The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 2, 2005
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Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during Both Shows:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught:

Jeffie, and all of the other inhabitants of his body were not there. A
couple hours into the show, a guest arrived... It was Tim, formerly of
Victory Records, who had not been there in a while. And, it turned out that
he had brought someone with him... Lance! Yes, that's right, you red that
correctly, Lance. Apparently rumors of his death have turned out to be
somewhat exaggerated. When questioned about his long absence, Lance gave
some long rather convoluted story. He said it began with him being on the
guest list of a Brides Of Destruction concert. And, then all he could
remember was being in his car in the parking lot. And, then he was following
Stryper on tour all over the country, which is where Tim found him, at a
Stryper concert, and pointed him in the right direction, apparently, telling
him that he should go back home and come with him to the show. Lance said he
had heard about the funeral that Jeffie had thrown for him, and about how
Jeffie had brought his cat and chickens to said funeral, and lost his cat,
and let Thor choke and kill all his chickens. Tim updated us on what he's
been up to lately since no longer being with Victory Records. When asked if
he would be back from now on, or if he was going to rejoin the Stryper tour,
Lance said that he wasn't sure, but that he would probably be back, he
couldn't see why not. Tune in and hear what develops...

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

The show opened with Dio, and some other music Just Joe likes. Yes, Just Joe
had been allowed to pick a whole set of songs. And this was because this
show marked his second anniversary there. Well, two years and one week
actually, to be precise, which I always am, as it had actually been the week
before, but no one felt like celebrating it, err, I mean, they all wanted
the big occasion to be sooo special for him, that the extra week was needed
to put it all together, yeah, that's it, that's why. On this show were: Tim,
formerly of Victory Records, and Just Joe's parents, Crow, of The Pushrods,
and Electric Vodka Dude, who of course were there to share in their sons big
special day, as they are so proud of their son. Just Joe was wearing a hat
with a bell on it, was very hyper and excited, and kept singing "happy
anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary... To
me..." He was told that they were going to play lots of games that night,
and that if he did well in the games, he could have cake. And not just any
old ordinary cake either, but a very special cake which they had had made
just for him. Just Joe was very happy about this. He was told that the first
game they were going to play was hide and seek. Just Joe said that he loved
hide and seek, well if he could do the seeking. He said that he didn't like
doing the hiding so much, because, when he hides, no one ever finds him.
Gee, go figure, I wonder why that could be, surely not because they don't
try to find him, that they'd prefer he stayed lost! Nah, that couldn't be
the reason. Just Joe was told to go find Tim, formerly of Victory Records,
who was hiding. If he could do that, he could have cake. Just Joe said that
Tim was in Chicago. He was told that he was not, he was nearer than that, so
it shouldn't be hard to find him. Just Joe excitedly left to go look for
Tim. After he had gone, Azkath said that, as far as he knew, Tim was still
in Chicago, so that should get rid of Just Joe for a while. Just Joe came
back shortly, and he had found someone, his sometimes mother, Electric Vodka
Dude. Just Joe had apprehended him as he was coming in to the show anyways,
and had dragged him inside. Just Joe was informed that he had not found Tim,
and that he needed to get back to doing that. However, Tim then appeared. It
seems that he had picked this week to come back and pay them a surprise
visit. Wow, what terrible, err, I mean, great timing Tim has! Later, Just
Joe also "found" his dad, Crow, apprehending him as he was on his way in to
the show anyways and dragging him inside. Sound familiar? Many clips from
Just Joe's first couple appearances on LE were played throughout the night.
And, since a major part of that had been him getting knocked out and then
locked in the basement, where he had remained for two weeks, it was thought
that it would only be fitting to repeat that moving moment. Just Joe was
told that, since he had done such a good job of finding Tim, and some other
people as well, he could now have his special cake. Now Just Joe is not as
dumb as he seems, because he began to get suspicious when they began
strongly encouraging him to eat the cake. Especially after they said he
should go first as it was his big day, and, they had already selected and
cut the piece for him. Just Joe became more and more reluctant to eat the
cake, smart boy, but at last gave in to dumbness and ate it, the cake, that
is. :) They told him "now there, see, you feel fine, don't you? You aren't
suffering any hallucinations, are you? You're SURE You feel ok? You're sure?
No Hallucinations?!". Just Joe said that he didn't think so. They said,
"well good, because there is absolutely no reason that you should be
experiencing any hallucinations... Absolutely none". Then Just Joe began to
talk to Gorgar, who was not there. They concluded that Just Joe was really
suggestible, as there really had been nothing in the cake, but that
apparently they had succeeded in hypnotizing Just Joe. They discovered that
now anything they suggested to him, they could get him to believe it. They
convinced him that Friend was there for his special day, and, so was
Shoebox. And Just Joe was so incredibly suggestible, that he even believed
an impossible thing like Shoebox being there! If you could actually believe
that, you could believe anything! He started friending things he believed
were Friend, yelling "FRIEND! FRIEND! FRIEND!", and hugging things he
believed were Shoebox, very very large objects those must have been. Then
later, when it became obvious that giving Just Joe cake had not been such a
good idea, as it added a lot to his already hyperactive state, and now he
was super hyperactive, and was never going to calm down, or shut up, Azkath
clobbered him over the head with a baseball bat, knocking him out. Then he
and Crow dragged him to the basement, tossed him in, and locked the door.
After he came to, Just Joe called upstairs demanding to know why he was in
the basement, and demanding to be let out. They told him that they liked him
and only wanted to make him happy, and, to prove this, they were now going
to do something he would really like. Just Joe's Hugging Music began
playing. At first Just Joe was ecstatic, then realized, (he can't think too
fast, so it takes time for things to sink in for him) that he could not hug
people, as he was locked in the basement. Now, apparently this super
hyperactivity made him strong, because, in his frantic frenzy, he broke
right through the basement door, and began hugging everyone. Incidentally,
Just Joe's Hugging Music had never gotten to play so long, as everyone was
enjoying it without Just Joe there to ruin it, and Electric Vodka Dude was
dancing to it. While Just Joe had been out of commission, they had given
Electric Vodka Dude a whistle, telling him that it was a special whistle,
with powers, that would protect him from Just Joe, but that he was to use it
sparingly. Btw, when they asked Electric Vodka dude what had happened to the
stuffed animal head that had repelled Just Joe the week before, Electric
Vodka Dude said that it had worked at first, but that then Just Joe had
eaten it. Electric Vodka Dude tried the whistle... And it did absolutely
nothing but make a whole lot of noise. Well nothing there, at least, who
knows, maybe somewhere else something got unleashed or happened, if you hear
of any particularly strange events occurring anywhere, perhaps that could be
the cause, one never knows. At any rate, it did absolutely nothing to help
Electric Vodka Dude with Just Joe, though he blew it many times, the
whistle, that is. :) Just Joe kept thinking lots of other weird things all
throughout the night, like that there was a hallway where there shouldn't be
one because they told him there was one there now. So, Just Joe ran into the
"hallway", and knocked himself out. Another time he said that the floor was
rising, and climbed up on the board, and fell. Also, Electric Vodka Dude and
Crow chased their son outside a few times. And, on one of those times, they
through him in the snow, beat him down, Crow chased him with a shovel, Just
Joe ran, slid down the hill, and got hit by a car. Actually, He got thrown
in the snow a few times that night, as well as thrown in the basement a few
times. Ah, Crow and Electric Vodka Dude are such good, kind, loving parents.
They just love their son so much. At one point, Just Joe said that he had
found something really interesting outside, (this was his night for finding
people and things it seemed), and he wanted them to go out and see it. No
one wanted to. Since it was remembered from one of the clips, that it had
been Tim who had finally let Just Joe out of the basement, they told him
that he should go see what it was. Tim and Just Joe went outside. No
screaming was heard. Some giggling was heard. And then, later, Just Joe came
back alone. We never did learn what Just Joe had found outside, or what had
happened to Tim, who was seen no more that night. Much reminiscing about
Just Joe's two years and one week was done throughout the night. At the end
of the night, They managed to get Just Joe to go to sleep by suggesting to
him that he was really sleepy and that it was time to go to sleep. As his
suggestibility was apparently still very strong, and maybe also because
after all the night's activities, he was finally worn out, this worked.
Since they are always so concerned for his well being, and they didn't want
him to get cold, the plan was to take him outside and bury him under a lot
of snow. They are so kind and thoughtful, always looking out for Just Joe's
best interests. The Feature Artist, ending out the night, was Thought
Industry. And, thus went Just Joe's Big Anniversary Show... I have never
heard that "Happy Anniversary" song so many times in my life, as Just Joe
just would not stop singing it all night long, to the annoyance of everyone.
Happy anniversary Just Joe! This coming week will mark the Two year
anniversary of The Pushrods appearing on LE. I don't know if any of them
will be there to celebrate this fact, (well, Richie definitely will not be,
as his mom will not allow him to go there any more), but I want to make
mention of that special day for them here anyways. Happy anniversary guys!
Tune in this week to hear who will be there, and what may transpire...

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Notes from Azkath...

Jeffie should be back to The Metallic Onslaught tonight. Don't know about
Lance. Nor what may happen when they meet up again? Does Jeffie have a
special Bible for Lance? And will Rick ever get to skydive like he always
wanted? And will Joe finally realize that the OC and Friends are not cool TV
shows, and it definitely are not all that different from Tim liking the
Gilmore Girls and Dawson's Creek...

It is the Pushrods 2 year anniversary on The Last Exit this week. I do think
Crow will be up, and maybe we will celebrate or something... in some way...
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I think the fact we haven't detected any
signs of intelligent life forms within our
galaxy is evidence in itself they exist.
Think about it: If you lived next
to us, would you tip your hand?

(Brad Osberg)
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Kings X Tourbus Catches Fire

The bus, the bus, the bus is on fire. We don’t need no water let the mutha f
’er burn!

The King’s X tour bus caught fire early Thursday (November 17) burning the
back end of the bus. Don’t worry though. The band and all their gear are
fine. The bus was replaced and the tour continued without a hitch. Dug took
some photos and posted them for everyone to check out.

http://www.kingsxonline.com/photos/bus/

KING'S X are touring in support of their latest album, "Ogre Tones", which
was released September 27 via Inside Out Music. The band's first US release
for the label was produced by Michael Wagener (METALLICA, ALICE COOPER,
QUEEN) and is receiving rave reviews from fans and critics for its
innovative sound and musical intricacies.

Here are the remaining US tour dates.

11/29 - The Fenix in Seattle
11/30 - Berbati's Pan in Portland OR
12/02 - Phoenix Theatre in Petaluma, CA
12/03 - Slim's in San Francisco, CA
12/04 - Galaxy Theatre in Santa Ana, CA
12/05 - Marquee Theatre in Tempe, AZ
12/08 - La Zona Rosa in Austin, TX
12/09 - Trees in Dallas, TX
12/10 - Hero's Rock N Roll in Harrker Heights, TX
12/12 - Bricktown Live in Oklahoma City, OK
12/14 - Exit/In in Nashville, TN
12/15 - Smith's Olde Bar in Atlanta, GA
12/17 – The Engine Room in Houston, TX
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According to Deep-Purple.net, BMG will be releasing two full shows from
guitarist Ritchie Blackmore's last tour with DEEP PURPLE — recorded in
Stuttgart and Birmingham in October/November 1993 on "The Battle Rages On"
trek — as a four-CD box set. Both shows will be completely unedited and will
make up for any disappointment that fans felt when the original "Come Hell
Or High Water" CD was released eleven years ago. The four-CD set, "Live In
Europe 1993", is now scheduled to ship during the first week of March.
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"Making whoopee" has got to be the
all-time stupidest euphemism for sex.
Except, of course, for Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg.

(Larry Hollister)
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SHOW LISTINGS

Fri, Dec 2 – The Haunt, Ithaca
Blue Oyster Cult

Fri, Dec 2 - The Amp Elmira
The PushRods with Elmira Punk Division

Sat, Dec 3 – Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St. Rochester
Inherance, Mainline Adrenaline, The Following Dawn

Thurs, Dec, 8
*** NIPPLEPALOOZA II ***
Day 1 of the cheesy 2-day CNY tour!
WORM QUARTET
THE GREAT LUKE SKI
POWERED BY SATAN
@ The Half Penny Pub
321 W Fayette St.
Syracuse, NY 13202
(315) 478-3091
FREE SHOW!! Bands are paid from the bar, so drink up!
Show starts at 9:00 (Must be 21)

December 9th, 2005 - Rochester, NY
*** NIPPLEPALOOZA II ***
Day 2 of the cheesy 2-day CNY tour!
WORM QUARTET
THE GREAT LUKE SKI
POWERED BY SATAN
And MC PISSPOT THE RABBIT
@ Monty's Crown
875 Monroe Ave.
Rochester, NY 14620
www.montyskrown.com
Show starts at 10:00
$6 at the door
Must be 21

Sat, Dec 10 – Binghamton University
If Man is Five, New Electric, The Stay Lows, and I was a Wizard

Fri, Dec 16 - the Downtown Quaterback Endicott
The PushRods with Agony Hill

Sat, Dec 17 - Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St. Rochester
Toys for Tots Benefit, Day One
Inherance, Bound by Hate, Mainline Adrenaline
$10 Donation without a Toy / $5 with a Toy

Sat, Dec 18 – Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St., Rochester - (585)
232-1520
TOYS FOR TOTS Show! ALL AGES - 4pm
$10 Donation without toy $5 w/ toy gift all $ proceeds go to the Salvation
Army and Toys go to Marines Toys For Tots program
Free Parking, drink specials, Free food
137, TAR, MY PENIS, VERGE OF GREEN, AFM, SPLIT RAIL, and 2 MORE TBA

Sat, Dec 17 - The Half Penny Pub, Syracuse
"CHANUKALOOZA II"
The PushRods, Plan-607, CrankDaddy and Suburban Vamps

Fri, Dec 23 - Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St. Rochester
Sulaco, BML, and Low Ton

Wed, Dec 28 – Water Street Music Hall, Rochester
STILLBORN RECORDS FEST 05
HATEBREED, INHERENCE, SWORN ENEMY, FULL BLOWN CHAOS, SUBZERO, DANNY DIABLO,
SCURVY, and THE RISK TAKEN

Sat, Dec 31: New Year's Eve – The Venue (Downtown Quarterback), Washington
Avenue, Endicott
Punch Drunk Monkeys 11th anniversary reunion, with original members:
* crappy the clown
* dano voodie
* mr. zaremba
* david sweet
w/ special guests If Man is Five

Sat, Jan 14 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Into Eternity and Sonata Arctica

Thurs, Feb 2 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Decapitated, Soilent Green, Nile, and With Passion

Tues, Feb 21 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Prong and Overkill

Sat, March 25 – Montage Music Hall, Rochester
Omniblank Reunion
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If the Jovian moon Europa has liquid water,
as many scientists believe, it could easily
harbor life, and that would be thrilling (unless
scientists say it wouldn't be thrilling, of course).

(The Covert Comic)
http://www.covertcomic.com
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: November 27, 2005
(R) = Requested

Background: Sunn O))) "Black Sun"

Dio "Stand Up and Shout / Hungry for Heaven / Firehead / Holy Diver"
Divinity Destroyed "These Waking Dreams"
Armageddon Monks "Revolution / Pope Action Shotgun"
Torn Assunder "Hope is for the Weak"
Queensryche "The Needle Lies" (R)
Savatage "Strange Wings - Live" (R)
Doro "Metal Tango"
Horse the Band "The House of Bod"
Sulaco "Patience Worn Thin"
Napalm Death "The Great and the Good"
Vesania "Legions are Me"
Circle II Circle "Open Season"
Blacklisted "What's Wrong with George?"
Dream Theater "In the Name of God" (R)
The Pushrods "Two Fucking Whores and a Case of Beer"
Ramallah "Drink the Cool Aid"
Worm Quartet "You were Wrong Cabinet Sanchez"
Twilight Odyssey "Deflier"
Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles "It was the Tits" (R)
Watch Them Die "Onslaught"
Look What I Did "Raining Pleasantries"
Dragonlord "Revelations"
Solefald "Where Birds Have Never Been"
Elusive Travel "Seperation"
At All Cost "The Irony"
Ancient Drive "Rape and Repent"
My Ruin "Imitation of Christ" (R)
Atreyu "You Give Love a Bad Name"
Bolt Thrower "Last Stand of Humanity"
Loki the Grump "Brand New Me"
Avulsed "Let Me Taste Your Flesh"
Children of Bodom "Bastards of Bodom"
Early Man "Evil Is"
Behemoth "Wish"
Pantera "The Art of Shreddin" (R)
Sheavy "The Man Who Never Was"
The Accused "Fast Zombies Rule"
Crisis "A Study in Cancer"
The Great Luki Ski "Grease Wars"
The Pushrods "A Pretty Thing"
137 "Force Controlled Cuture (F.C.C.)"
The Absence "Heaven Ablaze"
Testament "Raging Waters / Disciples of the Watch - Live"
Crimson Glory "Lady of Winter" (R)

Feature Artist: Thought Industry
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Out of all the positions in which
to be found drunk, naked, unconcious
and vomit-flecked, I'd have to say
my least favorite is spread-eagle.
It simply is NOT very dignified.

(Brad Osberg)
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This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...