The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 9, 2006
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Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during Both Shows:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught:

So, Joe, Rick, and Lance did their top 5's. Lance, yes, was there, and this
time he thought it was 2005. He said his last memory was being there with
Tim in November. The problem though, is that the 'Lance' there that night
with Tim, died. So how is any of this possible, anyways? Jeffie was there,
and was claiming that THOR rebuilt him. So things are sort of back to usual,
aside from the fact that there must be a pile of dead 'Lance's' somewhere
that no one can explain...

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

Present on this night were: Just Joe, Electric Vodka Dude, and Gorgar. After
reading some Bizarre Facts, it was decided that their truthfulness should be
tested by conducting some experiments on Just Joe. The particular facts that
they wanted to test involved sneezing. The information had three parts to
it... 1: If you sneeze too hard you can break a rib. 2: If you try to
suppress a sneeze, you could burst a blood vessel in your head or neck and
die. and 3: If you try to force your eyes to remain open while sneezing,
your eyeballs will pop out. So, they decided they would test out all three
of those on Just Joe. First they threw a lot of pepper in his face, to try
and make him sneeze hard enough to break a rib... Just Joe sneezed really
hard. And at first his ribs seemed to be ok. But, in a minute they were
broken. So part one was obviously true, he sneezed really hard, and his ribs
were broken. And the fact that Azkath kneed him really hard in the gut
because Joe wiped the snot on him had absolutely nothing to do with it, the
broken ribs were obviously from sneezing too hard. Ok, so next it was time
to test part two, if you try to suppress a sneeze, you could rupture a blood
vessel in your head or neck and die. Just Joe was whining that his ribs
hurt, he said he didn't want to sneeze any more. They told him that that was
just perfect, because this part of the experiment involved him not sneezing.
They threw pepper in his face again, and had him suppress the resultant
sneeze. At first Just Joe seemed fine, but a minute later, he was bleeding
from out of his ear. So, part two was obviously correct as well, if you
suppress a sneeze, you will burst a blood vessel. And, the fact that Azkath
gave Just Joe a brutal shot to the head with a steel chair had absolutely
nothing to do with it, all that blood coming from Just Joe's ear was
obviously because he had tried to suppress a sneeze. Ok, two down, one to
go. It was now time to test the validity of part three, if you try to force
your eyes to stay open while you sneeze, your eyeballs will pop out. Azkath
held Just Joe's eyes open, and Gorgar flung a lot of pepper into Just Joe's
face. Just Joe sneezed. Now, at this moment a bizarre thing happened (noooo,
a bizarre thing occurring at The Last Exit! That never happens, things are
always so normal there). A lot of cats, and I mean A LOT OF CATS suddenly
appeared out of nowhere, and ran into the basement. Just Joe (who still had
his eyeballs in) ran to flush the urinal, which is broken, and thus would
flood the basement, and drowned all the kitty cats. No one seemed to have
much of a problem with drowning all those cats, they all thought it was
perfectly ok. But then Foul Mouth Girl spoke up (without swearing at all
might I add) and said that, no, it was not ok. She said that she was going
to the basement to save all those poor kitties. Yes, she took it upon
herself to singlehandedly save about a million cats from drowning, what a
girl! She ran into the basement, and Just Joe (who still had his eyeballs)
promptly shut and locked the door behind her, trapping her, and all those
cats in a flooding basement. There was some unhappy sounds from the basement
for a bit, then utter silence. They told Just Joe to go down to the basement
and check things out. After a bit, he complied. He called upstairs to tell
them what he found. Which was absolutely nothing, absolutely no water, not a
single cat, and, no Foul Mouth Girl. They asked him was he really sure about
this? How could this be? Where did they all go? Both doors to the basement,
the one going upstairs, and the one leading outside were locked. Just Joe
said that he didn't know (big surprise there), but that there was nothing
down here now. Since no one knew what to make of this, they told Just Joe he
could come back. Then, realizing the mistake, tried to take it back and tell
him that, no, he could not come back upstairs, but it was too late, Just Joe
was back upstairs. At the next talk break, there was still no sign of FMG,
all that water, or all those cats. Just Joe was pleased with himself. And
then there was a voice... FMG's voice, she was back, soaking wet, and irate.
Although, let it be said, that even though she may have had good reason to,
she still managed not to swear even once. She did, however, tell just Joe
that she was going to kill him, and with that, she flung a very wet, furious
cat that she had been holding right into Just Joe's face. The cat began
yowling and scratching and clawing at Just Joe's face (this kitty was
apparently not declawed, good for that, that's wrong anyways, although I'm
sure Just Joe doesn't think so). And Just Joe's eyeballs popped out and fell
onto the floor. And so part three of the experiment was obviously also true,
if you force your eyes to remain open while you're sneezing, your eyeballs
will pop out. They had held Just Joe's eyes open while he sneezed, and they
had fallen out. And the fact that he had a wild, furious cat gouging and
clawing his face had absolutely nothing to do with it, it was obviously
because he had kept his eyes open while sneezing, it may take a while, like
a couple hours maybe, but, if you do that, eventually your eyeballs will
fall out. So, all three parts of that bizarre fact had been proven to be
absolutely true. So now you know. See what a service LE provides! Just Joe
was whining about how he couldn't see, and how could he look for his
eyeballs if he couldn't see to look for them. Well, crawl around on the
floor and feel for them, dummy. God he's stupid! Somehow, at the next talk
break, Just Joe must have figured this out, because he had his eyeballs back
in his head. so I guess he found them, that's not so weird. how he managed
to put them back into his head... Weeeell, that is a little harder to
explain, no one could, and Just Joe didn't elaborate. Because Just Joe,
Electric Vodka Dude, and Gorgar were all trying to use a microphone, and
Gorgar was trying to talk but couldn't because there wasn't a mic for him,
they told Just Joe to go hug Electric Vodka Dude 'til he left so Gorgar
could have a mic. Which is what Just Joe did. He hugged Electric Vodka Dude
right out of the room and away, but he and Electric Vodka Dude got into a
slap fight in the hallway on the way out. The Feature Artist for the night,
to end out the show, was built around the band Sulaco. A half hour live
concert of theirs, some studio Sulaco, and some of their band members other
bands and projects from throughout the years. That rocked! And, their was
another one of those events in the chat room that will rank right up there
with Lamb Of God! *OOOO! TINGLE!* and Doppleganger for a word or phrase
being repeated about a million times... LE is playing a band called My
Penis, and so I'm sure that you can just imagine how many jokes that
inspired on air!, and the My Penis jokes just kept right on coming (yes,
that's right, I said My Penis and "coming", there's one of those jokes right
there!) all night long (My Penis, coming all night long! there's another),
I'm sure you can easily get the picture from all these jokes that arise (My
Penis, arise! *snicker*) from my just trying to relate this for you! And
that's how it was all night long, My Penis jokes, both on the air, and a lot
more in the chat room. See what you miss if you don't supplement your LE
listening experience by also participating in the chat room! You should
always do that! The words "My Penis" were said at least a million times. :)
And thus went The Last Exit For The Lost for this week...
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I would never want to be the king of the monkey
world because I'd have to sit around naked
all day, eating bananas and flinging poo at my
subjects. Sure, it sounds like a dream come true,
but the problem is I don't like bananas.

(Donald Junter)
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: January 8, 2006
(R) = Requested

Background: The Unquiet Void "Poisoned Dreams"

Whiplash "Perpetual Warfare / Walk the Plank"
Vendetta "Brain Damage / Conversation'
Death Angel "Disturbing the Peace"
Fall of Serenity "Thirst for Knowledge"
Dimmu Borgir "Stormblast"
137 "In Vain (Pt 1 - Midnight)"
Divinity Destroyed "Prism"
Horse the Band "The Black Hole"
The Devin Townsend Band "Let It Roll / Hypergeek"
ZnoWhite "Bringing the Hammer Down - Live"
The Accused "Have you Ever Been Mellow"
Atritas "Black Sunday"
Last Rites "Race a Train"
If Man is Five "The Lottery"
Others "Not a Word"
The Murder Squad T.O. "Another Day in Hell"
Sun Descends "Fallen Saint (Fallen Again)"
Carrier Flux "Martyrs"
Otyg "Holy Diver"
Scarlet "Apocalyptic Love Song"
Bone Jar "A.M. Free" (R)
BCT "Some Kind of Douchebag"
Elusive Travel "Seperation"
My Penis "Bull'
Fates Warning "Silent Cries" (R)
Misery Index "No More Pretzels"
Polidicks "Kill Dr. Phil"
Inherence "100 Ways"
Seasons of the Wolf "Interstellar"
Juggernaut "Without Warning"
Therapy? "Screamager"
Seer's Tear "A Gathering of Seperate Ways"
Legacy "Reign of Terror"
Goatwhore "Desolate Path To Apocalyptic Ruin" (R)
Black Sabbath "Heaven and Hell" (R)
Anorexia Nervosa "I'll Kill You"
Blind Guardian "I'm Alive" (R)
Crisis "Captian Howdy"
DOA with Jello Biafra "That's Progress"
Toxic Narcotic "Shoot People Not Dope"
Impaled Northern Moon Forest "Awaiting the Blasphemous Abomination of the
Necroyeti While Sailing on the Northernmost Fjord"
Vio-Lence "Phobophobia"
Missing Marcus "So Much for Goodbye - Live"
Mastermind "Broken'
Feeding the Fire "I Don't Mean to Sound Queer..."
Bleeding Through "Kill to Believe"
Short Fuse "Damage to You"
Shoat - Track #1
Waterdown "Sleep Well'
S&M "Bleed"
Randy "Evil"
Reincarnationfish "Burning Airship"
My Penis "Shattered"
Fledgling Death "Wyld Child"
Black Labeled "Nothing - Live"
Homesick Abortions "My Decline"
Hullus "Hour of Wolves"
Scum "Deathpunkscumfuck"
Coffee Inc. "God Loves His Children"
Sulaco "Cry Me a River"
Lethargy "Sane"
Mungbean Demon "Deedle Deedle Woo"
BCT "The Saga Continues"
Lethargy "Medley"

Sulaco - Live, Dec 23, 2005 at The Montage Music Hall, Rochester

BCT "I Love Satan"
Lethargy "All Things End"
BCT "Backwoods"
Mungbean Demon "Cinzano"
Lethargy "A Moment Away"
BCT "Ip Ip To the Kip"
Lethargy "Subtle"
BCT "Midget Party"
Lethargy "Image Tool"
BCT "The Viking's Return"
Lethargy "Lost - Unplugged"
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If I had a nickel for every paycheck I've
blown on cocaine and cheap hookers, I could
spend a whole weekend doing nothing but...
well, you probably see where this is headed.

(Donald Junter)
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Fun Interesting Facts
http://banklocater.com/

1. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

2. A crocodile can’t stick its tongue out.

3. A shrimp’s heart is in its head.

4. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one
reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

5. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

6. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

7. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a
telephone call.

8. Horses can’t vomit.

9. Sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick is said to be the toughest tongue
twister in the English language.

10. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a
sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you
keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

11. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a
million descendants.

12. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your
ear by 700 times.

13. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14,
Section 1211 of the Code of Federal regulations, implemented on July 16,
1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with
extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

14. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

15. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

16. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on
them and photocopying their butts.

17. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

18. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

19. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
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Pizza man says he was attacked by young girls
http://www.tampabays10.com/weird/weird_article.aspx?storyid=23286

CINCINNATI (AP) -- A pizza delivery man in Cincinnati has told police he was
the victim of a robbery attempt yesterday -- by a pack of girls.
Police say he described his assailants as five very young girls.
Investigators believe they're looking for suspects in the eleven-to-14 age
group.
A police captain says it's a little disturbing.
The 21-year-old delivery man says the girls tried to take the pizza from him
and ended up knocking him to the ground.
But he wasn't hurt, and nothing was taken.
He says when he arrived at the spot where he was supposed to deliver the
pie, it seemed the girls were waiting for him.
Police are looking into whether they were the ones who phoned in the order.
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This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...