17 Ways Women Fail
In Bed

 

http://dennisnajee.wordpress.com/2008/07/27/17-ways-women-fail-in-bed/

 

 

These are humerous.

 

1. MILKING IT: When
stroking a guy’s dick don’t grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like
you were milking a cow. Don’t use the love sword as if it’s a piece of gym
equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and
beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The
sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the
way down.

 

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a
guy’s dick don’t just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and
forward. It’s a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed
and licked from every possible angle.

 

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If
you’ve come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least
make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he’s done his duty and can blow
his biscuits whenever he wants.

 

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER:
Don’t laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like,
“I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion.” Laughter at any
aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you’ve got
a guy who can speak in whole sentences.

 

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is
willing to take the trouble to cum on your face, don’t close your eyes. He
wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him.
Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a
risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

 

6. POOR PRESENTATION:
Presentation is all important. Don’t wait to be asked to get it doggy-style.
Roll over and present. You know you love it.

 

7. HANGING AROUND: When he
is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You
should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you
should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phone
number. His work is done.

 

8. BEING SHY: Always offer
the Hershey Highway. You know you love It. If you don’t like it that much,
still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

 

9. BEING A DRIP: You
always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag
drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

 

10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never,
ever, ever, ever even think of saying: “Are you going to come soon.” If you’re
doing a blowie, you’d have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If
you’re giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps.
If he’s shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful.
This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware
and gifted human beings.

 

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS:
Don’t ask him if you’re the best lover he’s ever had most men have had so many
sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don’t ask a man to lie
about such an important thing.

 

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don’t
just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if
both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard
and skillful work. We don’t mind that and we’re blessed with the equipment and
know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your
appreciation.

 

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If
you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time
don’t sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins
you to make up a threesome. If he’s a real man he’s probably shagging her
anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

 

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON:
Don’t shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your snatch look like a piece of
poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a
ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the
manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

 

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When
a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your
mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring taste and gluey texture. You
should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing
and throwing from side to side. A line like “I love it when you come in my
mouth” makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

 

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL:
Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on
making love to you - especially if a)sex has lasted more than five minutes
and/or b)you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man’s role in sex is far more
demanding than a woman’s so it is always nice when one’s prowess is
appreciated.

 

17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never
contemplate taking advantage of your man’s warm after-sex glow to seek favors
or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge
to ask, “Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country
cottage?” There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain -
prostitution.

 

 






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