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Reply <br> <br>ISW in San Francisco this THURSDAY!!!
McGarrett2000<br>(30/M) 3/9/02 5:41 pm <br>INCREDIBLY STRANGE WRESTLING
RETURNS TO SAN FRANCISCO <br>THURSDAY MARCH 14, 2002 9pm
<br>at BROADWAY STUDIOS (fmly the On Broadway) <br>435
Broadway in NORTH BEACH, SF <br><br>Yes, at long last, ISW
is putting on another smash and bash extravaganza in
the City by the Bay on a new night and at a new
Location with these bouts just signed even as we speak...
<br><br>A TEN MAN AND BEAST OVER THE TOP ROPE BATTLE ROYAL
featuring EL POLLO DIABLO, MACHO SASQUATCHO, SHANE DAMAGE,
MEXTACY, JESUS CROSS, SENOR BUENO and many, many more
(well, 4 to be exact). <br><br>EL HOMO LOCO & THE
CRUISER vs. 69 DEGREES <br>EL GRAN FANGORIO vs. LIBIDO
GIGANTE <br>THE POONTANGLER attempts to win back her
dignity in ARM WRESTLING ACTION with the SHEIK OF
PHYSIQUE! Why BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT!!! <br><br>GO TO
<a href=http://www.count-dante.com/schedule.html
target=new>http://www.count-dante.com/schedule.html</a> for more details! <br>GO
TO
<a href=http://www.incrediblystrangewrestling.com
target=new>http://www.incrediblystrangewrestling.com</a> for even more
details!!! <br><br>YES! ISW FINALLY
HAS AN OFFICIAL SITE!!! Yes, those luddite luchadors
have finally ponied up for their very own chunk of
cyberspace! Learn everything that you ever wanted to know
(and a lot you didn't) about the POONTANGLER, the OI
BOY, EL HOMO LOCO and RASPUTIN by going to the site's
tremendous GALLERY OF WRESTLERS section. You can also buy
those hot, hot, hot ISW BABY T's for that special
someone. Go check out the site at
<a href=http://www.incrediblystrangewrestling.com
target=new>http://www.incrediblystrangewrestling.com</a> today!!!! <br><br>COUNT
DANTE AND THE BDFS
NEWSFLASH: The BDFS has solved their membership struggles by
adding JIM "CH'E POWER" HENDERSON to drums. Fear not, ED
"ZEN MACHINE" FAINE is on a little haitus to study
more bone crushing profit making techniques and in the
meantime, longtime Count Dante associate Jim Henderson is
taking up the kit bashing chores!!

Hey folks, those ever lovin' luddite luchadors at
ISW finally have an OFFICIAL SITE!!! Yes, it is
rediculous for it to be 2002 and ISW is just now launching a
site but at least its up with bios of the complete isw
roster -- from El Homo Loco to the Ladies Man to the
Cruiser to Macho Sasquatcho. Check it out at
<br><a href=http://www.incrediblystrangewrestling.com
target=new>http://www.incrediblystrangewrestling.com</a><br><br>Also, a big
thanks to SFTIKI for maintaining the ISW
yahoo fanclub because up until now it was the only
space for isw info besides (of course and what else?)
<a href=http://www.count-dante.com target=new>http://www.count-dante.com</a>

Hello, loyal subjects!<br>We have been ever so
busy since we reached our centennial birthday --
surely, with thanks to the Count's bone-smashing
longevity techniques, the first of many -- but, in keeping
with the Count's emphasis on sound fiscal success, we
have been spending our time wisely, with a regal eye
on the business opportunities afforded us by, first,
our birthday and, more germane to this missive to
you, our virtual commoner friends, by our Golden
Jubilee.<br>You see, during our 50 years on the throne of the
United Kingdom, nothing has occupied us more than the
process of branding the Queen Elizabeth II marque -- a
marque, if we may say so (Of course we shall! We are,
after all, Queen!), instantly recognizable throughout
the civilized world as betokening the finest in
taste, tradition and elegance.<br>As Count Dante, our
closest advisor and confidante, has reminded us in the
Royal Command Performances of his success seminars,
celebratory events are perfect branding and merchandising
opportunities -- and what event could be more celebratory than
our Golden Jubilee? So when our Jubilee is officially
celebrated this summer, the celebrations will be accompanied
by tasteful items -- from tea cups and saucers to
reproduction tiaras for the lesser classes seeking a way to
identify with their beloved Queen -- adorned with our
Royal image. Who shall accept the monies earned from
these collectibles? As the Count might say, "You
bone-crunch the numbers."<br>All of which shall bring closer
to fruition our plans to re-purchase, in perpetuity
and with all rights to local resources, an Empire for
Great Britain, beginning with Ceylon. Huzzah for Empire
-- and the Count!<br>-HRH

Read the latest on the quest for the true
identity of Rappin' Arm Wrestler Senor Bueno on the
Count's
site...<br><a href=http://www.count-dante.com/Bueno_Shocker_1.htm
target=new>http://www.count-dante.com/Bueno_Shocker_1.htm</a><br><br>Also read
up on all of the latest Count Dante and
Stinky's Peep Show. Now just who did draw that mustache on
Princess Superstar!?! Read what the experts have to say!

Guys, check this out...
<br><a href=http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0118/p01s04-wome.html
target=new>http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0118/p01s04-wome.html</a> <br><br><br>I
mean <br>"Shaaban Abdel Rahim has a
point. In little more than two years, he has become
Egypt's biggest and most unlikely pop star. The
overweight singer, who favors a wet-perm look and sequined
suits, has sold millions of records and is so popular
that TV hosts are queuing up to get him on their chat
sofa. Mr. Shaaban has also released hit record after
hit record, building up such a following that some of
Egypt's leading political figures now feel compelled to
act against the singer's swelling support."

where is the queen mum, and is she wearing a very nice hat?

hypothetically speaking, of course.<br><br>(Darned hanging post.)

I can't locate my economic warrior within. If I take credit card cash advances
and then give the money to stippers, am I on the road to ruin?

Hey Karate Rockers: I'm sorry for not keeping
this fan club up-to-the-minute with COUNT DANTE
updates. As 2001 comes to a close I assure you that the
COUNT HIMSELF is developing his own ECONOMIC STIMULUS
PACKAGE! While the President and congress are busy arguing
over the size of tax cuts to the wealthy, ONLY COUNT
DANTE CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO USE BALLISTIC STREET FIGHTING
OFFENSES AND DEFENSES TO GAIN THE MOUNT ON SUCCESS!!! Yes,
the Count predicted the crash of high tech markets
and the beginning uncertain times when he told the
tremendous throng of 50 drunks gathered at Stinky's Peep
Show to divest from the dotcoms and focus on the
warrior within! "By studying the world's deadly business
secrets," The Count instructed in between searing rock
epics and sips of a 7 and 7, "and honing your body into
a self defense machine can you become your very own
ECONOMIC STIMULUS PACKAGE!" <br><br>With 2001 drawing to a
close, we can only promise that 2002 will be a HUGE YEAR
FOR COUNT DANTE AND THE BDFS. There are deals in the
works right now that will transform the BDFS and propel
it to further greatness. Once the contracts are
signed and finalized, we will make these big
announcements right here in this fanclub!!!<br><br>Also thank
you to samboutros and gracias to beto40mx for joining
the club. Welcome aboard.

Yes!!! Check out the complete rundown of ISW HOMOMANIA I at <br><a
href=http://www.count-dante.com/homomania.htm
target=new>http://www.count-dante.com/homomania.htm</a>

SATURDAY OCT. 6th<br>INCREDIBLY STRANGE
WRESTLING<br>HOMOMANIA!!! <br><br>Yes! Homomania is gonna be running
wild<br>at the Fillmore Theatre<br>Geary and Fillmore Sts.,
SF<br><br>WITH THESE BOUTS JUST SIGNED...<br>EL HOMO LOCO vs.
THE POONTANGLER<br>El POLLO DIABLO vs. SENOR
BUENO<br>MACHO SASQUATCHO vs. THE LADIES' MAN<br>RISA de MUERTE
& GRAN FANGORIO vs. 69 DEGREES<br>plus what would
HOMOMANIA be without THE CRUSIER, LIBIDO GIGANTE and the
SNACKMASTER!?! Join your hosts Alan Bolte and Count Dante!
<br>w/ special musical guests The Queers &<br>The
Desperation Squad<br><br><br><br>THURSDAY OCT. 18<br>CD & the
BDFS at<br>THE EAGLE<br>398 12th St. @ Harrison<br>San
Francisco, Calif.<br>415-626-0880 <br>with LORD
NASTY!!!<br>GET DOWN FOR THE COUNT AND <br>PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

I would just like to thank everyone who showed up
to the CD & BDFS show last Thursday. Last week was a
horrible time for everyone, but it was good to see so many
people drinking, rockin', punchin' & kicking. It was
also good to get on stage and just play after days of
being glued to tv news coverage and feeling frustrated
and helpless.<br><br>The General, who has taken over
command of the guitar for the BDFS in the absense of The
Mercenary and Matt "The Ladies' Choice" McGowan rocked
mightily and impressively. His unique chord attack had the
fans at Stinky's Peep Show on their feet and a pit was
even started. The General resembled a rock and roll
demigod of old with his open kimino, long blond locks,
and beat up Hamer guitar that has accompanied him on
many missions throughout the World. So many rockers of
today dress like they are going to their jobs at
Hollywood Video right after the show, but the General looks
like a rock star.<br><br>All-in-all, it was one of the
best CD & the BDFS shows ever and definitely our most
special performance. My perm is also off to the other
bands that played that night. The Angry Amputees and
the Radio Reelers also displayed some incredible
feats of rockin' and rollin'.<br><br>It was hard to get
on with the trivial things in our lives like rock
and roll or even our jobs without feeling guilty.
Those feelings in the face of such horror are natural
ones and it lets us know that we are human and that we
care about others' suffering. I would just like to to
thank everyone again who showed up last week. It really
meant a lot to all of us not only in my band but at
Stinky's as well.

Man, McGarrett 2k has been 25 for a while now, hasnt he?

Monday, Sept. 3, 2001<br>Redwood City, Rock
City<br><br>www.count-dante.com, the official website of Count Dante and the
Black
Dragon Fighting Society, received a record breaking 109
hits on Sunday according to Extreme Tracking
statistics. This shatters the previous day’s record breaking
44 hits.<br><br>The skyrocketing count-dante.com web
activity came as a surprise to those affiliated with Count
Dante and His Kung Fu Rock and Roll Success Seminar.
This significant increase in hit totals took place on
the Saturday and Sunday of the Labor Day Weekend when
web traffic is usually at lower levels as people
abandon their computers for vacation getaways and
barbecues. <br><br>“I know this is sad but there are a lot
of E-Commerce sites out there that would kill for
the kind of numbers that he (Count Dante) is
getting,” said an internet industry insider who preferred
not to be named in this piece.<br><br>The previous
record of total count-dante.com hits in one day was set
on Thursday May 17, 2001 with 42 hits. Yesterday’s
totals more than doubled this high water mark. Today
(Labor Day) Extreme Tracking reports that the site has
received an astounding 60 hits at presstime.<br><br>Hits
are recorded when a new user calls up the
count-dante.com website. Multiple hits from the same user are
logged as reloads and are not reflected in these totals.
<br><br>WWW.COUNT-DANTE.COM averages 10 hits per day and only received 31
total hits between August 25-30, 2001. Friday, Aug. 31
marked the site’s dramatic statistical boost with 33
total hits. COUNT-DANTE.COM statistics are publicly
accessible at
<a href=http://extremetracking.com/open;sum?login=countdan
target=new>http://extremetracking.com/open;sum?login=countdan</a>

Yes, it's time to nominate deserving artists for
this year's Wammies and the SF Weekly has even put a
nominating ballot in this week's ish! Please nominate
rockabilly revivalist DAVE CRIMMEN (jot that name down) for
the AMERICANA category. Dave is Bay Area born and
raised, has a string of great albums out and has been
playing with the best of the Bay for years and I cannot
think of a more deserving artist for this category.
Dave is the real deal and he plays rockabilly/roots
music (or whatever you want to call it) where it should
be played -- in bars! <br>You can cast your
nomination for DAVE CRIMMEN online at
<br><a href=http://www.sfweekly.com/musicawards/2001/nominations/index.html
target=new>http://www.sfweekly.com/musicawards/2001/nominations/index.html</a>
<br>Also, if you have it in your hearts, you can
nominate COUNT DANTE AND THE BLACK DRAGON FIGHTING SOCIETY
for the HARD ROCK/METAL category or maybe for that
nebulous "LIFESTYLE MUSIC" category if that suits you
better. I guess using deadly grappling techniques to
transform yourself into a SUCCESS in the BEDROOM and the
BOARDROOM constitutes a LIFESTYLE!<br><br>SEE COUNT DANTE
AND THE BLACK DRAGON FIGHTING SOCIETY at the
following upcoming shows... <br><br>THURSDAY SEPT. 13
<br>STINKY'S PEEPSHOW <br>C.W. Saloon <br>Fifth & Folsom
<br>San Francisco, Calif. <br>w/ The Hangmen
<br><br>THURSDAY OCT. 18 <br>THE EAGLE <br>398 12th St. @ Harrison
<br>San Francisco, Calif. <br>415-626-0880

i'm so glad to see that the count and company are back in town.<br>i look
forward to seeing him at the covered wagon--or somewhere--very soon.<br>going to
read the rundown now.....<br>-GCG-

Hey Karate Rockers: THE COUNT'S 2001 WARPED TOUR rundown is up and running. You
should check it out for it makes for a good read...<br><a
href=http://www.count-dante.com/warped_rundown.html
target=new>http://www.count-dante.com/warped_rundown.html</a>

You know, I was concerned when I first read THE
COUNT's Warped Tour report on Metal Sludge. You see, THE
COUNT describes himself as "ROCK ON THE DECLINE alumni
COUNT DANTE." As I'm sure THE COUNT's eagle-eyed
legions of SUCCESS SEMINAR STORMTROOPERS have already
noticed, alumni is the plural of alumnus. How can THE
COUNT (singular), be "alumni" (plural)? Shouldn't THE
COUNT be a ROCK ON THE DECLINE alumnus? Could it be a
mistake?<br>But as I pondered this more while practicing THE
COUNT's DEADLY WALL STREET GRAPPLING TECHNIQUES, I came
to realize the wisdom of THE COUNT's words. "Is THE
COUNT truly just one man, one alumnus?" I wondered. "Is
any man who can bend the stock market to his will,
who has motivated untold thousands of losers to
become FINANCIAL FANATICS and take up the challenge of
SUCCESS, just one man?<br>"No," I thought. "With his
tremendous power of CRYSTAL-BLUE PERSUASION -- on the
street, in the boardroom and in the bedroom -- THE COUNT
is an army of one." Even alone, THE COUNT is an
alumni. THE COUNT breaks all the rules of grammar -- just
like he breaks all the rules in his quest for SUCCESS,
PROFIT AND FIGHTING SKILL!<br>Thank you, COUNT, for
making me an alumni, too -- an alumni of the college of
SUCCESS!

Metal-sludge.com posted THE COUNT'S recounting of
the Warped Tour
highlights...<br><a href=http://www.metal-sludge.com/EOTW35.htm
target=new>http://www.metal-sludge.com/EOTW35.htm</a><br><br>I like their
reply...<br>"Thanks for checking in
Count and keep putting bands like Less Than Jake
through tables! Next time set the table on fire though."

The New York Times article ran in the Aug. 7th issue of the National Edition.

While out on the road with the WAPRED TOUR, ISW
has garnered an amazing stream of press, but, by far
our most glowing review came in Music critic ANN
POWERS' write up of the Warped Tour. How strange -- the
NY Times giving ISW a glowing review!!! Think of who
read that thing. May be Bill Clinton, Ross Perot or
Vince McMahon! I would say that George W. could have
read it too, but we all know that he doesn't read.
<br><br>Below are the paragraphs on ISW...<br><br><br> The act
closest in spirit to Mr. Rollins wasn't musical at all.
Incredibly<br> Strange Wrestling, a San Francisco troupe
inspired by the Mexican wrestling<br> tradition,
maintained a wonderfully contrarian spirit. Yet it also
epitomized<br> the contradictions that the Warped Tour bridges.
<br><br> In the current rock scene wrestling does not
belong to punk; the juvenile antics of this televised
so- called sport are more associated with rap-metal
acts like Limp Bizkit. Taking wrestling on the Warped
tour could have<br>earned cries of "sellout" from
purists. But Incredibly Strange Wrestling revived the
backlot spirit of old-style bouts, keeping the act fresh,
fleshy and theatrical.<br><br> The first bout pitted the
team of the Mexican Viking, dressed in a fur cave-man
outfit, and Macho Sasquatcho, wearing a Bigfoot suit,
against two boy-band parodists who sang about Dianetics
between brawls. In the second fight a would-be white
rapper arm-wrestled a giant chicken. The blend of satire
aimed at the music business and plain old slapstick
gave Incredibly Strange Wrestling the spark of
old-school punk.

This is the last week of the Van's Warped Tour
and it has been a very big week for ISW. Vampiro did
not appear at our Montreal show but did appear and
wrestle in today's show at the Skydome in Toronto. Also,
since we are so busy putting on shows and internet and
media access are somewhat limited, it wasn't until now
that I found out that ISW received a glowing review
from, of all sources, THE NEW YORK TIMES in music
critic Ann Powers' look at this year's WARPED TOUR!
Amazing. I am going to send you the text of the NYT
article in a separate email. Below are the results and
the rundown of ISW's SKYDOME SHOW.<br><br>Vampiro is
good friends with the East Bay punk band RANCID who
are one of the bigger attractions at this years'
Warped Tour. Originally, Vampiro was going to work an
angle with ISW and Rancid and the Montreal show, but
then it was changed to today's show in Toronto.
<br><br>AUGUST 11 at the SKYDOME in TORONTO<br>Super Pulga d.
Bad Boy Corey (of 69 Degrees)<br>Frankie Destruction
Dee d. the Oi Boy<br>The Mexican Viking d. Mo Bush
the Tantric Torpedo<br>VAMPIRO SLAMMED THE OI BOY
THROUGH A TABLE ON STAGE WITH RANCID (on the main stage
-- see below)<br>Macho Sasquatcho d. the Ladies'
Man<br>El Pollo Diablo d. Senor Bueno (in our incredible
series of arm wrestling bouts)<br>Vampiro d. Libido
Gigante<br><br>In front of an estimated 14,000 in attendance, THE
OI BOY (ISW's skinhead wrestler) interrupted
Rancid's set on the mainstage during the band's second to
last song by shoving vocalist-guitarist, Tim
Armstrong. OI Boy proceeded to rundown the band, the fans
and then unleashed a stream of racist propaganda.
Vampiro then appeared, picked up the OI BOY and drove him
through a table to one of the most monstrous pops that I
have heard at ANY wrestling event.<br><br>During ISW's
second set of wrestling, Vampiro took on LIBIDO GIGANTE.
LG has some lucha training from Ultimo Dragon's dojo
in Mexico City and was the best man in the ISW
stable to take on the massive Vampiro. The match began
with LG working Vampiro over with a serious of chair
shots and blows with an aluminum baseball bat. After
manhandling Vampiro worse than the WCW booking committee,
Vampiro rallied and turned the bout around and it became
a squash match after that with Vamp pummeling LG.
After he was finished with Gigante, he turned his
attention to ISW ref Hooper Smith Ladoo and gave him his
finisher the Nail and Coffin. Then Vampiro sent LG through
a table in the corner. And if that wasn't all, he
grabbed me, ISW announcer Count Dante, threw me into the
ring and delivered a big knee to my groin. It must
have been that line I gave while doing the blow by
blow commentary about the WCW booking committee. I
don't know.<br><br>All in all Vampiro was great to work
with and so was Rancid. ISW owes a big thanks to both
of them.<br><br><br><br>Success, Profit, and
Fighting Skill<br><br>Count
Dante<br><a href=http://www.count-dante.com
target=new>http://www.count-dante.com</a>

Has everyone vanished?<br><br>What sinister force is at work here?

Still no sightings?

One thing I have to add to my Warped thoughts is
that Milwaukee has down, hands down, the finest women
on the entire tour! No lie. California, Washington,
Colorado, Salt Lake City all paled in comparrisson to
Milwaukee. It must be the beer but man o
man.<br><br>Milwaukee also had the most wrestling fans but sadly we
weren't able to wrestle there due to the venue not being
large enough. Instead the ISW stars had to go out to
the merch booth and help Nate do his job. All day
long we were bombarded by heart broken fans who only
attended WArped to get a dose of ISW. No lie.<br><br>One
of the greatest moments in SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT of
ALL TIME did occur in Milwaukee nonetheless when 69
DEGREES did their merch tent rounds and were accosted by
a gang of real, honest to psyclo alien
SCIENTOLOGIST KIDS!!!<br><br>"Are you making fun of scientology
or are you serious," a 14 year old dianetics
believer asked BAD BOY COREY and DANCIN'
JOEY.<br><br>"Yes, we're totally serious," 69 replied.<br><br>69
then sang their latest cut from "THE SEXY SOUNDS OF
SCIENTOLOGY" which went something like...<br><br>"There is
something in my heart<br>that I can't explain<br>but with
DIANETICS<br>I'm Made whole again."<br><br>The gaggle of
scientology struck teens then burst into rapid applause. My
god it is great to be in pro wrestling.

Let me start this rant off by saying that BLINK
182 is a really god awful band live. They tried to
hide behind a KISS-like barrage of pyro but, alas, it
was to no avail. Their grating happy happy joy joy
music filled with lyrics of reminiscence was only made
to seem smaller by their grandiose stage
show.<br><br>Of course the kids just lapped it up as real punk
rock although everything the b182 boys displayed was
what punk rock was originally a reaction to in the
first place.<br><br>Every band on every stage just does
nothing but songs nostalgic for some bygone era that
probably only occured four or five years ago. Everyone is
offering a sped up and nasal voiced version of Bob Seger
with spikey hair. Yes, punk rock in its 21st century
form seems to be looking for those "night
moves."<br><br>Only KOOL KEITH appears as a voice of reason when he
shouts out: "KILL RETRO ADVANCE TO THE
FUTURE."<br><br>At its best, I take joy in the ruckus caused by the
ISW stars, especially when the Cruiser takes to the
ring. I look forward to El Homo Loco's entry into the
fray next week. Yes, we get EHL for the entire swing
through the SOUTH!!! Will they cheer or boo? Who knows?
One thing is certain though -- the fans will state
the stupidly obvious by chanting "You're a fag!"
Great score there fellas. Yes, El Homo Loco is a fag.

Hey Karate rockers, Big Sexy Brandi will be
putting up a more detailed rundown on Count Dante and
Warped at www.count-dante.com so check it
out.<br><br>Warped has been good, but it really just a big trade
show. Remember everyone that all American entertainment
now has just been turned into one trade show after
another. Warped is sponsored by Target and comes complete
with a Target Booth, Van's booth, Yoohoo booth and
even the USMC had a booth at the Phoenix show. How
punk rock is that? Don't forget all of the booths of
all of the independent record labels as well. I feel
like I should be networking and handing out my
business card. Maybe doing some power lunches. Where the
hell is my suit now in my time of need? <br><br>The
one thing that I can do is fuck with the sponsors by
saying things like "The Cruiser is brought to you by
Yoohoo! Yoohoo is Cruiser's favorite color: BROWN!" I
also tell people that Mextacy (a raver character who
gets more powerful in the ring the more x he takes but
then he tries to hug everyone into submission)
rehydrates with POWERADE. "Yes Powerade the sportsdrink for
tweakers." <br><br>Fucking with the sponsors is not only our
right, it is also our duty. Just because all of these so
called punk bands elect to kiss the sponsors ass doesn't
mean we in the BDFS should remain so complacent. It is
the goal of everyone in the BDFS to shed the shackles
of sponsors and to BE THE SPONSORS by GAINING THE
MOUNT ON SUCCESS!

Mr. fts has also been absent from castlegoggle
and the bonnie burton club. Although it is unpleasant
to do, we must consider the possibility that mr. fts
has been carried away by a gang of angry, chattering
chipmunks.

Although Feelthysword is a creature shrouded in
mystery much like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot, it
has been quite alarming that he has been absent from
these pages. Count Dante himself has claimed to see him
and attests to the existance of Feelthysword, but
said Count was also shocked that FTS was not at the
Portland show. If FTS was at the Portland show, then he
did not make his presence known to him or any other
member of the bdfs. Is Feelthysword missing? Did some
poachers capture him and are right now shipping his gaul
bladder off to the Orient so it can be dried, ground into
powder and used as a folk remedy for male impotency???
Please say it ain't so!