The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - July 31, 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time - 89.7FM
Metallic Onslaught Web Page - http://devoted.to/onslaught
WEOS Web Page - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost
Every Saturday Night at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning - Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM - East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca
And you can tune in on-line...
The Last Exit for the Lost direct page: http://www.TheLastExit.org
WVBR Web Page: http://WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during the show:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________
If you want to be removed from this list, please just reply and let us know.
And feel free to pass this on to anyone who may find it interesting.

BANDS AND LABELS! IF YOU WANT YOUR NEWS OR SHOW DATES INCLUDED HERE - SEND
THEM ALONG!!!
_________________________________________________

So last week was weird, eh? We had Arthur appear on both shows as well as
on Ithaska. Shoebox was absent, as he will be this week. The Plankboys
came up to The Last Exit and finally brought us a CD to play, which is
damned cool (www.theplankboys.s5.com). Arthur is off apparently on another
adventure, and last week was the last week for The Giant Canadian. You may
have never heard him on the air, but yet he factored in so much to the show.
Strange. We did make him say Bye on the air though... Ok, tonight as I
said, Shoebox will not be on The Metallic Onslaught, but everyone else
should be. And I think Joe has some really cool stuff to give away. Tune
in and find out. I think Jeffie has been up to bad things this week, mainly
cause I haven't heard a peep out of him. This is worrying.

On The Last Exit, there will be no GorGar. No Arthur. Not sure about Rub.
Never the Sunshine (www.neverthesunshine.com) will be making some kind of
appearence, not sure which of them or how yet, but they are playing
Wednesday at The Haunt with Endo and Speedloader. Should be a really cool
show, go check it out. Our feature artist will be one of the rare two part
ones, this week will be early Dream Theater, and sometime in the future we
will do part 2 and cover later Dream Theater. And it's not even that they
have a ton of albums, they just have damned long songs...

Lots of new stuff for this week as well.

The attached pic is a less scary Shoebox pic...

Upcoming stuff... A Day without Rain will be up at The Onslaught next week.
I think Shoebox had another band coming up as well, we'll see how that's
gonna work. Delusional Spell will be up soon, probably at both shows, and
we should be getting Crappy the Clown and Mr. Zarumba up again soon to The
Last Exit to talk about the Punch Drunk Monkeys re-union show on Halloween.

Also, as far as I know, Jeffie thinks he's now a regular on Ithaska (the
show before The Last Exit). I don't know how true that is, but if he shows
up, it would probably be around 11pm on Saturday. Why does he show up
places around 11pm all the time?
_________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week's Metal Update went out to over 13,600 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

EDGE OF SANITY
guitarists Simon Johansson (Memory Garden, Firegod) and Mike Wead
(Mercyful Fate, King Diamond, Firegod) have been recruited to play leads
on the eagerly anticipated ‘Crimson II’ – meanwhile, mastermind Dan Swanö
has announced that he is contributing his trademark growls despite earlier
statements to the contrary

BASTARDSUN
the band, featuring Stuart Anstis (Cradle Of Filth), has enlisted David
Wayne (Metal Church, Reverend) to handle vocals for the debut album – in
the wake of this new partnership, Wayne has disbanded Reverend

HADES
drummer Ron Lipnicki is battling testicular cancer that has spread to his
lymph nodes - he is currently undergoing chemotherapy and radiation
treatment to fight the disease

ORIGIN
drummer Jeremy Gregg (Enter Self, Murder Construct) has been added to the
lineup

ARTISAN
guitarist Perry Grayson is leaving the group to focus on his 70's-style
heavy rock band Falcon – Perry’s farewell show with Artisan will be on
September 14th supporting Samael, Cathedral and SYL in Hollywood, CA

MERCENARY
having parted ways with lead guitarist Signar Petersen, the band has
brought Martin Buus Stangspringer Pedersen on board to fill the void –
whether or not he will become a permanent member has not been determined

THE FALLEN
the band has parted ways with vocalist Mike Bennett on good terms

CROWBAR
Pepper Keenan (COC, Down) will be in town during the recording of
Crowbar’s newest album - he'll give his thoughts and opinions - there is a
slight chance he'll be the new guitarist

SUICIDAL TENDENCIES
the 13th episode of the Discovery Channel’s new show Monster House will
transform the home of ST main man Mike Muir – the episode is expected to
air the week of Halloween

IRON MAIDEN
Newsday.com reports that Maiden drummer Nicko McBrain was arrested and
charged with assault last weekend after allegedly hitting a parking
attendant with his car when the attendant refused to let him into the VIP
parking lot at the Jones Beach Theater

MÖTLEY CRÜE
Mtv.com reports that police in Nevada have issued a warrant for the arrest
of Crüe frontman Vince Neil in relation to an alleged attack on a
prostitute at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch

INK
Slayer’s Kerry King and Tom Araya made the trip to NYC to film an episode
for Fuse TV at Paul Booth’s Last Rites Tattoo Studio - also recently
spotted at Last Rites were Jimmy Bower and Kevin Bond of Superjoint Ritual
– finally, Fuse TV host Juliya is also planning on sitting in Paul Booth’s
tattoo chair to get some ink

NEW SIGNINGS
Century Media: Impaled, Enforsaken
Snapper Music: Ace
Voice of Life Records: Urkraft
JCM Records: Enraged
Xtreme-Rising Records: Ossian

-- HELP WANTED --

GUITARIST wanted – Los Angeles-based Artisan seeks lead / rhythm guitarist
for band with melodic, thrash, speed, death and prog influences – must
have professional attitude and equipment, performance and recording
experience and financial responsibility - no drugs - influences:
Testament, Hypocrisy, At The Gates, Forbidden, Heartwork-era Carcass,
Death – contact: band@...

VOCALIST, GUITARIST & BASSIST wanted - Japan's sickest band Vomit Remnants
seeking all new members except drummer – must relocate to Tokyo / Saitama,
Japan - must be dependable & dedicated - serious inquiries only - contact:
vomitremnants@...

GUITARIST wanted - Fayetteville, NC band seeks guitarist – age 18 to 27
preferred – must have own gear and above average skill – influences:
Sepultura, Soulfly, Tool, Mudvayne, Machine Head – contact:
jazzmine_82@...

GUITARIST wanted – Massachusetts’ Bane Of Existence seeks second guitarist
– must have reliable transportation, pro equipment and a job – must be
able to practice twice a week – no drama or drug addicts -
Contact: dismalbio@...

VOCALIST & GUITARIST wanted – Chicago’s fiveOsix seeks vocalist and second
guitarist w/ background vox – singer must be soulful and melodic (Corey
Glover, Lajon Witherspoon, Doug Pinnick) - must have good timing, rhythm,
pitch, imagination - must have reliable transportation and be 21 to 31yrs
old - no drama – rehearse / record 3x's and more per week – contact:
auditions@...
__________________________________________________________

For all of you fans of Iced Earth Ripper Owens formely Judas Priest has
joined Iced Earth. There are clips of the new stuff with Owens on
http://www.icedearth.com

BYFIST/REVEREND guitarist Davey Lee has announced that former METAL CHURCH
singer David Wayne has disbanded REVEREND. It was reported earlier this week
that Wayne will be fulfilling vocal duties for the upcoming BASTARDSUN
album. The band already features the talents of Stuart Anstis (ex-CRADLE OF
FILTH guitarist) who was a songwriter on the Vempire, Cruelty And The Beast
and the Dusk And Her Embrace material. Watch for the record through Sentinel
Records early next year.

Bassist JOEY VERA (FATES WARNING, ARMORED SAINT) has posted the following
tour update from the Fates Warning/DREAM THEATER/QUEENSRYCHE trek at his
official website, www.joeyvera.com: Hey all, Tour's still going great.
Detroit, Cleveland, Baltimore and Wilmington all killer. Wilmington was
poised to being one of our best shows but we got stopped near the end of our
set when a lightning storm came rolling in. We were about to begin an OSI
song with Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy, when the stage manager shut us
down in the rain. We occasionally do this song called Shut Down by OSI and
well, that night we were truly Shut Down! I wanted to mention something
important about the set times. We've been having to go onstage early in most
cases due to curfews. Apparently there was miscommunications with regard to
set times and set lengths. As a result, the shows are being advertised as
starting at 7:30 p.m. but with the set length problems, Fates Warning is
having to go on stage at 7:00 p.m. Many people are missing the band entirely
and there's nothing we can do about it except to try to let people know that
the shows are really starting a half hour earlier than the advertised times.
So, anyone coming out to the shows should expect Fates Warning to be onstage
at 7:00 p.m. sharp! On behalf of Fates, we apologize for the "problem" and
we hope you understand that we're just a victim of circumstance. Hope to see
you out there "Early"!
_________________________________________________________

WORM QUARTET MINI-UPDATE AND BLATANT PLUG - 8/1/03

Hi, people who read these things!!

Just a quick reminder:

ODDFEST 2003 IS THIS WEEKEND NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
On August 3rd (THIS SUNDAY) in Chester, NY:

ODDFEST 2003
With Sudden Death, Worm Quartet, Eric Schwartz, and
special guest host Tom Perri!

@ Bodles Opera House
39 Main Street
Chester, NY
Doors at 5:30 pm
Tickets are $10 (or $19.95 for dinner AND a show)

It shouldn't run too late, so those of you with
jobs should be able to stumble in to work the next
day with no major problems.

More info and online ticket sales here:
http://www.theoddfest.com/

Or just show up!! It's not far from NYC or NJ,
dammit!! You got something better to do? Huh?

OTHER SHOWS NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Got a couple of new show thingies to announce!

--

Friday, August 15th - Enfield, CT

Coffee Inc.
Worm Quartet
Rearview
Far From Here

@ Powder Mill Barn
32 Maple Street
Enfield, CT 06082
(860) 749-9834 for info/directions
Show starts at 8 pm. $10 cover.

--

Saturday, August 16th - Syracuse, NY

Worm Quartet + 4 more bands TBA

Planet 505
505 Westcott Street
Syracuse, NY 13202

(More info soon!)

There's also something pretty big in the works
in September or October...more info on that
once I get more details

NEW ALBUM NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I'M WORKING ON IT!!! GET OFF MY CASE, FOR
CRYING OUT FREAKIN' LOUD!! WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE
WANT FROM ME??!?? AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
WHY DO MY NIPPLES VIBRATE WHEN I SCREAM?!!?

ODOR NEWS
=-=-=-=-=
I smell fine, but my ears smell like cat spit
because my cat has been trying to chew on them
all morning. I really don't know why, and it's
starting to frighten me. I'm hoping somebody
didn't shove tuna in my ears while I was
sleeping or something.

That's enough outta me...time to get my crap
together for OddFest!! Hope to see some of you
there! Thanks as always to all of you for your
continual support of stupidity in music.

May all your boogers be within reach,
-=ShoEboX=-

--
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
Check out the offical Worm Quartet page for
WQ news, history, merchandise, and music!
http://www.wormquartet.com
*WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ-WQ*
_________________________________________________________

Living Colour - Press Release


New album and European Tour in September

Grammy award winning artistes Living Colour release their long awaited new
album 'Collideoscope' through Mayan Records / Sanctuary on September 22nd.

Co-founder of the Black Rock Coalition, Vernon Reid formed Living Colour in
the mid 80's - one of the few hard rock bands comprised of all black
members, yet with the talent and eclecticism to inject everything from punk
and alternative to funk, jazz, soul and rap into their sound.

Creating a buzz on the New York underground, Living Colour won the support
of Mick Jagger and went on to debut to massive critical acclaim in 1988 with
'Vivid' and the smash single/video 'Cult Of Personality', taking the album
to number 6 in the US charts, platinum certification and the first of
several Grammy Awards. A string of dates opening stadiums for the Rolling
Stones' first US tour in eight years supported the release.

After sweeping the board in several Best New Band awards in such magazines
as Rolling Stone, 'Time's Up' was released in 1990, resulting in the UK hit
single 'Love Rears It's Ugly Head'. The band split in 1995, deciding to head
in their own musical directions. Critically acclaimed solo efforts from each
Living Colour member and ground breaking side-projects followed such as
Headfake, Jungle Funk, Masque, Vice.

Re-uniting for gigs and tours in recent years, 'Collideoscope' has all the
key ingredients that make up their classic sound, with a contemporary feel
that we have come to expect from such an eclectic and accomplished band.

Tracklisting:
1) Song Without Sin / 2) A ? Of When / 3) Operation Mind Control / 4) Flying
/
5) In Your Name / 6) Back In Black / 7) Nightmare City / 8) Lost Halo / 9)
Holy Roller /
10) Great Expectations / 11) Choices Mash Up; A) Happy Shopper /
12) Pocket Of Tears / 13) Sacred Ground / 14) Tomorrow Never Knows / 15)Nova


Living Colour – Collideascope - European Tour 2003

September
Sat. 20th Leffengeleuhrue Festival, Leffinge. Belgium
Sun. 21st Podium, Hardenberg. Netherlands
Mon. 22nd Melkweg, Amsterdam. Netherlands
Fri. 26th Tollhaus, Karlsruhe. Germany
Sat. 27th Posthof, Linz. Austria
Mon. 29th Reigen, Vienna. Austria

Oktober
Wed. 1st Jazzhouse, Freiburg. Germany
Thu. 2nd Treibhaus, Innsbruck. Austria
Sat. 4th Z-7, Basel. Switzerland
Sun. 5th Backstage, Munich. Germany
Mon. 6th E-Werk, Cologne. Germany
Tue. 7th Fuernache, Mannheim. Germany
Wed. 8th Columbia Fritz, Berlin. Germany
Thu. 9th Fabrik, Hamburg. Germany
_________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release:

Tampa's SIX FEET UNDER Unleashes Bludgeoning BRINGER OF BLOOD on September
23rd Through METAL BLADE RECORDS

Tampa's premiere metal act SIX FEET UNDER is making a mark for itself in the
hard rock scene, barreling out of the underground, cultivating their unique
brand of pummeling extreme rock, and obtaining an ever-growing legion of
rabid fans worldwide. Credit is due largely to the band's infectious blend
of jackhammer grooves and pure aggressive immensity, as well as to former
Cannibal Corpse vocalist Chris Barnes, a man who helped pioneer a vocal
style that defined a genre: death metal. On September 23rd, Barnes and SIX
FEET UNDER are primed to take their sound to the next level with their fifth
studio effort, Bringer Of Blood.

The follow-up to 2001's ultra-brutal True Carnage, Bringer Of Blood sees the
band honing their skills as songwriters, while lyrically pushing the
boundaries of subject matter aligned with the genre. Barnes expresses
social commentary regarding Freedom of Speech & Choice, while weaving his
trademark brand of macabre storytelling, thus making Bringer Of Blood as
profound lyrically as it is musically. As Barnes succinctly puts it, "These
new songs are crushing!! It's a lot different from our last release but
heavy as f**k!" Tracklisting includes:

Sick In The Head Ugly
Amerika The Brutal Braindead
My Hatred Blind and Gagged
Murdered In The Basement Claustrophobic
When Skin Turns Blue Escape from the Grave
Bringer Of Blood

Check out the interactive e-card & download the mp3 of "Amerika The Brutal"
here:
http://www.metalblade.com/ecard/sfueflash.html

Recorded at the renowned Morrisound Studios in Florida and produced (as were
all previous SIX FEET UNDER releases) by Chris Barnes himself, Bringer Of
Blood also features a free DVD supplement containing interviews with the
band, a documentary about the band & the metal scene ("Six Feet
Underground") filmed by underground film maker Deron Grams, and an extensive
photo gallery. Barnes felt this important to include with the release,
because "when I buy a CD, I want to get the most for my money! The fans
deserve this."

SIX FEET UNDER is never more potent than in the live setting. Veteran of
the Warped Tour, and sharing the stage with everyone as diverse as nearly
every extreme metal band on the planet to Disturbed and Danzig, Barnes & co.
would like to take this release even further. "I would love to tour with
Slipknot; we're good friends with those guys. And I'd definitely like to
tour with Slayer, because they've always been one of my favorite bands." A
headline tour previewing the album is slated for late summer, and a full
world tour is anticipated through autumn.

www.sfu420.com
www.metalblade.com
___________________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: July 27, 2003
(R) = Requested

Background: Arcane Art "Krita Ran"

Julie Laughs No More "Eternity is Just One Step Away"
Agent Steel "Forever Black"
Kalmah "Cloned Insanity"
Kreator "Passage to Babylon"
Solefald "Dionysify This Night of Spring"
Emperor "In Longing Spirit"
Battlelore "The Mark of the Bear"
Entombed "Night of the Vampire"
Thrice "Blood Clots and Black Holes"
Never the Sunshine "Superstar"
The Plankboys "Better Off Dead / Kick / Drinking Song from the Tomb / Bottom
of the Bottle"
The Witching "Let Us Drown"
Worm Quartet "Archie Got an STD" (R)
Fallguy "Horror Business - Live"
Pro-Pain "Iron Fist"
Zakas "Water Witch / Terror of the Sea"
Jealous Bitch "Too Good to Sacrifice" (R)
Hypercenter "Now You're Here"
Society 1 "Everyone Dies (Rock Stars Don't Count)"
Mindfield "Gallery in Black"
Dead Soul Tribe "Some Things You Can't Return"
Sulaco "Patience Worn Thin"
Nile "The Nameless City of the Accursed / Sarcophogus" (R)
Loudness "The End of Earth"
Brainstorm "Shiva's Tears"
Manowar "I Believe"
Cold Moon "Dead Cold"
Dargaard "Underworld Domain"
Kiss "God of Thunder - Live" (R)
Dissection "Where Dead Angels Lie - Live"
Mirrorthrone "Florilege Lanatique Occultement Revelataur et Neantisation
Caduque Engendree"
Seasons of the Wolf "NR3"
Needulhed "Toasting Marshmellows"
Worm Quartet "I Bit William Shatner"
Worm Quartet "Vampire Penguins"
Lucid Nation "Food Chain"
Slow Roosevelt "From Laughing Comes Crying"
Anael "Vomit of the Earth"
DuskMusik "Everybody Loves Me"
Nevermore "I, Voyager"
Circle II Circle "Into the Wind"
Evolution "Broome Country Jail"
Exhumed "A Song for the Dead"
Crappy the Clown "Closing Time" (R)

Feature Artist: Morbid Angel
The Invocation / Chapel of Ghouls (Abominations of Desolation)
Fall from Grace (Blessed are the Sick)
Suffocation (Altars of Madness)
Brainstorm (Blessed are the Sick)
Visions from the Dark Side (Altars of Madness)
Nar Mattaru / God of Emptiness (Covenant)
Sworn to the Black (Laibach Remix) (Laibach Remixes)
Where the Slime Live (Domination)
Blasphemy - Live (Entangled in Chaos)
Nothing Is Not (Formulas Fatal to the Flesh)
Ageless, Still I Am (Gateways To Annihilation)
Desolate Ways / The Ancient Ones / In Remembrance (Blessed are the Sick)
_______________________________________________

SHOW LISTINGS

Sat, Aug 2: Freya and Silverstein at The Water Street Music Hall, Rochester

Sat, Aug 2: Enslaved, Usurper, Epoch of Unlight, and Enforsaken at Angel’s
in Verona

Sun, Aug3: The Plankboys at Castaways, Ithaca

Sun, August 3rd in Chester, NY:
ODDFEST 2003
With Sudden Death, Worm Quartet, Eric Schwartz, and
special guest host Tom Perri!
More info here: http://www.theoddfest.com/
Tickets will be $10. It's a dinner theater place
(definitely a new kinda venue for me) so you can
also get dinner AND a show for $20, if you wanna do
that.) Currently the show + dinner tix can be
reserved online at http://www.bodles.com

Mon, Aug 4: Shadows Fall at Planet 505, Syracuse

Tues, Aug 5: Speedloader and Fallguy at The Bug Jar, Rochester

Wed, Aug 6: Never the Sunshine, Speedloader, Endo, and Aethos at The Haunt,
Ithaca

Thurs, Aug 7: Warped Tour (featuring Poison the Well, Thrice, The Used, Rise
Against, and many more) at Darien Lakes

Sat, Aug 9: The Mofo’s, The Priests, and The Coffin Daggers at Castaways,
Ithaca

Sat, Aug 9: Eve to Adam and Iron Core at The Haunt, Ithaca

Mon, Aug 11: OzzFest (featuring SHADOWS FALL, Chimaira, Clutch, Twisted
Method, Endo, Hotwire, Motograter, KILLSWITCH ENGAGE, NOTHINGFACE, VOIVOD,
CRADLE OF FILTH, GRADE 8, KORN, OZZY OSBOURNE AND MANY MORE) at Darien Lakes

Mon, Aug 11: Every Time I Die, Throwdown, and Terror at Planet 505,
Syracuse

Wed, Aug 13: The Black Dahlia Murders, Soilent Green, and Lickgoldensky at
The Cruise Inn, Lackawanna

Sat, Aug 16: The Step Kings and Kind Snyder at The Haunt, Ithaca

Thurs, Aug 21: Nothingface, Memento, Depswa, and Hotwire at The Haunt,
Ithaca

Fri, Aug 22: Sulaco, Ken Mode, and Psyopus at Monty’s Crown, Rochester?

Fri, Aug 22: Endive, Loopus, and JMJ at The Haunt, Ithaca

Sun, Aug 24: The Plankboys and 3 Monkeys Named Bob at Castaways, Ithaca

Wed, Aug 27: Anthrax, Lacuna Coil, and E-Town Concrete at The Penny Arcade,
Rochester

Sat, Sept 6: Death Angel at The Cruise Inn, Lackawanna

Fri, Sept 12: The Witching and Antigone Rising at The Haunt, Ithaca

Fri, Sept 19: Delusional Spell at The Haunt, Ithaca

Wed, Oct 22: Queensryche, Dream Theater, and Fates Warning at Turning Stone,
Verona

Fri, Oct 31: Punch Drunk Monkeys featuring Crappy the Clown at The Haunt,
Ithaca

Fri, Oct 31: The Plankboys and The Witching at Castaways, Ithaca (Tentative)


Also check out; http://com-site.com/cnymusic/index.html
All kinds of info on local clubs and other similar things.
_______________________________________________

TOP STRANGE STORIES OF THE WEEK

Motorist Catherine Donkers got a ticket in Portage County, Ohio,
on May 8 for not having her baby strapped in, mainly because she
was breastfeeding it while she drove. Rather than pay the $100
fine, Donkers's husband, Brad Barnhill, demanded a trial with
himself as the defendant, in that his First Christian Fellowship for
Eternal Sovereignty teaches that the husband must take
responsibility for all of his wife's public actions. (That religion's
principal focus, according to founder Christopher Hansen, is
keeping "God given rights" free of "encroachment of the Beast,"
which is defined as the government.) Barnhill said that at his next
court appearance, he will make a citizen's arrest of the prosecutor.
[Akron Beacon Journal, 6-24-03]
____________________________________________________

News that Sounds Like a Joke

* In June, the St. Paul Pioneer Press profiled counselors Lynn
Baskfield and Ann Romberg, who use the technique of "equine-
assisted coaching" to help clients like Mari Harris, who wants to
boost her singing career. In a typical session at a Stillwater, Minn.,
farm, Harris would ride and walk a horse until struck with some
dramatic insight on how to achieve show-business success. Said
Romberg, "It's much less difficult to accept feedback from a horse
than a human." Another client said that when his usually passive
horse suddenly sped up in a frenzy, "It got me thinking." "I [had]
let [my] business lead me," he realized, apparently for the first time,
and thus started drawing a better balance between work and family.
[St. Paul Pioneer Press, 6-1-03]
______________________________________________________

Least Competent Criminals

* A suspected burglar in Albany, Ore., apparently escaped in June
after failing in his quest to break into a warehouse, but he left
behind his bolt cutters, some burned clothing, and part of his scalp.
Police said the man had attempted to cut through a 480-volt line
and probably had "severe" burns. [KATU-TV (Portland)-AP, 6-2-
03]
_____________________________________________________

A couple said the reason why their 18-month-old son survived a
five-story fall out of an unscreened window, with only a broken leg,
was because he landed on his loaded diaper (Ottawa, Ontario).
___________________________________________________

Wal-Mart is negotiating with officials in Houghton County,
Mich., about expanding its store, and Wal-Mart says it prefers to
expand where the Huron River now runs, if the county would just
move the river over a little. The county said it would look into
the request.
___________________________________________________

A surgeon named Nikola Adid, from the Poria Hospital in
Tiberias, Israel, allegedly rescued a 32-yr-old woman from nearly
terminal incompetence. She had swallowed a cockroach, and then,
attempting to free it from her esophagus with a fork, swallowed the
fork.
________________________________________________

The good news is that there is indeed a hospital in Andahuaylas,
Peru, high in the Andes, 240 miles from Lima. The bad news is that
it's not too well equipped. A 47-yr-old man was brought in,
needing immediate brain surgery after being pummeled in a street
fight. Surgeon Cesar Venero didn't have the equipment and so ran
to the hardware store for a drill and pliers (the 6th time he had been
forced into such emergency measures), and the patient is resting
comfortably.
_________________________________________________

Finally, New York City apparently turned out its long-awaited
"manual" on how to survive another 9-11. It was the product of 20
different agencies' input, and Mayor Bloomberg is now pushing it:
"All New Yorkers should take advantage of this invaluable
information resource." Among the advice: Don't accept packages
from strangers; if exposed to radiation outside, go inside; if exposed
to radiation inside, go outside; if your building is about to explode,
leave; if your building is about to explode and you can't leave, duck
and cover. Reuters
___________________________________________________

+------------- Bizarre Animal Laws in the U.S. -------------+

In Kingsville, Texas, it is against the law for two pigs to
have sex on the city's airport property.

It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 a.m. and after 4
p.m. in Norfolk, Virginia.

Ducks quacking after 10 p.m. in Essex Falls, New Jersey are
breaking the law.

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to
cross any road within the city limits.

In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city
street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from
going into bakeries in Massachusetts.

Dogs in Foxpoint, Wisconsin, may not bark profusely, snarl,
or make any menacing gestures.
__________________________________________________

Mom mummifies daughter for alien resurrection

Almaty - A distraught Kazakh mother kept her daughter's mummified corpse in
her flat for three years hoping she would be resurrected by aliens, police
said on Thursday.

Police spokesperson Nina Tsys said by telephone from the town of Pavlodar in
northern Kazakhstan that Olga, 27, was believed to have died from an
autoimmune disorder after her mother failed, or declined, to call for
medical help.

She said Olga's cousin, worried by her long absence, had repeatedly tried to
see her, but the mother would always refuse to let him in under various
pretexts. Finally police broke in and made the gruesome discovery.

"We believe death was from natural causes, although due to the long time
that had passed we can't be absolutely sure," Tsys said. "At least we found
no signs of vandalism."

Popular Kazakh daily newspaper Vremya carried a picture of the mummified
body, with withered limbs and parched skin, lying on a plain bed in the flat
in this industrial town.

Vremya suggested the mother, a former nurse, could have known how to treat
the body to preserve it.

Tsys said the mother appeared to have been influenced by a sect preaching
"cosmology" that promised resurrection of her child with the help of a
"third cosmic eye" or by aliens.

She said the mother was undergoing medical checks at a psychiatric clinic.
Her daughter's remains had been given a proper burial.