The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - November 24, 2006

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Metallic Onslaught - 89.7FM Geneva, NY / 88.1FM in Ithaca, NY
Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time
www.MetallicOnslaught.TheLastExit.org - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost - WVBR 93.5 FM / East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca, NY
Saturday's at Midnight till 6am Sunday - Eastern Time
www.TheLastExit.org - www.WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests during the show to: LastExit@...
<mailto:LastExit%40TheLastExit.org>
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On The Metallic Onslaught:

Joe, Rick, Josh, and Lancer were there. As soon as Lancer arrived, he
cracked open some beverage, like he always does. They told him it better
not be alcoholic. Josh started talking in a British accent, which really
threw Lancer. He would switch back and forth between his regular voice,
and a British voice, which annoyed Lancer. Then, he also spoke in an
Irish accent, and then not only in a Spanish accent, but totally in
Spanish. Lancer became quite confused and agitated. Joe went into the
room where Josh and Lancer were. Somehow in the discussions they had,
Lancer's pants got pulled down. Joe was extremely upset by this, and
told Lancer to pull his pants up!, what the hell was the matter with
him!? Lancer replied that he couldn't. Well, except that's not exactly
how he put it. He kept yelling "I can't get (or, as you say that in
country speak, "git") it up! "Joe, help me git it up! Pull on it!". Rick
was grossed out by this talk. Joe asked Rick if he'd come in there (heh
heh, heh heh, come in there, wow, in the context of this that really
fits right in there, doesn't it!?) and help Lancer put his pants on,
'cause he wasn't doing it. Rick said "No!", he wasn't doing it (wow,
"doing it!, the things you can think if you have a dirty mind, as I'm
sure all of you do!) either. Joe asked Rick if he was sure. Rick was
quite sure. Lancer kept yelling for Joe, or someone to help him "git it
up!", to "please pull on it!". Strangely, for some reason, no one would.
I'm not so sure that that beverage of Lancer's was of the non alcoholic
variety. He sure didn't act like it was. Next week... Joe said that,
along with probably Potato, (so break out the de caff!), they would
probably have a Satan Duck. So, I'm sure that will be cool, and it will
be the day after Thanksgiving, so, although most people have turkey,
some kind of satanic foul will be highly appropriate. And just as a
useless aside, I love duck, either plain, or in orange sauce, it's
DELICIOUS! And, with Potato there, well there's your side dish, mashed
potatoes in duck gravy! That's delicious too!, my favorite!, and what a
fitting day after Thanksgiving metal show! Potato could be slaughtered
and mashed, and a Satanic Duck! Awesome!

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

On this show were: Just Joe, EVD, and Gorgar. At the beginning of the
show, Just Joe called in, saying that he was still at the store, (where
he had doubtless been all day), waiting in line, trying to get a Play
Station 3. Because, you know, if we are going to live, we must all have
a Play Station 3, it is all important, life just simply would not be
worth the living if you don't get a PS3! If you couldn't get one, well
then you should go kill yourself immediately, as your life is ruined and
worthless now anyways, so go ahead and get it over with. They told Just
Joe that the PS3 had come out the day before and he missed it, but that
he could leave the store and come there, because they had managed to get
him a PS3, so, if he wanted it, he better get over there. At the next
break, Just Joe was there, highly excited, and demanding his PS3. They
told him that of course he could have it... At the end of the night...
If, that was... Well, he would have to earn it. They had decided that
the whole night would be like a gauntlet for him, that he would have to
perform / survive a series of endurance tests, and at the end of the
night, if he had successfully completed all of his challenges, well then
he would have proven himself worthy, and he could have that most
precious of objects. Of course, he could back out at any time he wanted,
if he decided that any of the challenges just wasn't worth a PS3... But
of course, there is nothing that a PS3 isn't worth! So, let the gauntlet
begin! For his first endurance test... He would have to spend an entire
music set locked in a trunk. Just Joe was pretty ok with this (it wasn't
an air tight trunk, after all)... Until they added on the little last
minute (so small and unimportant a detail that they almost forgot to
mention it), that, with him in the trunk, would be... Spiders. Just Joe
became upset. They told him, well, he didn't have to do it, it was his
choice, if he didn't think a PS3 was worth spending four or five songs
worth of time, (and they could be long songs), shut in a trunk with
spiders, then he didn't have to go through with it. A whimpering Just
Joe allowed himself to be put into the trunk. And, see, They weren't
only trying to put Just Joe through a gauntlet, but they were still very
considerately trying to cure him of his fear of spiders, because fear is
not good for you, and the best way to get rid of your fears, is to
confront them, face them, and get them behind you. So they have his best
interests at heart when they do this, because they care. However, it
doesn't seem to be working very well, or quickly with Just Joe, but
that's probably because he's stupid, and therefore slow, so it just
takes extra time with him, but, because they care so very much, they
will never let his stubborn phobia deter them, and will just keep
practicing 'til they succeed. Although, if they do succeed, then they'll
have to find something else to torment him with, but, as I said, they're
not trying to torment Just Joe with spiders, although I'm sure it feels
that way to him, but, again, that's only because he's dumb, and so can't
see the obvious truth, no they're trying to help him, so I'm sure if he
does finally lose his phobia of spiders, no one will be more delighted
for him then the entire LE crew! And, at the end of the song set, he
emerged, demanding his Play Station 3, he had done the task
successfully. They told him, no, not yet, the night was young, that was
only the first of many more endurance tests to come. He had already been
informed of this, but he is really slow, so it takes him a while to get
things through his head. For his next challenge... Well it was time for
a round of Russian Roulette Tribute To The Past... And for this round...
He could pick from among three choices... If a bullet, a cheesy 80's
song, played, he could either... Kiss EVD's feet, have Duct tape applied
to his very hairy chest and / or back, and then have it ripped off, or
he could spend another song set in the trunk with the spiders. He could
pick, and he didn't have to decide until after and if a bullet came up.
But Just Joe has been on something of a lucky streak for the past two
weeks, with the exception of one Insane Clown Posse song last week
(which meant, of course, as I'm sure you all know, that he got thrown
down the stairs), no bullets played, and no bullets played this time
either, not even Insane Clown Posse. Btw, the computer now has 3,404
songs on it. For Just Joe's next challenge, they took the ass shield
that Keith, the Chief of The Anti Just Joe Army, had given Just Joe last
week, to keep things out of his ass crack, and had Just Joe put it on in
Gorgar's presence... Oh, but there was another one of those tiny,
insignificant, details... Keith had written on it "King Of All Deer".
Well, of course, as soon as Gorgar saw that, he went off, and beat the
living shit out of Just Joe. So I guess that text message from the
future last week, the final one, that read "Beware of the ass shield!",
turned out to be dead on. Spooky!. A second round of Russian Roulette
Tribute To The Past was played, with the choices being the same as the
first round, so, for those of you with short attention spans / memories,
see above. And Just Joe's mini lucky streak held, no bullets this time /
week either. For his next task in the gauntlet... Just Joe had to put on
the ass shield reading "King Of All Deer" again, go outside, and Gorgar
would attack him with his car. And so this was done. But the ass shield
performed it's function well... It kept Gorgar's car out of Just Joe's
ass crack, because, Gorgar did not hit Just Joe with his car... No,
instead, he hit an actual deer, wounding his car. So Just Joe had
survived that endurance test. He wanted his PS3, really really wanted
it, but they told him that there were still a couple hours to go before
the show was over, so the gauntlet wasn't over yet. Unless of course, he
had decided he'd had enough, and that the PS3 wasn't really worth any
more after all. Just Joe, of course, as would any sane person (wait,
Just Joe isn't sane, but this time his actions just happened to match
those of any sane person, as, of course, a PS3 is worth anything
standing between you and it) opted to continue. So, next up in the
gauntlet... They had him drink a lot of water. I mean A LOT of water.
And Just Joe, of course, because he is dumb, didn't question this,
didn't think that there might be a reason they were having him drink all
this water, although, I'm sure that, even if he had, he still would have
done it, for the reason I just stated, and no not the reason that he is
dumb, although he is, and that is one reason, but for the far more
important reason about obtaining a PS3 and what it means for any poor
soul unfortunate enough not to obtain one. But now they informed him of
the reason. He had to make it through a song set without relieving
himself, and also, during this set, he would have to drink even more
water, quite a bit more. Just Joe was not too happy about this. They
told him "well, he didn't have to do it. Maybe he didn't really want a
PS3 all that badly anyways". He could quit now if he wanted to. Of
course Just Joe decided to persevere, and, while he was attempting this
challenge, they all tormented him by... Well, you know how, if you
really have to take a piss badly, and are trying really hard to hold it
in, if you hear water sounds, or even hear talking about water, or even
think about water, well, it just makes you feel like you have to go even
more, and makes it even harder to hold it? Well, I'm sure you can
anticipate where I'm going with this... Yup, that's right, you guessed
it, everyone started talking about water, and making sounds like water
running or dripping, and also saying that they were going to go to the
bathroom, and take a NICE, LONG, SOOTHING, leak. Poor Just Joe! At the
end of the song set, they told him he could now go to the bathroom. Just
Joe replied that, no, he couldn't. They asked if he had already gone. He
said no, but that he couldn't move, he was too full. They designated EVD
to help him to the bathroom. EVD did this. And, they were almost there,
when... Azkath innocently told EVD that he was proud of him, he had
thought that he would have taken this opportunity to throw Just Joe down
the stairs, but he was glad he hadn't... Having been given this
suggestion, which, for some amazing reason, had somehow managed to slip
his mind up 'til now, EVD now promptly threw Just Joe down the stairs,
despite Azkath's entreaties for him not to do it, that he really hadn't
wanted him to do that, that he had just meant he had thought he would
and was glad he hadn't, and he had just been congratulating him on his
surprising self restraint. SUUURRREEEE, Demon, I'm sure you didn't mean
for that to happen, I mean, you just couldn't have waited those few
extra seconds for Just Joe to actually get into the bathroom and go,
before you spoke up, now could you? You just spoke without thinking, I'm
sure, we all know how that is. Just Joe was calling out from the bottom
of the stairs, saying that he still couldn't move. They sent Gorgar to
go carry him up the stairs. Which Gorgar did. only just as they got to
the top of the stairs, I guess Just Joe became too heavy for Gorgar to
carry, as, even though Just Joe is small, and not heavy at all, Gorgar
is an ancient dinosaur, after all, and they are not very strong, and so,
Just Joe, accidentally, I'm sure, slipped out of Gorgar's grasp, and
went tumbling back down the stairs again. He began crying out that he
still couldn't move. They told him that there were spiders down there,
so he should try to crawl, carefully, back up the stairs. But he whined
that he could not, so Azkath kindly went down to fetch him. But, before
he brought him up the stairs, he stomped on him, and then he dragged him
up front ways and upside down, and tossed him into the bathroom that
way. Then EVD asked Just Joe if he was having any trouble getting his
zipper down. When Just Joe said that, yes, he was, EVD said that he had
super glued it. But Just Joe, you performed remarkably well, somehow
managing to hold it all in through all of that. And, so now the talk
portion of the show had come to a close, and so they told Just Joe that
he had successfully gotten through all of the challenges in the
gauntlet, and so, he had finally proven himself worthy / had earned that
most precious of objects, The Play Station 3. And, he wouldn't believe
the great deal they had gotten on it either. Although they are going for
$600, and well worth every penny of that, of course, why for that and
your first born, hell, forget your first born!, for all your offspring,
present and future, it would still be a steal!, they had gotten it for
only $150. Just Joe was ecstatic. Until he saw The Play Station... And
then began screaming that there was a reason it was only $150!, because
it was only a worthless PS2! 2! NOT 3! Azkath told EVD that he guessed
they should have checked, that they just assumed it was a 3. Well, you
know what they say about assuming, that you shouldn't assume, because it
makes an ass out of u and me. But ah well, I guess they had forgotten
that. EVD told Just Joe that he had a PS1 he could have. Just Joe became
enraged. He attacked Gorgar and strangled him. After Gorgar got away,
with great difficulty, then Just Joe attacked The Demon Azkath, smacking
him, and apparently a good, hard, smack, as Azkath said that that had
hurt, quite a bit. Just Joe went on ranting, and demanding a PS3. They
all said goodbye, all except for Just Joe, that is, of course, he was
still too busy having his tirade. The Feature Artist for this show was
Crimson Glory...
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Notes from Azkath...

Ok, first off, Jeffie will be back to The Metallic Onslaught tonight,
and I hear Potato will be there, and some sort of Satanic Duck. Jeffie
also insisted he was bringing a guest, but refused to tell me who it
was. So they could very well be imaginary. No matter, it should be an
interesting show...

Now, on The Last Exit, you would think I would have a clue what was
going to happen, eh? I don't. There is a possibility that If Man is Five
will be there, but that is not definite. I have no clue who the feature
artist will be, either. So there. Tune in, and I am sure we can
entertain you... Thinking about perhaps making Joe try that Mentos and
Diet Coke thing... We shall see...

Other stuff, 2 Retro DVD's are up on Google. The third and final one
should be up within a week. A year and half and finally this project is
done. I still have a bonus disk to do, but that is just a matter of
compiling various interviews (Crisis, Savatage, GWAR, ECW, Acid Bath,
etc)...

Also, I have added another webpage to our collection, this one entitled
Aethyric Occult and Paranormal Research. There is also a MySpace page to
add if you are interested. The site is located at
www.occult.thelastexit.org. Just starting to put up content. The MySpace
is located at www.myspace.com/aoapr...
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SUN DESCENDS Announces New Lineup - Nov. 13, 2006
New York City thrashers SUN DESCENDS, who feature in their ranks former
EXUMER vocalist Mem von Stein, have issued the following update:

"Mem V. Stein has recruited Kristian Shamash on guitars (replacing Sam
Awry), and Steve Proios on drums as permanent members for the band's
up-coming, second full-length album. SUN DESCENDS is scheduled to begin
recording their new release for Twilight Distribution (Germany), at the
end of March 2007 in NYC. The position for bass is currently filled by
session musicians, including Craig 'The Reaper' Horval of
NUNSLAUGHTER/CRUCIFIED MORTALS, until the band has found a permanent
replacement for former bassist Jillian A. LaBoy."

Commented Mem V. Stein: "At this point it is clear that this band won't
be stopped from its mission because of personnel changes or any other
roadblocks. This is musically the most prolific lineup since SUN
DESCENDS' formation in 2000, and the new material will prove it."

For more information, visit www.sundescends.com.
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DIVINITY DESTROYED: Lineup Change Announced, New Video Posted Online -
Nov. 12, 2006
Toms River, New Jersey-based progressive metal band DIVINITY DESTROYED
has issued the following update:

"DIVINITY DESTROYED has always taken chances in their seven-year history
and now they have done it again... completely on their own. Mark Ward
has retired his duties on guitar and vocals and moved over to the
keyboards and vocals to add an interesting edge that isn't very
mainstream in the genre. Also, they have announced Rick Flanegan
(ex-BEYOND THE FLESH) has taken over on guitar. At the same time this
announcement was made last week, they also brought with them a new song
'Forever and Never' and a video for it. The song and video feature the
new lineup and gives the viewer a good taste of what it they'll look
like now."

To check out the song and video, go to www.divinitydestroyed.com.

DIVINITY DESTROYED made headlines in May 2006 when leaders of St. Mary's
parish in Barnegat canceled the band's participation in a long-planned
charity concert meant to benefit the terminally ill and disabled over
concerns that the group's name and message were inappropriate.
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Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: November 19, 2006
(R) = Requested

Background:The Unquiet Void "The Shadow-Haunted Outside"

King Diamond "The Jonah"
Disillusion "Save the Past"
Ihsahn "Called by the Fire"
Dissection "Maha Kali"
Ludicra "Dead City"
Mahavatar "By the Numbers"
Zno White "War Machine"
Sodom "Blood on Your Lips"
I "Warriors"
Secrets of the Moon "Nowhere 11.18 / Versus"
Village of Dead Worlds "Ole Gravy Leg"
Napalm Death "In Deference"
Stolen Babies "Lifeless"
Tenacious D "Beelzeboss (The Final Showdown)"

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST SET **
Motley Crue "Take Me to the Top"
Megadeth "Looking Down the Cross" (R)
Doro "Terrorvision"
Laibach "Entarte Welt (The Discovery of the North Pole)"
Corrosion of Conformity "White Noise"

Fluttreffect "Awake"
Illnath "Clockwork of Time"
Flotsam and Jetsam "Hammerhead"
Loki the Grump "Your War - Live"
Lucid Nation "Dad"
Belphegor "Sanctus Perversum"
Gaia "Waiting Is..."
Seasons of the Wolf "Witchfinder"
Armageddon Monks "Get Your Fill"
Spineshank "The Height of Callousness" (R)

** TRIBUTE TO THE PAST SET **
Pretty Maids "Yellow Rain"
Orphaned Land "Whisper My Name When You Dream"
Fields of the Nephilim "The Tower"
Born for Bliss "Arabia"
Lazarus "Lazarus"

Psychostick "Largiloquent Dithyramb"
Mastodon "Circle of Cysquatch"
Lawnmower Deth "Main Mower Maim / Seventh Church of the Apocalyptic
Lawnmower"
In a Moment "The Users Guide to Longevity"
Possessed "The Eyes of Horror"
Wolf "The Dead"
Born from Pain "Doomsday Clock"
The Esoteric "Nothing Remains the Same"
God Dethroned "2014"
Adagio "Fire Forever"
Iron Maiden "The Evil that Men Do"
I Killed the Prom Queen "E666"
Trouble "Wickedness of Man"
Disillusion "The Hole We Are In"
Last Warning "Bullet for My Radio"
Terror "Always the Hard Way"
Angtoria "Do You See Me Now"
Me First and the Gimme Gimme's "Ghost Riders in the Sky"

Feature Artist: Crimson Glory

Touch the Sun
Azreal
Starchamber
Edge of Forever
Queen of the Masquerade
Dream Dancer
In Dark Places
Lost Reflection
The Other Side of Midnight
Cydonia
Transcendence
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Upcoming Shows

Thurs, Nov 30 – The Water Street Music Hall, Rochester
Children of Bodom, Sanctity, and Gorjira

Sat, Dec 2 – Pineapple Jacks, Rochester
Inherence, Vlad’s Philosphy, Vinyl, (god-rot), Arkhem, Blue Thunder,
Fallguy, Aggressive Betty, and Jive Mama’s

Sat, Dec 9 – The Haunt, Ithaca
Xtreme Soundscapes Show
Divinity Destroyed, 6 Finger, Fluttreffect, Castle Bravo, and Tom Fury

Sat, Dec 16 – The Downtown Quarterback, Endicott
Punch Drunk Monkeys, Others, and If Man is Five

Fri, Jan 26 – The Haunt, Ithaca
Xtreme Soundscapes Vol VI DVD Release Show...
Details TBA

Wed, Feb 14 – The Water Street Music Hall, Rochester
Mastadon, Priestess, and Converge