The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - December 26, 2005
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Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during Both Shows:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught:

It was a rather different Metallic Onslaught than usual. Very subdued,
absolutely no violence, and no insulting of anyone. And the music was quite
different as well, very light on the metal, all New Age soothing music...
And this was because there was no Metallic Onslaught this week... It was on
a brief hiatus so WEOS could run some holiday programming. Tune in to it
when it returns for all the chaos, brutality, and metal that is The Metallic
Onslaught...

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

This was a very very special Last Exit For The Lost. It was something that
doesn't happen often. Every few years, Christmas Day falls on a Sunday, and
this is one of those years. So, yes, that's right, LE fell right on
Christmas Day this year! And it was also the 7th pre anniversary count down
to the end of the world on December 21st 2012, as it will be kinda hard to
have anniversaries to that date after the end of the world, we do it now.
Well, we may still be having anniversaries to it somewhere after the world
ends, but, who knows where, what plane, dimension, or level, so, we do them
now. That blended very nicely with the Christmas show. Those two themes go
very well together. Present on this very special night were: Just Joe,
Electric Vodka Dude, Rub McGroin, and, two people who had not been there in
a very long time... Former co-host from a long time ago, The Quaker,
Hollywood Bri Bri (The Evil Shy Guy), and his Quaker wife. Of course, since
it was Christmas Day, LE wanted to have all the meaningful traditions and
accoutrements to celebrate this holiday. And to be in the spirit of the day,
holy, giving, and kind. There was a Christmas tree... But, as it as very
wrong to chop down and murder all those poor trees to celebrate a day that's
supposed to be all about love and peace, it was not an actual tree. It was a
much more festive and less cruel tree... It was made entirely out of barbed
wire. Now, isn't that MUCH BETTER!? I'm sure this tradition will catch on
really fast now, and, next year, everyone will have that kind of tree
instead of killing all those poor trees! I know mine is going to be that
kind from now on. Now, of course, a Christmas tree needs a star, and, since
Just Joe is a star, (a radio star), a dim one, but one nonetheless, it was
decided that he should be hung (Heh heh, heh heh, I said "Hung!") on top of
the tree. So, Azkath took Just Joe and put him on top of the tree. This
star, resisted however, (funny, I never heard of a star fighting being put
on the tree), so it turned into a brawl on the barbed wire, with Just Joe,
Azkath, and Electric Vodka Dude participating in it. They did however,
finally succeed in getting the star impaled, err, I mean, very nicely placed
atop the tree to decorate it. It was lovely! Sooo Christmasy! Then, at The
next talk break, Just Joe had become the tree, and the barbed wire was all
wrapped around him to decorate him. He looked gorgeous. Then his Hugging
Music was played, and Just Joe, all wrapped in barbed wire, ran around the
room hugging everyone. Can't you just feel all the love!? Bri Bri proved to
be pretty successful in fending off Just Joe's hugs, it took Just Joe a long
time to accomplish hugging him, and Rub used a chair as a barrier. They told
Just Joe that Bri Bri just LOVES to have people muss up, play with, and pet
his hair. So, as a Christmas present to him, Just Joe should do that to him.
Just Joe went to do this... Now, in truth, Bri Bri hates this. He chased
Just Joe outside, and threw him into a snowman that was out there. Just Joe
came back inside covered in snowman. Very Christmasy! Now it was time for
the big Christmas pageant. You can't have Christmas without that. Azkath
told us the Christmas Story as he had researched it on the Internet. It was
an extremely moving rendition of the Christmas Story, and, of course,
entirely factual. I don't remember ever hearing that The 3 Wise Men were
actually aliens and that the Star Of Bethlehem was a spaceship, but, if it
came from the Internet, you know it must be true. See what an educational
show LE is! You never knew you could learn while you were having all this
fun, did you? The pageant was complete with a manger scene, with, of course,
a baby Jesus. But, in the midst of this beautiful holy pageant, a tentacle
came up the basement stairs, grabbed the baby Jesus, and carried it off into
the basement. Everyone was very distraught at this rather bizarre turn of
events. How could they have their Christmas pageant without the baby Jesus!?
Just Joe was dispatched with haste to the basement to rescue the baby Jesus.
Now, Just Joe has always badly botched up any task he's ever been given to
carry out. But hey, this is Christmas, the time for miracles! Well, actually
there was a miracle, but more on that in a bit, this was not it. Just Joe
getting smart, that is just too big a miracle to ask of even Christmas!
Bringing people back from the dead, no problem, sure, but not that. So, Just
Joe badly screwed up this assignment too. They had him call upstairs on the
phone, so they could follow the progress of the rescue mission. Just Joe
said that some kind of tentacled infant stealing octopus like creature had
the baby Jesus. They told him to get the baby Jesus back. There was the loud
sound of machine gun fire. They asked Just Joe what was going on, that
sounded like machine gun fire? Just Joe said that it was. They asked him
where he had gotten the gun. Just Joe said that he always carries one on
him. Now see, that should illustrate for you just how incredibly stupid Just
Joe really is, and why that is way beyond the help of any miracle, even on
Christmas... If he always has a machine gun on him, then why has he never
thought to use it to fight off the many many many brutal beat downs and
killings he has sustained over the years. Or to use it against the monster,
and killer spiders that captured him in the basement other times? There was
more gunfire. They asked him if he had the baby Jesus back. He said he did.
They told him to bring it back upstairs so they could continue the pageant.
And Just Joe did bring the baby Jesus back, and it was in many many many
pieces. They told Just Joe that he had done a terrible job of rescuing the
baby Jesus. They all turned on him, telling him it was all his fault that
now they had no baby Jesus, and the pageant, and Christmas, was ruined. Foul
Mouth Girl told them they were all being too mean to Just Joe. They told
Just Joe that Foul Mouth Girl was going to show him her boobs, and give him
a hug. As she was doing this, she also drove a big long knife into Just
Joe's chest, killing him. For a minute everyone was extremely happy about
this... Until they remembered that this was Christmas, and you just can't
have a tragedy like a brutal murder occur on Christmas. However, on
Christmas, they had learned from their research, from tragedy can come a
miracle, through prayer and faith. It was decided that the way to pray for a
Christmas miracle to save Just Joe, would be to play some Stryper. They
asked God to bring Just Joe back, and played the Stryper... And, after a few
minutes of Stryper, oh miracle of miracles!, lo and behold!, Just Joe was
alive again! Alive and fine! Well, not quite fine, still really stupid, but,
like I said, some things are just too much for even a Christmas miracle to
fix. Just Joe said that while he had been dead, he had spoken with God and
hung out with Jesus. He said that Jesus was actually, (as the song says) a
cool dude. And he said that God had some messages for all of us. First off,
God hates Stryper, Just Joe said that God had said they were to destroy
every Stryper album, and never to even think about getting any more, he
HATES Stryper! He also said that all manger scenes are completely wrong, and
Mary was no Virgin, but confirmed the Wise Men being aliens and the star
being a spaceship thing, but we knew that was never in any doubt anyways, as
it came from the Internet, and, therefore, is Gospel. But God confirmed it
anyways. Just Joe also said that God had also said, and this was really
really important, that anime was the coolest thing ever. But, it was
immediately understood that Just Joe had made that one up himself and tried
to attribute it to God, as Just Joe loves anime. Just Joe said that God said
heaven was full of hot naked chicks. Again, see how educational this show
is! And we learned still more truths, as Rub then read a long moving story
about how Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer really got his red nose. It was a
long tale, but what it boils down to is that, shortly after the birth of
Jesus, Rudolph saved the baby Jesus's life, was mortally wounded in the nose
while doing so, and The baby Jesus touched his nose and restored his life.
And ever after, the nose glowed. Isn't that a beautiful story!? Then there
was a surprise visit... From Santa. Santa said that he had brought just one
present, and it was for Just Joe, as Santa felt sorry for Just Joe, because
they were all always being so mean to him. Just Joe opened his gift... And
it was a box just full of Shiny Rocks. Everyone told Just Joe they were
happy for him, now he had lots and lots of Shinys, and they were all
thrilled for him about that. However, by now Just Joe was suspicious of
Shinys as he's had so many of them explode on him recently. He is slow, but
he does catch on after a while. He said he was going to dispose of the box
of Shinys. And, as he was attempting to do that, every one of the Shinys
exploded all over Just Joe. He was now COVERED in shiny black stuff. Well,
actually, it still fit the Christmas theme, as he looked like he was covered
in coal, so he must have been very naughty this year. Santa was very pleased
with himself, he said that even Santa likes a practical joke now and then,
and besides, he hated Just Joe too. Just Joe dedicated a song to Santa,
"Santa Is A Fat Bitch". And then there was another surprise visitor...
Satan. He said he had just had to come. What was with all this Christmas
music, and celebrating that holiday!? Giving all the glory to God and The
baby Jesus!? Why weren't they praising and worshiping Satan!? They said that
well, because it was Christmas. Satan said that that was no excuse! Then
Just Joe piped up and said that he had some more words from God. He told
Satan that God said hi, what's up? And he said that God had also said that
Satan had gotten a bad wrap over all of these years. And centuries. And
millennia. That, actually, God liked Satan. They Asked Satan his opinion of
Stryper. Satan said that he loved Stryper, because when kids listen to them,
they think they suck so much, that they go out and buy really evil metal
music. They asked Satan how he was doing with his Tivo (Satan has claimed
for some time now that Tivo was going to help him rule the world, but, for a
long time, he didn't realize that you need to plug it in for it to work).
Satan said that it was going much better, now that he had plugged it in, and
still insisted that it is going to help him take over the world, that there
is a button on it for that purpose. So, you might want to look for that
button on your own Tivo, and perhaps you can rule the world. So, it was
decided that, since it was alright with God, since he liked Satan and all,
that for the rest of the show, they would play really evil black metal, Like
Cradle Of Filth covering Slayer, Exodus, Exhorder, and so on and so forth.
Up until that point, lots of Christmas music had been played throughout the
night. Metal Christmas music, and comedy Christmas songs and narrations,
yes, but Christmas themed stuff nonetheless. But for the rest of the night
it was all a tribute to Satan, evil black metal. The show ended with one
more beating and killing of Just Joe, for me, which is the best Christmas
present I could ask for! I'm sure the best thing I will receive by far!
Thanks guys! Sooo thoughtful, just what I wanted, and so in keeping with the
true spirit of Christmas! The feature Artist to end out this very very
special Last Exit For The Lost Christmas/7th Pre Anniversary Count Down To
The End Of The World Show was Coven. And so that was the big event. It was
truly beautiful, moving, and filled with all the things that Christmas is
supposed to be about: Kindness, love, peace, holiness, gentleness, and good
will. Next week... LE falls exactly on New Years Day this year, as both it
and January 1st 2006 begin Sunday at midnight. It will be a rare pre
recorded show, as LE will be attending The Punch Drunk Monkeys' Big Eleventh
Anniversary Show. It is supposed to be their final show together, but they
have already had quite a few of those, so, who knows. But it still will be a
huge event and a great show. Don't miss this rare chance to see Punch Drunk
Monkeys complete with Crappy The Clown! The bands If Man Is Five and Nancy
will also be performing on that show. It's at The Venue, at The Downtown
Quarter Back, in Endicott, and starts at 9:00. LE, as I said, will be a pre
recorded show, it will be a Demon's Picks Show, like the 1st show of the
year was last New Years, which means that The Demon Azkath will present his
favorites, stuff he thinks is really good in metal music that he thinks we
should hear and be aware of. That is a perk of hosting your own show, you
can do this. That will be a cool and interesting show, and though it will be
pre recorded, I will be hosting the chat room for the whole 6 hours, so, if
any of you are actually like me, and not out anywhere on New Years Eve/Day,
drop by and I will do my best to help you, chat, answer any questions I can,
relay any I can't etc... Tune into a cool show, and drop by and keep me
company...
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you manage is on this list, or a band that you are working with in some way
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: December 25, 2005
Every Saturday at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning
93.5FM / 105.5FM Ithaca, NY - Also available via Realaudio
Metal Director: Carl Schmidt aka Seriah Azkath
Mailing Address: PoBox 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224
Web Page: http://www.thelastexit.org
WVBR Webpage: http://wvbr.com
(R) = Requested

Background: The Unquiet Void "Between the Twilights"

Savatage "Christmas Eve"
Venom "Black Xmas"
Vesania "Posthuman Kind"
Ramallah "Days of Revenge'
Bolt Thrower "Last Stand of Humanity"
Twilight Odyssey "Near Dark"
Seasons of the Wolf "Transmission"
BCT "Some Kind of Douchebag"
Armageddon Monks "Pope Action Shotgun'
Sun Descends "Intercepting Daggers"
Mercyful Fate "Nuns Have No Fun" (R)
The Pushrods "Xmas Sucks - Live Acoustic"
The Project Hate "Ressurected for Massive Torture"
220 Volt "Heavy Xmas"
BCT "Born with a Beard"
Pretty Maids "In Santa's Claws"
PDM "Don't Ask Me"
If Man is Five "Choking on the Past"
Homesick Abortions "Mirrors"
Horse the Band "Octopus on Fire"
Others "Devil's Lament"
Torn Asunder "The Seventh Seal"
Sopor Aeturnus "In an Hour Darkly"
Mercyful Fate "Satan's Fall"
From First to Last "Christmassacre"
Ministry "No W Redux"
Elusive Travel "All the Things I'd Die For"
Machine Men "October"
Ram-Zet "The Moment She Died"
Bag-In "Creepy Little Elf"
Old Man's Child "Lord of Command (Bringer of Hate)"
King Diamond "No Presents for Christmas"
The Frantic Flintstones "Santa Bring Back My Baby"
A Very Froggy Christmas "Croak the Herald Froggies Sing"
Stryper "Winter Wonderland"
Bob Rivers "What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells"
LA Guns "Run Run Rudolph"
Insane Clown Posse "Red Christmas"
Richard Cheese "Jingle Bells"
Ramones "Merry Christmas"
South Park "Merry Fucking Christmas"
Wednesday 13 "A Bullet Named Christ"
William Shatner "It Hasn't Happened Yet"
Bob Rivers "Jingle Hells Bells"
ICP "Santa is a Fat Bitch"
Icon "Little Drummer Boy"
Pretty Maids "A Merry Jingle"
South Park "Dead, Dead, Dead / Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel"
Asphyx "Pages in Blood"
King Kobra "Attention"
Pan.Thy.Monium "The Battle of Geeheeb"
Cradle of Filth "Hell Awaits"
Exhorder "Desecrator"
Exodus "Deliver Us to Evil"
Hanoi Rocks "Dead by Xmas"

Feature Artist: Coven