The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - September 19. 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Metallic Onslaught - Friday's 9pm - 2am Eastern Time - 89.7FM
Metallic Onslaught Web Page - http://devoted.to/onslaught
WEOS Web Page - www.weos.org
Request Line: (315) 781-3897

The Last Exit for the Lost
Every Saturday Night at Midnight till 6am Sunday Morning - Eastern Time
WVBR 93.5 FM - East Hill 105.5 FM - Ithaca
And you can tune in on-line...
The Last Exit for the Lost direct page: http://www.TheLastExit.org
WVBR Web Page: http://WVBR.Com
Request Line: (607) 273-2121
E-mail Requests to: LastExit@...

Chat Room during the show:
http://pub6.bravenet.com/chat/show.php?usernum=450982834&cpv=1
_________________________________________________
If you want to be removed from this list, please just reply and let us know.
And feel free to pass this on to anyone who may find it interesting.

BANDS AND LABELS! IF YOU WANT YOUR NEWS OR SHOW DATES INCLUDED HERE - SEND
THEM ALONG!!!
_________________________________________________

Attached pic is of Kalaklysmic Kelly playing with B.P. from a few weeks ago.
I will have a whole page of pics up with B.P.'s visit soon as I have some
time. Saw The Plankboys tonight as they opened for The Toasters. Damn they
were good, and they played some new songs that were really good.

So what is coming up this week? Well, on The Metallic Onslaught will be...
Um, well, pretty much a normal full house I guess with myself (Azkath),
Shoebox, Lance, Rick, and Joe. I don't know of anything special that is
planned at this point... But then again, most crazy things that happen on
either show aren't planned. I do have to mention this though...

International Talk Like a Pirate Day
Date: Friday, September 19, 2003
Time: All Day

Now, on the other hand, there is The Last Exit for the Lost this week. This
SHOULD be rather crazy. For one, it will be an Armageddon show. And what
does that mean, considering the world isn't due to end till 2012? Well,
it's sort of a fun celebration of the fact that despite ourselves, we are
still here. With all the human stupidity in the world growing and thriving
each and every day, we still haven't completely annihilated ourselves. So
in this case, the Armageddon show is a fun exploration of that fact.

It will also be a giveaway show and we will be giving away some damned cool
stuff. Seriously, we have some awesome stuff to give away. Including the
new Best of The Metallic Onslaught DVD and new Best of CD's, Volumes 22 and
23. Volume 23 was finished yesterday, and ironically is of stuff that
happened exactly one year ago... I will be putting that on the webpage soon
as well.

Now, as for guests, well, first of all, Shoebox of Worm Quartet will be on
Ithaska before the Last Exit. Maybe around 11 or 11:30. Then he will be
staying. Arthur should be back. Rub should be back after making his return
to the show last week. I'm guessing we will hear from Friend. GorGar will
be present. And hopefully we will have some other special guests. Maybe
even a band. You will have to tune in and find out for sure.

Now, about Shoebox this weekend. He will be debuting tracks from his NEW
and very long awaited CD on both or all three shows. Now we all know that
Joe doesn't often play WQ, but Ithaska and Last Exit do, so one way or
another, you will hear new Worm Quartet this weekend. As a matter of fact,
the Last Exit could be dubbed the Worm Quartet Album Release Preview or
something equally descriptive. The CD is not out yet, but it is done. Go
to his webpage to keep updated... www.WormQuartet.com
_________________________________________________

--------- METAL UPDATE ---------
-- http://www.metalupdate.com --

The Metal Update will deliver a weekly report to your email inbox. To
sign up, go to MetalUpdate.com and click the SUBSCRIBE! link. The Metal
Update is free.

This week's Metal Update went out to over 13,750 subscribers.

-- NEWS --

ALABAMA THUNDERPUSSY
the band has amicably parted ways with vocalist and founding member Johnny
Throckmorton – while the search for a new singer commences, Alabama
Thudnerpussy will continue writing material for its next full length

SOILENT GREEN
guitarist Tony White and bassist Scott Crochet have joined the fold

BEHEMOTH
Istvan Lendvay (Rise) will act as touring bassist for the upcoming trek
with Six Feet Under, Skinless and The Black Dahlia Murder

EXHUMED
drummer and founding member Col Jones has left the band – drummer Danny
Walker (Uphill Battle) and bassist Leon del Muerte (Murder Construct,
Impaled) will be sitting in for upcoming shows in support of ‘Anatomy Is
Destiny’

PENTAGRAM
vocalist Bobby Liebling has reformed the legendary doom act with the
addition of the following members: guitarist Kelly Carmichael (Internal
Void), bassist Adam S. Heinzmann (Internal Void) and drummer Mike Smail
(Penance) – material is being crafted for a new album expected in 2004

CEPHALIC CARNAGE
drummer / percussionist John Merryman has just finished his work with Trey
Spruance (Mr. Bungle) on upcoming studio releases from Secret Chiefs 3 and
Estradasphere

IMAGIKA
vocalist Norman Skinner (Machine Called Man, Tramotane) has replaced Dave
Michael – after some consideration, the band has decided to continue on as
Imagika

ARTHEMESIA
the band has replaced Mor Vethor with a new drummer whose name has not
been disclosed

CRADLE OF FILTH
Dani Filth recently voiced the lead character for the animated movie
‘Dominator’ - the film also features the track “Carrion” from ‘Damnation
And A Day’

IRON MAIDEN
‘Dance Of Death’ debuted at #18 on the Billboard album chart selling over
40,000 copies in the first week

DIMMU BORGIR
just weeks after Arch Enemy’s 'Anthems Of Rebellion' broke Century Media’s
first week sales record, Dimmu Borgir's ‘Death Cult Armageddon’ has done
the same for Nuclear Blast and landed at #169 on the Billboard album chart
to boot

HELL ON EARTH
the industrial / metal band reportedly intends to feature a live suicide
at their performance in St. Petersburg, FL on October 4 – a Euthanasia
Society member, who suffers from a terminal illness, plans to use the
event as a platform to help raise awareness of dying with dignity

NEW SIGNINGS
Karmageddon Media: Project: Failing Flesh
JCM Records: Epicurean
Hit The Pit Records: Days Gone By
Amputated Vein Records: Malamor, Gemisuadi

-- HELP WANTED --

VOCALIST wanted – any high-energy vocalist with good range, power and
flexibility interested in working hard, playing hard, traveling a lot and
having a great time should contact Alabama Thunderpussy at:
alabamathunder@...

VOCALIST wanted – Daylight Dies seeks new vocalist – must be dedicated and
give priority to the band, be able to tour for at least one month per year
and do regular weekend gigs, be able to travel out of the U.S., be able to
rehearse for several hours three times a week - contact:
vocalist@...

DRUMMER wanted – NJ's Kalopsia seeks a death metal drummer with double
bass and blasting abilities - accommodations will be made to work with the
right individual, even if only on a session basis - contact:
kalopsia@...

GUITARIST and/or BASSIST wanted – F*ck The Facts seeks new second
guitarist and/or bassist - must be able to practice in Ottawa, ON, be at
least 19 years old with good gear and a good attitude - contact:
discocore@...

DRUMMER and VOCALIST wanted - Northern VA based solo project, Long Since
Dark, looking to become not so solo - seek musicians capable of recording
tracks using a computer studio program and sending files back and forth -
must be into bands like Tool, Katatonia, Cold, My Dying Bride, Anathema,
etc. – singer must be able to actually sing and have decent range -
emotion is a must – contact: longsincedark@...

DRUMMER and BASSIST wanted - Madison Wisconsin's December's Silence seeks
drums and bass - melodic black/doom metal mix spawned from Opeth, Dimmu
Borgir, My Dying Bride, Emperor, etc - must have pro equipment and wheels
– contact: XdeathlyXsilentX@...

KEYBOARDIST wanted - Eastern PA's Season Of Mourning, progressive doom
band, seeks keyboard player as permanent member - new CD ‘Insight’ soon to
be released – influences: Saturnus, My Dying Bride, Opeth, Type O
Negative, Lucuna Coil - contact: Seasonstudios@...
___________________________________________________________

Cradle of Filth News

Dani recently voiced the lead character for the cartoon movie 'Dominator'.
The film also features Doug Bradley, Mark & Lard and the track "Carrion"
from "Damnation & A Day'.

A special screening of the film is taking place in Brighton this coming
Saturday night (the 20th), at 11.15PM at the Duke Of York's cinema. All COF
fans are welcome. Certificate is '15', and admission is just over £5.

The DVD release is via Salvation Films on October 6th, and features a
special 10-minute interview with Dani (at his house), discussing the film
and the influences he brought to voicing the title role. Other interviews
include: Doug Bradley (from "Hellraiser") and Alan Grant ("Judge Dredd").

Full details on all the above can be found at http://www.rengamedia.com. You
can also check out the trailer for 'Dominator' at
http://www.rengamedia.com/downloads

**Visit the Official Cradle Of Filth store at
http://www.recordstore.co.uk/cradle
***Don't forget to check out http://www.cradleoffilth.com for the latest
news.
_________________________________________


For Immediate Release:
Brazilian Metal Stalwarts SEPULTURA Dominate TV & Radio with ROORBACK

Tour Anticipated in October

Cultivating years of experience and touring relentlessly, Brazilian metal
titans SEPULTURA is making monstrous waves with American media in support of
the band’s latest opus Roorback (released through SPV Records). Combining
their trademark tribal-metal stylings with modern sensibilities, Roorback is
an explosive breath of fresh air in the current musical landscape.

The band’s first video single from the album, “Bullet the Blue Sky” (a cover
version of the classic U2 song), debuts this weekend on MTV’s Headbangers
Ball (Saturday, September 13th at 10pm Eastern) and is already in rotation
on other video outlets. MTV Latin America will debut it shortly. “Bullet
the Blue Sky” is currently streaming on the Internet here:
http://www.spvusa.com/btbs.ram

Radio had a meltdown this week, as Roorback erupted on the charts, making
more massive jumps on the various panels than any other artist. The album
leapt from 16 to 7 with a bullet at FMQB (181 spins), 28 to 3 with a bullet
on CMJ Loud Rock, 33 to 8 on CMJ Crucial Spins (181 Spins), and is #6 on the
R&R chart.

Press has been just as receptive towards the band & their revolutionary new
album:

“…the heaviest stuff they’ve done since Beneath The Remains” ~ Edge Magazine
(NC)
“…a new label, tighter sound and stronger band structure…” ~ Blistering
Entertainment
“…the best band around at showcasing the type of intensely diverse brutality
which can make both venues shake as well as minds think.” ~ KNAC
“...more profound, revolutionary, and prevalent than ever.” ~ SLUG Magazine

The proverbial sky is the limit for SEPULTURA in 2003, and the band will not
rest until all have witnessed the power and strength of the band. Having
just returned home from their first-ever South African tour, a no-holds
barred North American tour is in the planning stages for October. Expect to
be blown away.

www.sepultura.com.br
www.spvusa.com
____________________________________________

Playlist for The Last Exit for the Lost: September 13, 2003
(R) = Requested

Background: Amber Asylum "Frozen in Amber"

The Plankboys "Kick / Something Sinister / Planksta"
The Bouncing Souls "Kids and Heroes"
>From Autumn to Ashes "No Trivia"
Nightwish "Ever Dream"
Zyklon "Core Solution"
KMFDM "Bullets, Bombs, and Bigotry"
Battlelore "Dragonslayer"
Einherjer "Burning Yggdrasil"
Lacuna Coil "To Live Is To Hide" (R)
Iron Maiden "Dance of Death"
Skyfire "Fragments of Time" (R)
Devildriver "Swinging the Dead"
Pro-Pain "Damaged II"
Overkill "I Rise"
Morbid Angel "Place of Many Deaths"
Figure Four "Thieves Don't Knock"
Morbid Angel "Abyssous / God of Our Own Divinity"
Silent Stream of Godless Elegy "Flowers Fade Away"
Johnny Cash "Hurt"
Thrice "Under a Killing Moon"
Dimmu Borgir "Cataclym Children"
Mercury Tide "Back to Reality"
Skinny Puppy "Optimissed"
Running Wild "Branded and Exiled"
Six Feet Under "My Hatred"
Avenged Sevenfold "Eternal Rest"
Hollenthon "Ultima Ratio Regum"
Theatres Des Vampires "Enthrone the Dark Angel"
Crappy the Clown "She Fucking Yanks Me" (R)
Lacuna Coil "The Prophet Said" (R)
Dark Lunacy "Lacryma'
Green Carnation "The Boy in the Attic"
Norther "Cry"
Arch Enemy "Dead Eyes See No Future"
WWIII "Time for Terror"
Speedloader "Didn't Stop Us / Interview / Cut It"
Macabre "Fatal Foot Fetish"
Secret Sphere "Still Here"
Children of Bodom "Triple Corpse Hammer Blow"
Ashes You Leave "Miles of Worn Out Days"
How Like a Winter "So Death Would Be Just a Bad Dream"
Havoc Hate "When God Dies"
King Snyder "Ambition"
Overkill "I Hate / Black Line"
Misanthropic "Nervous Breakdown"
Ghouls of Grandeur "Christ Denied"
>From Autumn to Ashes "The After Dinner Payback"
Frostmoon "Norgesriket Hylles"
Sulaco "Cry Me a River"
Legen Beltza "Eternal Life"
Sepultura "Mountain Song"
Misery Index "Bottom Feeders"
13 Faces "Watch "Em Drop"
Goatwhore "As the Sun Turns to Ash"
1349 "Buried by Time and Dust"

Feature Artist: Holy Terror
Damned By Judges (Mind Wars)
Distant Calling (Terror and Submission)
Debt Of Pain (Mind Wars)
The Immoral Wasteland (Mind Wars)
Mortal Fear (Terror and Submission)
A Fools Gold / Terminal Humour / Mind Wars (Mind Wars)
Tomorrow's End (Terror and Submission)
No Resurrection (Mind Wars)
Guardians of the Netherworld (Terror and Submission)
________________________________________________

Disgrunted Asian Tattoo Artist Inks His Revenge
http://www.angelfire.com/pa3/toplesscarwashdoc/tattooartist.html

Pitt junior Brandon Smith wanted a tattoo that proclaimed his
manliness, so he decided to get the Chinese characters for “strength” and
“honor” on his chest. After 20 minutes under the needle of local tattoo
artist Andy Sakai, he emerged with the symbol for “small penis” embedded in
his flesh.


Above: Symbols on the back of a Pitt student inked by Sakai (inset) were
originally meant to say “princess.” They really say “prostitute.”
“I had it for months before I knew what it really meant,” Smith said.

“Then I went jogging through the Carnegie Mellon campus and a group of
Asian kids started laughing and calling me ‘Shorty.’ That’s when I knew
something was up.”

Sakai, an award-winning tattoo artist, was tired of seeing sacred
Japanese words, symbols of his heritage, inked on random white people. So he
used their blissful ignorance to make an everlasting statement. Any time
acustomer came to Sakai’s home studio wanting Japanese tattooed on them, he
modified it into a profane word or phrase.

“All these preppy sorority girls and suburban rich boys think they’re
so cool ‘cause they have a tattoo with Japanese characters. But it doesn’t
mean shit to them!” Sakai said. “The dumbasses don’t even realize that I’ve
written ‘slut’ or ‘pervert’ on their skin!”

In the last month, seven people unknowingly received explicit tattoos
from the disgruntled artist. Kerri Baker, a Carlow College freshman, paid
$50 to have the symbols for “beautiful goddess” etched above her belly
button, but when she went into Szechuan Express Asian Noodle Shop sporting a
bare midriff, the giggling employees explained to her that the tattoo really
said, “Insert General Tso’s Chicken Here!”

“I don’t even like General Tso’s!” Baker sobbed. “I’m a vegetarian!”

Sakai doesn’t feel guilty about using hapless college students as
canvases for his graffiti.

“I think I’m helping my fellow man by labeling all the stupid people in
the world,” he explained. “It’s not a crime, it’s a public service.”
____________________________________________

+--------------------- Bizarre People ---------------------+
FACTS

The people killed most often during bank robberies are the
robbers.

Orville Wright numbered the eggs that his chickens produced
so he could eat them in the order they were laid.

Alexander Graham Bell never phoned his wife or mother be-
cause they were deaf.

English sailors came to be called Limeys after using lime
juice to fight scurvy.

Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with
the other simultaneously.

Thomas Jefferson wrote his own epitaph without mentioning
that he was US President.

In 1973, Swedish confectionery salesman Roland Ohisson was
buried in a coffin made entirely of chocolate.
________________________________________________

--------------------- Having a Blast -----------------------

A 26-year-old man suffered a fractured pelvis and severe
burns to his genital area after a firecracker exploded
between the cheeks of his buttocks. An ambulance was called
after receiving reports that the man was hemorrhaging from
the rear. Surgeon Dr. Robert McCurdie thinks the man stum-
bled while the firecracker was lodged inside and fell down
on it. He required emergency surgery, a colostomy and a
catheter, and is now sexually dysfunctional. The explosion
blasted a hole in his pelvis and injured muscles in the floor
of the pelvis. It is thought the man might have been imita-
ting the prankster film Jackass, where the guys stick fire-
crackers up their buttocks and they shoot into the air. The
movie does have a warning not to imitate the actions.
_______________________________________________

---------------- Out of This World Orgasm -----------------

Ex-policewoman Stephany Cohen says that she has been chosen
by an alien race from a faraway planet to help the human
race increase their knowledge. The aliens contacted her and
she says they give her orgasms at any moment. Cohen says
"Grays" from the planet Cirus D have been assisting humans
for thousands of years but are now ready to take the final
step of spiritual and intellectual fulfillment. She says
that Grays communicate through telepathy and can take the
form of humans. The aliens send raptures like strong or-
gasms, which are actually energies being passed down to
their children on earth. Apparently, Grays reproduce with-
out intercourse but the sexual energy they produce is 10
times greater than humans.
_______________________________________________

-------------------- What a Catfight ----------------------

GILLETTE, WY - When a man got tired of his neighbor's cat
wandering around his front yard, he kidnapped it and held it
for ransom. Deryl Miles trapped the feline and stuck it in
a wooden shed behind his mobile home. Miles refused to re-
lease the cat even when he was surrounded by police. He
called a local newspaper from his trailer and remarked "I've
taken (the cat) legally because it was trespassing on my
property." After leading the officers on a brief chase
around his yard, he was arrested. The cat's owner said she
called police after she heard her pet crying from the shed
next door. "You have the right to call animal control if you
have an unwanted animal in your yard," she said. "You don't
have the right to hold him for ransom."
_______________________________________________

* The 2003 valedictorian of Alcee Fortier Senior High School in
New Orleans failed (for the fifth time) the state's mandatory exit
exam, and she cannot graduate until she passes (August). And
workers tearing down the reactors at the old Hanford, Wash.,
nuclear reservation discovered dozens of radioactive nests of mud
dauber wasps, but so far no wasp had mutated into a monster
(August). And the district attorney of Watauga County, N.C.,
frustrated at the light sentences judges hand down for
methamphetamine producers, announced that he will begin to
charge defendants instead (via a recent anti-terrorism law) with
manufacturing a "nuclear or chemical weapon" (August).
________________________________________________

And
the proliferation of Internet pages by penpal-seeking lonely-heart
inmates such as Saul dos Reis Jr., who is serving time in
Connecticut for a fatal sexual assault on a 13-year-old girl, and who
advertised himself (on Inmate.com, before the ad was recently
removed) as "enjoy[ing]" "being silly and funny" and who has
"many qualities which make me unique."
___________________________________________________

Ananova: 
Underpants wrecker ordered to stay in hospital

A man who caused £75,000 damage when he smashed more than 40 shop windows
while dressed only in his underpants has been ordered by a judge to remain
in hospital.

Andrew Roxberry, 30, went on his wrecking spree of shops and business
premises in Cardiff city centre in February wearing just his underpants.

Roxberry threw a wine bottle at the front of the city's Phones4U shop before
picking up a workman's shovel and continuing the damage.

Roxberry admitted 23 charges of criminal damage after being caught on CCTV
cameras.

Among the stores damaged by Roxberry were Boots, Etam, Marks & Spencer, BHS
and Gap.

Last month, a judge at Cardiff Crown Court made an order under the Mental
Health Act 1983 requesting that Roxberry be transferred to Whitchurch
Hospital in Cardiff for 28 days.

Judge David Wynn Morgan adjourned the case today for a further 28 days until
October 6.
_________________________________________________________

Ken Charles Barger accidentally shot himself to death when
he was awakened by the sound of a ringing telephone beside
his bed. When he reached for the phone, he grabbed instead
a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which went off when he held it
to his ear.
_______________________________________________________

----------------------- He Was Spent -----------------------

LARGO - Donald E. Whitney, 53, was arrested on charges of
burglary and exposure of sexual organs after an incident at
a Largo bank last Thursday. Whitney walked into the bank,
took off his pants and underwear in the bathroom, sauntered
into the lobby and fell asleep naked on a couch. After re-
moving his pants, underwear and socks in the washroom, he
went into the lobby, stood in front of a wall and exposed
himself to everyone in the bank. He then moved into a pri-
vate kitchen area and lay on a couch, where he passed out
while still naked. When police attempted to wake him, he
said, "This is the bar. Go away." He was held at the Pin-
ellas County Jail in lieu of $10,500 bail until a judge or-
dered him released on his own recognizance. Whitney is also
on probation for a 2001 battery charge.
____________________________________________________

---------------- A Special Delivery --------------------

DALLAS - Charles McKinley found an unusual way to travel to
his parents' house: He crawled into a wooden airplane cargo
crate and succeeded in shipping himself from New York to
Texas. After spending several hours traveling inside the
crate, McKinley opened the crate with a crowbar. He made it
to his parents' doorstop in the Dallas suburb of DeSoto,
shook the hand of a stunned deliveryman and walked away.
The deliveryman called the cops, who arrested him on out-
standing Texas warrants. He has not yet been charged with a
crime. Officials said that the crate was put aboard a
pressurized Boeing 727 and was transferred to a second plane
bound for Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. The
crate was then picked up by a ground shipping company and
delivered to the home of McKinley's parents. McKinley spent
at least half a day in the crate and broke out just in time
to be seen by the deliveryman.
________________________________________________

--------------------- Duped For Dope -----------------------

AUSTIN, Minn. - Two teenage girls searching for a marijuana
dealer accidentally dialed the number of the Mower County
Sheriff's cell phone. When Sheriff Terese Amazi answered
her cell phone, the caller said she wanted a bag of mari-
juana. After Amazi told the girl she was the sheriff, the
caller said, "I'm sorry," and hung up. Just a few minutes
later, the phone rang again. This time, Amazi let a deputy
answer. The caller asked again for a bag of marijuana. The
deputy, who called himself "Dupe" on the phone, arranged to
meet her at a convenience store an hour later. The girls
apparently didn't figure out the meaning of "Dupe" as in
"duped" and were arrested at the scene. Police said that
both girls had cash for the marijuana and drug paraphernalia
with them. One was released to her parent and the other was
turned over to a probation officer.
_________________________________________________

PIXELPOCKET: A man who was robbed in a computer game has filed a writ
in a real court--against the software firm that developed the game.

Computer enthusiast Li of Beijing spent two years playing Red Moon, a
game in which he built up a large stockpile of virtual weapons. But
then he logged on to find that the guns had vanished. He contacted
the software firm for help, but the company refused to take
responsibility, the Beijing Morning Post reported. Li has filed a
writ at the Chaoyang District People's Court demanding compensation
in cash for the mental anguish he claims to have suffered--and the
return of all his weapons. I think obsolence should be built into all
games so people like this computer-games enthusiast can get a life.
________________________________________________

Ananova: 
Assault suspect says he's an independent country

An Illinois resident facing charges of assaulting a police officer, says he
shouldn't go on trial because he's an independent country.

Curtis Johnson, from Cary, faces four charges in relation to an incident in
July.

It's alleged he scratched and pushed a police officer after a traffic stop.

Johnson claims he's not a US citizen - but a separate country.

He says the state's attorney doesn't have the jurisdiction to prosecute
because he has diplomatic immunity.

Johnson is currently free on bail and is due in court on October 7.

© Associated Press
_________________________________________________

http://newsobserver.com/news/story/2855036p-2634600c.html

Payment as phony as, well, a $200 bill

The Associated Press

ROANOKE RAPIDS -- Police are searching for a man who paid for $150 in
groceries at a Food Lion grocery store with a $200 bill.

The man walked out of the store with his groceries and $50 in change before
the fake bill was discovered Sept. 6.

The bogus bill -- the U.S. Mint does not print a $200 bill -- bore the image
of President Bush on the front and had the White House on the back. It also
included signs on the front lawn of the White House with slogans such as "We
like broccoli" and "USA deserves a tax cut," Roanoke Rapids police said.

Instead of being labeled a Federal Reserve note, the fake bill was marked as
a "Moral Reserve Note." The bill bore the signatures of Ronald Reagan,
political mentor; and George H.W. Bush, campaign adviser and mentor.

Food Lion said normal policy is not to accept bills over $100.
_______________________________________________________

Ananova: 
SM sex in the woods sparks murder hunt

A hiker sparked a massive police hunt after he mistook a sadomasochistic sex
scene for a murder attempt.

Dusseldorf police followed up a phone call from the hiker who told them he
had seen a man thumping a half-naked woman with a stick in a remote forest
area in west Germany.

But after more than 40 policemen searched the area with a helicopter
unsuccessfully, they managed to trace down the owner of the car.

The 31-year-old car owner, who was not named, said all he had done was meet
up with a female friend who shared his secret passion for sadomasochistic
sex.

His female friend, whom he had met on the Internet, confirmed the incident,
saying that all they had done was "indulged in a bit of fun".
__________________________________________________________

Ananova: 
Man jailed for starting fire to avoid sex

A man who tried to set fire to his home to avoid having sex with his wife
has been jailed for two years.

Svetin Gulisija, 26, from Seget in Croatia admitted starting a fire in woods
just behind his house because he was too tired for sex with his wife.

The couple had to be evacuated as firefighters tried to bring the blaze
under control.

The damage was later estimated to be around £15,000.
_________________________________________________

Fire truck catches fire, burns down its own station in small Alabama town
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/archive/2003/09/10/national160
0EDT0744.DTL
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
(09-10) 13:00 PDT IDER, Ala. (AP) --

A fire truck that had just returned from the scene of a blaze caught fire
itself at its station, destroying the building and the vehicle.

The engine of the truck had been turned off, but some malfunction, possibly
a gasoline leak, caused a fire under the hood, firefighter Brad Hannah said.

Ider, a town of about 670 people in the rural northeast corner of Alabama,
has two other fire trucks. Assistant Fire Chief Ronnie Cloud said Wednesday.
Those trucks were out on calls during the fire.
___________________________________________________

Boy Charged in Mo. Skateboard Death

By Associated Press
September 10, 2003, 4:46 PM EDT

ST. LOUIS -- A teenager who challenged a schoolmate to hit him in the head
with a skateboard died Wednesday, and the other boy was charged with
involuntary manslaughter.

Michael Aubuchon, 15, died after being removed from life-support four days
after his skull was fractured.

The name of the 14-year-old boy accused of delivering the blow was not
released.

"It's one of those things where kids believe they're invincible. It just got
to the point where common sense took a back seat," Maryland Heights police
Sgt. Joe Bova Conti said.

Michael was attending a carnival Saturday at a church when he hit himself on
the forehead at least twice with his skateboard, then bragged that he could
take hard blows to the head, investigators said.

Michael handed his skateboard to another boy, encouraging the teen to hit
him. The boy delivered a two-handed blow to the top of Michael's head,
authorities said.

Michael fell unconscious, and the other boy fled. He was arrested later at
his grandparent's home, police said.
_______________________________________________________

LACUNA COIL 'NOT JUST ABOUT CRISTINA' CLAIMS SOME DUDE IN LACUNA COIL
Infernal Combustion

Though they have been around since the late 1990s, Italy's Lacuna Coil have
gained much notoriety in the US due to some overdue stateside touring and
the ascension of Evanescence to the top of the charts. Like Evanescence,
Lacuna Coil are a female-fronted outfit with elements of goth and nu-metal
stylings, even utilizing two full-time singers: Cristina Scabbia and some
guy.

Some other guy in the band says the system works for them.

"Yeah," this guy, possibly the bassist, explained. "We do have a gorgeous
woman co-fronting the band. She splits about 50% of the vocals with
whatsisname, that guy singer we have. This band is not just about Cristina."

"Absolutely," some other dude, maybe the drummer, added. "We certainly don't
want to coast on this whole 'we have a hot chick in the band' sort-of thing.
I mean, I know I'm an integral part of this band's success. I know the
keyboard and electronics putz over there does some stuff, too. And we have a
guitarist... that guy over there," he said, pointing to some guy with a
guitar.

For the record, Miss Scabbia is happy that she isn't the center of the
band's media attention.

"Lacuna Coil are about the six members as one collective entity," explained
a vamping Scabbia, writhing around on the floor in a torn, tattered red
dress, cooing towards another guy in the band, maybe the one dude who sings,
but possibly just some guy who walked past.

"This band will always be about all of us," the guy singer said, shortly
before Century Media label head Marco Barbieri walked into the room and
whisked him away from a photo shoot, informing him that his services will no
longer be needed.

"OK," the photographer said. "Let's have Cristina up front, and you other
mooks, um, let's have you stand about thirty feet back, behind this gauze
curtain, with bedsheets draped over you, ok? Thanks."

- Mark Tinta
____________________________________________________

SALIVA ACTUALLY BELIEVE THEY DRAW SOME PEOPLE TO KISS/AEROSMITH SHOWS
Infernal Combustion

Modern-rock band Saliva, whose second album, Back Into Your System, was
released earlier this year, landed a plum touring gig this summer when they
were tapped to open for rock legends Kiss and Aerosmith. The Memphis-based
band, whose hits include "Click Click Boom" and the Nikki Sixx-penned "Rest
In Pieces," were glad to come on board and help fill the sheds for their
idols.

"Hey, it's a tough market these days," commented singer Josey Scott. "I
mean, we all love Kiss and Aerosmith, right? And if those guys, who meant so
much to us growing up, need a little boost from our star power to get the
tickets sold, then we're more than happy to take a bullet and play early, or
'open,' for them, if you will."

Saliva, who have been taking the stage most nights as thousands of fans
drink in the parking lots, find their seats, peruse the merchandise booths,
use the restroom, or stand in line to buy warm beer and microwaved pizza,
say their position on the bill is all about respect. "You know, there's such
a thing as being too big for your britches," Scott smiles, drawing a
moustache and devil horns on a picture of Chad Kroeger. "I think our fans
respect their elders, just as we do, and they've been kind enough to stick
around for at least some of Kiss and Aerosmith's sets. Some of them even
went ahead and made banners, or painted their faces -- I was going to ask
them to do that on our web site, so that those old fellas felt appreciated
on this tour, but our fans just care that much about not hurting anyone's
feelings."

Scott was then called out of the room, and asked to run a golf cart across
the grounds to pick up a half-caf venti latte, no foam, for Mr. Simmons.

Fans are united in their appreciation for Saliva's noble gesture, and the
kindness they've shown to aging, fading rock heroes.

"Who? Sevendust?" commented tard-wrangler Cy Kibble, 31, of Scruttocks,
Rhode Island. "Oh, the ones with that Spider Man song, yeah. If they're
still playing when I get my beer and hot pretzel, buy my Aerosmith t-shirt,
and take a leak, I guess I'll catch 'em. The shit bands usually play their
big hit last, so I'll at least know what the hell they're playing."

- Keith Bergman
_____________________________________________________

RIAA Says Future of Music is Suing File Sharers
By Brian Briggs
BBSpot.com

Los Angeles, CA - The RIAA announced that they would begin a strategy of
profits by lawsuit, which should keep them a viable business indefinitely.

"It's really a bold new idea that really gets back to the roots of the
RIAA," said new RIAA Chairman and CEO Mitch Bainwol. "We'll no longer be
worried about distributing music. The file sharers will do that for us, but
now we'll just make our money from suing them and that's really what we're
all about."

According to a report by The Inquirer it will take the RIAA over 2,000 years
to sue every file sharer, which confirms the long-term viability of the
business model.

"We agree that digital music distribution is the direction everything is
heading, but it's not profitable to do that at $1 per song. We'd much rather
receive $150,000 per song from suing file sharers. That's where the real
profit is found."

The RIAA's new strategy even includes removing all copy protection schemes
from new music CDs, and providing file sharing software and pre-ripped songs
with new releases. Limited production runs of popular tunes will also
increase the need for illegal file sharing and boost the number of possible
defendants.

The RIAA could run into trouble with the plan as it is rumored that the SCO
Group has already patented the business model of suing customers to stay
afloat.

The new plan has been endorsed by the American Bar Association.
____________________________________________

RIAA Sues Mirror Manufacturers
BBSpot.com

Los Angeles - Calling them promoters of soul stealing the RIAA filed suit
today against the mirror manufacturing industry seeking damages of more than
$12 billion. "These soul pirates must be stopped," said RIAA President and
CEO Hilary Rosen, "The only purpose of their product is to steal the soul of
our musicians, only the RIAA has that right."
The lawsuit was a hot topic on internet message boards. One poster on the
Napster board wrote, "They can't stop us, it's too late, if they ban mirrors
we'll use spoons, ban spoons we'll use tin foil, ban tin foil we'll use
shiny black CD covers. It's not the middle ages anymore, the technology is
moving too quickly for them to keep up."

The members of Metallica, who have banned mirrors and shiny objects at their
Summer Sanitarium tour, feel this is a worse threat than Napster. Lars
Ulrich said, "I just learned about this soul stealing technology from our
managers. Stealing our music is one thing, stealing our souls is quite
another. Being soulless has its advantages, but as an artist I want to have
control over what happens to my soul."

Other artists such as Michael Bolton and Celine Dion aren't as worried,
saying they have been producing music without a soul for years now.

In addition to their lawsuit the RIAA also began lobbying for legislation
that would require all mirrors to be equipped with soul-blocking technology.
"This soul-blocking technology would make the mirror non-reflective," said
Smith Mirrors CEO Thomas Hanlon. "It's ridiculous, our product would be
useless and we'd be driven out of business."
__________________________________________________

This is an attempt to get people a little more into what's going on in the
music scene these days. As well as to keep people at least a little
informed about what is going on at our weekly broadcasts of chaos.
Please feel free to send all comments, suggestions, corrections, additions,
and whatever else that might help make this more useful.

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might find it
interesting. Bands wanting to submit material for airplay can do so by
sending it to Aethyric Productions, Po Box 224, Ovid, Ny 14521-0224.

And e-mail us your show dates to add to the list above...

Some parts of this email were cleaned by emailStripper, available for free
from http://www.printcharger.com/emailStripper.htm
Some Quotes from Ruminations (ruminations-subscribe@...)

Some stories taken from News of the Weird (www.NewsoftheWeird.com) and
Bizarre News (www.bizarrenews.com). Go to their sites to subscribe to their
weekly e-mails filled with such real news stories... Other stories from
http://www.ananova.com. Also, some parody stories have come from
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/, http://theonion.com/, and
http://www.infernalcombustion.com/. Other sources noted where applicable...