Nothing has changed for MOS www.mattersofsize.com. Many people have made
"constructive" criticisms of my claims among others. Many legitimately curious
people have asked for clarifications and explanations that were implicit and in
the realm of propagandism but I will not tolerate people who think they are
slick. These guys think they are getting away with shit, like I do not see. What
these guys do not know is I am already 10 steps ahead of them.

MOS is about fun. Why is that? Because the penis is the one thing in our lives
we know that anytime, anyplace...no matter where we are in life, money-wise,
relationship-wise, whatever...the penis can be used to bring us pleasure. It is
one of the funnest (I realize this is not a real word but it is in my mind)
parts of our bodies as men and it is certainly one of the ladies funnest parts.
It is a portable, pleasure thing when we are down and out. But let me take it a
step further. The penis becomes exponentially more fun as you start to make it
in life.

Hearing this above paragraph explains allot of my life. I loved my penis so
much, it was so much fun that I decided to expand the fun park and make it
bigger. My journey over the past 5 years has been many things but fun. Lots of
heartache. Lots of work. Lots of bullshit to put up with. Lots of bills to pay.
Lots and lots of loss. The past 5 years of my life where 99% shit and 1% fun.
That one percent was my penis. My source of fun came from MoS, sex, pe, and the
friends and relationships that stemmed from these sources. As one ass-hole so
eloquently put it, and he is so right and the reason I will babble on....it does
have a point.

Jen did leave me because I was a loser and she should have done it long ago. I
was a jealous, possessive, insecure, loser that only cared about MOS and making
my penis the biggest in the world. She should have left me long ago and I say
that wit great sadness. You see I lived a miserable existence, I only cared
about my MoS clients, the forum members, building the site, enlarging my penis,
and things that surrounded these things. Jen must have been suffocating in my
misery. I took a girl who loved me, unconditionally, without exception and I
stripped her of the one thing that made her the angel she is....FUN. My life was
filled with presumptuous, innuendoes and that fell on deaf ears. Poor Jen never
knew how I really felt and in the case of this thread some of you have not a
clue how I feel. The 4.5 years that I spent building my life with Jen and penis
enlargement I put all of my FUN on hold. I put a good portion of my emotions on
hold. I buried myself in penis enlargement and EVERYTHING ELSE FROOZE. My poor
angel Jennifer, the love of my life, never knew a huge part of me. A part so
much bigger than my penis, or this forum or MOS and the trolls that dance around
these things in my life...this part was me at peace. I am in total peace now, no
stress, no annoyances, no problems, the bills are paid like a mother fucker and
no one is knocking on my door. I have let go and I am now at peace. My angel
Jennifer never knew how much I admired her, loved her, how envious I was of her,
how much she was my hero (and still is) I have written 100's pages about my
angel and it still only encapsulates a moment of my time with Jennifer. She
never knew these things because I never told her. I never told her because a
huge part of me had died when I started PE and Jennifer was the unfortunate
hostage of this passing.

When Jennifer left me I was an asshole loser and the troll, JesExtender, was
correct in his remarks about me. I salute his limited perception.

All of this so sad, so tragic, so terminal but my friends I deliver good news.
WHen Jennifer left me I was completely destroyed and the rest of me died. I lost
everything that meant something to me and I was left alone in my house with
myself. Such a terrible thing, so lonely, so sad, so, so sad. But never once
angry, NEVER. Jennifer was right to leave me I was everything that represented
HATE in her world. I jumped on a plane to Miami (using the last of my PAYPAL
money) and I spent the following 8 weeks in Boca Raton living with my best
friend in the world, JAZ. I did not spend this time avoiding my problems,
avoiding the issues, avoiding the 5 years that had passed. No I embraced these
problems head on. I addressed every issue that made me the person I was and I
realized I had no idea who this guy was. I mean I recognized him in the mirror
but I had not a clue to who he was.

After spending 8 weeks in Florida, losing about 40lbs, I arrived home a cured
man! Yeah, fucking right! I arrived home to a house that was haunted but all the
sweet memories of my poor, injured, angel Jennifer. Around every corner lurked
guilt and horrors of the man I was during these years you guys have learned to
call me DLD. I knew that guy, he was the one with the 10" cock that ran a forum
and site about penis enlargement. This guy, DLD, or doublelongdaddy as he was
originally called was the one guy you knew you could go to about your penis.
This guy knew everything about it...EVERYTHING, but that was about it. That was
his entire life. This man I returned home as, Mike Salvini, now that was someone
I did not know. I mean knew him as a recovering, heroin addict and everything
that happened in his life before the past 5 years but after that there was a 5
year blank. Me, Mike Salvini, had no hobbies, no friends, no social skills, no
confidence, no taste, no money, no education, NOTHING. I knew how to be DLD but
I could not be DLD all the time. There was no one to listen, no one to impress,
no one who really cared. I was a empty bag. I could have sunk or swam at that
point and I am pretty sure many of my friends were wondering there for a while.

I SWAM

I went on to lose another 55 lbs., I got to know this guy Mike again and I found
out he was a really cool guy. He has an awesome personality. He is smart,
loving, caring and friendly. He is hardcore and slicker than the slickest. I
love who I got to know. I remember who JEN fell in love with and I can see why.
None of this is ego, but even if I am ignorant to my own self-love, I really
like myself as a man

This brings us full circle and to the point of the point of the point...FUN.
Today my life is 99% fun and 1% all the other bullshit. Today I have money,
tomorrow I may not....no matter. I am happy and I have found the mecca of this
happiness which is all that make me, me.

I only wish Jennifer was here to see this me. She would not even recognize me. I
am outwardly a new man. At 155 lbs., I am 5 foot 10 inches of muscle and my
penis is only a part of my body, it is not my body. I remember Jen saying my
body looked like a tube around 3 weeks before she left. I am almost sure now she
must have been horrified by "Mike Salvini" the man being swallowed by DLD this
massive, tubular, penis-human. Today the only tube on my body is my penis.

Inwardly, I have blossomed. I no longer have envy, control issues, stress, anger
or hate. I thrive on love, appreciation, and happiness. I have learned to let go
and accept everything and anything that is a part of my life.

If only Jen could see me now. She would see the man she once knew but far wiser
due to the life I shared with her. Our love was not in vain, I learned so much
from Jennifer and she not only helped return me to life but her love for me
inspired new growth in me as a man. If I had the opportunity to talk to her
today I would tell her everything that made her the beautiful angel she is, the
things I never told her. Jennifer had a difficult life filled with sadness and
struggles and she endured. Using what she knew, being the wise woman she was,
she orchestrated a past, before me, filled with adventures, friends, love and
happiness. I always loved this about her, I admired it and was amazed by her
prowess and intelligence. This was presented to Jen in the form of envy that
made Jen fear me. I always thought she knew, like she could see through my wall
into the real me but I took allot for granted.

I thought she knew allot of things but I am now sure she never did. I thought
her taste in music was amazing. I loved her childlike ability to make fun in
anything she did. I was thought she was the most sexy woman in the world. I was
amazed by her sexual expertise, her vast knowledge. I was always mystified by
how she was able to love everything and everyone. She never knew this, instead I
tried to force her to like what I liked. I tried to control...I thought she
knew.

I thought she knew so much, if she called me tonight I could spend hours telling
her about a particular color in her eyes and a moment we spent in a simple gaze.

I took it all for granted and when regret finally rolled around my angel flew
away forever.

Today I take nothing for granted. I speak the truth, I pull no punches, I say
what is on my mind with no apologies but it comes from the heart and it is
driven only by total love and peace. I have so much to share, so much to say, if
only my angel could hear me now that I found this utopia.

And some may think that I am hung-up or perhaps obsessed with this girl but
please do not rush to judgement. Stay with me a moment more and this will make
more sense. I love Jennifer with all my soul and I will for eternity. There were
other before Jen and I loved them too but the future is the uncharted territory
and the reason anyone would question my obsessiveness with the whole "Jen" thing
but there is more to the story. If Jen walked through my door and took me back
right this moment I would take her into arms and ask nothing and only appreciate
the opportunity to love her again. If she ever gave me the opportunity to hear
about her past I would die at the chance to be graced by her amazing adventures.
I would celebrate her as a woman. I would encourage everything that make her
unique. I would listen to her music, hear her side of it, her side of
everything. I would embrace everything that made her the unique, colorful,
beautiful woman she is and this is what I would celebrate. You see I always
feared that if Jen was too free she would leave me but now I know that freedom
is what makes us all beautiful. I would replace any envy with a true expression
of my complete amazement. I would help her instead of using my help as a tool of
bondage. She would never fear fear as my dull existence has been replaced by
hope. I would be her equal half and together we would blossom into the unique
people that our future surely beholds.

This invitation, as obsessed as it sounds, is only open until my soul belongs to
another. I will never stop loving her but the keeper of my soul is the woman in
my life and if someone fills that space and Jennifer returns, then I will sadly
have bad news for Jen. I pray she makes it home before this happens.

I am currently looking

FULL CIRCLE and Multi purpose, this post is therapeutic. Fun, something I love
today. I have a mind that shares the world of a child and a man. I only want to
do things that make me happy. I only want to do things that make other people
happy. I understand stress but I do not entertain it. If things get too hot in
the kitchen I quietly pack my things and go. I now have a total lust and
appreciation for life. If it ain't fun, I don't fuck with it. Once things cause
me the first signs of stress, being the things I can control, I end them. Clean
and simple, perhaps a bit non-caring but I do care and this is the reason I end
it. Stress usually has two or more victims, the quicker you end it the shorter
all involved suffer. Today I have a spartan mentality, a minimalist eye and
simple tastes and needs. I have little time for anything but fun.

I come off as being very selfish and filled with 'I's but I' feel this way of
thought is best for all involved. I want everyone to have fun when they can and
if I can help it I will. I also realized there is a time and a place for control
and the use of power. A bad time for control is with your girlfriend, a good
time for control is in your business. This explains much of why I decided to
start banning guys when they started to jeopardize the FUN here. It has very
little to do with the ridicule about my pictures or claims, I love when people
question me, it gives me another opportunity to prove how beautiful and powerful
PE really is. What bothers me is when they start making things miserable for my
good members, that is what fucks up my fun-factor.

When Jennifer left me I thought my life was over but I soon realized that it had
just begun. I only prospered without Jennifer, I became the man I am today
because of her love and because she took it away and made me face the demons
that were me. When Jen took her love away I became empty. Her love was what made
me thrive, if you consider the past 5 years of my life thriving

Without Jen I was an empty shell, a blank sheet, I did not know myself nor did I
recognize the life I was forced to live alone. I wanted to find a replacement
immediately, and it was not because I was lonely, no it was much more sinister
than that. I was looking to find someone who would allow me to remain the piece
of shit I was so I did not need to change. I thought that if I found a new girl
right away I would never need to address Mike Salvini. That guy had allot of
explaining to do and he was not willing to talk. God had other plans.

No girls called, no letters came, no one stopped by, I had no friends locally so
I got no visits. A few phone calls from the family and internet friends but that
about it. I was here, in Easthampton, by myself in an apartment that looked like
a crack house, a body that exceeded my age, a face without wrinkles because I
never smiled, skin that was sickly white with a green hue (no doubt a monitor
tan) I knew nothing about society, friends, relationships, clothes, style, I was
totally clueless. I had the mentality of a 18 year old and the responsibility
level of an indolent 5 year old. Relationship-wise I was totally fucked. I had
no clue how to talk to, look at, approach or even think about woman. My manners
were poor even though I lived, at one time, in the upper crust of society. I
drove a piece of shit car and the only thing going for me was the 10 inches I
had in my pants. The only accomplishment I created in this 5 years and a
accomplishment most would try to strip from me, discredit me and out of some
twisted obsession have a unmitigated rage, an anger that had no place against me
as this was the one thing I really did earn over this half decade. I hated MoS,
I hated everything it stood for, I hated the internet, I was MISERABLE.

My days were filled with soul searching, exercise, self-improvement, addressing
all of my past indiscressions (something I thought I had already done ) I
started to realize as honest as I was with the world, it had no meaning in the
grand scheme of things, the honesty had to be with myself.

I was filled with visions of grander, delusions and self-lies that I convinced
myself were true. Such a sad man I was. So many people thought I lied about my
penis when really the biggest lie was who I was as a person. I really made the
gains I said I made, as a matter of fact there may be some white-lie on my
actual gains in the other direction meaning I think I have gained more than I
have stated. I have always tried to be beyond humble about my gains in PE
because the miracle was too valuable to me to fuck up by being dishonest. The
place I did lie like a dirty, loser, dickhead (dld is in who I was, inside, as a
person.

I thought I was DLD, I might has well changed my name at the court house, this
was who I was. He had no social, no responsibilities to the real world, he was a
fictitious character that lived in never never land, a place called Matters of
Size. The confusion was perplexing because without Jen, DLD meant nothing but an
internet connection. The sink or swim metaphor, I used earlier, really does this
no justice. It was closer to slit my wrists or be reborn.

There was a critical line I crossed. A very clear, bold, distinct line between
death and life and as dramatic as this sounds, I chose life, or should I say
birth. I had the know-how as far as what to do to take care of this new
personality I was getting to know. I could pay the rent, feed, drink, bathe and
even earn the money by posting under my moniker, DLD. This new person, Mike
Salvini, would have a comfortable place to stay as he grew up, again. Days were
filled with exercise, running 5 miles daily, strict eating habits, no penis
contact PE-wise, cognitive therapy session that could last days, lifting weights
every day, documenting everything that happened in my life within my journals,
ripping down the walls in my house, redesigning, rebuilding and sending my beat
up Range Rover to the body shop to get pimped. This other person, Mike Salvini,
he was not agoraphobic like DLD, he was OCD like a mother-fucker but he was able
to go into public. I forced myself to go into public, to malls, stores, bars,
clubs, planes, trains and automobiles. I pulled out my brown-book and called all
of my late, male, friends. When I became horny I relieved myself through
masturbation, when I became hungry I fed myself with the bare essentials, when I
became thirsty I drank only water and when I became lonely I ventured into a
world that was alien to me.

8 weeks have passed since I arrived back in Easthampton, 16 have passed since I
last saw my angel but in these short 4 months that have passed I sit here today,
as I type this, to say, I have made changes that would take most a lifetime to
make happen. Another accomplishment I have made that I fear will be ridiculed at
the mouths of my advisories. But before you spend the next 5 years trying to
discredit this accomplishment let me save you some time; This is something else
I did for myself and it makes no difference in the world who believes me because
it was all for me and I am the one enjoying the spoils of making this goal
happen. Your assaults will go on deaf ears.

These 4 months seems like 38 years to me because I just experienced a 16 week,
crash corse in life. This was one school I wanted to go to and I'll tell you
this too, a wigger graduated cum laude. Top of my class in life and I crossed
all the T's and most of the I's. I am not saying I am perfect now, far from it.
What I am saying is this new person, Mike Salvini, has a fighting chance to make
it this time around. I am saying the next woman who becomes my soul-mate will
enjoy a life filled with love, happiness and total freedom to express herself.

I look forward to getting to know my next girl (although I pray every waking
moment it is Jen)...she need not tell me anything of her past if she does not
wish. I only want her to feel like she can say anything. I will never judge or
mask my emotions as control and envy. I will let her know exactly what she means
to me, every detail, without fear of her "knowing too much to hurt me." No
hang-ups here, I am all about Peace, Love and Happiness. If she wants to work I
will encourage it, if she only wants to play I will embrace it. I will allow her
to blossom as her own person and I will be a spectator in awe at her wonder and
beauty. I will listen to her feelings, her thoughts and ideas and I will offer
only pure, uninfected replies. Uninfected because they will be clean of any of
the manipulative responses that plaque a jealous mind. I will explore her music,
style, taste, foods, family, friends, and be a humble student to her life, a
life I will learn from as I did with Mike Salvini. SHe will never have to worry
about money as this person I have become can make money like Donald Trump if he
wants. But even deeper than that she will never have to worry about money
because I have found happiness in life and it has nothing to do with money. She
will have her own car, phone, credit cards, life. I will not interfere or
control. I will only support. The next girl in my life will have found the alpha
male in my chivalry and homogeneity skills. Again, not perfect but if you think
this way pull out a dictionary.

Don't get this shit twisted either! I am no door mat, I am the man and I know my
role. By now you guys should know me, I am the sweetest guy in the world and
some misunderstand this quality as stupidity and vulnerability to their woos
(like a dumb blondejust jokes) but you will quickly see me drop the hammer with
quickness and drop some English that sets shit straight. Some people do take
advantage of me but when I grow tired of their annoyances I quickly terminate
them from my life. The same thing applies in any relationship, there will be
some playing and strings pulled, normal shit and as always I will roll with the
punches but if my girl mistakes this quality for me being a dumb-ass and she
tries to play me she will quickly realize "Homie Don't Play That" and "Punks
Jump Up to Get Beat Down"

My point to your quote is that even though I did experience the most tragic loss
in my life when Jennifer walked out I also received the irreplaceable treasure
and that gift was myself.

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