It's not funny to Lampoon Neil!
Roy



--- In rust@yahoogroups.com, vegilari@... wrote:
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> FYI, Rusties those merry pranksters I call the Secret Chiefs just zetzed me in
the head once again last night and gave me a look into the future, disguised as
a music lover's pre-dawn wet-dream. They told me to share it with the Rustlist,
like it or not.
>
> I'm pleased and honored to tell you geezer rock fans out there that the single
most precious moment all Rusties has been waiting for is here once again. The
being that we call Neil Young & Crazy Horse are forming yet another reunion tour
for the first time EVER!  It's going to be called the "Hippie Dream Ain't Gonna
Die So Fast Golden Age Psychedelic Microbus Caravan & Retirement Village Tour" 
It's guaranteed to knock any ol' Rustie's blue suede Birkenstocks off their feet
enabling us Neil heads the chance to not only land, but to actually *dance on
water*.
>
> Not only that, Neil the Horse is going to launch the latest chapter of their
long strange musical trip as a summer shed tour series of shows in 2010.  I hope
you're sitting down right now because what I have to tell you next just
quadruples the excitement for yours truly.  The fact is that the Horse is going
to team up with the WHO as a double-bill in heavy rotation!  I hope you guys are
still breathing... I don't want to hurt or harm any innocent Rusties out there
on the Rustlist or anything.
>
> My insider information tells me that Neil will have all members of the Horse
on this tour except Billy Talbot.  Billy has shown that he is a lazy-ass mofo
who's been constantly late or a no-show for CH band practice. Neil is a complete
disciplinarian and a perfectionist so when Billy fucks up serving up clams live
on stage, Neil gets extremely pissed off at him.  Neil doesn't care how long any
of his ex-bandmembers have been camping out in his backyard at the Ranch. He
finally fired Billy's slacker ass and he don't look back. Rick "Indian of the
group" Rojas is going to be sitting in the bass man's seat this time around,
giving his special Indian war whoop to the stage sound mix.
>
> The other geezer rock act, the Who... or is that "Who's Left"... has made some
exciting changes in their band line-up as well.  That bassman Ox, John "hookers
n' blow" Entwhistle's seat is up for grabs.  The rumor is that either monster
bass player Tony Levin is going to fill the Ox's Beatle boots, or NorCal's
homegrown monster bassman Les Claypool is going to do his thing to try and
register somewhere deep into the Richter scale. The final decision is in Pete
and Roger's hands. Zack Starkey is going to be doing his usual Keith Moon-style
antics behind the drum-kit.  It's a win-win situation for geezer rock fans
everywhere, no bout a-doubt it!
>
> Not only that, but there will be special surprise guests sitting in with both
bands.  Old geezers like Macca, Keef, and Booker T are bound to turn up for this
elderly pilate exercise recovery group of classic rockers and their medical crew
entourage. CSN offered to be tour warm-up openers but Neil said " Sorry 4-way
fellows, not this time around.  You guys ain't HEAVY, you're just one of my old
bands"
>
> On top of that, I hear that both Neil and Pete are going to sit with each
other during some of their sets.  Each stop of the tour itinerary will be shut
down by an how-loud-can-your-ears-take-it style ARC jam and feedback festival
that promises to be so loud that alien spaceships will pick it up from deep
outer space and head down here to planet Earth to see what all the hub-bub is
about. Nobody wants another nuclear war to break out on Earth once again.  It's
not in anyone's interest for that human civilization melt-down to happen.. at
least not quite yet, anyway. It's all about timing.
>
> Neil will be on one side of the stage and Pete will be on the other side,
whatever combo of rhythm sections will be center stage, while special guests are
off on the sidelines safely protected from bodily harm hiding  behind a bunker. 
Bernard Shakey is going to start the "better-to-burn-out-than-fade-away" process
with a total balls-out, shake-up in his own personal body language and freeform
hippie rockin' in the free world shake-it-up-baby 2-step style dance frenzy.
That's our Neil for ya, that's why we LOVE him! 
>
> Pete is going to be doing his bird-man routine while jumping up and down in
his best R&R one-piece spacesuit.  Pete hopes to do the bird-man so often and so
fast that he will actually fly off the stage at any given point for extra stage
presence points. This is extremely dangerous since Pete might just cut his
strumming hand right off with his guitar strings at any minute. I hope that
never happens. Only the audience can give the band another hand. 
>
> If Les Claypool, or even Tony Levin, is in on the tour, his monster bass will
vibrate so loud and deep that anyone within hearing range will spontaneously
have an accident in their pants.  I strongly suggest that any and all Rusties
out there wear Depends adult diapers or bring along an extra change of undies
for you and your date... you're going to need them. IMHO, the Depends should be
included in the ticket price. My lawyers are looking into that right now. I
don't Elliot Roberts wants to pay for the damages.
>
> The plan is for Neil, Pete, Zack and Les (maybe Tony) are going to put out
such heavy LOUD music vibes while they jam that they're NOT going to stop
rockin' the house until the entire tour stage collapses beneath them into a pile
of recyclable rubble.  The whole kit and caboodle of fixtures and equipment is
going to be recycled into third world projects, not just into the nearest
land-fill project... it's a how-green-is-your-carbon-footprint-type thing. 
>
> Don't worry Rusties, our rockstar heroes have full medical coverage if
anything happens to them.  I suggest you do the same if you intend on being at
any of these classic geezer rock events.  They're going to keep playing until
collapsing the stage at each and every event.  How dangerously exciting is that
going to be? It's in the true spirit of "Seek and Destroy"-style Rock and
Roll.   
>
> I'm soooooo *EXCITED* about this amazing geezer rocker tour that I went out
and got another job just to make sure I can afford tickets to each and every
show. I'm waiting first up on the ticket line right now as I write this,
pre-ordering my "Who's Crazy Horse" tour tickets pre-order, and the ticket
outlet site hasn't even been announced yet! I'm also getting a new hearing aid,
specially designed to be cranked all the way up to ELEVEN! 
>
> All I know is that a tour like this is a once-in-a-lifetime event for all you
geezer rock fans.  As R&R pinball wizard Pete Townsend likes to sing and
philosophize "Hope I die before I get old".  I hope I don't kick the bucket
before I get a chance to see another LIVEer that I'll ever be geezer rocker
tour. Hope to see all of you Rusties out there along the trail of the impending
"Who's Crazy Horse" tour.
> Smell the Horse!
> Feel the pain!
>
> Hope I die before I get too RUSTY
> Larry
> Silver & Gold
> July ROTM like it or not               
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