Subject: ***Ships Passing Through The Night...(You Know.)

--- In FloridaForRickReed@yahoogroups.com

Reed Rick
wrote:

Early on in Junior High School, i developed more than an industrial
strength crush on this girl that lived down the street from me.

Actually, I would, from this eXperience give a new definition to that
term INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH ......from my eXperience.

(WHO cares?)

Anyway, that was seventh grade I think.

Even though we were just blocks apart, the school's division line
seperated us and we did go to seperate schools,
ThankYouGodForSmallMiracles, hey?

I lived on Holmes, and went To Treadwell School on Highland, and
Cybill Shepherd lived on Highland Park Place and went to EAST School
on Holmes.

WEIRD enough, already, Huh?

I just had to hang out a lot blocks away at Walgreens and wait for
her to show up to study the makeup counters, and all that female
stuff.

Until they ran me out of there.

From the moment I saw Cybill I was a basketcase.
Let me rephrase that.

I give the term BASKETCASE a new defintion beyond measure.

Of course she was just gorgeous.

She gleamed the perfect Ipana toothpaste smile and was the only
living incarnation of the All-Universal-girl-next-door-cheerleader-
miss-popularity-prom-queen-barbie-perfect-dream-girl.

But as she will tell you, as she has told me too many times:

"You were always on the outside looking IN."

A truer word was never said.

My days from that first moment I noticed her, till now even revolved
around dreaming that one day she would be mine .... it may have
reached fantasy levels now as dreams come true and fantasies do not.

I wrote songs about her and sang them to three wives, one right after
the other, using their names as I performed them, but in my head it
was Cybill...and in my heart...and other...well, never mind.

(That's riot ricky, baby...YOU keep it clean.)

I even walked passed her house a million zillion times since Junior
High school, in the evenings just to see if she were home, and I
never once lucked in on her coming or going.

(I would run into her when I found out we were nighbors in 1978 in
Midtown Memphis.)

But back to Jr./Sr. Highschool Daze....

As a matter of fact, at her home on Highland Park Place...I never saw
anyone come or go for that matter, so I just moved to New York City
and dreamed.

One thing for sure, Cupid had me nailed for sure, BigTime.

Unfortunately, I never got around to reading Cybill the sonnets or
singing the songs to her.

I never even talked to her till she finally approached me that first
time I ran for County Mayor in Memphis.

I didn't recognize her and gave her a heck of a time because she
wasn't registered to vote there, but in California, and I didn't want
to waste my time explaing my politics to an out-of-towner.

SO I pretty much blew it for myself as she is a BigTime feminist who
hates bossy men like me.

So, everytime up until THAT day, everytime I got near her, I became a
quivering slobbering blob, and every time since that time, I have
been pretty much the same, maybe worst.

I have been so self-conscious that anytime I am in any city as I Trek
coast to coast to coast to coast , and I see her advertisement in the
paper where she is appearing in some nightclub....I get the heck out
of Dodge.

I have always held such severe self-doubts and fears that she would
reject me again....(That day in the first Mayoral Campaign, once I
recognized her, I made such a fool of myself, we ended up in a scene
that was paradoied for years on Saturday Night Live..plus she quotes
my last line to her word for word decades later on her CYBILL Tv
Show.)

SO...like from the begining...and now, still...it is just safer, and
the best thing to love her from a distance, and on the run if I hear
she is coming to town.

Looking back on all this love love love drama...I am reconsidering
the idea of being "self-conscious".

Now I realize that through all of my anXious embarassments, I wasn't
really really self-conscious at all.

I certainly WAS conscious of my:

FEARS....
SELF-JUDGEMENTS...
FANTASIES OF REJECTION....
DARK BELEIFS that I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH......
AND ABOUT WHO I WAS...or am.....

None of the above really really has anything to do with who I really
really AM.

None of it has anything to do with the self I have since
discovered..the ME within.

I think those two words...SELF-CONSCOUSNESS
should be thrown out of the dictionary, and if not, just throw the
whole book down a well....(WELLLLLL???)

To "be" Self-conscious is to "BE" GOD-REALIZED.

My real real identity is SPIRIT.

W.W.J.S? (What would Jesus SAY?)

"I and The Father Are ONE"

Our passage in life is like this huge steamship moving through some
foggy night in the middle of the ocean.

It eventually cuts through the fuggy mist, and the boat's activity
just carries on just the same unimpeded (Like as though Cybill never
had been born).

Morning always comes...the fog lifts...eventually.

The boat moves on to its chosen path (whatever the heck THAT
is...still a mystery to me....I hit the road again again......on my
PAPER TRAIL...this Friday 13th.)

Got to get this year's Florida Tan and put George Hamilton out of
Business.(WHO he?)

rick

RxR

GOD gifted you with the ability to dream any dream.
HE also gifted
you with the POWER to make ANY dream come true.
Never give UP on ANY dream;
I never so...still, everything has its limitations.


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