The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - January 23, 2006
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Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
http://devoted.to/onslaught - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday -
Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during Both Shows:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
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** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught:

Rick conducted a phone interview with T.J., the vocalist of Stemm. After
which a track from Stemm's CD was played along with a track from Bleed The
Sky which Stemm played on as well. They rocked. Jeffie arrived, and shortly
after that, this weeks incarnation of Lance showed up. Now, despite the fact
that Thor had killed Lance at the end of last weeks show, because Jeffie had
told him to after being upset with Country Lance, Lancer, as he calls
himself, for touching his butt, Lancer was back once again this week.
Despite the fact that Jeffie had been upset with Lancer last week, for
touching his ass, he spent a lot of this night touching Lancer's ass, and
trying to sit on his lap. Well, turn about is fair play, I guess. The chair
fell down a couple times, spilling both of them onto the floor, when Jeffie
would attempt to get on Lancer's lap. Jeffie also drew on Lancer's head.
Lancer amused everyone by telling them the titles of many country songs of
his. Jeffie did some singing of his own, if you can call it singing, you
can't really, he sort of hummed, making bagpipe-like sounds by slapping his
throat really enthusiastically, so much so, that he kept choking, from all
that exertion, rupturing his throat. Jeffie told Lancer that he guessed he
was kind of cool after all. He wasn't really sure about this, but Lancer and
Jeffie, at least some of the time, got along pretty well. Well, that is,
when Jeffie wasn't molesting him, or drawing on him. At the end of the
night, Lancer was going to help Jeffie fix a flat on his tour bus, (all that
work maintaining his pickup truck, he's used to fixing vehicles), and then
they were going to hang out on the bus with the groupies. Oh, and there
would be a lot of "gardening", and "rotortilling", going on there, make of
that what you will, or take it any way you want (or maybe might not want!)
to... And that was the show...

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

Two bands, Missing Marcus, and Ayurveda, were supposed to be on, and bring
instruments with them, and perform acoustically. However, Missing Marcus was
mostly missing, as only Erik bothered to show up, and didn't seem to know
where the rest of his band, and Ayurveda were when asked. Ah, musicians!
Gotta love 'em, don't you!? Sooo reliable and responsible! :) But Erik was
there, and, luckily, another band dropped by, Angels Beneath Me. They were
interviewed and updated us on what has been, and what will be going on with
them. And many tracks from their new CD were played. Missing Marcus' music
was played too, from their CD of course, as they could not play live with no
instruments, and only one band member there. :) it still rocked, though,
as did Angels Beneath Me's music. Just Joe was back this week, and Electric
Vodka Dude was there as well. Since Saturday was National Hugging Day, and
that had just barely ended, Just Joe's Hugging Music was played. Now, Angels
Beneath Me are one of those bands who actually had liked hugging Just Joe,
liked it so much, that they had group hugged him, and, tonight they did that
again, all piling on Just Joe and hugging. Even Electric Vodka Dude, who
hates hugging Just Joe a lot, joined in on this one. Then Erik made the
mistake of telling them that he never hugs, so it was decided that he had a
lifetime of hugging to make up for, and everyone hugged and group hugged him
a lot. You would think he would know better than to divulge information like
that! That that would insure he would be hugged to death. :) National
Hugging Day certainly got celebrated very well, even if a bit late, there
was a whole lot of hugging going on on LE this night. Just Joe was told to
go get that thing that they had found in the basement, and put it on the
band members as a present. Just Joe went to the basement... And came back
with a toilet seat. It had been put down there to be thrown away, so you
know it probably had not been cleaned before that, so God only knows how
many thousands of countless people had pissed, crapped, and vomited, and
done God knows what else, (I can think of a couple more things) :) on the
thing. The band members had it put on their heads. Later, Just Joe showed
everyone his boobs, since Jessica hadn't been there in that practically
nonexistent top of hers, so Just Joe took it upon himself to stand in for
her. Oh, how sad for that poor woman, to have Just Joe be your substitute
for any thing, and especially for something like that! Electric Vodka Dude
went home because he wanted to hear Britney Spears, and that is never played
on LE. :) And a famous, or rather more infamous, :) voice from the past,
The Almighty Monkey, called in a whole bunch of times (not on air, though).
For The Feature of the night, to close out the show, it was a two part
feature... The 1st forty minutes or so, was the performance from Armageddon
Monks, from The Xtreme Soundscapes Volume III DVD Post Release Show, from
back in November, (which sounded great), and the last twenty minutes or so,
was the rest of what had started out the show, Oxiplegatz ... That was cool.
And thus went The Last Exit For The Lost. Next week... Tune in and see who
shows up, or who promises to show up and then fails to, :) and for
whatever cool stuff that will go on...
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: January 22, 2006
(R) = Requested

Background: Amir Baghiri & Nimh "Entities"

Oxiplegatz "Sidereal Journey - Part 1"
Angels Beneath Me "Nine Months"
Tripod "Vempires"
Pantheist "Metanoia"
The Elysian Fields "I Am Your Willing Darkness"
Angels Beneath Me "With Eyes Ripped Out There's No Need for Compassion"
Himsa "The Destroyer"
Callenish Circle "Ignorant"
Mastermind "Weak and Powerless"
If Man is Five "The Lottery"
Angels Beneath Me "Raise the Dead"
BCT "Some Kind of Douchebag"
Gorefest "For the Masses"
Seven Witches "Fame Gets You Off"
Death "The Philosopher" (R)
Angels Beneath Me "An Angelic End"
Burst "It Comes Into View"
Divinity Destroyed "Prism"
Missing Marcus "Endgame"
Angels Beneath Me "A New Dream"
Angels Beneath Me "Coat Hanger Abortion"

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST SET **
Armored Saint "Tribal Dance"
Edge of Sanity "Sacrificed"
Scepter "Humans Massaker"
Loudness "Crazy Nights"
White Skull "Gods of the Sea"

Missing Marcus "Tunnel Vision"
Lunar Bastard of Thong :Pigments of an Eastern Dream of Lunar Occurance /
Barghest, Devil Dog from Northern England"
Ruins "The Ends of the Earth"
The Firstborn "The Roaring Voice of the Godof Death"
My Penis "Bull"
Graveworm "Christian Woman"
Cathedral "Corpsecycle"
Demiricous "To Serve is to Destroy"
Mindless Self Indulgence "You'll Rebel to Anything (As Long as It's Not
Challenging)"
Mindless Self Indulgence "Tom Sawyer"
Misery Index "Crotchpit"
The Great Luke Ski "Bender Roboto"
Psionic "Grey Race"
Parry Grip "We're Gonna Kick Your Ass Today"

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST SET **
And Here I Lie "In Coldness"
Anacrusis "Far Too Long"
Forced Entry "Bone Cracking Fever'
Armored Saint "Isolation"
Ancient Wisdom "And the Physical Shape of Life Bled"

Armageddon Monks - Live as XS III PR, Castaways, November 20, 2006

Oxiplegatz "Sidereal Journey - Part 2"
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TOP STORIES

-------- Candidate Sinks His Teeth Into Campaign -----------

PRINCETON, Minn. - Minnesota gubernatorial candidate
Jonathan Sharkey represents the "Vampyres, Witches and
Pagans Party" whose platform includes impaling terrorists.
Sharkey launched his campaign Friday (the 13th) in Prince-
ton, Minn., as a "satanic dark priest." In an e-mail message,
the former pro wrestler reportedly described himself as a
"sanguinary vampyre ... just like you see in the movies and
TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor and drink
their blood." Aside from the basics such as emphasis on
education and better benefits for veterans, Sharkey's 13-
point plan also calls for impaling in front of the State
Capitol such wrongdoers as terrorists and rapists.
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Dr. Franklin Ruehl's
Weird Stories Of 2005

-Terrible way to go! Motorcyclist in Custer,SD, was following a truck loaded
with Porta Potties when one fell off, hitting him and causing him to swerve
into 3 cars, killing him!

-Far better way to go! Man in Portage,MI, bowled a perfect 300 game, then
keeled over and died!

-1st face transplant (in France)characterized by 2 unusual aspects aside fro
mthe surgery itself: the gal undergoing the operation had attempted suicide
with an overdose of barbiturates(which may have provoked her pet Lab to maul
her face as he frantically tried to wake her) while the donor had hanged
herself to death!

-Man was caught shoplifting no fewer than 7 toothbrushes at a supermarket
down in Ribeirao,Brazil...the irony: he was toothless, explaining that he
just wanted to know what it would feel like to need toothbrushes!

-While feeding milk to his pet king cobra, a Hindu priest in Jharkhand,
India was bitten...amazingly, the snake died and the priest survived!

-Diver stranded on a rock in New Zealand's Cook Strait refused to be winched
up to a hovering rescue helicopter, admitting that he was terrified of
heights...a powerboat later provided him a safe ride home!

-A foot-long koi (a type of carp) came sliding down a Mansfield, England
chimney, bounced off of the flames, and landed on the hearth, amazingly
still alive...a heron's beak mark on its back indicated that the bird
scooped him out of a garden pond, then accidentally dropped him..."Sooty" is
now enjoying a new lease on life in a local pet shop!

-Doofuses of the week! Two morons separately died from swallowing lit
firecrackers that exploded inside them during New Year's festivities in the
Philippines (fortunately, they were not readers of "The Realm of Bizarre
News")

-Tragic coincidence! 2 brothers perished in separate car accidents within 15
minutes of each other in Louisville, KY...each had crashed into a tree!
Their father, a deputy sheriff, was called to the scene of one accident, and
unknowingly drove right past the site of the other misfortune!

-Shocking! Two Romanian priests, arguing about expenditures, began fighting
each other inside the church in Constantia, with one hospitalized with a
broken arm!

-A farmer in Oman lost his cellphone...when he dialed its number, he heard
it ringing inside the stomach of one of his favorite his cows who had
swallowed it!

-Amazing gent whose neck was in traction and both arms in casts after a
serious accident fled the Burwood Hospital in Christchurch, New Zealand,
still wearing a traction "halo," possibly because he has a terrible fear of
doctors and hospitals!

-Hermie, a tiny map turtle in Watertown, NY, had a deformed beak making it
nearly impossible for him to eat, so 2 skillful veterinarians fitted him
with special braces, enabling him to devour all the goodies his little heart
desires!

-Toads in Hamburg, Germany have been literally exploding as a result of
puffing themselves up to deter hungry crows who recently developed a taste
for their livers... they pluck out the livers in lightning-quick strikes
which cause the inflated toads to burst!

-Kind dog owner in Point Lonsdale, Queensland, Australia, was taking some
leftovers on a china plate out to his beloved pooch when he tripped and fell
on a rock in the yard...a broken shard pierced his neck, causing him to
bleed to death (so, please, please, use a paper plate when delivering treats
to your canine pal).

-Wimp burglar panicked and called the cops when he found the cadaver of an
89-year-old woman in the home he had entered in The Hague! (My advice: Get
yourself some guts! I don't care if you buy them at a swap meet, make them
in a lab, or grow them in a garden, but you get yourself some guts! It ain't
the dead that give you trouble in this world...it's the living that do!)

-Armed robbers stopped a money courier's vehicle in Gronau, Germany, forcing
him off the road, but, in their haste, grabbed the first aid kit instead of
the money satchel!

-Strange celestial object, EL61, discovered in the Kuiper Belt at the outer
fringes of our solar system: it has a decided football shape, is
approximately the size of Pluto,is orbited by 2 small moons, and may be
playing host to bizarre hypothermophilic bioforms!

-Planet orbiting 3 stars! Jupiter-sized body is orbiting star HD188753, some
149 lt.years removed from earth. And,a double star is orbiting that primary
star,also!

-Man's body was left on the side of a Pennsylvania road for 3 days because
passersby mistook him for a dead deer since he was attired in tan clothing!

-Unfair! Gal is being fined $25 every time she walks her spaniel through the
lobby of her condo in Long Beach CA, having already racked up $1600 in
charges...if she carried the 20-pound pooch, there would be no fine, but she
cannot lift him because of being partially disabled! Unfair!

-Surprise! Japanese researchers have determined that monkeys, just like
humans, have distinct accents based on where they live!

-Adding insult to injury! After being hit by a car in Washington,D.C., a
man, 73, was ticketed for jaywalking, with the officer asserting that he was
responsible for the accident...the gentleman has subsequently died from his
injuries!

-Archaeologists digging near Aleppo, Syria, have unearthed several titanic
tombs that reportedly house the remains of giants from the Biblical era,
including a legendary colossus, Muhammad the Tall One, who may have stood
over 22 feet!

-Kind biologists in New Zealand carefully removed 600 5-foot-long Gippsland
earthworms from the planned path of a new road, relocating them to safer
digs...these humongous crawlers, which can actually be heard moving
underground, are extremely gentle and graceful!

-World's tallest building, the Taipei 101 in Taiwan, which stands 1,667 feet
in height, apparently is causing earthquakes because its enormous weight
(700,000 tons) is stressing the ground beneath it...it may even have opened
up an ancient faultline! And, other skyscrapers, dams, and even subterranean
waste disposal sites around the globe may also be similarly engendering
seismic activity!

-Beyond belief! For the 2nd time in 3 years, a man was struck in the head by
a subway car while in New York City...despite serious injuries, he has vowed
to continue riding the subway! Good show!

-Unbelievable! Burrowing moles have uncovered an ancient 3rd century A.D.
Roman villa in Cotswold, England!

-A farmer in Dunedin, New Zealand, faces animal cruelty charges for leaving
his 600 sheep unshorn for 3 years...the excessively woolly ovines can barely
move around and have difficulty grazing (but, who shears them in the wild?)

-New York City wife, 87, stuffed her dead hubby in a suitcase, claiming she
was eventually going to take him to Arizona to be buried...neighbors alerted
police after smelling the stench of death coming from their apartment(the
possibility of homicide is being investigated)

-A physician in Stockbridge, Georgia was injecting cancer patients with
commercial weed killer while billing their insurance companies for
"low-dose" chemotherapy!

-Unfair! Dad fired for picking discarded chocolates from the trash at the
store he worked at (Zellers of St.Hyacinthe, Quebec)...he was going to give
them to his 3 children for Christmas!

- Naughty! Naughty! Woman visiting the Melbourne Zoo reached inside a fence
to pick a beautiful flower, but a resident lion promptly bit off the top of
her middle right finger!

-Great idea! Mailmen in Germany are being given training in canine
psychology, resulting in a marked decline in the number of dog bites they
are suffering!

-According to an intriguing new Swiss study, playing the Australian
didgeroo, a 4-foot-long wind instrument made from a hollowed-out tree trunk,
cures snoring!

-Russia's Josef Stalin endeavored to create an invincible army of ape
men...secret labs in Georgia prove that this was an ongoing project in the
1920s, but apparently failed as the director, Dr.Ilia Ivanov, was arrested
and sent to a labor camp in 1930!

-Poetic justice in action? A fleeing mugger at a South African zoo in
Bloemfontein sought refuge in the tiger compound where 4 ferocious felines
proceeded to rip him apart (but, having been fed, they did not bother to
devour him)!

-Hamlet's castle is haunted! Staffers at a new restaurant in the
431-year-old Krongberg Castle in Denmark, the setting for Shakespeare's
celebrated play, claim to have seen shadows floating enigmatically, windows
and doors inexplicably flying open, and even the ghost of an old man
walking!

-The outrage! Mice have invaded a shelter for stray kitties in Dundee,
Scotland, even being so bold as to steal cat food set out for the homeless
felines!

-Eek! Lice, yes lice, devastated Napoleon's army during his invasion of
Russia...new evidence from researchers at Marseille's Universite de la
Mediteranee prove that louse-borne diseases such as typhus and trench fever
killed off a high percentage of his troops!

-World's 1st mixed convent sits right in the heart of Rome, where 14 nuns
and 3 friars live under the same roof!

-Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade will give away his 1500-acre estate in Somerset,
England to the person with the DNA most closely matching his...thus far,
5,000 folks named Slade have been tested, with a North
Carolinian coming closest! How about you?

-Single gals have been leaving their undies at the tomb of a deceased rabbi,
Yenothan Ben Uziel, in Amuka in northern Israel, hoping that their prayers
for a marriage mate will be answered!

-The power of music to heal! A nurse played a harp in the OR as an
85-year-old woman was undergoing heart surgery at a hospital in
Urbana,Illinois!

-A new study from Mainz, Germany reveals that honeybees can recogonize human
faces despite their tiny brains!

-Ouch! Gal in Wrexham, Wales was suffering a terrible toothache, but could
not afford a dentist, so she took a stiff drink and had a friend extract the
offending tooth with a pair of pliers! Ouch!

-A fuel leak developed when a train hit a concrete chunk near
Bath,England...the ingenious train engineer plugged the leak with a wine
bottle cork and proceeded to the next stop!

-Casey, a pampered female croc in Darwin, Australia, favors potatoes and
gravy, cake, fried fish, and broiled steak, refusing to eat any raw meat
whatsoever!

-Frenchman Angel Hays, a lifelong taphephobe, has purchased a special coffin
appointed with an alarm to insure that he is not buried alive!

-Good show! During dispute with his wife, angry hubby in suburban Jerusalem
extracted 3 million shekels (about $870,00) from his safe, spread them on
the ground, and set fire to them! That will teach her a lesson!

-Eek! A Chinese cosmetics firm is utilizing the skin from executed criminals
to manufacture a new line of beauty products being marketed in the UK!

-Gutless wonders! Not even one of New Delhi's 97 official rat catchers has
snared even one rodent in the past 10 years! Gutless wonders!

-He should not have tempted fate! Aussie was having the phrase,"Last Rites,"
tattooed on his chest at a parlor in East Williamsburg, Victoria when he
suddenly passed put, staggering into a glass counter and smashing his head
through it, dying on the spot! Fate apparently moved its huge hand at seeing
that challenging phrase!

-A distraught soccer fan down in Chile swallowed rat poison when his
favorite team failed to qualify for the World Cup...he was hospitalized and
still alive at last report (I was tempted to do likewise when the Angels
bested the Yankees in the baseball playoffs, but I don't have the guts this
guy does)

-German architect in Berlin has filed a patent for a new cement made from
dog poop...with cement prices for conventional cement skyrocketing, I
foresee the establishment of dog poop recycling centers, with folks fighting
over poop on the streets!

-Retribution! Thai ice cream vendor slashed his dentist with a sword,
breaking his left arm...3 years ago, that dentist carelessly extracted the
peddler's healthy tooth instead of an infected one, engendering an infection
that left his left arm useless!

-A village of killer wives exists in Nagyrev, Hungary, where some 140
hapless men have been poisoned since the 1920s!

-Spooky! The ghost of the late Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin is haunting the
Lenin Museum in his former home in Samara, Russia...his apparition has been
seen, his voice and footsteps heard, and the aroma of his favorite apple
cake permeates the rooms!

-To honor his late mom, a football fan recently ran onto the field at
Philadelphia during the Philadelphia Eagles' contest versus the Green Bay
Packers, depositing her cremated ashes on the field! Truly a loyal son!

-Furious over a $30 parking ticket he received in Glendale, CA, a man
proceeded to torch the city's official Xmas tree, causing $8,000 in
damage...for a starter, his bail has been set at $50,000, with fines and
jail time probable!

-When reality imitates art: Amity Beach was the fictional site of the film
"Jaws"...at a real Amity Beach, down in Sydney ,Australia, a 21-year-old
female swimmer was attacked by not one, but three, sharks who literally
chewed her apart as she screamed for help (her companions thought she was
joking).

-Pond scum appears to be a promising cure for Alzheimer's disease! Swiss
researchers found that a substance derived from it, nostocarboline,
neutralizes an enzyme that causes the brain disease!

-Oops! Geriatric thief, 70, robbed a post office in Kawagoe, Japan of $2,000
in coins, but stumbled and fell as he tried to make off with the heavy
22-pound bag, which split apart on the pavement!

-Turn about! A cabbie in Hollywood, CA shot a passenger who refused to pay
his fare...for some unfathomable reason, the company has suspended him!

-Ouch! Teen gal, 19, in Thailand had an itchy throat so she tried to scratch
it with a toothbrush which she promptly swallowed, where it remained lodged
remaining for 3 agonizing days until a surgeon extracted it (that is
precisely why I always tie a string to my toothbrush before using it to
scratch my throat)

-Finnegan, an orphaned squirrel who was nursed by a Seattle family's dog and
lived indoors for the 1st 8 weeks of his life, has not forgotten his
benefactors, periodically returning to cavort in their yard, even bringing
along other squirrels!

-Great idea! Church in Pendleton, OR, is raising money selling toilet paper,
yes, I said toilet paper...of course, the brand is Angel Soft, and if you
buy a case, it will be delivered at no extra charge!
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This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...