Hello everyone...

Here's chapter 36. Not much to say here, other than ENJOY IT!
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Love
Fernanda

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~*~ Chapter 36 ~*~

NEW YORK CITY, NY – HOSPITAL – MAR. 17TH, 2002 – SUNDAY

“Oh, no, God!” Kirstin exclaimed “I can’t feel him anymore. My
baby is not here anymore.” Kirstin was crying unstoppable. Grace turned
around so Kirstin wouldn’t notice the tears falling down her face. Ashley
was staying strong.
“Kirstin, baby, listen…” Ashley started, but got cut off by
Kirstin.
“No, Ashley. You don’t have to say anything. I can feel he’s no
longer here. I can feel there’s nothing inside me anymore.” Kirstin couldn’t
stop the tears. It was a weird feeling. Before she was taken to the tests,
she could feel the baby moving inside of her. But now, he had stopped.
Nothing moved. She felt nothing. It felt really weird.
“K, baby, I’m so sorry.” Ashley started again “But I’m here for
you.”
“Yes, K, we’re all here for here.” Grace wiped the tears from
her face before facing her friend.
“Where’s Tom?” Kirstin frowned.
“He left.” Ashley looked into her eyes “It was just too
difficult for him. He didn’t want you to see him feeling bad because it
would make you feel bad.”
“I feel bad anyways!” Kirstin snapped “I lost my baby!” Kirstin
pressed her belly with both her hands and cried even harder, if that was
possible.
“K, baby…” Ashley was having a hard time hanging in there seeing
Kirstin like that “K, baby, look at me.” Ashley grabbed her wrist and pulled
her hand to him “Everything is gonna be ok.” he tried to comfort her.
“Of course it won’t, Ashley! Shut up! You have no idea what
you’re talking about! My baby is dead! Dead! And how can you tell me
everything will be ok? NOTHING will be ok!” Kirstin shouted at Ashley. Now
Grace had lost it. She couldn’t control it anymore, so she just left the
room.
“K, baby, for the love of God, you have to control yourself.”
“Oh, yeah? Why? I just lost my baby, I think I have the right to
freak out if I want to.” Kirstin wouldn’t stop yelling and crying.
“I lost my baby too. Tom lost his baby too. It was not only you
that lost this baby, Kirstin!”
“No, it was mine! I was carrying it!”
“Kirstin, listen to yourself! You’re not being reasonable right
now! Yes, you were carrying it, but he was everyone’s baby. Everyone loved
this baby. He wasn’t even born yet and we loved him so much.”
“I loved him, Ashley. I did.” Kirstin whispered and pressed her
belly again “My baby boy. I loved my baby boy.”
“I know, honey, I know.” he got up and leaned in to hug her
“Shhhh… I’m here.” Ashley tried to keep Kirstin’s emotions under control
while he was trying to control his own “That’s ok. We’re gonna get through
this.”
“I know. You’ve told me that already.” Kirstin was apparently
calmer. Ashley pulled back from the hug a little and looked her in the eyes.
“You heard me?”
“Yeah… I heard everything. Your talk, Tom’s talk, Grace’s talk.”
Kirstin pulled Ashley to her and hugged him tighter.
“Shh… That’s ok.” Ashley stroke her hair as her head was on his
shoulder.
“I wanna talk to Tom.” Kirstin said.
“You do?” Ashley frowned and pulled back a little to look at her
again.
“Yes…” she nodded.
“What did he say to you?” Ashley asked.
“A lot. And I wanna tell him that I heard everything he told me.
And that I forgive him.”
“Forgive him for what?” Ashley frowned.
“For… well… doing what he did to me.”
“Oh, you do?” Ashley frowned “Forgive him, I mean?”
“Yes… after everything he told me, I can’t really not forgive
him. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. He was just confused. And I guess we
all get confused sometime down the road.”
“I guess… But what else did he say to you?” Ashley was kind of
worried about their talk. He didn’t know Tom’s talk had made such an impact
on Kirstin. He pulled Kirstin closer to him and kept on stroking her hair.
“Oh, just stuff. About our lives together. How happy he was when
we were together and stuff like that.”
“Oh…” Ashley sounded worried.
“And how he knew better than I did that I’ve loved you even when
we were together.”
“He actually said that?” Ashley pulled her back again.
“Yes…” Kirstin nodded and placed her head again on Ashley’s
shoulder.
“Wow…” Ashley just frowned.
“Yeah…” Kirstin just kept nodding “My baby...” Kirstin started
to feel bad about the baby again and kept crying uncontrollably.
“K, dear… Don’t feel so bad. I’m not leaving you. We’re gonna be
strong and we’ll let that behind us. We’ll move on.”
“But what if I don’t wanna move on, Ash? I don’t wanna forget
our baby.” Kirstin wiped the tears away from her cheeks.
“We won’t forget our baby. We are just gonna let go of this
terrible pain we have right now. This feeling that is burning inside us
right now.”
“You feel that too? The burning?” Kirstin asked tenderly.
“Of course, K.” Ashley let a tear fall down his cheek. Kirstin
wiped it away with her thumb.
“I know you’re trying to stay strong for both of us, Ash.”
“I don’t…” Ashley started but Kirstin cut him off.
“That’s ok. You don’t have to try and convince me I’m wrong. I
know you’re just as hurt as I am. And I really appreciate you’re being
strong for both of us. Because I know I’m gonna need that, Ash. More than
I’ve ever needed you. I’m gonna need your strength.”
“And don’t worry, because you’re gonna have me. I’m not letting
you go through this alone.”
“I love you, Ash.”
“I love you too, K.” Ashley leaned in and kissed Kirstin
passionately.

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