Sonya,

I still don't know if I should be writing this or not.
However, I feel that it is probably best out in the open, at least
between us for now. Over the last few months I have been
increasingly frustrated. I'm still not sure why. I understand our
style of worship, and can appreciate it. Yet, I feel that we are
lacking something fundamental. We have almost slipped into the
reverse rut of a year or so ago, when some felt that our style was
too quiet or slow. Now it seems that so much of what we do is rushed
to try to conform to a style, which, at least some of it, was never
intended for. This makes it difficult, if not impossible to play
properly.
I am a perfectionist at heart, especially when it comes to
being involved in a worship setting. I am also quite strong-willed.
Maybe it is me that is the problem. To me, doing some things in a
style that they were never intended for is almost tantamount to
irreverence. Perhaps by now I have you totally confused. I guess the
latest example of which I speak is from last week, and that would
be " O For A Thousand Tongues." While it works, to a point, in the
faster setting, it was not written for that manner. Imagine, if you
will, standing in front of God himself, singing this song to Him. I
don't know about you, but I personally would have a very hard time
rushing this song in that setting. I would want to summon all the
grandeur and glory that I could, woefully inadequate though it would
be.
Before I continue, please do not take my ranting here to be
any sort of a personal attack against you, your style of worship
before your almighty creator, or your desire to lead others in their
worship of Him. That is the farthest thing from my intentions. I am
simply expressing how I have a hard time worshiping in that type of
situation. If I am alone in that problem, then so be it.
As an organist, I see a very distressing trend across the
nation and around the world. At least it is distressing to those of
us who are organists. Churches all around the world are leaving the
traditional, which in and of itself is fine. However, they are
abandoning the beauty and majesty of that music which is timeless in
favor of more emotion inducing contemporary styling. Again, in and
of itself, there is nothing really wrong with that. While I do not
believe that we are totally guilty of that at Faith, since we blend
the new and the old, I do have a problem with trying to turn a
timeless classic into the latest contemporary hit styling. Again,
maybe it is just me.
Sonya, I love each and every member of our team to death. I
also do not like to be a "squeaky wheel." I do, however, have a bit
of frustration with some things in the group. As a member of the
team, and part of the worship experience at Faith, I want us to be
the best that we can be. I want to be the best that I can be, with
the Holy Spirit playing through me. Thus, it really hurts when I
receive suggestions such as "don't play bass as it conflicts with
the bass" when it is the way that we have always done it. Or when I
get the comments like "don't argue, she (you) is the worship leader"
when I am simply trying to work out with you how a particular key
change is going to work. Again, I want our presentation to be the
best that it can possibly be, to bring the presence of God into our
midst.
It is really hard to "half" play something, Sonya.
Especially something which is so familiar as the old hymns. I
understand that bass, guitar, and drums is the way a lot of things
are being done today. However, we do so many things with them. Would
it be possible to, at least once in a while, let the pianist and
organist do something without them? As we do things at this point in
time, I feel so repressed. I have been led to feel that I have to
play under the rest of the band for the majority of the time, that
if I am heard as more than just undertones that I will be asked to
not play. I understand that this is partly personal on my part, but
it is still frustrating to me.
A lot of people have asked me why I rarely play organ
anymore, and when I will be playing again. I have had so many
comments, after we do majestic, glorious, or just plain old "loud"
classic hymns with the organ, that they are so thrilled with it. I
realize that many of these people are older folks, and not the
future of the church. But, should we forsake them in lieu of having
younger people ride a continual emotional high? This point may seem
to be personally about me, but do we really consider their worship
experience as well as the younger point of view?
Another problem, and I realize that this is mostly mine, is
the practice time we have. There is so little of it, and it is next
to impossible to work anything out when there is continual banging
on drums, guitars playing, bass, etc… I understand how it feels to
enjoy playing, and want to play all the time. However, are we there
to do nothing but play, or are we there to come together as a group
and learn to blend with each other? I feel that the latter should be
more in order.
Please don't get the idea either that I do not want to play
the piano. Nothing could be further from the truth. I thoroughly
enjoy it. I truly enjoy being part of the team, no matter what I am
asked to play. I will continue to give 100% to whatever role I am
asked to play. However, with my emotional makeup being what it is, I
need to feel that I am really wanted and/or needed in the position I
am filling. Lately, I have received very little confirmation from
anyone that this is indeed the case. Again, I realize this is
entirely my problem, and I need to get over it. But, you wanted to
know where I was at tonight, and this is part of it.
There is also the frustration over work and money, but
really that is nothing that you need to worry over. I realize that
God will take care of us in His own time and manner. I'm just so
tired of struggling right now. Anyway, that is where I am at right
now with life, the band, etc… I hope that by now you haven't tired
of listening to my ramblings. Anyway, I will see you Sunday.

In Christ,

Bill