Brother Mike's Musing's... By Mike Larkin "I went to the bookstore
and asked the salesman, 'wher's the self-help section?" He said if he
told me, it would defeat the purpose...."

Hellooo... and Happy New Year!!

This year's for me and you. I hope eveyone had a safe and healthy
holiday. We were sadden by the death of Gerald Ford over the
holidays. Mike however is looking at it differently since he has
been to the Betty Ford Center so frequently. If you ask me he has
always had a thing for the former first lady and I'm afraid he may
start drinking harder. Please Mike, make it through March!!

This Weekend

We play at Bally Doyle Pub in Downers Grove www.ballydoylepub.com
this Saturday January 6 at 9 PM. It's a great place so join us for
our first show of the new year. Remember the new year brings out our
annual tuning, so caught us while we are still in key!

Resolutions

The new year also brings out resolutions. I had a talk to brother
Joe about his resolution, Here is what he had to say:

Dan: Happy New Year, Joe, could you tell us about your resolution
this year?
Joe: Yes it's my new approach to a healthy life style, no exercise!
D: No exercise? I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is'nt this true?
J: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.
****************************************************
D: Well that an interesting approach. Should I cut down on meat and
eat more fruits and vegetables?
J: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
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D: Is beer or wine bad for me?
J: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
we all know, scientists divide everything in the world in to three
categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of
elements, so that only leave one thing, right? My advice: Have a
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
****************************************************
D: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
J: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
*****************************************************
D: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
J: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain?....Good.
******************************************************
D: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
J: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?
*******************************************************
D: What's the secret to healthy eating?
J: Thicker gravy.
*******************************************************
D: Will sit-ups prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
J: Definitely not! ! ! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
*******************************************************
D: Is chocolate bad for me?
J: Are you crazy? HELLO . ... . Cocoa beans . . . another
vegetable! ! ! "It's the best feel-good food around."
********************************************************
J- Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets. Have a cookie . . . flour is a veggie! ! !
One more thing . . . "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and
salt."


See you Soon,

Slainte

Dan