The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - July 8, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...
The Last Exit on MySpace: www.myspace.com/thelastexit

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

** RECAPS FROM FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught: No Jeffie. No Thor either, as both of them, in
their collective body, were attending a Crisis concert... However, in
edition to Joe, (Joe, not Ian The Viking, or Joe Jeff, with no Thor/Jeffie
there to force a pill down his throat and transform him into anyone else),
Rick and Lance, there was someone new there... Yoda. Yes, that's right,
Yoda, as in from Star Wars. As his time there went on, (Yoda left around
midnight), we discovered that Yoda has something in common with Jeffie and
with Thor as well... I'm sure there are lots of funny remarks that could be
made with that, so, you can insert your own here. :) What it turned out to
be was this... As Jeffie, and then Thor, had done before him, Yoda kept
hassling and insulting Lance. He kept telling Lance "funny you are not",
among other things. There were a few more "Lamb Of God!" *OOOOO!!! TINGLE!!*
chants (you can not have a Metallic Onslaught without a few dozen "Lamb Of
Gods!", after all)... Rick told us about his interview with the band
Chimera, which he had conducted earlier in the week, and we will get to hear
played back soon. I am looking forward to that, it will be cool I'm sure.
Lance did some more of his death metal vocals... And that was MO for that
night... This week... Thor, or perhaps Jeffie, or perhaps both of them (at
separate times throughout the night, of course, as they are battling for
control of one body), will be back. Tune in to see who it will be, and for
all the other craziness and silliness that is bound to happen...

On The Last Exit For The Lost: Just Joe was there. and so was someone else,
someone who has not been there in a long while, who has been missed, and
whom it was great to hear again... But more on that in a bit, as that person
did not arrive 'til 3:00... Just Joe was given his challenge for the week.
He would have a plastic cup (quite a tough plastic cup) placed on his chest,
and Azkath would strike the cup three times with the giant hammer to try and
break it. If Just Joe could withstand this, he could pick a song to be
played. And so it began... Azkath struck the cup with the giant hammer...
The cup did break, a bit. Just Joe, however, broke a lot more. He had blood
coming out of his ear and mouth. And he kept whining about the fact that his
ribs were protruding through his skin, that they were sticking out at angles
that ribs should not be at, and that he couldn't breathe. What a baby! To
get all upset over minor, trivial, unimportant stuff like that! It was
decided that they would wait for the next break (hah! literally break!
Double meaning here) to strike the second blow. When that time came Azkath,
being the considerate, kind, always wanting to help, Demon that he is, put
the cup right on the protruding ribs and struck them with all his force, to
try and snap them back into place, of course. Ungrateful whining baby that
he is, Just Joe went on whining and complaining about how that had not fixed
them, saying that they were more broken now. You just can never please some
people! Once again being the considerate Demon that he is, Azkath let Just
Joe wait for the next "break" to strike the final blow, as the cup was still
not completely broken, as, apparently, it was much tougher than Just Joe
was. When the time came for the 3rd and final blow, (blow!), Azkath lined up
the cup, on the broken ribs, still wanting to try and fix them, of course,
and let the hammer fall (no, not the band), :) with all his force... And a
truly weird, bizarre thing happened... The cup somehow mysteriously became
whole and unbroken again... And so did Just Joe. Who knows. I'm not sure if
that meant Just Joe won or lost the challenge. He survived. But, so did the
cup. So, you figure that out. I'm sure Just Joe will claim he won it. Then
Just Joe had to go and say "well, at least you didn't break my chips". He
did this because he is a complete idiot, and knows nothing about reverse
psychology, and thus is too dumb to realize that, by saying that, he had, of
course, sealed his chip's doom. Azkath, of course, grabbed the chips and
destroyed them with the giant hammer. That set Just Joe carrying on even
worse than his broken ribs and not being able to breathe had done. He cries
like a baby if anyone breaks something truly important, his chips. Then the
person of whom I spoke earlier (the one who had been away for so long)
arrived. It was the return of Gorgar! Welcome back Gorgar! Great to hear you
again! When Gorgar got there, Azkath told us about an experiment he had been
working on down in the basement... An experiment that Gorgar was responsible
for giving him the idea for. It seems that Gorgar had sent Azkath a weird
actual news story (Which can be found at the end of this e-mail)... And it
seems that scientists (probably using our hard earned tax dollars, no doubt)
had created a bunch of zombie dogs... They had killed the dogs, left them in
some kind of suspended animation for a few hours, and then brought them back
to life somehow... Your money at work. Azkath said that he had thought it
would be a cool idea to replicate this... Only using spiders instead of
dogs. And, that's what he had done. He told Just Joe that a bunch of dead
spiders (really big spiders at that) were down in the basement. And that
they should be just reviving right about now. He told Just Joe to go down
there and check them out. Since Just Joe hates and fears spiders, he was not
too sure he wanted to do this. But they reassured him, pointing out that the
spiders were dead, after all, and wouldn't it be cool to see a bunch of
really dead spiders?? Of course it would! Because he is stupid, he
apparently forgot that the spiders were about to revive, and so, finally, he
went to the basement... After he had gone, Gorgar gave Azkath some
additional info on that story, that, apparently, Azkath was not aware of...
It seems that, after they were revived, the zombie dogs were dysfunctional
and extremely hard to handle. Go figure. One wouldn't think that being
killed and being dead for awhile, and then being brought back to life should
have any strange side effects like that now would one?? Azkath said that he
hadn't seen that part of the story, and wondered if maybe this might not
have been such a good idea after all, and if Just Joe would be alright...
They concluded that, of course it had been a cool idea, and that Just Joe
should be just fine. He's a grown man, after all, even if you'd never know
that from the way he acts, he is one nonetheless, and should be able to take
care of himself just fine. A short while later, the phone rang. And guess
who it was?? Yep, of course it was Just Joe calling from the basement. He
said that the spiders had ensnared him in their webs, dragged him down the
stairs, and that now they had him wrapped up in a giant cocoon. They told
him, well, to fight them off and get himself free, that should be easy
enough to do. Just Joe wanted them to come down and help him, but they told
him that he shouldn't need any help, he should be able to get out of this on
his own. Just Joe said that the spiders were now moving his cocoon, and then
there was silence. They tried to speak with him some more, but to no avail.
Azkath asked Gorgar to go down to the basement and check things out. Now,
Gorgar also hates and fears spiders, (what is it about these people and
spiders? I like spiders. Well, not finding a dead one at the bottom of a
just finished cup of coffee, then I'm not so thrilled with them, but that's
an entirely different story), and so he wasn't too keen on that idea either.
But Azkath reassured him, saying that it would be fine, and that he could
take along Azkath's barbed wire wrapped baseball bat for a weapon if he
liked. And so, armed with the bw bat, Gorgar finally went to the basement. A
short while later, the phone rang. And this time it was Gorgar, calling from
the basement. He said that the spiders had overpowered him, taken away the
barbed wire bat, and wrapped him up in a giant cocoon... Then the basement
door opened, and Just Joe emerged. Although, he sounded weird, I know Just
Joe always sounds weird, but, this was weird in a different way. He was
talking in a monotone robot sounding voice. They told Gorgar that Just Joe
was back, and Gorgar said that that was impossible, that Just Joe was in a
cocoon right next to his cocoon. Azkath decided to test Just Joe. He told
him that he had his chips and that he was going to crush them. Just Joe's
reaction to this was slow in coming, and, when he finally did respond, he
didn't seem to care much. That settled it! This was obviously a pod Just
Joe. Azkath told Gorgar that he was coming down to the basement to deal with
the spiders. The pod said that to resist his minions would be futile, and
that noone could ever defeat them. Azkath left for the basement... At the
next talk break, Azkath, Gorgar, and Just Joe were all back. Azkath decided
to make sure it was really Just Joe this time. He told him that he had his
chips, and that he was going to crush them. Just Joe started to carry on
again. So, obviously he was back. Then Azkath crushed his chips anyways.
Azkath said that he had fought and killed the spiders and rescued Just Joe
and Gorgar, (Just Joe did not act very grateful for this). Well, actually,
not all of the spiders. Azkath said that some of them were alive down there.
It was speculated on that, if they were just left there, that they might
multiply, bite other spiders, and make more of them or something. But, they
decided that it would be fine, they would just seal the basement up a bit,
and everything would be fine. It was concluded that maybe creating zombie
spiders isn't such a good idea after all. So, don't try it at home! So, who
knows? In the final 45 minutes of the show, the recording of the band
Crisis's performance at an Xtreme Soundscapes show on June 22nd was played
in it's entirety. It rocked and sounded great. And so that was the show.
This week... Who knows who and what may happen. And who knows if the spiders
will stay contained, or will multiply and cause more problems, or if that's
the last we've heard of them. Tune in and find out the answers to all of
these questions, and for all the fun and metal music...

************************************************************************

Notes from Azkath...

Haven't heard from Just Joe all week. Weird. Anyway, Dormitory Effect were
supposed to be coming up this week, but they had to postphone at the last
moment. They will be up sometime later in the summer. I do believe If Man is
Five will be up this week. And there may be some other special guests. On
both shows, or one, or the other. I am not saying more. Tune in and see. I
think we will be running Punch Drunk Monkeys live performance from the XSII
show this week as our end feature.

Next week I believe Caroline Blue will be up to the show, and possible
Angels Beneath Me the week after. Nothing around here is ever set in
stone...
_____________________________________________________

If I had the chance to go on "The Jerry Springer
Show," I would kill everyone I know the night
before, so that when Jerry says, "Well, Andrew,
we've got a surprise for you," I could say,
"No, Jerry -- I have a surprise for you!!"

(Andrew)
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OTHERS NEWS

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"Easily amused" is really not such a bad thing.
I find simple pleasure in puppies, rainbows,
children's smiles and knowing that my neighbor still
hasn't figured out who's peeing on his back porch.

(Duxall Inarow)
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SHOW LISTINGS

Sat, July 9 – The Haunt, Ithaca
4pm $5 over 21 and $7 under 21 all ages
Early Show: Kill Concept with Inward, Eva Anexora, Lost Eden, and Recent
Tragedy

Sat, July 9 - Spenders, 1600 Lyell Road, Rochester
Winger

Sun July 10 – The Haunt, Ithaca
3pm doors $5 21 and over/$7 under 21
Madtown Music Metal Day with All That is Sacred, Entrail, Iron Core, Rome
Wasn't Built in a Day, Elevator Death Squad, Flint Face, and Freek Matter

Tues, June 12 - Lamont Memorial Library, Mcgraw (Main St., Mcgraw aka rte
41N)
Ranzatsu

Wed, July 13 - Club Infinity, Buffalo
$18 advance / $20 day of show / 716 556 0110)
LA Guns, Metal Church, and WASP

Wed, July 13 – Castaways, Ithaca
Black Labeled and Retching Red

Thurs, July 14 – The Bug Jar, Rochester
Slough Fey and Bible of the Devil

Sat, July 16 - ON-Q Nightclub & Caberet, corner of North Depot and Eldrich
Streets, Binghamton
Free – All Ages Show – 8-11pm
Next Stop Willoughby (featuring Mr. Zaremba and Lee Borachi from PDM)

Thurs, July 21 – Darien Lake
Ozzfest

Fri, July 22 – Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City
Killswitch Engage, As I Lay Dying, and Soilwork

Fri July 22 – The Haunt, Ithaca
9pm $5 over 21 and $7 under 21 ages 18+
King Snyder with Still Kept, Indirect Threat, Excoriation

Sat, July 23 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Soilent Green, A Perfect Murder, Into The Moat, and Watch Them Die

Wed July 27 – The Haunt, Ithaca
$5 9pm ages 18+
Dark Odyssey Goth night with I Parasite and The Wretch

Thurs, July 28 – The Haunt, Ithaca
8pm $5 over 21 and $7 under 21 18+
Another Day Late with Lucia Lie, Jack Bauer, The Second Story, and Kievan
Rus

Thurs, July 28 – Castaways, Ithaca
Xtreme Soundscapes Presents
Bloodred Residual (featuring Andrew Priest ex-Knives), Never the Sunshine,
and Angels Beneath Me

Fri, July 29 – The Haunt, Ithaca
9pm $5 over 21 and $7 under 21 ages 18+
Dale, Drummer for Bonejar's 30th B-Day Party with Indirect Threat, Super
Drive,
and Guests

Fri, July 29 – Club Tundra, Syracuse
Merit

Sat, July 30 - La Tazza, South Washington Street, Binghamton
Free – All Ages Show – 8-10pm
Next Stop Willoughby (featuring Mr. Zaremba and Lee Borachi from PDM)

Sat, July 30 - The Penny Arcade, Rochester
E-Town Concrete

Sun, July 31 – The Haunt, Ithaca
$15 in advance and $20 at the door 4pm doors ages 18+
Girls Gone Wild Rock America Tour featuring ADEMA, Revolation Theory, and
Alston

Thurs, Aug 4 - The High Falls Party in the Park, Rochester (free show)
Blue Oyster Cult

Sat, Aug 6 – The Locke Fairgrounds, 1060 State Route 38, Locke
The Hardcore BBQ - www.hardcorebbq.com
Angels Beneath Me, Between Walls, Bone Jar, Byzantine, A Call to Arms, The
Degenerates, Dog Fashion Disco, Fearless Leader, Hand to Hand, Head Segment,
Hell Within, The Hurtin' Units, If Hope Dies, King Snyder, The Last Season,
Left Hand Path, The Loiterers, Loss for Words, Manville, Rabid, Robot Goes
Here, Screams of Erida, Ultraphli, Vigilance, and Wreck of the Hesperus

Thurs, Aug 11 - Shea’s Performing Arts Center, Buffalo
Cinderella, Ratt, Quiet Riot, and Firehouse

Thurs, Aug 18 – Castaways, Ithaca
Xtreme Soundscapes Presents
The Ithaca Return of Worm Quartet, Robot Goes Here, The Pushrods, and Bee
Eater

Binghamton Underground Music Festival!!
Xtreme Soundscapes Co-Presents...
Fri, Aug 19 - Club Paradiso, 65 front St (behind Binghamton High school)
www.blackazul.com/BUMF
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day, C.O.E., Others, If Man Is Five, and Divinity
Destroyed

Binghamton Underground Music Festival!!
Saturday August 20th 4pm
www.blackazul.com/BUMF
Venue tba, All Ages. FestivalAdmission
Pine Box Slumber Party, Entrail, Overture to Death, Refuse to Fail, From
These Ashes, and Prime Scheme

Binghamton Underground Music Festival!!
Sunday August 21st- The Sports Bar , Binghamton
www.blackazul.com/BUMF
5pm, all ages, Festival admission
Ranzatsu, Abandonship, The Loiterers, A New Vintage, and Nancy

Sat, Aug 27 – Penny Arcade, Rochester
Scars of Tomorrow, Still Remains, The Acacia Strain, As Cities Burn, and If
Hope Dies

Tues, Aug 30 - The Montage Grill, Rochester
Alex Skolnick

Tues, Aug 30 – Darien Lake
Gigantour with Megadeth, Dream Theater, Fear Factory, The Dillenger Escape
Plan, and Nevermore

Thurs, Sept 8 - The Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City
Twisted Sister

Fri, Sept 16 - The Haunt, Ithaca
Future 86
____________________________________________________________________

For some reason I always confuse
the words "marinate" and "masturbate."
Maybe that's why nobody likes my cooking.

(Scott E. Frank)
____________________________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: July 3, 2005
(R) = Requested

Background: Amir Baghiri and Nimh "Entities"

Fjoergyn "Monolog Der Natur / Vom Tod Der Traume"
Nemesea "Lucifer"
Ram-Zet "The Claustrophobic Journey"
Twilight Odyssey "Defiler"
Crisis "Rotten Anyway"
Light this City "Fractured by the Fall"
Battlelore "Cloaked in Her Unlight" (R)
Michale Graves "Teenage Monster" (R)
Others "Preternatural Surrender"
Murder Squad T.O. "Destructive Not Productive"
Dropkick Murphy's "The Burden"
Disbelief "Crawl"
Sulaco "Cry Me a River"

** MySpace Pic of the Week *
Cries "Where are you Now - Acoustic"

Demons and Wizards "Wicked Witch"
Thine Eyes Bleed "Without Warning"
Leaves' Eyes "Elegy"
Mastermind "The Beast of Babylon"
Nevermore "Bittersuite Feast"
Worm Quartet "A Great Idea for a Song"
Naglfar "Spoken Words of Venom"
Gaia "Gaia"
Slave Goat "S.O.Y.G."
Bone Jar "AM Free"
Bad Religion "News from the Front"
Gemini Five "Babylon Rockets"
Black Labeled "Kill the Pepsi Generation"
Twilight Odyssey "The Endless Days of a Stranger"
Bleed for Me "Beautiful Day"
Iommi "Resolution Song"
Octavia Sperati "Hymn / Hunting Eye"
VLE "Ancient Song Set Ablaze" (R)
The Gathering and Wim Kratsborn "Thunder Without Frequencies" (R)

** Tribute to the Past Set **
WASP "Little Death" (R)
VoiVod "Too Scared to Scream" (R)
Sentinal Beast "Dogs of War"
Skin Chamber "Mind Grinder"
Knockin' Boots "Lawn Boy"

DormitoryEffect "Bide My Time"
Obituary "Redneck Stomp"
Static-X "Night Terrors"
Crisis "A Graveyard for Bitches"
Mandrake "God of Lies"
Twilight Odyssey "Near Dark"
Napalm Death "The Great and the Good"
Murder Squad T.O. "More Blood will Flow"
Suicidal Tendencies "Institutionalized" (R)
Others "The Fear of..." (R)
Ram-Zet "Queen"
Fjoergyn "Wenn Sturme Ruhen"
Midnight "War"
Bruce Dickinson "Devil on a Hog"
Throwdown "This is Whrere It Ends"
Nile "Annihilation of the Wicked"
Nevermore "Medicated Nation"
A Life Once Lost "Grotesque"
Cipher "Children of God's Fire"
Jacob's Dream "Victory" (R)

Feature: Crisis - Live, June 22, 2005 at Castaways, Ithaca, NY
_______________________________________________

If you fall off a cliff, and your life
flashes before your eyes, when it gets
to the part where you fall off the cliff,
does it flash again until that part and
then flash again in an endless loop?
Maybe I'll just be more careful around cliffs.

(Pat Sajak)
_______________________________________________

TOP STORIES AND STUFF...

July is . . . . National Baked Beans Month, National Ice Cream Month,
National Tennis Month, Read An Almanac Month, Anti-Boredom Month,
and Hitchhiking Month

July 1 is . . . . . Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day
July 2 is . . . . . Visitation Of The Virgin Mary Day
July 3 is . . . . . Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day
July 4 is . . . . . National Country Music Day and Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting
Day
July 5 is . . . . . Workaholics Day
July 6 is . . . . . National Fried Chicken Day
July 7 is . . . . . National Strawberry Sundae Day
July 8 is . . . . . Video Games Day
July 9 is . . . . . National Sugar Cookie Day
July 10 is . . . . Clerihew Day
July 11 is . . . . National Cheer Up The Lonely Day
July 12 is . . . . National Pecan Pie Day
July 13 is . . . . Fool's Paradise Day
July 14 is . . . . National Nude Day
July 15 is . . . . National Tapioca Pudding Day and Respect Canada Day
July 16 is . . . . International Juggling Day
July 17 is . . . . National Peach Ice Cream Day
July 18 is . . . . National Ice Cream Day and National Caviar Day
July 19 is . . . . Flitch Day
July 20 is . . . . Ugly Truck Contest Day
July 21 is . . . . National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day
July 22 is . . . . Ratcatcher's Day
July 23 is . . . . National Vanilla Ice Cream Day
July 24 is . . . . Amelia Earhart Day
July 25 is . . . . Threading The Needle Day
July 26 is . . . . All Or Nothing Day
July 27 is . . . . Take Your Pants For A Walk Day
July 28 is . . . . National Milk Chocolate Day
July 29 is . . . . Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
July 30 is . . . . National Cheesecake Day
July 31 is . . . . Parent's Day
__________________________________________________________

Gnomes return to haunt villagers
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lincolnshire/4634145.stm

Residents in a Lincolnshire village have discovered a mysterious collection
of garden gnomes - for the second time.
The four figurines appeared in a flowerbed of pansies underneath the village
sign of Brattleby.

The discovery comes two years after gnomes were left in the front gardens of
14 homes in the village.

A year later some residents received an unsigned letter asking them to find
a good home for the gnomes, but no-one has claimed responsibility.

Some of the statues have languished in people's garage and sheds for two
years, while others are on display in people's gardens.

Parish council chairman councillor Mike Spencer, 61, said: "It is a bit of a
mystery. It is such an odd thing to happen.

"I have even had some people accuse me but I can honestly say it is nothing
to do with me at all.

"I don't like gnomes, and this is not a gnome sort of village - we are in a
conservation area.

"Who it is remains a mystery, but I suppose it does create a bit of fun each
year."
___________________________________________________________________

Boffins create zombie dogs
By Nick Buchan of NEWS.com.au
June 27, 2005

SCIENTISTS have created eerie zombie dogs, reanimating the canines
after several hours of clinical death in attempts to develop suspended
animation for humans.
US scientists have succeeded in reviving the dogs after three hours of
clinical death, paving the way for trials on humans within years.

Pittsburgh's Safar Centre for Resuscitation Research has developed a
technique in which subject's veins are drained of blood and filled
with an ice-cold salt solution.

The animals are considered scientifically dead, as they stop breathing
and have no heartbeat or brain activity.

But three hours later, their blood is replaced and the zombie dogs are
brought back to life with an electric shock.

Plans to test the technique on humans should be realised within a
year, according to the Safar Centre.

[full story at
<http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15739502-13762,00.html>]
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...