The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 9, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during Both Shows:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________

** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Two Guests visited the show. A guy, Steve
Sanderson, and he brought along his little sister, Sandy Sanderson, who said
she was 14 years old. Sandy said that she was there because she had heard
that Santa would be there and she wanted to se him because she wanted to
tell him what she wanted for Christmas. She wanted a hamster, and she also
wanted to get rid of what she called her "head gear", a mouth full of
braces, which had red and green rubber bands holding them for Christmas. The
braces also caused her to talk with quite a lisp, and since she has a lot of
S's in her name, well, that made it worse, and caused her to spray when she
talked. She also wanted to hear some Britney Spears. Joe told her that Santa
would not be there 'til next week. Steve said that he had brought his kid
sister there so he could crush all her hopes and dreams about Santa, and
also because he thought MO was cool. Sandy said that she wanted to hear
"Oops I Did It Again" by Britney Spears. They played her Children Of Bodom's
cover of that song. Sandy said that that was not Britney Spears, and that
this show sucked, no Santa, no hamster, and no Britney Spears. She asked if
she could do the weather report. They told her that this show did not
usually have a weather report, but after she complained, they told her to go
ahead. She gave us her weather report, she said "it's snowing". Sandy was
still unimpressed with this show. Steve, however, thought everything was
cool, and besides, he liked the fact that Sandy wasn't having a good time.
Jeffie arrived. He thought Sandy was an alien because of the contraption on
her head (her mouth full of wires). Jeffie said that he was going to disable
her alien communications device... With a pair of pliers. He attempted to do
this, Sandy didn't like this idea, and managed to get away from him. They
told her to get red and green flashing Christmas light bands for her braces.
She said she would ask her dentist about that. And Jeffie seemed to acquire
a fan, Steve, Steve kept saying that Jeffie was cool. That didn't sit too
well with the rest of MO, as he had first told them that they were cool and
the reason why he had wanted to visit, and now he was saying it had been
Jeffie. Steve and Sandy left, as it was way passed Sandy's bed time. But
they said they would be back next week, as Santa would be there, and Sandy
wanted to see Santa. Jeffie was very excited to hear that Santa would be
there next week. He told them to tell Santa that he needed more porn, as the
porn he had gotten from him last year was all worn out now. I'll bet it is!
After Steve and Sandy were gone, Lance showed up. Jeffie asked Lance what he
was doing there, he couldn't be there, he was dead. Lance disputed this.
They told Jeffie that Lance had showed up last week, and that he had been
with Stryper the whole time he was gone, 'til Tim found him and brought him
back. Jeffie gave Lance a bible. But this bible was a different kind. It
said that Jeffie was God, (something Jeffie has claimed before, and, since
he is God, I'm suing him for the fact that life and his world sucks), and to
spread the word of Jeffie. Jeffie said that he was going to phone Thor. He
did, but Lance, being dumb, but not dead, tryed to convince everyone that he
was just holding his hand to his ear and talking to Thor. He told Thor to
get over there. Then he began arguing with him, saying that he didn't care
if Thor had TIVO'd a bunch of episodes of The O C, that was a wimpy show,
now, get over here! Apparently Thor refused, and hung up on him. They asked
him how Thor could be home when they share a body, but Jeffie just said
that, so?, Thor was home watching that stupid show. Jeffie and Lance began
fighting. Lance was unhappy with Jeffie for the funeral, for losing his cat,
for plucking and then letting Thor choke and kill all his chickens, and for
insulting him, claiming that he wears a pretty pink Poison shirt (Lance has
always disputed this, he claims the shirt is red). The exchange between them
got more and more heated. Then Lance said he was leaving, and stormed out.
In a while, he came back... With a gun... He shot Jeffie. Jeffie exploded,
and he was dead. "The Hamster Dance" (too bad Sandy was no longer there, as
she probably would have liked anything having to do with hamsters) played.
Lance was very pleased with himself. Then they got a call... It was from an
outraged Thor. Thor was extremely upset that they had killed Jeffie. He said
something about having an operation that had created a new body for Jeffie
to use, but was very upset that they had killed the body as now Jeffie was
back with him. And, I'm not sure where all of this leaves Pepe. Thor said
that he would not be there next week to deal with this terrible situation,
as he was going to be attending Nipplepalooza, where his trusty steed,
Shoebox would be performing, among others. Jeffie had also said, before he
died, that he would not be there next week, as he would be attending, and,
performing at it, he said. Thor went on ranting. After the call ended, Lance
wanted to hear some Stryper to top off his great night. They played it for
him and Lance was doing keroke to it and was in his glory... Then, all of a
sudden, in the middle of his singing along to the Stryper, there was a
terrible noise. Lance's head exploded, and he was dead. And so that was MO
for that night... This week... Well, lets review where things apparently
stand, shall we? Jeffie: Exploded and dead. Lance: Head exploded and dead.
Thor: Attending Nipplepalooza to see his trusty steed, Shoebox. Pepe: who
knows. Joe and Rick: fine, and will be there. And, apparently, Santa, and
Steve and Sandy Sanderson will be there as well. I wonder what Sandy will
make of Santa. Somehow I don't think she is expecting a Mafia don type with
a Jersey Accent and a penchant for porn. Oh well, as you grow up you learn
that your expectations are often wrong, and that life can be cruel. It's
probably time she began learning that, and MO could help with this, ruining
a little girls life, err, I mean, teaching her valuable life lessons. MO
provides many valuable services, and is always there to help make the world
a better place. So, tune in for that, and to see if any light is shed on the
fates of Jeffie, Thor, Pepe, and Lance... Will any or all of them be dead or
alive??? We shall see how things play out over the next couple of weeks...
Stay tuned...

On The Last Exit For The Lost: It was the two year anniversary of The
Pushrods appearing on LE. Richie was of course not there, as he is not
allowed out of the house by his mom, err, girl friend. Crow was supposed to
be there to celebrate this special occasion, but apparently he fell asleep,
he came into the chat room to say that. Jerk. So he missed out on cake and
all of the fun which I'm sure would have gone into his big day. Of course,
whether or not he would have thought it was fun, might have been another
matter, but the rest of us would have. :) Shame on you, Crow! So, no
Pushrods on this night, but a Pushrods's song was played to mark the
occasion anyways. Present on this night however were, Just Joe (inexplicably
Crow's son), and Gorgar. Just Joe had pretty much recovered from all the
ordeals of his big anniversary show the week before. Since it was Electric
Vodka dude's birthday, (yes it was EVD's birthday on Sunday, happy birthday,
EVD!), and he was not there, they told Just Joe to go to EVD's house and
bring him back to the show. EVD is somehow Just Joe's mom, after all, and
they wanted her/him to be able to spend her birthday with her son, because
that's just the kind, thoughtful, caring people they are. Since Just Joe has
screwed up this task a couple of times, (he can't even do that right, bring
back his own mom, he always comes back with the wrong person, that's how
stupid he is), so they had their doubts that he would be able to carry it
out this time, but sent him to do it anyways, hey, it gets rid of him for a
while, and, if for no other reason than that, it's a good thing. Just Joe
left... And, after a while, he came back... Without Electric Vodka Dude. He
did however bring back two things... A rake, for who knows what reason. his
strange mind just thought that would be a good thing to do, apparently. It
turned out to be a bad move, as so many of the things Just Joe does turn out
to be for him, but more on that in a sec. And, his Shiny Rock. He said that
he had gotten it from Electric vodka dude. Just Joe was ecstatic to have his
long absent Shiny back. They asked him if they could see it. He said no.
Azkath told Just Joe that he had something for him. He told Just Joe to go
over there and wait for it. Because Just Joe is dumb, he did. Azkath
attacked Just Joe, kicking him, punching him, and then beating him down with
the rake. You would think Just Joe would learn that it is not a good idea at
all to bring in things that can be used as a weapon, as they always wind up
being used on him, but he never seems to. That's because he's really stupid.
After this beat down was over, Azkath asked Just Joe where his Shiny Rock
was. Just Joe still had it after all that, in a death grip. Azkath and
Gorgar tried for the rest of the night to get the Shiny away from him, but
all their efforts were unsuccessful, Just Joe was very stubborn. Just Joe
said that, since the set of music that he had gotten to pick on his
anniversary show had gotten good reviews, I.E., people had called in and
said they had liked it, (which they had), that he wanted to pick another
set. He was told ok. This obviously surprised him, that they had not
objected to it, because he had been preparing to whine and argue about it,
and almost didn't realize that he had been told yes so easily. He was told
that the only stipulation was no Dio (a stipulation probably should have
been that they could see the Shiny, but Just Joe probably would have rather
kept the Shiny, than have his set of music, so it probably wouldn't have
worked). Just Joe played his set, and it was pretty good... That is until
the last song of his set, when he tried to get around the Dio stipulation by
playing PAT BOONE'S cover of "Holy Diver". This was put a stop to about half
way through that song. But still, Just Joe was very happy, he had gotten to
pick another set of music, and, most importantly, he had his Shiny back. He
was having a very good night. Well, aside from the beat down earlier, that
is. They even told him that they were sort of happy for him, they guessed.
Just Joe was being happy when there was a loud bang. And just Joe was
covered, and I mean COVERED, in shiny black stuff. Everyone was stunned for
a moment, as no one had been expecting it, and it took them a moment to
register what had taken place... The Shiny Rock had exploded in Just Joe's
face. Apparently Electric Vodka Dude had sabotaged it. They congratulated
Electric Vodka Dude. Just Joe totally lost it. He completely broke down. he
began bawling like a baby. He had shiny black stuff Embedded in his eyes and
covering him everywhere else. But, the thing that he was the most upset
about was the loss of his Shiny... Again... After another entire set of
music, Just Joe was still howling. They asked him why he hadn't washed off
all that black stuff. he said, well, blubbered, actually, that it wouldn't
come off, he had already tried. Then he just went on wailing. They tried to
just carry on a conversation right over him, and ignore him, but he was
carrying on so much, and making so much noise, that this was a pretty hard
thing to do. All this racket was getting very annoying. Azkath told Gorgar
to go throw Just Joe out in the snow. Gorgar was very happy to do this. But
Just Joe was so distraught that I don't think he even noticed that he was
being carried out and thrown in the snow. He put up absolutely no resistance
whatsoever, just let himself be carried away, still bawling. "WHY IS THIS
HAPPENING TO ME!?!?!?!?", he cried hysterically as he was being tossed out.
I have no idea what's so damned special and compelling about a Shiny Rock,
but that thing has always had some weird obsessive quality about it for Just
Joe. I mean, sure, it may be pretty and all, but Joe, dude, really! I'm sure
there are other Shiny Rocks in the world, lots of them. Just go rock
hunting, I'm sure you'll find some. Plus, that might keep him occupied and
thus, elsewhere for a while. So, I guess it turned out to be a good thing
for Azkath and Gorgar that they had failed in their attempts to get the
Shiny Rock away from Just Joe, or one of them could have been the one
holding it when it exploded, and wound up covered in the shiny black stuff.
Probably Just Joe is still out there in the snow bawling his head off, as he
seemed to be oblivious to everything around him, and appears to have finally
cracked and had a total melt down. And, all over a Shiny Rock! The feature
Artist to end the night was Napalm Death. This week... Brock Thrasher of the
band Inherence (and yes, that is his real name, isn't that an awesome name
for someone who is in a death metal band to have!?), should be on, he is
also the co-owner of The Montage Music Hall in Rochester. Tune in for that,
and to see If Just Joe has recovered from his break down, and for whoever
else may be there, and whatever else may go on...

********************************************************
Notes from Azkath...

As FEW said above, well that is about right for The Metallic Onslaught. As
for The Last Exit, yes, Brock Thrasher should be there, Check out his band
on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/Inherence, and for more info on The
Montage Music Hall: http://www.myspace.com/montagemusichall. Crow from the
Pushrods should be up, as should EVD I believe, and if so, we can thank him
for that awesome exploding shiny rock last week. If I can get it together in
time, I will have the live performances by Angels Beneath Me and A Day
without Rain from XSIII back in October as our feature at 5am this week...

Also, I have started a music column again, I will be posting it on The Last
Exit for the Lost Myspace Blog so that people can leave comments and
feedback. The first one is up and deals with the debacle with Sony and their
rootkits, and if you do not know about it, you really should read it. It
goes way beyond that, but that is something that everyone should know about.
Subscribe to the blog and you will know when new columns go up... There
will be reviews and such coming in future columns.
http://blog.myspace.com/thelastexit.
_______________________________________________

There's no sense beating a dead horse --
but if you've reached the point where
you even seriously consider that abusing
a dead animal might improve your lot in
life, I say go ahead and give it a shot.

(Anthony Myers)
_______________________________________________

WORM QUARTET MINI-UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 12/8/05

I greet you all with my big stupid face!

Just a reminder for those of you in anywhere near Syracuse
or Rochester, NY - tonight and tomorrow night have the
potential to be THE BEST FRIGGIN' NIGHTS OF YOUR LIVES!!!

NIPPLEPALOOZA II NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The "orgiastic feast of inanity, insanity, comedy, and
music" that hit Rochester earlier this year is BACK! We're
hitting both Syracuse AND Rachacha this year, so you have
no excuse not to go! Even if you live in Sudan, one of
these locations is still closer than the other one, dammit!

Thursday, December 8th, 2005 - Syracuse, NY
(Holy crap, that's tonight!)

*** NIPPLEPALOOZA II ***
Day 1 of the cheesy 2-day CNY tour!

WORM QUARTET
THE GREAT LUKE SKI
POWERED BY SATAN

@ The Half Penny Pub
321 W Fayette St.
Syracuse, NY 13202
(315) 478-3091

FREE SHOW!! Bands are paid from the bar, so drink up!

Show starts at 9:00
(Must be 21 or have a really good fake ID)

--

Friday, December 9th, 2005 - Rochester, NY
(Holy crap, that's tomorrow night!)

*** NIPPLEPALOOZA II ***
Day 2 of the cheesy 2-day CNY tour!

WORM QUARTET
THE GREAT LUKE SKI
POWERED BY SATAN

And MC PISSPOT THE RABBIT

@ Monty's Crown
875 Monroe Ave.
Rochester, NY 14620
www.montyskrown.com

Show starts at 10:00
$6 at the door
(Must be 21 or willing to offer the doorman sexual favors)

LAUGHING HELPS HURRICANE VICTIMS NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The Hurricane Katrina relief benefit comp, "Laughter Is A
Powerful Weapon, Vol. 2," is finally available for online
order!

The CD contains a whopping 27 tracks, including a brand-
spankin'-new Worm Quartet song, a Weird Al rarity, a
new one by Barnes & Barnes (!!!), plus songs from The Great
Luke Ski, Sudden Death, Eric Coleman, Hot Waffles, Raymond
and Scum, Power Salad, Henry Phillips, and more! It's a
kickass CD with the funds going to a great cause.

You can order your very own copy right here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/fmsc2

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
I just re-deodorized in preparation for this evening's
festivities, so I currently smell like *POWER STICK*, the
only deodorant cheap enough for a comedy musician to
afford and powerful enough so that I don't frighten people
away from the merch table.

No more typing now! Get in your friggin' car and drive
to Syracuse or Rochester! It's time to nod your head
politely to our raucous nipple-splitting comedy rock!

May every goat in the world step three paces closer to
you today,
-=ShoEboX=-
--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
_____________________________________________

Sometimes there's a fine line between
participating in an extreme sport and just
playing a conventional sport very, very badly.

(Andy Ihnatko)
http://www.cwob.com/yellowtext
_____________________________________________

Ozzy Osbourne biography is scheduled to air on the A&E Network on Friday,
January 6, 2006 at 10:00 p.m., with a repeat airing slated for Saturday,
January 7 at 2:00 a.m. The program will reportedly feature an interview with
Ozzy, as well as his wife, Sharon, his three children, Jack, Kelly and
Aimee, plus Elton John, Jay Leno, Billy Connolly, Simon Cowell, BLACK
SABBATH, Slash and Marilyn Manson.

"Biography: Ozzy Osbourne" is a no-holds-barred look at Ozzy's life,
including frank discussions about his drug use, what it was really like to
have cameras in their home, and details about Ozzy's unique negotiation
ploys when meeting with his record company in the 1980s. The show also
features footage recorded at Ozzfest U.K. this year, as well as rarely seen
archived and news footage.
_______________________________________________

QUIET RIOT drummer Frankie Banali has recently completed recording the drum
tracks for two future tribute record releases. The track for THE BEATLES
tribute is 'Magical Mystery Tour' and the track for the MÖTLEY CRÜE tribute
is 'Dr. Feelgood', both of which will be released sometime in 2006. The next
QUIET RIOT studio CD which will commence recording in January for a 2006
release.

QUIET RIOT's current lineup includes Banali, Kevin DuBrow (vocals), Chuck
Wright (bass) and Alex Grossi (guitar).
_______________________________________________

YNGWIE MALMSTEEN singer Doogie White has posted the following tour update on
his official web site:

"I have never played in New York City ever so it was really a gas to play in
front of a packed house at B.B. Kings just off Broadway. I spent the earlier
part of the day wandering around from Canal St to the Village and back to
the venue. We played a binding show despite the small stage and PA."

"At nearly every show there are fans whose main mission seem to be to get a
flying Malmsteen pick. I 'm constantly asked for them during the show even
when I am singing. I gave one before 'Dreaming' to guy and he seemed happy.
During the encore this guy and his girlfriend are pointing in the
give-me-a-pick fashion to the point of irritation. I bend down to tell him
to back off, only to hear the words 'Your fly is open.' I was exposed for
all to see. The lesson I suppose is that things really aint always what they
seem.
_______________________________________________

According QUEENSRŸCHE's official web site, guest vocalist Sister Mary and
bassist Eddie Jackson have completed their parts for QUEENSRŸCHE's sequel to
their platinum 1988 concept album, "Operation: Mindcrime", tentatively
titled "Operation: Mindcrime II". The band should be in mix mode by December
9 and finished with the entire recording process by December 22.

As previously reported, JUDAS PRIEST frontman Rob Halford is strongly
rumored to have been tapped to play the role of "Dr. X" on the new
QUEENSRŸCHE CD.
_______________________________________________

If we are to learn anything of value from
"Star Trek," it's that the universe is filled
with vastly different styles of foreheads.

(Chris Needles)
_______________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

December 9th, 2005 - Rochester, NY
*** NIPPLEPALOOZA II ***
Day 2 of the cheesy 2-day CNY tour!
WORM QUARTET
THE GREAT LUKE SKI
POWERED BY SATAN
And MC PISSPOT THE RABBIT
@ Monty's Crown
875 Monroe Ave.
Rochester, NY 14620
www.montyskrown.com
Show starts at 10:00
$6 at the door
Must be 21

Sat, Dec 10 – Binghamton University
If Man is Five, New Electric, The Stay Lows, and I was a Wizard

Sun, Dec 11 – The Roadhaus, Auburn
Cannae, Hell Within, Architect, and Angels Beneath Me

Fri, Dec 16 - the Downtown Quaterback Endicott
The PushRods with Agony Hill

Sat, Dec 17 - Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St. Rochester
Toys for Tots Benefit, Day One
Inherance, Bound by Hate, Mainline Adrenaline
$10 Donation without a Toy / $5 with a Toy

Sat, Dec 18 – Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St., Rochester - (585)
232-1520
TOYS FOR TOTS Show! ALL AGES - 4pm
$10 Donation without toy $5 w/ toy gift all $ proceeds go to the Salvation
Army and Toys go to Marines Toys For Tots program
Free Parking, drink specials, Free food
137, TAR, MY PENIS, VERGE OF GREEN, AFM, SPLIT RAIL, and 2 MORE TBA

Sat, Dec 17 - The Half Penny Pub, Syracuse
"CHANUKALOOZA II"
The PushRods, Plan-607, CrankDaddy and Suburban Vamps

Fri, Dec 23 - Montage Music Hall, 50 Chestnut St. Rochester
Sulaco, BML, and Low Ton

Wed, Dec 28 – Water Street Music Hall, Rochester
STILLBORN RECORDS FEST 05
HATEBREED, INHERENCE, SWORN ENEMY, FULL BLOWN CHAOS, SUBZERO, DANNY DIABLO,
SCURVY, and THE RISK TAKEN

Sat, Dec 31: New Year's Eve – The Venue (Downtown Quarterback), Washington
Avenue, Endicott
Punch Drunk Monkeys 11th anniversary reunion, with original members:
* crappy the clown
* dano voodie
* mr. zaremba
* david sweet
w/ special guests If Man is Five and Nancy
Nancy will be playing a set that's half originals, half song's by singer
Phrank's classic punk band the Mart!ans. Special Mart!an guests and
surprises, 9pm start.

Sat, Jan 14 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Into Eternity and Sonata Arctica

Thurs, Feb 2 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Decapitated, Soilent Green, Nile, and With Passion

Tues, Feb 21 – The Penny Arcade, Rochester
Prong and Overkill

Wed, Feb 22 – The Water Street Music Hall, Rochester
In Flames, Devil Driver, Trivium and Zao

Sat, March 25 – Montage Music Hall, Rochester
Omniblank Reunion
________________________________________________

I never did find out who everybody's favorite
character on "Friends" was, but judging by
the ass-kicking I got in the holding tank
that night, I'm guessing it wasn't Ross.

(Rob Bodine)
________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: December 4, 2005
(R) = Requested

Background: Chaoticum "Necessary Death"

Armageddon Monks "Pope Action Shotgun"
Corrosion of Conformity "It Is that Way"
Hellfueled "Eternal"
Anvil of Doom "Let the Earth Breathe"
Rabid "Knee Deep in the Dead"
Marduk "The Hangman of Prague"
KMFDM "Every Day's a Good Day"
Anthrax "Anti-Social"
Dokken "Back for the Attack" (R)
Divide the Day "File This Under Great Ideas at the Time"
Zombie Apocalypse "The Dead in the Queue"
Nuclear Assault "Fractured Minds"
Sulaco "Follow the Cloud"
Enertia "Messed Up Son"
Audrey Horne "Confessions and Alchohol"
Iron Maiden "Paschendale - Live"
Die Apokalyptischen Reiter "Warum"
Oathean "A Life of Suffering Craving the Darkness"
Divinity Destroyed "Prism"
Fields of the Nephilim "In the Year 2525"
Rammstein "Amerika" (R)
If Man is Five "Water"
Vesania "The Mystory"
Invocation of Nehek "The Decay"

** Tribute to the Past **
Death Angel "Voracious Souls"
Nevermore "The Sound of Silence"
Entombed "Stranger Aeons"
Destruction "My Sharona"
The Dead kennedy's "Winnebago Warrior" (R)
Virgin Steele "Through the Ring of Fire"
Cro-Mags "We Gotta Know"
Morgoth "Resistance"

The Pushrods "Where I Belong - Acoustic Live"
Horse the Band "Birdo"
Ramallah "Days of Revenge"
137 "Slug"
Jello Biafra and The Melvins "Kali-ornia Uber Alles (21st Century Mix)"
Inherence "100 Ways"
Blacklisted "Bruising Serenade"
Early Man "Feeding Frenzy"
Rocker Don "I Want You to Die"

** GorGar's Set **
Life Sex & Death "Blue Velvet Moon / We're Here Now"
Judas Priest "The Ripper - Live"
Slayer "South of Heaven"
Leatherwolf "Wicked Ways"
Savatage "Of Rage and War"
Queensryche "Chemical Youth (We are Rebellion)"

** Just Joe's Set **
Super Junky Monkey "Shukuchoku-no-Choro-wa-Chirou-de-Sourou / Zakuro-no-hone
/ Kioku-no-netsuzou"
Primus "My Name is Mud"
Clutch "10001110101"
Rainbow "Since You've Been Gone"
Pat Boone "Holy Diver"

Tigertailz "King of the World"
Worm Quartet "R2D2 Lives In My Butt / You Were Wrong Cabinet Sanchez"
Others "If I'm Smilin'"

Feature Artist: Napalm Death
_____________________________________________________

When I die, I'd like to be scattered over my
hometown. But not, like, cremated or anything.

(Mitch Berg)
_____________________________________________________

+-------------- Bizarre Holidays in December ---------------+

December is . . . . Hi Neighbor Month, National Stress Free Family Holiday
Month, Bingo's Birthday Month, and Read A New Book Month
December 1 is . . . . . National Pie Day and Eat A Red Apple Day
December 2 is . . . . . National Fritters Day
December 3 is . . . . . National Roof-Over-Your-Head Day
December 4 is . . . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day
December 5 is . . . . . National Sacher Torte Day
December 6 is . . . . . National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day
December 7 is . . . . . National Cotton Candy Day
December 8 is . . . . . Take It In The Ear Day
December 9 is . . . . . National Pastry Day
December 10 is . . . . Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales
December 11 is . . . . National Noodle Ring Day
December 12 is . . . . National Ding-A-Ling Day
December 13 is . . . . Ice Cream and Violins Day
December 14 is . . . . National Bouillabaisse Day
December 15 is . . . . National Lemon Cupcake Day
December 16 is . . . . National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
December 17 is . . . . Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day
December 18 is . . . . National Roast Suckling Pig Day
December 19 is . . . . Oatmeal Muffin Day
December 20 is . . . . Games Day
December 21 is . . . . Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day,
National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day
December 22 is . . . . National Date-Nut Bread Day
December 23 is . . . . Roots Day
December 24 is . . . . National Egg Nog Day
December 25 is . . . . National Pumpkin Pie Day
December 26 is . . . . National Whiners Day
December 27 is . . . . National Fruitcake Day
December 28 is . . . . Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day
December 29 is . . . . Pepper Pot Day
December 30 is . . . . Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and
National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day
December 31 is . . . . Unlucky Day
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From The Onion
CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years
November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48

LANGLEY, VA—A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector
General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands
of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters.

According to the report, sections of the documents— "almost invariably the
most crucial passages"—are marred by an indelible black ink that renders the
lines impossible to read, due to a top-secret highlighting policy that began
at the agency's inception in 1947.

CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation.

"Why did it go on for this long, and this far?" said Goss in a press
conference called shortly after the report's release. "I'm as frustrated as
anyone. You can't read a single thing that's been highlighted. Had I been
there to advise [former CIA director] Allen Dulles, I would have suggested
the traditional yellow color—or pink."

Goss added: "There was probably some really, really important information in
these documents."

When asked by a reporter if the black ink was meant to intentionally
obscure, Goss countered, "Good God, why?"

Goss lamented the fact that the public will probably never know the
particulars of such historic events as the Cold War, the civil-rights
movement, or the growth of the international drug trade.

"I'm sure the CIA played major roles in all these things," Goss said. "But
now we'll never know for sure."

In addition to clouding the historical record, the use of the black
highlighters, also known as "permanent markers," may have encumbered or even
prevented critical operations. CIA scholar Matthew Franks was forced to
abandon work on a book about the Bay Of Pigs invasion after declassified
documents proved nearly impossible to read.

"With all the highlighting in the documents I unearthed in the National
Archives, it's really no wonder that the invasion failed," Franks said. "I
don't see how the field operatives and commandos were expected to decipher
their orders."

The inspector general's report cited in particular the damage black
highlighting did to documents concerning the assassination of John F.
Kennedy, thousands of pages of which "are completely highlighted, from top
to bottom margin."

"It is unclear exactly why CIA bureaucrats sometimes chose to emphasize
entire documents," the report read. "Perhaps the documents were extremely
important in every detail, or the agents, not unlike college freshmen, were
overwhelmed by the reading material and got a little carried away."

Also unclear is why black highlighters were chosen in the first place. Some
blame it on the closed, elite culture of the CIA itself. A former CIA
officer speaking on the condition of anonymity said highlighting documents
with black pens was a common and universal practice.

"It seemed counterintuitive, but the higher-ups didn't know what they were
doing," the ex-officer said. "I was once ordered to feed documents into a
copying machine in order to make backups of some very important top-secret
records, but it turned out to be some sort of device that cut the paper to
shreds."
__________________________________________________

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