,' so it seemed only right that I should try,"
Banksy was quoted as saying.
_________________________________________________

DUMB THINGS PEOPLE SAID or DID DURING A JOB INTERVIEW...
(reported by Human Resource personnel):

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace
the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was
kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for
advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed
weapons?"

I am fascinated by fire.

I feel uneasy indoors.

My legs are really hairy.

I think I'm going to throw-up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Why am I here?"
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...