The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - August 5, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...
The Last Exit on MySpace: www.myspace.com/thelastexit

Chat Room during The Last Exit:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

** RECAPS FROM FIRE EATER WIZARD **

On The Metallic Onslaught:

There was another Celebrity rock star guest. In the past, there have been
visits from Phil Anselmo of Pantera, and Gene Simmons of Kiss (or at least
persons claiming to be those people), and now it was Udo of the band Accept.
He was there for a bit, and said that Accept was back on tour, and that
everyone should come out and see them. No one seemed too happy to see him.
Thor arrived. He said that there would be a wild viking party after the
show, and that they were all invited, even Lance. Thor kept hammering
everything with The Giant Hammer. Joe and Thor fought, and Joe got the
hammer away from him, saying that he was keeping it until Thor learned how
to behave. Then Thor tried to give Joe his pill, the one that would
transform him into Ian The Viking... Now, the last time he had tried to do
this, he had not been successful in getting the pill down Joe, as Joe spit
it out. And this week Joe fought back again. They brawled as Thor tried to
force the pill down Joe's throat. In the end Thor was unsuccessful this time
as well. And, at the end of the brawl, Thor was gone, and Jeffie was back.
Everyone was dismayed by this (well, everyone, that is, except for Jeffie,
of course, Jeffie was ecstatic to be free). They tried to figure out how
such a thing could've happened. Finally, they realized that, while Joe and
Thor were brawling over pills, instead of Thor forcing a pill down Joe, Joe
had forced one down Thor, and it turned out to have been one of the pills
that would transform Thor back into Jeffie. It didn't take very long for
everyone to conclude that they would all rather have Thor to put up with
than Jeffie. They asked Jeffie where the pills were that would bring back
Thor. Jeffie said that he had them, that there was only one left, and that
it needed to be destroyed so that Thor could never come back... They told
him that, if he would give it to them, they would make sure to get rid of it
forever. Jeffie said "ok, he would give the pill to them later so they could
flush it down the toilet". They tried to get him to give it to them right
then and there, but couldn't, Jeffie insisted on later. Jeffie was wild with
excitement to finally be free. He attacked first Lance, and then Joe,
hugging them and thanking them for freeing him. They were not at all happy
with this. Then Jeffie brought something out of his "bag"... It was a purple
and orange bird puppet. Jeffie said it's name was Bubbles. Bubbles also made
lots of squeaking and babbling noises. Jeffie talked to Bubbles, and
answered his squeaks and squawks like he was having a conversation with the
puppet, and could understand everything it was saying. He also kept shoving
the puppet right in peoples faces. Everyone was extremely annoyed with both
Jeffie and his puppet. They asked Jeffie where the Thor pill was so that
they could be sure to get rid of it. Jeffie gave it to them, telling them to
flush it down the toilet... They grabbed Jeffie and forced the pill down his
throat. Soon Thor reemerged. Thor was extremely excited to be back. He
attacked Lance, hugging him and thanking him for setting him free and
getting rid of Jeffie. Poor Lance, first having Jeffie do that, and then
Thor, both in one night. Then Thor noticed the purple puppet on his hand,
and freaked out. He didn't seem to know it was a puppet. Then he said that
they were all invited, even Lance, to his viking party. He started dancing,
viking dancing... And that was how the show ended...

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

Still no Just Joe. We did, however, learn a bit more about what might have
happened to him. More on that in just a bit. And Shoebox was there. Yes,
that's right, you read that right, Shoebox was there after an eleven month
absence. He updated us on what he's been up to, on the progress and
activities of his spawn, brought a couple new songs to be played, and talked
about his upcoming shows, one of which will be an Xtreme Soundscapes Show,
and another of which will be with the famous Dr. Demento. The band Ranzatsu
(formerly Clutter) were also there, and it was from them that we learned
what had been the fate of Just Joe... You see, in addition to their being a
cool band, they also have another hobby. They call themselves The Anti Just
Joe Army, and have made it their mission to destroy Just Joe. (A mission
which they share with a lot of people). And, to serve this end, it was them
who had sent the strange map for Just Joe. It seems it lead to New Jersey,
where, they claimed, Just Joe was now trapped in a cave. And the show did
indeed receive a strange phone call (not on air) from what sounded like Just
Joe on a very bad connection, in which the only words that could be made out
were New Jersey, dark, and stuck, so it seemed that their claim was true.
Trapped in New Jersey! That may be too cruel a punishment, even for Just
Joe! They claimed that they had gotten rid of Just Joe forever. We shall
see... Ranzatsu had brought a mouth harp. They and Shoebox played a duet
entitled "Dandelions Suck". Later, Ranzatsu also played a solo, the White
Lion song "When The Children Cry". It was truly beautiful and moving. :)
Gorgar was also back and present this night. And so that was the show...
Tune in this week and see if Just Joe escapes from the horrible, cruel, fate
of being imprisoned in New Jersey and makes it back or not... As well as for
whatever else that may go on...

***********************************************************
Hey, want the new Best of The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught CD? Vol
35? Cool, go to the media section of the web page and download it. Full
thing is up, and will stay up till the next one is done, which I am
currently working on, so go get it while it is there...

So what is happening this week on The Last Exit? WELL, we SHOULD have Seth
from Dufus up to the show, and Indira. Maybe Robot Goes Here. Maybe RGH will
be up next week instead. We will see. Anyway, it should be interesting. The
feature at the end of the show will be Black Labeled and Angels Beneath Me
live from the Xtreme Soundscapes show back on July 28th... And will Joe be
there? What about GorGar? AND what about Shoebox? Wait, no, we all know
Shoebox won't be there... But still, you really never know, do you?
__________________________________________

Whenever I hear of a person missing
from my neighborhood, I start digging
holes in my yard. Nothing freaks out
the cops more than fresh dig marks.

(Stephanie S. Thompson)
__________________________________________

KARYN CRISIS ALL ORIGINAL ARTWORK FOR SALE ON EBAY
For the month of August Karyn Crisis will be selling her original artwork on
Ebay at this link: http://stores.ebay.com/Karyn-Crisis-Artwork
The first 4 pieces for sale are the coveted hand-painted photographs from
her 1998/1999 limited edition "Blood" series and are 4 of only 12 remaining
pieces in this series: "Wielding The Way", "Scraping The Pins," "Into
Darkness", and "Sickness" are up for bid on Ebay this week.

These hand-painted photographs are on 5" by 8" photo fiber paper and are all
numbered and signed by Karyn Crisis
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SEASON OF THE WOLF NEWS

For those interested to see what shows have been like in the Tampa Bay area
for SOTW head on over to
http://www.realitysnap.com/home.htm

The music video for the song TRANSMISSION was carefully edited using 188
quick clips from several shows at Manatee Civic Center, The Animal House,
Tracks Music Center, Ed Smith Stadium, 306 Bomb Group, Draculas, Boomerz,
Brass Mug, Bradenton Pub, State Theatre, and Level-D-Green.
Many of these venues are gone now but,.. some are still around.
It is a 3:45 quick fun trip through the live show life of SOTW from 1990 to
2002.
The video is now featured at TampaMusicScene.com
2 more videos to be added in weeks to come.
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DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR THE NEW BLACK N BLUE ALBUM:
A question often asked is "when will the new Black N Blue CD finally be
released?" The answer to that question - not until next year I expect!
Here's the latest news from Jaime St. James - who recently sent Hardrock
Haven the scoop on a couple things all the Warrant and Black N Blue fans
have been waiting for.
1. When is the new Black N Blue going to be released? It seems like it's
been moved back a few too many times.
JSJ: "The new Black'N Blue recording Hell Yeah is about 60% finished, but
currently on hold. Jef "Woop" Warner is engineering the record and he is
building a new studio; unfortunately, he lost the first one we started with.
Also working with Z-Records is a bitch (as far as getting paid). My joining
Warrant has little to do with the delays. I have been available for two
years off and on. The best way to find out when this thing will finally be
released is to visit www.stjamesofficial.com."
2. Any updates on the new Warrant?
JSJ: "We have four more songs to mix next week (7/25/05) and then we master.
The artwork is finished and everything sounds and looks great. Check out the
new www.warrantweb.net coming soon that will be devoted to the new record,
including song samples."
WebLink: www.hardrockhaven.net.
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GEORGE CALL UNDERGOES THROAT SURGERY


ASKA lead vocalist/guitarist, George Call, recently underwent vocal chord
surgery after a biopsy concerned doctors that he might have throat cancer.
Call has been under doctor's orders not to speak or sing for several weeks,
possibly months. According to the band, it's a serious issue and the band
discussed the possibility of having to find a vocalist should George's voice
be permanently damaged as a result of surgery. Call, principal songwriter
and the band's founder, assures us that he will remain with the band no
matter what the outcome.

ASKA's latest series of live performances, both before and since Call's
surgery, have featured a number of guest vocalists, including George's
bother and former ASKA drummer, Damon Call, to tremendous fan response.
"We're making lemon-ade out of this lemon." said Call, "I think it's been a
real treat for the fans too as they're getting to hear Keith and Jason do
their stuff on the mic. Both of them are great singers in their own right
and I really can't think of too many bands that can do what we're doing
right now. And it's been a super thrill to share the stage with Damon again.
He loves the band, the fans, and it's clear to see that they love him as
well. ASKA is one big family, man. We're all there for each other."

Call's pathology report came back negative for cancer but he did have an
area on his vocal chords that was considered "pre-cancerous" and it was
decided that surgery was the best course of action. George reportedly did
get a second opinion.

The band reports that this will delay the upcoming disc. Updates here as
they become available.
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What if I get reincarnated as a goat and
I don't find goats attractive anymore?

(Bob Van Voris)
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SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, Aug 5th @ the Haunt, Ithaca
the PushRods, Melophobe, and the Voodoo Dollies

Sat, Aug 6 – The Locke Fairgrounds, 1060 State Route 38, Locke
The Hardcore BBQ - www.hardcorebbq.com
Angels Beneath Me, Between Walls, Bone Jar, Byzantine, A Call to Arms, The
Degenerates, Dog Fashion Disco, Fearless Leader, Hand to Hand, Head Segment,
Hell Within, The Hurtin' Units, If Hope Dies, King Snyder, The Last Season,
Left Hand Path, The Loiterers, Loss for Words, Manville, Rabid, Robot Goes
Here, Screams of Erida, Ultraphli, Vigilance, and Wreck of the Hesperus

Sat, August 6 - Club Ra'Nelles, 73 Court St. Binghamton
6pm / ALL AGES / $6
MUST be 21+ to drink w/ ID! NO exceptions!!
info / directions: blackphil@...
Anodyne, Others, Ed Gein, A Murder of Crows, Locked in a Vacancy, and
Dance-a-Tron, AND The triumphant Return of DEVASTATION MASTERS - >
Binghamton’s first Punk band <

Thurs, Aug 11 - Shea’s Performing Arts Center, Buffalo
Cinderella, Ratt, Quiet Riot, and Firehouse

Fri, Aug 12 – The Haunt, Ithaca
Indira (CD Release Party) with Another Day Late, Stem, and Scarred Theory
$5 over 21 and $7 under 21 9pm ages 18+

Sat, Aug 13 - The Bug Jar’s (Rochester) 4th Annual Birthday Show
the PushRods, Bee Eater, POLLY PANIC and ST. PHILLIP'S ESCALATOR

Sat, Aug 13: Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City
Vanilla Ice

Sun, Aug 14 - ELIXER (Corner of Goodman St, & S. Clinton, Rochester)
18 and over. Doors at 8pm.
Stray From The Path, Arson Ember, SKODAG, and Unscriptured

Thurs, Aug 18 – Castaways, Ithaca
Xtreme Soundscapes Presents
The Ithaca Return of Worm Quartet, Robot Goes Here, The Pushrods, and Bee
Eater

Binghamton Underground Music Festival!!
Xtreme Soundscapes Co-Presents...
Fri, Aug 19 - the American Legion Post 80, Binghamton, NY
www.blackazul.com/BUMF
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day, C.O.E., Others, Ethereal Collapse, If Man Is
Five, and Divinity Destroyed

Binghamton Underground Music Festival!!
Saturday August 20th 4pm
www.blackazul.com/BUMF
Venue Club Ranelles, All Ages. FestivalAdmission
Pine Box Slumber Party, Entrail, Overture to Death, Refuse to Fail, From
These Ashes, and Prime Scheme

Binghamton Underground Music Festival!!
Sunday August 21st- The Sports Bar , Binghamton
www.blackazul.com/BUMF
5pm, all ages, Festival admission
Ranzatsu, The Pushrods, Abandonship, The Loiterers, A New Vintage, and Nancy

Aug 20th @ The Babylon Inn Long Island NY
with: the PushRods, Coded, Immortally Committed, Purple Pam, and Crackhead
Mafia,
Sat, Aug 27 – Penny Arcade, Rochester
Scars of Tomorrow, Still Remains, The Acacia Strain, As Cities Burn, and If
Hope Dies

Tues, Aug 30 - The Montage Grill, Rochester
Alex Skolnick

Tues, Aug 30 – Darien Lake
Gigantour with Megadeth, Dream Theater, Fear Factory, The Dillenger Escape
Plan, and Nevermore

Fri-Sun, Sept 2-4: MuseFest at Newhart’s Lodge, Enfield (www.Musefest.org)

Thurs, Sept 8 - The Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City
Twisted Sister

Fri, Sept 16 - The Haunt, Ithaca
Future 86 and Stone Soul Foundation

Thursday, Sept 22 – The Magic City Music Hall, Johnson City
Blue Oyster Cult

September 24th - Country Pines, Endicott
BenevoLectic 2005 - To Benefit The Handicapped Children’s Association of
Southern NY
www.benevolectic.com (not up yet)
To Benefit The Handicapped Children’s Association of Southern NY 10a - 3a
$15 adv. / $20 day-of
(the beneficiary is getting all of the door $ after costs: no BenevoLectic
partners make any $)
(CONFIRMED)
Dog Fashion Disco
King Snyder
Bone Jar
Break Your Face
Indirect Threat
Others
PsyOpus
DJs: Jachimuzic (pronounced Jack-a-Music,” featuring DJ Jackal, the group
includes multiple DJs who will spin between sets)
MORE BANDS TBA

Sat, Oct 8 – Water Street Music Hall, Rochester
Unearth, Dillinger Escape Plan, Zao, and A Life Once Lost

Tues, Oct 18 – Club Infinity, Buffalo
Crisis, Exodus, Three Inches of Blood and Watch them Die
_____________________________________________

I still believe there are WMDs in Iraq
and the Bush administration is lying
when they say they're not there.
Remember, they lied to us before.

(Bill Fluharty)
_____________________________________________

If you're getting this, it's because your band is on this list, or a band
you manage is on this list, or a band that you are working with in some way
is on this list... If this is not true, please let us know.

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: July 31, 2005
Every Saturday at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning
93.5FM / 105.5FM Ithaca, NY - Also available via Realaudio
Metal Director: Carl Schmidt aka Seriah Azkath
Mailing Address: PoBox 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224
Web Page: http://www.thelastexit.org
WVBR Webpage: http://wvbr.com
(R) = Requested

Background:Nothing "Silence Came Back In, Filling"

Elegeion "The Last Moment"
Anorexia Nervosa "Worship Manifesto"
Powergod "Total Desaster (Destruction Cover)"
Arch Enemy "Nemesis"
Nocturne "Shallow"
Dope "I Wish I was the President"
Worm Quartet "R2D2"
Gamma Ray "Hell is Thy Home"
Alta D'are "The Call for Peace"
RANZATSU "Cellar Door"
Sudden Death / Worm Quartet "Inner Voice"
Angels Beneath Me "Red Silhouette"
Goth Minister "Swallowed by the Earth"
Coffee Inc. "Our Song"
Coffee and Shoebox "Let's Make Fun of the Amish"
Worm Quartet "You Were Wrong Cabinet Sanchez"
Crematorium "Drowning as One"
Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force "Revelation (Drinking with the Devil)"
Cries "Valentine's Day"
Angel "Darkness"
Nocturne "Walk Away"
Dope "Fuck the World"
3 Inches of Blood "Deadly Sinners" (R)
Phag Circus "Brain Dance"
"So Long and Thanks for All the Fish"

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST SET **
Mekong Delta "Age of Agony"
Amnesia "Unknown Entity"
Juggernaut "Without Warning"
Obituary "I'm in Pain" (R)
Savage Grace "Trial by Fire"
Heavy Pettin "Rock Ain't Dead"
Flotsam and Jetsam "Der Fuhrer"
Dirty Looks "She's a Rocker"
Lethal Tendencies "Lethal Tendencies"

Locuz "Tyler Durden Unleashed"
Nocturne "Dead Man"
Elegeion "Solitude"
Ancient Drive "Mourning Tears"
Fear Factory "Spinal Compression"
Blessing the Hogs "Pretard"
Omegalord "Steady Stream of Souls"
Fight Paris "Fuck Me Stillettos"

Feature Artist: Megadeth
______________________________________

My dates dig that I'm into all-natural
products -- at least until I mention
that also holds true for my pacifiers.

(Brad Simanek)
______________________________________

BEST STORIES OF THE WEEK

+------------------- Bizarre Royals -----------------------+

Otto, younger brother of Ludwig II, decided the only way to
preserve his own sanity was to shoot a peasant each day.
Every morning he would start taking pot-shots at the peasants
working in the royal garden. As staff numbers dropped, one
servant was given the task of loading the king's pistol with
blanks while another dressed as a peasant and pretended to
fall down dead when Otto shot him.

Queen Juana of Spain worshipped her husband Philip, who died
in 1506, so much that she refused to allow him to be buried
and had his coffin accompany her wherever she went.

Charles VI of France was convinced he was made of glass. So,
he hated traveling by coach in case the vibration caused him
to shatter into a thousand pieces. He also started prowling
the corridors of the royal palace, howling like a wolf,
causing Queen Isabeau to no longer want to share a bed with
him. She found a lookalike, Odette de Champdivers, to take
her place. Every night for 30 years, Odette wore the Queen's
clothes in the royal bed and Charles never once spotted the
deception.

Henry Christophe, King of Northern Haiti, ordered his guards
to prove their loyalty to him by marching over a 200ft-high
cliff. Those who obeyed plunged to their deaths; those who
refused were tortured and executed. Henry Christophe ended
up shooting himself.

Catherine the Great of Russia, discovering that she had
dandruff, imprisoned her hairdresser in an iron cage for
three years to stop the news spreading. Enchanted by a prim-
rose in the royal garden, she posted a sentry to guard the
plant day and night.

Philip, Prince of Calabria, the eldest son of Charles XIII
of Spain, was mad about gloves and was known to wear 16
pairs at any one time.
____________________________________________________

+------------ Bizarre Things People Have Done -------------+

[The following is from the British Sunday Express giving
Gongs (medals) for dubious distinctions]

To John Bloor, who mistook a tube of superglue for his
hemorrhoid cream and glued his buttocks together.

To Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a
stolen stereo. His error was having tattooed on his forehead
in large capital letters the words "Henry Smith." His lawyer
told the court: "My client is not a very bright young man."

To Michael Robinson, who rang police to deliver a bomb threat,
but became so agitated about the mounting cost of the call
that he began screaming "Call me back!" and left his phone
number.

To Paul Monkton, who used as his getaway vehicle a van with
his name and phone number painted in foot-high letters on
the side.

To Julia Carson, who as her tearful family gathered 'round
her coffin in a New York funeral parlor, sat bolt upright
and asked what the hell was going on. Celebrations were
short-lived, due to the fact that Mrs. Carson's daughter,
Julie, immediately dropped dead from shock.

To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above
him on an overhanging rock -- and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.

To the passengers on a jam-packed train from Margate to
Victoria, who averted their eyes while John Henderson and
Zoe D'Arcy engaged in oral sex and then moved on to inter-
course ... but complained when the pair lit up post-coital
cigarettes in a nonsmoking compartment.
________________________________________________

+---------------- BIZARRE ALCOHOL TRIVIA -----------------+

* Abraham Lincoln observed that "It has long been recognized
that the problems with alcohol elate not to the use of a
bad thing, but to the abuse of a good thing."

* Chicha, an alcohol beverage which has been made for
thousands of years in Central and South America, begins
with people chewing grain and spitting into a vat. An enzyme
in saliva changes starch in the grain to sugar, which then
ferments.

* The U.S. has the strictest youth drinking laws in Western
civilization.

* Many high school cafeterias in Europe serve alcohol to
their students who choose to drink.

* Early recipes for beer included such ingredients as poppy
seeds, mushrooms, aromatics, honey, sugar, bay leaves,
butter and bread crumbs.

* While in some countries the penalty for driving while
intoxicated can be death (yes, death), in Uruguay
intoxication is a legal excuse for having an accident
while driving. "Please believe me officer, I really was
drunk."

* The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas
because it contains a recipe for making beer that can be
used at home.
__________________________________________________

-----Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures------

Geneva, Ill. - Dean Craig did what anyone would do to rid
himself of unwanted house guests... by lighting his house
on fire. Craig was charged with felony arson for allegedly
lighting rubbing alcohol on the floor of his home. According
to police, Craig asked two visitors to exit his place and
when they refused he threatened to start a fire. No one was
injured in the incident, but the 46-year-old firestarter is
being held on $25,000 bond.
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...