The other day, I was watching the episode that featured Nick Lachey.
From what I've learned, I can relate and understand the emotional
heartache Nick is facing after he and Jessica went their spearate ways.

For myself personally, right now I am suffering through an emotional
heartbreak.

At the end of this past September, I attended my 10 year high school
reunion. I was looking forward to seeing all of my friends who I have
not seen in a long time.

Of all the friends that I made in hign school and before high school,
one in particular I most definetely wanted to see again. Her name is
Jan Johnston. She was the one friend who turned my entire life around -
she made me become a better student as well as a better person. Jan is
an important person from my past that created me.

I was hoping to see her at the reunion, however, I suffered two (2)
setbacks. Two, Jan does not show up; one, I found out that she's
married. I was shocked, angry, and upset to know of this. I may not
have seen or heard from her in 10 years, all in all, I've waited for
her for 15 years. Jan and I were never together at the start, however,
I do have a history with her which dates back to middle school.

In all of my years in middle school, 8th grade was my best year. I can
remember two great memories from that year. Two, in early December
1991, I had an afterschool art class, that day the class was making
jewelery. I managed to make a matching pair of earrings. Two weeks
later, I decided to give them to Jan as my Christmas present to her.
One, in early June 1992, I danced with her at the 8th grade dance. I
was shy at first to ask Jan to dance with me. She eventually came to
ask me to dance with her. It was all magic.


All in all, I was hoping to clear my past with Jan. All through the
years that I've known her, every memory that her and I created, I felt
that they meant more to her than it did for me. Tha last thing I wanted
to do is hurt Jan - I would never do that to her.

I was hurt by Jan whenever she turned me down. I was hurt when she
turned me for prom in my senior year. After attending a friend's
graduation party, she turned me down to sign my yearbook, walking away
without a goodbye. At the reunion, despite not showing up, I wanted to
clear up my past with her, after learning she's married. I felt like I
died from suffering those three setbacks.

Should I be angry at Jan? Yes and no. No, because I have to accept the
life she wants to live. Yes, because I let her go when I shouldn't
have. I was wrong that I gave up on her when should have told her how
much I really felt about her and that she meant everything to me as
more than just a friend. As if my own feelings were taken away by those
who stood in my way towards life.

I always believed that I had one-half of my heart while Jan was
carrying the rest of my heart. One half remains, while the other half
died and all that remains is pain growing inside. This is as much as an
emotional pain I am dealing with. More difficult of facing the true
reality of it all. I don't know if I will ever overcome this emotional
devestation. Nor will I forgive myself for what has just become the
lowest point of my life - my dream turning into a nightmare. It's
lonley getting dropped - it hurts that I am not with Jan and that she
is with someone other than me.

She may not be by my side, with all of my heart, I love Jan.....ALWAYS!


Enrico