The Last Exit for The Metallic Onslaught Recaps... January 4, 2007
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Recaps by Fire Eater Wizard

On The Metallic Onslaught:

As this was the final show of 2007, everyone gave, and played, their top
5 or 6 picks for best music of the year. Well, everyone that is except
Jeffie and EVD, they didn't get to play their favorites, which they
weren't too happy about. When Jeffie arrived, he claimed he was Santa
Claus, and that the Santa who was there last week (who, btw, looked, and
sounded, a remarkable lot like President Troll, they must be related)
was an impostor. Santa Jeffie brought a CD of Christmas music which he
told them to play. They told him "no", but he said if they played it,
then he could leave, so they played it. It contained Christmas music,
including a Christmas track by Stryper, even though, 2 years ago, at
Christmas, Prophet Just Joe brought us God's 11th commandment for the
world: Thou shalt not, under any circumstances whatsoever, ever, ever,
ever, play Stryper! Ever! And, I think he meant that commandment was
more important than all the other 10 combined, including Thou shalt not
kill, it's MUCH more important than that one. When it was finished,
Santa Jeffie was gone... However, Jeffie, now himself again, was still
there, which everyone thought was breaking the deal he had promised.
Lance was there to give his top picks of the year. Jeffie said that
Lance was an alien, and so they needed to kill him. They told him Lance
had a body guard. But, unfortunately for Lance, and his body guard, who
was Tim, he formerly of Victory Records, and now of Century Media, the
body guard wasn't much help (body guards never are on this show, Just
ask Jeffie, who once hired Zoltan to be his, and that turned out very
badly for him, but then, what can you expect? I mean, it was Zoltan,
after all, how else could it turn out?!) And other MO members have tried
to hire body guards, and it never works out, and this one didn't buck
that trend. Jeffie tied up the body guard, dragged him on the floor, and
gave him a rug burn. For WIJP? there was a vibrating cell phone, a
dollar bill, and, a purse, it was played more than once. There was a lot
of brawling, including one where 3 people went around and around and
around in a ring. And, there was a slap fight that involved people
slapping and smacking each other with a glove... Join us again next
week, to begin a whole brand new year of the experience that can only be
The Metallic Onslaught...

On The Last Exit For The Lost:

In addition to the regular hosts and co-hosts, Gorgar, Ian The Yeti, and
Tim, the one formerly of Victory Records, and currently with Century
Media, were there. This was the final LE of 2007, and it was an award
show, The LEMMY's, Best Last Exit performances of hosts and co-hosts
throughout the year, and some for the people who were there this night,
were handed out. Everyone present got a LEMMY, and yours truly got one
as well, best host of the chat room. I'd like to thank all the people I
stepped on, trampled over, blackmailed, threatened, to get this award, I
shall treasure it always, thank you all! I never could have done it
without all of you! I love you all! Or, to copy Sally Fields in her
famous, or infamous, oft made fun of, Oscar's acceptance speech, "I
guess this means you like me! You really like me!". Or, in my case, "I
guess this means you tolerate me! You really tolerate me!". Just Joe was
hypnotized and sent 5 years into the future, to see if he could tell us
any more about how the world ends. He said it was horrible, the stars
were right, and The Old Ones had returned to destroy the human race. He
became so upset, that he ran screaming into the street... Where he was
hit by a car which did not so much as stop but kept right on driving.
EVD seemed really concerned about Just Joe, which is a real 1st for him,
it's never happened before. He rushed him to the hospital. Dave was
extremely concerned, as he likes Just Joe, and so kept crying for him.
In a while Just Joe was back. They could not get any more out of him
about the end of the world, as all he would do was babble about
unspeakable things. Although they were eager to hear about these
unspeakable things, he refused to say any more, just that they were
unspeakable. So, you heard it here, people, the stars will be right, the
Great Old Ones return, and the human race ends in some unspeakable way.
Oh yeah, and it's unspeakable. So, people, no need to thank us for
bringing you this good news! You are very welcome! Just think! We have
so much to look forward to! It will be SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!! However, Just
Joe, apparently, didn't seem to think so, but that's just because, as I
have said often here before, but have not said for a while, but it still
is just as true, just, you know, well, it has been the holiday season we
have been in, and are about to leave now, so, I guess I've been trying
to show some holiday spirit, and at least make an attempt to try to be a
little more kind and charitable... But, we are leaving the holiday
season now, so I'll say it, as it applies here... But that's just
because (all together now, say it with me!) because he's really stupid!
EVD said Just Joe had stolen his car to get back there from the
hospital. He chased Just Joe into the street, and tried to run him down
with his car. Azkath told EVD that was a bad thing to do, and, because
of that, they were taking back his award, and regiving it to him as the
award for worst co-host ever. EVD said that was it, he had had enough,
he was leaving, and he stormed out. Oh yeah, did I mention... IT WILL BE
UNSPEAKABLE! UNSPEAKABLE!!!! The Feature Artist was Vicious Rumors... So
join us again next week to begin a brand new year of The Last Exit For
The Lost...